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Tube
Jun 1, 2000

I'm going off the rails on a CRAZY TRAIN!

Fallen Rib
My wife got the dogs, the house, the car, and most of the custody of our kid, and all I got was this lousy divorce! (And a little alimony, hopefully; it hasn't been finalized yet.)

Divorce sucks, like a lot. You think you know someone, and it turns out they've been lying to you and cheating on you for years, then they have the gall to claim it's your fault. So despite all the poverty and loneliness, I feel better than I have in ages.

I can't help but think I could have saved a bunch of time if I'd found someone who was willing to sleep with me a few times in exchange for a house. Much less heartache that way.

Divorced goons, tell me it keeps getting better? Or not, as the case may be in your experience. Let's all commiserate, or make stupid jokes about it, or whatever divorced people do, I don't even know yet.

e: Apparently this is now a MEGATHREAD! Talk about all things divorce, I guess.

Tube fucked around with this message at 19:42 on Jan 13, 2025

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Blue Raider
Sep 2, 2006

It blows but you’ll be fine over time, prob better off. Toughen up you’ll be fine

Blue Raider
Sep 2, 2006

Focus on growth and focus on what you enjoy etc

dreezy
Mar 4, 2015

yeah, rip.

so you gonna find a new lawyer and sue your old lawyer orrrr

wilfredmerriweathr
Jul 11, 2005
Yo I divorced my wife and got hella favorable outcomes and it STILL loving blows.

But yeah youll be better off for it. The other option was staying in that situation, right?

Focus on what you love for a while

wilfredmerriweathr
Jul 11, 2005
Also forgot to say it gets soooo much better dude. Meet cool people, have lots of no strings attached sex, then you'll remember what it's like to be with someone who actually respects you.

Sophy Wackles
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.





Did you represent yourself in court OP?

Rubber Chicken
Mar 13, 2024

[IMG-CHICKEN]

Tube posted:

Divorced goons, tell me it keeps getting better? Or not, as the case may be in your experience. Let's all commiserate, or make stupid jokes about it, or whatever divorced people do, I don't even know yet.

It loving sucks big-time OP

But it definitely gets better over time like anything




Here have a song about it
https://youtu.be/SQsbMU_ehtI?si=xsk7-BpoGcEEsEgO

deoju
Jul 11, 2004

All the pieces matter.
Nap Ghost
Big painful life changes suck. :therapy:

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




aggregate divorce theory presumes that divorce is zero sum. the amount it sucks for one party is offset by the amount it rules for the other party.

sorry that you were on the wrong end of this one, op, hope you heal in not too long :(

ninjoatse.cx
Apr 9, 2005

Fun Shoe
Didn’t get married goon, ftw

Divorce sucks, OP

My advice from divorced friends is 4 years from now you’ll be on top of a new chick and you won’t give one thought about your ex.

Bula Vinaka
Oct 21, 2020

beach side

Tube posted:

My wife got the dogs, the house, the car, and most of the custody of our kid, and all I got was this lousy divorce! (And a little alimony, hopefully; it hasn't been finalized yet.)

Divorce sucks, like a lot. You think you know someone, and it turns out they've been lying to you and cheating on you for years, then they have the gall to claim it's your fault. So despite all the poverty and loneliness, I feel better than I have in ages.

I can't help but think I could have saved a bunch of time if I'd found someone who was willing to sleep with me a few times in exchange for a free house. Much less heartache that way.

Divorced goons, tell me it keeps getting better? Or not, as the case may be in your experience. Let's all commiserate, or make stupid jokes about it, or whatever divorced people do, I don't even know yet.

So she cheats on you, then she gets everything and you get nothing?

wtf

cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 4 days!
amazing followup to your storytelling thread OP. 4, hang in there

Duck and Cover
Apr 6, 2007

The rtx 5090 is only 2k.

Duck and Cover fucked around with this message at 07:34 on Jan 13, 2025

CaptainSarcastic
Jul 6, 2013



I had a complete meltdown when my wife left me, dove into alcoholism, and drat near died from misadventure. In hindsight, though, we probably should have broken up before she left. We didn't have kids, so on the whole it was more straightforward splitting up. I kept the house and the cats, and paid her off with a lump sum by refinancing the mortgage. Due to the aforementioned meltdown and alcoholism I didn't end up keeping the house, though.

She didn't have a great time afterward, either, and did eventually apologize for encouraging my drinking in the months leading up to her leaving. At this point we're good friends, and her family still loves me. We both ended up way more successful individually than we likely would have been had we stayed together, so all in all the divorce ended up being a good thing for both of us.

Ultramega OK
May 14, 2003

I'm a Catholic, I can feel guilty about anything.
I went through a divorce a decade ago. My wife came out of the closet and told me she was a lesbian. I also learned that she was already in a relationship with another woman by the time she came out to me. To put it succinctly, this was emotionally devastating in the worst kind of way. I wound up in therapy, which I sorely needed, and that helped me recover. So did the support of my friends and family.

The divorce was amicable. I kept the house and the car since both were only in my name. We had two cats; she kept the cat she had long before we started dating, and I kept the cat we adopted. I eventually sold the house and moved to another state. Hard as that was, it was necessary. A few years ago, she contacted me and said hurting me was the worst thing she’s ever done, and she is sorry for everything that happened. I forgave her when we divorced, but this helped heal any lingering wounds I had. I still have remnants of trust issues but those will dissipate.

Today, I’m in a new relationship, in a new city, in a new job, and pursuing things I always wanted to do in my life. My ex-wife is likewise in a new relationship but still in the same state. We’re on good terms with each other. I’m happy with my life, it looks like she is happy with her life too, and for that I’m glad.

OP, you will get through this. Don't be afraid to go to therapy either.

Tube
Jun 1, 2000

I'm going off the rails on a CRAZY TRAIN!

Fallen Rib

Bula Vinaka posted:

So she cheats on you, then she gets everything and you get nothing?

wtf

Yeah, it's pretty crap. Some states favor women though, and there are good historical reasons for that. Also I'm perpetually clinically depressed, which played a big part in it. Still sucks though.

I am getting some alimony, once everything's finalized. Like, enough to live on comfortably; not sure how comfortably yet. It doesn't solve anything, but it's a whole lot better than nothing.

Bonerland Hitman
Jun 29, 2003


INDUSTRIAL SOCIETY AND ITS FUTURE


Introduction

1. The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.

Tube posted:

My wife

Great success!!!

xdirtypinkox
Aug 12, 2004

And it gets easier as I pass the Edward Scissorhands village where privileged white kids date rape girls and taunt me in their SUV's.
When I got my divorce I trusted my ex-wife so little I made my attorney put in the decree that the cat is to stay in my custody. No telling what she would have done with her out of spite. :ohdear:

Edit: hang in there goon it'll get better.

Big Ass On Fire
Jun 15, 2023

Bula Vinaka posted:

So she cheats on you, then she gets everything and you get nothing?

wtf
My guess is no fault divorce state. As I was typing this OP replied. In my state which is no fault it's very much driven by hard numbers, just assets and income put into a calculator to figure out child support and alimony numbers and wealth division.

I went through it a few years ago. There was no infidelity but my wife, who was being treated for depression, did not like me for at least a year or two in which she took out her unhappiness on me. She got half of everything. She had contributed too but pulled some shenanigans on the financial stuff. Eventually I think that money will come back to me in a way as her family will pay for private schooling for our kid. We didn't use lawyers so there was some things we had to trust each other on. I'm pretty much over it now, and in many ways my life is far better now, but the whole thing felt like a massive personal betrayal. We did get an awesome kid out of it so overall it's hard for me to see it as wasted time.

edit this:

xdirtypinkox posted:


Edit: hang in there goon it'll get better.

Rockman Reserve
Oct 2, 2007

"Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"


my divorce sucks and it’s awful losing the partnership you’ve had for over a decade but on the other hand this coming weekend I’m having some girlfriends over for nerdy board games and group sex so it definitely gets better

Tube
Jun 1, 2000

I'm going off the rails on a CRAZY TRAIN!

Fallen Rib

Big rear end On Fire posted:

My guess is no fault divorce state. As I was typing this OP replied. In my state which is no fault it's very much driven by hard numbers, just assets and income put into a calculator to figure out child support and alimony numbers and wealth division.

I went through it a few years ago. There was no infidelity but my wife, who was being treated for depression, did not like me for at least a year or two in which she took out her unhappiness on me. She got half of everything. She had contributed too but pulled some shenanigans on the financial stuff. Eventually I think that money will come back to me in a way as her family will pay for private schooling for our kid. We didn't use lawyers so there was some things we had to trust each other on. I'm pretty much over it now, and in many ways my life is far better now, but the whole thing felt like a massive personal betrayal. We did get an awesome kid out of it so overall it's hard for me to see it as wasted time.

edit this:

I live in a state where it's "no-fault" if the parties agree on terms. We did not agree; this did not go well for me.

I feel similarly about my kid; just wish I had 50% custody.

Tube fucked around with this message at 15:31 on Jan 13, 2025

Chef Boyardeez Nuts
Sep 9, 2011

The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.
Super curious about the missing reasons where the wife gets everything and the goon gets long-term alimony which is very much disfavored these days unless the receiving party has no skills and has depended on his ex spouse for everything for a long time.

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




the courts look favorably on goons

nullandvoid
Mar 7, 2006

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
Courts do not look favorably upon artists or disabled people

kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019
Probation
Can't post for 11 days!
lawyerishly: your boner, let the record show my client is a "goon"

Tube
Jun 1, 2000

I'm going off the rails on a CRAZY TRAIN!

Fallen Rib

Chef Boyardeez Nuts posted:

Super curious about the missing reasons where the wife gets everything and the goon gets long-term alimony which is very much disfavored these days unless the receiving party has no skills and has depended on his ex spouse for everything for a long time.

It's actually not all that deep: House and car were in her name, as she had been making 80% of the household income for quite some time. (That's not to say that I wasn't working a good job for most of that time, she just works a much better one.) She got a better lawyer (a whole team of them, actually) because she has all the money. She gets the kid because she has a house, a car, and a better job, and isn't clinically depressed. You see where this is going.

Tube fucked around with this message at 16:08 on Jan 13, 2025

MrQwerty
Apr 15, 2003

The REoL wonder is how I even post given I cannot take my eyes of this handsome avatar.

Chef Boyardeez Nuts posted:

Super curious about the missing reasons where the wife gets everything and the goon gets long-term alimony which is very much disfavored these days unless the receiving party has no skills and has depended on his ex spouse for everything for a long time.

you shoulda posted the two magic words in addition to kramering in here to call him a worthless piece of poo poo

spacetoaster
Feb 10, 2014

Tube posted:

My wife got the dogs, the house, the car, and most of the custody of our kid, and all I got was this lousy divorce! (And a little alimony, hopefully; it hasn't been finalized yet.)

Divorce sucks, like a lot. You think you know someone, and it turns out they've been lying to you and cheating on you for years, then they have the gall to claim it's your fault. So despite all the poverty and loneliness, I feel better than I have in ages.

I can't help but think I could have saved a bunch of time if I'd found someone who was willing to sleep with me a few times in exchange for a free house. Much less heartache that way.

Divorced goons, tell me it keeps getting better? Or not, as the case may be in your experience. Let's all commiserate, or make stupid jokes about it, or whatever divorced people do, I don't even know yet.

You should write a country song.

nullandvoid
Mar 7, 2006

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Tube posted:

It's actually not all that deep: House and car were in her name, as she had been making 80% of the household income for quite some time. (That's not to say that I wasn't working a good job for lost of that time, she just works a much better one.) She got a better lawyer (a whole team of them, actually) because she has all the money. She gets the kid because she has a house, a car, and a better job, and isn't clinically depressed. You see where this is going.

My aunt did this to her ex. She fell in love with him because he was an illegal immigrant crossing from mexico, and apparently, he was smoking hot when he was younger. But cultural differences over time drove a wedge between them, she was young and naive when they met, and they grew apart.

When it came to divorce her two sisters joined forces with her and they pooled their money, had all of their collective friends doing research to find which person was the best one to represent them, and they absolutely went for the throat.

He was under the impression the whole time that he was just divorcing one woman, when in reality he was divorcing her, her sisters, all of their friends, and their families.

In conclusion: lovely people can be vindictive.

Saalkin
Jun 29, 2008

The beast we awoke hath been untamed
Eyes of fireth and wings of a flame

Ultramega OK posted:

I went through a divorce a decade ago. My wife came out of the closet and told me she was a lesbian.

So bad at sex he made his wife gay

Katamari Democracy
Jan 18, 2010

Guess what! :love:
Guess what this is? :love:
A Post, Just for you! :love:
Wedge Regret
I never married but when i broke up with my ex i jerked off so much and felt better.

Tube
Jun 1, 2000

I'm going off the rails on a CRAZY TRAIN!

Fallen Rib

Katamari Democracy posted:

I never married but when i broke up with my ex i jerked off so much and felt better.

Not gonna lie, been doing lots of that.

MrMidnight
Aug 2, 2006

Saalkin posted:

So bad at sex he made his wife gay

That's what I think of first when I hear about this lol. Sorry bro but that's pretty demoralizing

MrQwerty
Apr 15, 2003

The REoL wonder is how I even post given I cannot take my eyes of this handsome avatar.
the last time i talked to my ex she was pissed at me that i gave her unreasonable expectations and that every dude she dated after me beat the poo poo out of her (part of why we broke up was because i did not fit her ingrained sense of arab machismo manliness)

i never talked to her again after that, its been 7 years

i learned a lot about the kind of batshit insane to avoid like the plague from her

Katamari Democracy
Jan 18, 2010

Guess what! :love:
Guess what this is? :love:
A Post, Just for you! :love:
Wedge Regret

MrQwerty posted:

the last time i talked to my ex she was pissed at me that i gave her unreasonable expectations and that every dude she dated after me beat the poo poo out of her (part of why we broke up was because i did not fit her ingrained sense of arab machismo manliness)

i never talked to her again after that, its been 7 years

Mine did the same thing and she left because i survived a wreck and didnt gently caress her brains out while recovering from two broken feet.

Goddamn Hippy
Jan 18, 2006
I was married to a high school teacher who had a mental break during covid. Married in 2019, divorced in 2022. She got very anti-government very fast and convinced me and the rest of her family to leave our province to a much smaller province and start over. At first I thought it was a bad idea, but her whole family was on board putting me in the bad guy role, so I caved.

She decided to scrap teaching all-together, which was mainly due to her license not being valid in the new area, so she persued other jobs like banking and corperate admin stuff (all of whom were really slow to respond, further chipping at her mental health). Normally I'm the nurturing/sensitive type but I was becoming withdrawn and couldn't stand less and less time with her and her family.

I started researching narcissism and the personality characteristics associated with it, only to find out my wife was very likely to be a grandiose narcissist with countless other comorbidities. I tried talking to her about it but it went nowhere. She said I was playing psychiatrist with her but I insisted that she needs to talk to someone because shes spiralling out of control.

It only took a small arguement at dinner over something stupid and I was done. The whole family rallied behind her as I packed my sedan with everything I could fit and drove away with them all standing in the driveway gawking. It was pretty traumatic. I'm back living with my parents in the original province and... turns out they have become completely narcissistic and horrible as well.

I would love to find a place of my own but I cant afford much at the moment. My savings are coming along well, which makes me happy.

Goddamn Hippy fucked around with this message at 16:23 on Jan 13, 2025

nullandvoid
Mar 7, 2006

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

MrQwerty posted:

the last time i talked to my ex she was pissed at me that i gave her unreasonable expectations and that every dude she dated after me beat the poo poo out of her (part of why we broke up was because i did not fit her ingrained sense of arab machismo manliness)

i never talked to her again after that, its been 7 years

i learned a lot about the kind of batshit insane to avoid like the plague from her

Been having a lot of conversations with my wife about how movies like The Little mermaid give girls the expectations that they have to leave their life behind and lose their voice in order to find the man they love

MK-Ultramarathon
Aug 12, 2009

Tube posted:

It's actually not all that deep: House and car were in her name, as she had been making 80% of the household income for quite some time. (That's not to say that I wasn't working a good job for most of that time, she just works a much better one.) She got a better lawyer (a whole team of them, actually) because she has all the money. She gets the kid because she has a house, a car, and a better job, and isn't clinically depressed. You see where this is going.

My ex had a similar situation when he first got divorced, but once he got his own place they reworked the custody agreement and he was able to get more time with his kids. So this might not be the be-all-end-all as far as custody goes.

Not divorced but did end a long-term relationship about two years ago. For a few months I felt like I'd blown my last chance for an actual relationship but it honestly does start to feel less lovely as time passes. What helped me was trying to get out and meet some new people, as well as making an effort to notice and acknowledge what things were better and easier without the relationship. Even as small as like, we didn't really enjoy the same kinds of movies, so I had some nice petty moments of enjoyment knowing that I could watch my weird artsy horror films and didn't have to give a poo poo about the latest Marvel thing.

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Tube
Jun 1, 2000

I'm going off the rails on a CRAZY TRAIN!

Fallen Rib

nullandvoid posted:

Been having a lot of conversations with my wife about how movies like The Little mermaid give girls the expectations that they have to leave their life behind and lose their voice in order to find the man they love

Or Beauty and the Beast: Abusive people will change if you just love them enough!

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