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caspergers
Oct 1, 2021
I'm a vampire for jizz. Do I need to elaborate further? They call me the Sperm Count. Jackula, if you will. Nosferatuah. Bram Stroker. Vlad the Impaled. Carl "I Hope This Guy Didn't Just Eat Garlic" the Vampire. But most people just call me the Sexsanguinator.

My favorite movies and books include:
Twilight Blew Moon
Stephen King's Skeetwalkers
30 Days of Nut
Interview with the Vampire but on that porn couch

I would be considered a predator if not for my surplus of consenual supply. In the 50s I could only cruise at night. In the 2020s I have Grindr Plus. Come at me with a crucifix and I'll suck off Jesus too.

With me is my sidekick Coffin Boffer and together put the vein in the Transylvania. We'll tell the Clit Witch and Mummy Milkers you said hi.

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Shinjobi
Jul 10, 2008


Gravy Boat 2k
Hi I'm grandpa

Astrochicken
Aug 13, 2007

Rendezvous on Champs-Elysees Leave Paris in the morning with T-E-E
I prefer "30 days of no nut"

Wizard Master
Mar 25, 2008

caspergers posted:

I'm a vampire for jizz. Do I need to elaborate further? They call me the Sperm Count. Jackula, if you will. Nosferatuah. Bram Stroker. Vlad the Impaled. Carl "I Hope This Guy Didn't Just Eat Garlic" the Vampire. But most people just call me the Sexsanguinator.

My favorite movies and books include:
Twilight Blew Moon
Stephen King's Skeetwalkers
30 Days of Nut
Interview with the Vampire but on that porn couch

I would be considered a predator if not for my surplus of consenual supply. In the 50s I could only cruise at night. In the 2020s I have Grindr Plus. Come at me with a crucifix and I'll suck off Jesus too.

With me is my sidekick Coffin Boffer and together put the vein in the Transylvania. We'll tell the Clit Witch and Mummy Milkers you said hi.

Not that funny.

caspergers
Oct 1, 2021

Wizard Master posted:

Not that funny.

Don't hate me cuz my reg date you ain't me

Rubber Chicken
Mar 13, 2024

[IMG-CHICKEN]
Suck dicks till dawn

istewart
Apr 13, 2005

Still contemplating why I didn't register here under a clever pseudonym

I, personally, think this is the sort of take on the classic "ate my balls" format we both need AND deserve

dreezy
Mar 4, 2015

yeah, rip.

imagine cumming blood and bleeding cum. im grateful its not like that

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
No Varney? Not interested

caspergers
Oct 1, 2021

dreezy posted:

imagine cumming blood and bleeding cum. im grateful its not like that

i'm sure it'd work itself out

The Hello Machine
Jul 18, 2021

I'm not a real machine, but I am a real Hello-sayer.
Great. Why not.

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




if you’re a vampire how come you have a ghost sounding name?

R.L. Stine
Oct 19, 2007
go rub dongs with your daddy

istewart
Apr 13, 2005

Still contemplating why I didn't register here under a clever pseudonym

R.L. Stine posted:

go rub dongs with your daddy

Adult Goosebumps somehow turning out to be both more and less than I expected

Entorwellian
Jun 30, 2006

caspergers posted:

I'm a vampire for jizz. Do I need to elaborate further? They call me the Sperm Count. Jackula, if you will. Nosferatuah. Bram Stroker. Vlad the Impaled. Carl "I Hope This Guy Didn't Just Eat Garlic" the Vampire. But most people just call me the Sexsanguinator.

My favorite movies and books include:
Twilight Blew Moon
Stephen King's Skeetwalkers
30 Days of Nut
Interview with the Vampire but on that porn couch

I would be considered a predator if not for my surplus of consenual supply. In the 50s I could only cruise at night. In the 2020s I have Grindr Plus. Come at me with a crucifix and I'll suck off Jesus too.

With me is my sidekick Coffin Boffer and together put the vein in the Transylvania. We'll tell the Clit Witch and Mummy Milkers you said hi.

"Count Ejacula" was right there, dude.

Astrochicken
Aug 13, 2007

Rendezvous on Champs-Elysees Leave Paris in the morning with T-E-E
btw it's grindr XTRA

caspergers
Oct 1, 2021

Bad Purchase posted:

if you’re a vampire how come you have a ghost sounding name?

Cuz I'm not an actual vampire, I'm just completely ravenous for jizz. The Carl the Vampire thing is just a coincidence

Astrochicken posted:

btw it's grindr XTRA

AHHHH gently caress i was thinking of sniffies plus

Escape From Noise
Jul 27, 2004

Should have put more effort into the dick sucking puns IMHO, OP. But you put in some effort (maybe a little too much on length) so I'll give it a 2.

Haptical Sales Slut
Mar 15, 2010

Age 18 to 49

istewart posted:

Adult Goosebumps somehow turning out to be both more and less than I expected

Escape while you can David schwimmer.

Kmount da Hood
Oct 18, 2024
Oh wow, a bib AND a collar. Nice.

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

Uncle Grandpa

Stoatbringer
Sep 15, 2004

naw, you love it you little ho-bot :roboluv:

Have you met Doctor Wankenstein's Monster?

nocaps
Nov 24, 2024

Edgy 2008 hot topic text

dreezy posted:

imagine cumming blood and bleeding cum. im grateful its not like that

wait you don't do that????

Staberind Mk II
Nov 23, 2024
*Continues lobbing, inefectivly*

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


We already told you, the Dick Sucking factory is not taking any more workers at this time.
We will keep your resume on file and let you know if there's an opening, now please vacate the premises.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

jazz vampire. it's about the necks you don't bite

Montague Tigg
Mar 23, 2008

Previously, on "Ronnie Likes Data":
one time I had a dream that I was a ketchup vampire

Benny Harvey
Nov 24, 2012

Chad the Impailer

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

LOL!!!!

caspergers
Oct 1, 2021

By popular demand posted:

We already told you, the Dick Sucking factory is not taking any more workers at this time.
We will keep your resume on file and let you know if there's an opening, now please vacate the premises.

Then I'll just start up my own dick sucking factory, you'll see!!!

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006
Probation
Can't post for 19 days!
what kind is your favorite

caspergers
Oct 1, 2021
the kind with no garlic

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010

Stoatbringer posted:

Have you met Doctor Wankenstein's Monster?

Came here to post this joke. Thread doesn't need me. Guess I'll just fuckin leave

caspergers
Oct 1, 2021

Stoatbringer posted:

Have you met Doctor Wankenstein's Monster?

Franken-FINE

Fucked-Up Little Dog
Aug 26, 2008

Posting live from the nightmare future of Web 3.0




Scratchmo
Tossferatu

Songbearer
Jul 12, 2007

Insight: Try to discern the fuck they said.


Count Spaffula

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011


When ilovebeersooomuch isn't posting, all the other goons should be asking "where's ilovebeersooomuch?" That's what I think.
Onion article I’m Not Gay But All These Vampires Keep Sucking My Jizz

Dixville
Nov 4, 2008

Bitch, I said what I said
Ham Wrangler
Brings new meaning to "let the right one in"

Stoner Sloth
Apr 2, 2019

Vlad gay, so what

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caspergers
Oct 1, 2021

Entorwellian posted:

"Count Ejacula" was right there, dude.

Um i already used count and dracula in my word bank, thank you very much. I am a proud joke-writer and will not have my integrity compromised by such redundancy.

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