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Jestery
Aug 2, 2016


Not a Dickman, just a shape
.

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signalnoise
Mar 7, 2008
I do declare

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Feelin' Fine.
Well, I may not know all these high-falutin’ city lawyer terms, but I do know one thing. We still butter our biscuits one side at a time, unless o’ course it’s a Sunday.

peanut
Sep 9, 2007

*witnesses a very specific murder involving twin brothers, a jar of mustard, and a dark local open secret. solves the case with the only clue being the mustard is from a hotel in boston*

Jestery
Aug 2, 2016


Not a Dickman, just a shape
Owwww-cheeee, this here paper cut is smarting more than switch to the behind I tell you what

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: An A-minus-minus!

I can't wait to find some minorities to screw over :hehe:

Strategic Tea
Sep 1, 2012

by Pragmatica
Let me tell hyoo it's murder gettin soot out of white robes, why my wife she's be-side herself

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously

*sits in 120,000 seat high school football stadium* I do not trust that newfangled forward pass.

ONE YEAR LATER
Apr 13, 2004

Fry old buddy, it's me, Bender!
Oven Wrangler
*adjusts suspenders*

*fans self with straw brim hat*

My lord, it's hawt...

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: An A-minus-minus!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-EgJbDlQZw

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

I'm sure my brother, the Sheriff, will treat you fair and proper. Good day, sir.

Buttchocks
Oct 21, 2020

No, I like my hat, thanks.
Well now by my reckonin', this here property boundary line is exactly 428 and 3/28th hogsheads long, just as it says in the original deed written on this rotting plank of wood. Perhaps it's the fancy big-city planning office drawings that are wrong.

cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 4 days!
i do declare i got fissures like the dickens

kecske
Feb 28, 2011

it's round, like always

Smugworth posted:

I can't wait to find some minorities to screw over :hehe:

OK but this thread is for imagining what a country lawyer might say or do

Jestery
Aug 2, 2016


Not a Dickman, just a shape
I am imagining this country lawyer writing slash fanfic in his spare time and cannot bring myself to type it, but y'all can just imagine that

cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 4 days!
this tenderloins got my loins rather tender

cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 4 days!
i aint about no farting around a drive thru ill walk in look the pimply cashier in the face and say good MORNING young fella i'll have me five big macs and a diet coke

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

The curious case of Mrs Carruther's chickens....

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: An A-minus-minus!

Lord I've got the vapahs

DrSunshine
Mar 23, 2009

Did I just say that out loud~~?!!!
I pronounce "white" as "hwaight".

Escape From Noise
Jul 27, 2004

I do declair! There is MURDER afoot!

BigHead
Jul 25, 2003
Huh?


Nap Ghost

DrSunshine posted:

I pronounce "white" as "hwaight".

I (a lawyer) (a real one, not someone pretending to be on for this thread) honest-to-god saw a transcript where someone described someone else as "hwaight." Except the person talking, who had a thick Native American accent, used the word "wide" as in fat. The transcriptionist simply heard it as "hwaight." So I had to litigate, in court, whether the Native American witness saw a fatass who definitely wasn't white or somehow turned on his Dixie accent to describe a person as "hwaight."

luv2shit
May 15, 2023

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIxmrvbMeKc

luv2shit
May 15, 2023

im just a simple country boy law-yer. why yes that is my name on the field of the 100000 seat football stadiuym. just a simple country farmer guy

Dangerdave
May 9, 2024
Daggum ever since Clemson's closed down can't find a dry cleaner that will take my white robe and hood, and the permanent press on my laundry machine leaves these creases that all my brothers will laugh at. If I ask at a meeting they'll just make fun of me for how my wife left me for that Vietnamese fella.

Songbearer
Jul 12, 2007

Insight: Try to discern the fuck they said.


Well I tells ya if Mr. Duggett heah is one'a them ped-o-feels then I'll be hanged like a sinnah, never a more godly person has walked this good Earth since our saviour himself set foot in Galilee

*Mr Duggett is arrested on four billion counts of child abuse*

OMFG FURRY
Jul 10, 2006

[snarky comment]
now see here, we settle things real simple like. if you can ride this here mechanical bull for more than fifteen; Just fifteen seconds, real easy to count, you can go free. and now, now see I got something else, if you do it one handed, that's right, just one hand, I'll see about getting your visitation rights reinstated. and ya better be using your right hand, this court don't respect no south paw laws, understand?

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011


When ilovebeersooomuch isn't posting, all the other goons should be asking "where's ilovebeersooomuch?" That's what I think.
Hello, fellow simple country lawyers going about your day

DrSunshine
Mar 23, 2009

Did I just say that out loud~~?!!!

BigHead posted:

I (a lawyer) (a real one, not someone pretending to be on for this thread) honest-to-god saw a transcript where someone described someone else as "hwaight." Except the person talking, who had a thick Native American accent, used the word "wide" as in fat. The transcriptionist simply heard it as "hwaight." So I had to litigate, in court, whether the Native American witness saw a fatass who definitely wasn't white or somehow turned on his Dixie accent to describe a person as "hwaight."

In front of a judge and everything! :allears:

Worf
Sep 12, 2017

i'm OBSESSED with quibbling over minutiae!!!!!!!!
*gets shot for doing a U-turn in the wrong driveway*

Buttchocks
Oct 21, 2020

No, I like my hat, thanks.
Y'all have to pardon me for a moment while I move my horse out of the loading zone. Oh also please pardon my client.

MiracleFlare
Mar 27, 2012


I promised I would use my God-given skills to protect those who could not defend themselves, and I swear to you I'll do everything I can for you. It's just not right for anyone to be slandering good ol' boys like our officers

The Management
Jan 2, 2010

sup, bitch?
hey siri write me a paragraph about a simple country lawyer trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket

Rubber Chicken
Mar 13, 2024

[IMG-CHICKEN]
I done filed suit aginst a rooster today

Brother Tadger
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!

The Management posted:

hey siri write me a paragraph about a simple country lawyer trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket

“Now you do what you got to do, son, but I’ve got to be in that courtroom in 15 minutes; man’s freedom is on the line” *peels out, driving over the officer’s foot*

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

I say I say I say I say, what did you say again, son?

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006
Probation
Can't post for 19 days!
Now-ah, I may NOT have studied at Harvard, but I do reckon you can't prove that I was loving those there chickens

Rags to Liches
Mar 11, 2008

future skeleton soldier


mom and dad fight a lot posted:

Now-ah, I may NOT have studied at Harvard, but I do reckon you can't prove that I was loving those there chickens

And we don't trust no fancypants tecknawlogee heah, so don't be bringin no highfalutin cameras or cellular phones inta this court o' law ta prove nothin.

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

*Instinctively hooks my thumbs in my suspenders and rocks back slightly on my heels

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Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: An A-minus-minus!

Escape From Noise posted:

I do declair! There is MURDER afoot!

Sir, I do declare, it's pronounced moidah

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