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# ? Feb 7, 2025 21:39 |
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I do declare
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Well, I may not know all these high-falutin’ city lawyer terms, but I do know one thing. We still butter our biscuits one side at a time, unless o’ course it’s a Sunday.
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*witnesses a very specific murder involving twin brothers, a jar of mustard, and a dark local open secret. solves the case with the only clue being the mustard is from a hotel in boston*
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Owwww-cheeee, this here paper cut is smarting more than switch to the behind I tell you what
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I can't wait to find some minorities to screw over ![]()
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Let me tell hyoo it's murder gettin soot out of white robes, why my wife she's be-side herself
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*sits in 120,000 seat high school football stadium* I do not trust that newfangled forward pass.
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*adjusts suspenders* *fans self with straw brim hat* My lord, it's hawt...
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-EgJbDlQZw
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I'm sure my brother, the Sheriff, will treat you fair and proper. Good day, sir.
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Well now by my reckonin', this here property boundary line is exactly 428 and 3/28th hogsheads long, just as it says in the original deed written on this rotting plank of wood. Perhaps it's the fancy big-city planning office drawings that are wrong.
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i do declare i got fissures like the dickens
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Smugworth posted:I can't wait to find some minorities to screw over OK but this thread is for imagining what a country lawyer might say or do
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I am imagining this country lawyer writing slash fanfic in his spare time and cannot bring myself to type it, but y'all can just imagine that
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this tenderloins got my loins rather tender
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i aint about no farting around a drive thru ill walk in look the pimply cashier in the face and say good MORNING young fella i'll have me five big macs and a diet coke
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The curious case of Mrs Carruther's chickens....
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Lord I've got the vapahs
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I pronounce "white" as "hwaight".
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I do declair! There is MURDER afoot!
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DrSunshine posted:I pronounce "white" as "hwaight". I (a lawyer) (a real one, not someone pretending to be on for this thread) honest-to-god saw a transcript where someone described someone else as "hwaight." Except the person talking, who had a thick Native American accent, used the word "wide" as in fat. The transcriptionist simply heard it as "hwaight." So I had to litigate, in court, whether the Native American witness saw a fatass who definitely wasn't white or somehow turned on his Dixie accent to describe a person as "hwaight."
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIxmrvbMeKc
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im just a simple country boy law-yer. why yes that is my name on the field of the 100000 seat football stadiuym. just a simple country farmer guy
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Daggum ever since Clemson's closed down can't find a dry cleaner that will take my white robe and hood, and the permanent press on my laundry machine leaves these creases that all my brothers will laugh at. If I ask at a meeting they'll just make fun of me for how my wife left me for that Vietnamese fella.
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Well I tells ya if Mr. Duggett heah is one'a them ped-o-feels then I'll be hanged like a sinnah, never a more godly person has walked this good Earth since our saviour himself set foot in Galilee *Mr Duggett is arrested on four billion counts of child abuse*
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now see here, we settle things real simple like. if you can ride this here mechanical bull for more than fifteen; Just fifteen seconds, real easy to count, you can go free. and now, now see I got something else, if you do it one handed, that's right, just one hand, I'll see about getting your visitation rights reinstated. and ya better be using your right hand, this court don't respect no south paw laws, understand?
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Hello, fellow simple country lawyers going about your day
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BigHead posted:I (a lawyer) (a real one, not someone pretending to be on for this thread) honest-to-god saw a transcript where someone described someone else as "hwaight." Except the person talking, who had a thick Native American accent, used the word "wide" as in fat. The transcriptionist simply heard it as "hwaight." So I had to litigate, in court, whether the Native American witness saw a fatass who definitely wasn't white or somehow turned on his Dixie accent to describe a person as "hwaight." In front of a judge and everything! ![]()
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*gets shot for doing a U-turn in the wrong driveway*
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Y'all have to pardon me for a moment while I move my horse out of the loading zone. Oh also please pardon my client.
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I promised I would use my God-given skills to protect those who could not defend themselves, and I swear to you I'll do everything I can for you. It's just not right for anyone to be slandering good ol' boys like our officers
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hey siri write me a paragraph about a simple country lawyer trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket
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I done filed suit aginst a rooster today
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The Management posted:hey siri write me a paragraph about a simple country lawyer trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket “Now you do what you got to do, son, but I’ve got to be in that courtroom in 15 minutes; man’s freedom is on the line” *peels out, driving over the officer’s foot*
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I say I say I say I say, what did you say again, son?
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Now-ah, I may NOT have studied at Harvard, but I do reckon you can't prove that I was loving those there chickens
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mom and dad fight a lot posted:Now-ah, I may NOT have studied at Harvard, but I do reckon you can't prove that I was loving those there chickens And we don't trust no fancypants tecknawlogee heah, so don't be bringin no highfalutin cameras or cellular phones inta this court o' law ta prove nothin.
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*Instinctively hooks my thumbs in my suspenders and rocks back slightly on my heels
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# ? Feb 7, 2025 21:39 |
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Escape From Noise posted:I do declair! There is MURDER afoot! Sir, I do declare, it's pronounced moidah
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