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13 years old. I get home from school to an empty house. It's summer, and I'm thirsty as hell. I shall make use of the thirst quenching power of milk I conclude, and lo! a grand glass o' milk is mine.But what of flavored milk? For does not chocolate milk exist? Exist, and excite? I reach then for the nearby bottle of lemon juice. No one has thought of this before me. I am brave and smart. A blast of the juice, a swirl of the cup, and I down the concoction. My stomach immediately proves itself to be smarter than my brain and I throw up into the sink. The milk has already curdled though, and some of it got stuck behind my teeth. This caused additional evacuation. Feeling shellshocked, I pour a regular glass of milk, smell it because I had no idea what the hell just happened, and then drink it plain. I understood then that we must not tamper with the cosmic order of things.
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Mar 19, 2025 18:18
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| # ? Apr 26, 2025 19:25 |
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I once outed myself as a goon who knows pornographic anime by naming one whose main characters were a monogamous couple who waited until marriage to have intercourse. e: this post counts as a self own as well, I guess!
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Mar 20, 2025 04:44
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this thread
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Mar 20, 2025 05:44
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I did high school theater for an easy grade, and I ended up having to actually do shows. One night after a rehearsal the class was all gathered around the front of the stage, where the teacher was sitting, legs hanging off. I was sat the same way, and I leaned over to do a silent fart but instead my buttcheek went full mudflap rattling against the stage. The stage was also hollow underneath, amplifying the sound. It was the loudest fart of my life (so far)
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Mar 20, 2025 05:46
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Milk is gross weirdo!
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Mar 20, 2025 08:55
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I broke up with my ideal mate because I had never felt loved like that before and it emboldened me to be retarded and now I’m going to die alone lmao
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Mar 20, 2025 08:59
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Posting the OP.
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Mar 20, 2025 10:55
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Probably this one in which VVG assumes the name Afrika Bambaataa is made up for the sole purpose of being racist and posts with certitude about old school hip-hop culture, a topic they clearly know very little about. Vincent Van Goatse posted:"lol this historically black cultural thing was created by a pedophile named N-word Unga Bunga lol" Probably the hardest I've ever laughed on the Something Awful Dot Com forums. Poohs Packin fucked around with this message at 11:11 on Mar 20, 2025 |
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Mar 20, 2025 11:08
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I once admitted out loud to posting on the forums at something awful dot com and now I feel like I should just throw myself off a bridge but not before starting a thread asking for solutions so I can ignore them and make my situation worse by doubling down, like a true goon would.
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Mar 20, 2025 11:12
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every day i live out a series of self-owns called "life"
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Mar 20, 2025 11:20
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i'm going to try one of those juice milkies and double OP's selfown
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Mar 20, 2025 11:29
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Drinking after being 18 months sober. The OP reminded me of something I am positive I've seen on TV in my childhood - adverts for orange flavoured milk. A quick google image search proves that such a thing still exists. I've even found a recipe for Iced Orange Creamsicle Milk: https://iambaker.net/orange-creamsicle-milk/ 
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Mar 20, 2025 12:24
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"I'm speaking!" [loses election spectacularly]
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Mar 20, 2025 14:08
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Poohs Packin posted:Probably this one in which VVG assumes the name Afrika Bambaataa is made up for the sole purpose of being racist and posts with certitude about old school hip-hop culture, a topic they clearly know very little about. i lold then as well. your thread also was bad but it shattered the brain of a poster so hard he was permad so maybe it was good after all
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Mar 20, 2025 15:24
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Poohs Packin posted:Probably this one in which VVG assumes the name Afrika Bambaataa is made up for the sole purpose of being racist and posts with certitude about old school hip-hop culture, a topic they clearly know very little about. Thanks, this is amazing
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Mar 20, 2025 15:27
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Poohs Packin posted:Probably this one in which VVG assumes the name Afrika Bambaataa is made up for the sole purpose of being racist and posts with certitude about old school hip-hop culture, a topic they clearly know very little about. This is insane, why is he so insane?
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Mar 20, 2025 15:28
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Took a swig of what I thought was a bottle of water. It was a bottle of white vinegar. Almost death ensued.
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Mar 20, 2025 15:28
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Ate a cherry tomato that was growing under some deck because my friends dared me to Then they all laughed at me when my stomach wisely threw it up
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Mar 20, 2025 15:51
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Caesar Saladin posted:This is insane, why is he so insane? Brain damage
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Mar 20, 2025 15:53
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THRILLHO lives posted:13 years old. I get home from school to an empty house. It's summer, and I'm thirsty as hell. I was making mudslides and had recently gotten a lemon syrup infused with THC for mixing. My brother asks me to add some to his. It came out of the shaker with a clinking sound and there was no ice in there as all the bottles and glasses had come straight from the freezer or fridge. This was about 2 years ago.
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Mar 20, 2025 15:56
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Albino Broccoli posted:Ate a cherry tomato that was growing under some deck because my friends dared me to What was the issue? Was it some other nightshade?
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Mar 20, 2025 16:17
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Poohs Packin posted:Probably this one in which VVG assumes the name Afrika Bambaataa is made up for the sole purpose of being racist and posts with certitude about old school hip-hop culture, a topic they clearly know very little about. lmao
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Mar 20, 2025 16:26
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Telling that pigeon story was pretty dumb of me, shant be telling it again
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Mar 20, 2025 16:29
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Stinky Wizzleteats posted:Telling that pigeon story was pretty dumb of me, shant be telling it again ??
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Mar 20, 2025 16:30
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There's an old closed sad thread about it
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Mar 20, 2025 16:32
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Is your name Tom? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY
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Mar 20, 2025 16:39
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Stinky Wizzleteats posted:Telling that pigeon story was pretty dumb of me, shant be telling it again Stinky...this post is a self own
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Mar 20, 2025 16:43
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Haptical Sales Slut posted:I broke up with my ideal mate because I had never felt loved like that before and it emboldened me to be retarded and now I’m going to die alone lmao That does suck but the real reason you’ll die alone is because you still use slurs in 2025
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Mar 20, 2025 16:45
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It's like a Russian nesting doll of self owns. The initial event, the retelling, the sad thread, and now this, referring to the events; all significant self owns in their own rights
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Mar 20, 2025 16:45
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titty_baby_ posted:Thanks, this is amazing it really was lol
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Mar 20, 2025 16:45
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I was 12 and in science class when the teacher asked who “discovered” gravity. I thought I was going to nail the question and enthusiastically raised my hand among the “ooooh oooh pick me!” sounds. I got my chance and stood up to loudly announce it was “Fig Newton”. I was a fat kid as well.
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Mar 20, 2025 16:46
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Buce posted:this thread yeah this, is reddit down or something? 
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Mar 20, 2025 16:48
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Had a guy at work who was secretly carrying a gun in the waistband of his pants. Guess who accidentally shot himself in the leg and got fired?
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Mar 20, 2025 16:50
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best bale posted:That does suck but the real reason you’ll die alone is because you still use slurs in 2025 do you really believe this lol
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Mar 20, 2025 16:51
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Riding my bike down South St in Philadelphia. The car in front of me stopped in traffic. I went to put my feet down as I came to a stop but forgot my feet were jammed into clips and straps on the pedals. I panic-flailed for a couple of seconds and then just slammed onto my side on the street. I untangled myself, turned to the car stopped behind me, did a deep bow as a "tada!" gesture, and the people in the car were clapping and laughing heartily. I was happy to lose a bit of skin to the pavement to get an unexpected laugh. I live to serve...
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Mar 20, 2025 16:54
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Noblesse Obliged posted:I was 12 and in science class when the teacher asked who “discovered” gravity. I think the self own was not passing that off as a joke because 12 year old me would laughed thinking it was supposed to be one.
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Mar 20, 2025 16:55
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Bloopsy posted:I think the self own was not passing that off as a joke because 12 year old me would laughed thinking it was supposed to be one. My god! They were laughing WITH me?!? All that therapy!
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Mar 20, 2025 17:03
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Birth
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Mar 20, 2025 17:07
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What a wasted opportunity to autoban lol
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Mar 20, 2025 17:08
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weg posted:What a wasted opportunity to autoban lol
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Mar 20, 2025 17:10
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