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Each time I open a can of sparkling water at my desk, one of the two middle aged male coworkers who sit near me will shout, “is it beer o’clock already?” or “miller time!” or a variation of those jokes. It makes me laugh every time. What a great joke that’s funny 67 times each year. I can’t wait to return to office full time so I can hear it more. Post the funny things your coworkers do in this thread.
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Mar 26, 2025 16:30
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| # ? Apr 26, 2025 19:22 |
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There's a guy that puts a boot on his beat up early 2000s F150 every morning along with a steering wheel lock. I know if I'm going to steal a car I pick the rusty truck sitting in line of sight of an obvious camera and not the CEO's BMW.
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Mar 26, 2025 16:42
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I got drunk with a co-worker I don't like and he walked into a mailbox and chipped a tooth. He was new-ish and his benefits hadn't kicked in yet. It was pretty funny.
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Mar 26, 2025 16:42
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Or you have the realization years later that you were the "funny"co-worker I was many different co-workers over the years I remember seeing the movie Waiting for the first time and instantly recognizing myself in the over serious ultra stressed chainsmoking older waitress Wishing I could laugh about it with my old crew
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Mar 26, 2025 18:11
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Humor is frowned upon at deathcorp op.
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Mar 26, 2025 18:18
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i laugh like the joker every morning during scrum
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Mar 26, 2025 18:21
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I worked at a solar electric place and we sold something around 900 different products. One co-worker was our bench tech guy. Most sales shipped around the country, but there were a number of old-school locals in the area; so they would stop in when something went wrong with a piece of equipment. He worked the phones like the rest of us, but he also did a bit of troubleshooting at his workbench. He comes up to me one slow day and asks if I can take a look at something that came in. He tells me a customer returned a 60 amp resistor that is overheating. It's really hot. "So, unplug it?" "It's not plugged in." So that is technically impossible, but I go over to his workbench and its sitting there in the open. I give it a quick touch and it is loving seriously hot. I was surprised it wasn't setting his workbench on fire. I was so WTF?! He starts laughing and tells me it had really failed; but he just heated it up with his heat gun for about 5 minutes just for a prank. I enjoyed the joke and we agreed we had to get someone else with it. Another co-worker was trained as an electrician in the military and had a couple of decades in the solar industry. We get him, "Hey dude, this is really weird, we need another pair of eyes on this." He comes down to the workbench and we tell him its just returned, not plugged in, but seriously hot. He touches it and has the same WTF reaction. The other two of us could not contain ourselves and started laughing. I said, check the heat gun over there, its been in use. Being a good natured guy he appreciated the joke as well.
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Mar 26, 2025 19:20
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One of my coworkers was secretly peeing in trash cans all over the building for years. We only figured out it was him when he quit and we stopped finding trash cans full of piss every other day.
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Mar 26, 2025 19:39
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Guy moves at turbo speed all the time, power walks everywhere. Always talks about how much work he has even though we can tell he's not doing any more than anyone else. If you comment on his workload being light on a Friday he gets super defensive and and makes up ridiculous excuses as to why it's actually a lot of work. Regularly late to work with silly excuses as to why. Usually gets done an hour or more behind schedule every day, even when he's doing less than everyone else. We all know he's goofing off, the bosses can tell he's goofing based on the computer metrics but he keeps up this hilarious charade has done for over a decade. He's trying so hard to look like he's hard at work it's exhausting to be around him, it's very funny lmao
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Mar 26, 2025 19:50
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Brrrmph posted:It makes me laugh every time. What a great joke that’s funny 67 times each year. I can’t wait to return to office full time so I can hear it more. i used to work two cubicles down from a guy who would say "wednesday hump day" all day every single wednesday without fail, and he would just repeat it louder if it wasn't acknowledged
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Mar 26, 2025 19:54
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Earwicker posted:i used to work two cubicles down from a guy who would say "wednesday hump day" all day every single wednesday without fail, and he would just repeat it louder if it wasn't acknowledged Now that's what I'm talking about
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Mar 26, 2025 20:04
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You're the funny looking coworker op 🤣
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Mar 26, 2025 20:04
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...! posted:You're the funny looking coworker op 🤣
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Mar 26, 2025 20:08
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Lt. Cock posted:One of my coworkers was secretly peeing in trash cans all over the building for years. We only figured out it was him when he quit and we stopped finding trash cans full of piss every other day. I feel really sheltered when I read things like that because I have never ever worked with someone who would voluntarily pee in a trash can(unless it's part of the job of course). There is an entire weird world out there that I'm just not part of.
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Mar 26, 2025 20:08
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I work from home OP
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Mar 26, 2025 20:12
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STABASS posted:I work from home OP Do you have pets and or crimes at home?
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Mar 26, 2025 20:13
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Lt. Cock posted:One of my coworkers was secretly peeing in trash cans all over the building for years. We only figured out it was him when he quit and we stopped finding trash cans full of piss every other day.  GABA ghoul posted:I feel really sheltered when I read things like that because I have never ever worked with someone who would voluntarily pee in a trash can(unless it's part of the job of course). There is an entire weird world out there that I'm just not part of. Are you familiar with the noble piss jug?
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Mar 26, 2025 20:14
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I dunno, maybe it's just a cultural thing. I'm in Europe and toilet breaks are like an inalienable worker right here and surveillance of workers is illegal so when we need to piss we just go to the toilet and use the toilet bowl. If someone found piss in a trash can in my company it would be like the biggest thing to have ever happen. Everyone would gather around the trash can and people would faint from the shock. Maybe management would even call the cops and get a CSI team on it to take a DNA sample or something. I just can't wrap my head around people finding piss in trash cans all around the company every single day and just carrying on like it's no big deal.
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Mar 26, 2025 20:24
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Earwicker posted:i used to work two cubicles down from a guy who would say "wednesday hump day" all day every single wednesday without fail, and he would just repeat it louder if it wasn't acknowledged All day??
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Mar 26, 2025 20:29
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I have a coworker who says "another day in paradise!" a lot. I wonder how he came up with that.
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Mar 26, 2025 20:38
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I had a (brilliant and otherwise invaluable) coworker with a notoriously smelly rear end who would ruin chairs and then instead of trying to clean himself or the chair properly he would just come in early and swap the chair out with someone elses. It became something of a hazing ritual to swap your chair with the newest employee's chair if you got the rear end chair. Bout every 3-4 weeks you'd hear the office manager/hr ladies cackle as someone else walks up all "hey, I really don't think it was me, but my chair smells terrible, just really bad" They tried talking to him about it and it just never took, so they set up a deal with the office furniture company to take back x chairs every so often and sterilize/refurbish them. E: I was not aware of this particular corner of GBS lore. Almost assuredly not pencilhands, dude was an ancient engineer New Zealand can eat me fucked around with this message at 21:24 on Mar 26, 2025 |
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Mar 26, 2025 21:12
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New Zealand can eat me posted:I had a (brilliant and otherwise invaluable) coworker with a notoriously smelly rear end who would ruin chairs and then instead of trying to clean himself or the chair properly he would just come in early and swap the chair out with someone elses. It became something of a hazing ritual to swap your chair with the newest employee's chair if you got the rear end chair. Bout every 3-4 weeks you'd hear the office manager/hr ladies cackle as someone else walks up all "hey, I really don't think it was me, but my chair smells terrible, just really bad"  Any chance you worked with Pencilhands?
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Mar 26, 2025 21:14
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Worked with a guy who spoke one of the lesser known native Mexican languages. One of the other guys would ask him, "Hey guey! Como se dice cuchillo?" And he'd mutter something that sounded like "Guatalotlotl." ............... "Hey güey! Como se dice cortar?" "Jolotlotluag." ................ "Hey güey! Como se dice hat?" "Birratalotlotl." This continued almost unabated for three days.
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Mar 26, 2025 21:35
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Animal-Mother posted:Worked with a guy who spoke one of the lesser known native Mexican languages. One of the other guys would ask him, "Hey guey! Como se dice cuchillo?" I bet this is super funny if you're Mexican. What happened after 3 days?
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Mar 26, 2025 21:40
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I've told the story before but I worked with someone who did not use deodorant for religious reasons Seriously he was a Christian Scientist, strict ones won't do anything that alters their body in any way and deodorant does that! I knew he was a weirdo but I didn't know how awful it was until I was assigned to put up Christmas decorations with him. It was so acrid and it turns out that foul BO is one of those smells that you never get used to. This day was so awful that I finally went to hr about it That bitch let me sit and talk and squirm for half an hour and they did nothing Not too long after I was promoted to be his boss and I put my foot down and spoke to him about it. During that conversation I also found out that since he only had one uniform shirt [?] he only washed it once a week at the most since they had to go to a laundromat. Of course he worked full-time. That day I got him 4 more uniform tops and told him to never rewear a shirt ever. I also went back to HR and then found out he had a long history of this, he'd been written up for years and they finally gave up because they weren't willing to fire him because of the religion.... It was much better after I talked to him. I flat told him I'm gonna send you home if you reek. He was a nice guy but extremely odd. He also became absolutely convinced that the world was gonna end in 2012, to the point of clinical depression no doubt
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Mar 26, 2025 21:45
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Spinz posted:I've told the story before but I worked with someone who did not use deodorant for religious reasons I'd prefer this to anyone wearing rear end Body Spray though
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Mar 26, 2025 22:36
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I had a coworker that never washed his tea mug. It had this scored, turd brown stain all over the inside. The outside was shiny and had a Chicago neighborhood mural on it. So really, he just never cleaned the inside or the mug. I've had a ton of old guy coworkers who taught me fun fake shop words like glit (glue n' poo poo). One of them talked kinda like that AvE guy where it's somehow English but also indecipherable unless you've listened to him long enough.
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Mar 26, 2025 23:07
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My coworker at the dick sucking factory says "another day another donger" every morning, p clever.
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Mar 26, 2025 23:13
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A guy I worked with wanted to get a passport since he had a work trip coming up to Canada and the office was willing to pay for it. I had a passport so he was asking me a bunch of questions about it. After a while he goes "what about DUIs? can I get a passport with a DUI?" I had no idea and told him and he got real weird, then asked that I not tell anyone about the DUIs. About a month later a few of us hung out after work at a bar and he got completely plastered, then came up to me and went "Haha probably getting another DUI tonight man, haha".
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Mar 26, 2025 23:20
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A Fancy Hat posted:A guy I worked with wanted to get a passport since he had a work trip coming up to Canada and the office was willing to pay for it. I had a passport so he was asking me a bunch of questions about it. After a while he goes "what about DUIs? can I get a passport with a DUI?" lol if he had a dui conviction, he wouldve been turned away at the border
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Mar 26, 2025 23:27
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CEOofFART posted:I'd prefer this to anyone wearing rear end Body Spray though The smell of actual acrid old stale BO with fresh BO layered on it multiple days Any kind of spray or perfume does not compare
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Mar 26, 2025 23:36
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Thesaurus posted:All day?? no usually just once or twice in the morning but if he didnt get enough acknolwedgement in the morning he'd bring it back later
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Mar 26, 2025 23:46
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New Zealand can eat me posted:I had a (brilliant and otherwise invaluable) coworker with a notoriously smelly rear end who would ruin chairs and then instead of trying to clean himself or the chair properly he would just come in early and swap the chair out with someone elses. It became something of a hazing ritual to swap your chair with the newest employee's chair if you got the rear end chair. Bout every 3-4 weeks you'd hear the office manager/hr ladies cackle as someone else walks up all "hey, I really don't think it was me, but my chair smells terrible, just really bad" There's a guy like this at my work now though I don't think he swaps out his chair (thankfully he's in a different department so I'm not sure). He always uses one particular toilet stall and you know when he's been in it because: 1. the entire bathroom reeks of the particular small of BO and poo poo he carries with him all day 2. the toilet seat in that one stall has a huge well defined skidmark about 4" wide and from top to bottom on the part of the seat that contacts the rear end crack. I really feel bad for the janitor because this is a daily occurrence This man is a bit older than me so maybe late 40s-early 50s and I assume reasonably smart considering the work he does. I have no idea how he hasn't figured out how to wipe his own rear end. I'm not about to tell him to though this dude is huge and had bad vibes
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Mar 26, 2025 23:51
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Bad gut health can lead to bad vibes, everyone is talking about the gut-brain axis at the water cooler
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Mar 26, 2025 23:55
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Tube posted:I bet this is super funny if you're Mexican. An accidental Aztec god summoning that swallowed the worksite.
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Mar 26, 2025 23:59
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At an old job there were 3 of us and we mostly got along and one coworker asked another "did you go to a normal high school?" And they wrote a scathing letter about it to HR half a year later
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Mar 26, 2025 23:59
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I used to be a dishwasher/steward at a very fancy hotel and my coworker was a) constantly on the heroin nod, and b) was a registered sex offender, so that’s a solid lmao
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Mar 27, 2025 00:00
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Lt. Cock posted:One of my coworkers was secretly peeing in trash cans all over the building for years. We only figured out it was him when he quit and we stopped finding trash cans full of piss every other day. What a hero
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Mar 27, 2025 00:38
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Working in building maintenance, I had a coworker who refused to wear gloves for anything and would reach into clogged sinks and bathtubs with bare hands regularly. He would also plunge or snake lovely toilets and leave without washing his hands if he didn't seem to get anything on them. I'd only ever see him wash his hands fully before going home each day. Yeah, I never handled anything he used without wiping it down first. Never accepted anything he handed me, either.
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Mar 27, 2025 00:45
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You Are A Werewolf posted:Working in building maintenance, I had a coworker who refused to wear gloves for anything and would reach into clogged sinks and bathtubs with bare hands regularly. He would also plunge or snake lovely toilets and leave without washing his hands if he didn't seem to get anything on them. I'd only ever see him wash his hands fully before going home each day. Not really my coworker, but I had to tell a med student not to pick the bloody instrument with his bare hands Like just wear the gloves
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Mar 27, 2025 01:08
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