bad guy posted:

Q: Whats this I hear about them giving a man the heart of a pig?

A: You heard right, it happened and was a triumph for science.

Q: What kind of a pig was it?

A: It was a big fat muddy pig. It was bristly and would eat a baby if you dropped the baby in its pen.

Q: Why did the man need the pig's heart?

A: It was for science, which has had precious few triumphs lately.

Q: Is he ok? Was the surgery a success?

A: He woke up and said oink. Everything he does after that is icing on the cake, frankly.

Q: Why did they choose a pig's heart?

A: A pig's heart is much like a man's: full of rage and darkness, beating with an implacable hate.

Q: Are there any plans for the man with a heart of a pig?

A: Scientists intend to nestle against his chest and listen to the great galumphing lub-dub of the big pig heart until they fall into an uneasy sleep.

sequoia posted:

my sister in law is a cop in a major american city, and tells me all sorts of stories. like the time she chased a perp down an alley, only to find a dead end with no one else. she turned around and a car's headlights flashed on, a car's engine rumbled, and the screeching of tires could be heard before the camera zoomed in and froze on her horrified expression. oh she's ok, in the next episode she kicks off the wall and jumps over the car, causing it to crash into the dead end. there was no one in the driver's seat tho

bad guy posted:

You can't tell me what to do. The only byob rule is marijuana has been linked to increased chance of psychosis, and smoking weed makes you unable to tell whether a post is a joke or not.

bad guy posted:

you dont want to know what your cat is up to, cats have no morals at all. it will shock you to see what your cat is doing while you are away. i turned on my cat cam and my cat was at kanyes house.

treasure bear posted:

you can replace almost everything with ketchup, its been 19 days since sandra left with the kids

sequoia posted:

dave mustaine once put a human soul into a guitar and played a solo using a variety of effect pedals. the solo lasted 9 hours and 17 minutes before the soul was used up. "wow" dave said

dipshit posted:

i never told anyone but my dog ate a little dog and if you listen you can still hear it bark from inside

dipshit posted:

an out-of-focus michael myers keeps standing up behind me when i'm not looking

dipshit posted:

a lot of people are afraid that their lives will be like scream where they're just swallowed up by repeated tragedy and trauma, but most of the time it's more like i know what you did last summer, where there's one totally sick brutal kill at the start that was added to the film late in production to cash in on the slasher revival started by scream but then the rest of the movie is really tame and all you can think of is how you know it was originally planned to not even have blood

google THIS posted:

Trees supposedly turn carbon dioxide into oxygen but if you dig around their roots you'll eventually find several oxygen tanks and a hidden trap door for the CO₂ to fall into

beer pal posted:

havent seen it, op. but i do like to stare at the blank wall in my living room for 1h 37m once a night

nesamdoom posted:

I have admin approval in this thread to sticky poo poo. If you can't tab to page 2 then that's you being too lazy to read your own poo poo, maybe hit User Control Panel to pull up your bookmarks since you one wanna talk to the same people. Oh gently caress, I really wanted to finish this with the sig I was making for you, but I couldn't find the right picture of a scoop being dipped to do it.

But, nah, really. I would rather see funny threads than nothingburgers. You keep posting yours. I don't care. Get me removed as an IK and I'll post in old threads all day and keep good threads going over new ones that aren't interesting. I don't have to care anymore and all I have to do is not break rules, which I already didn't. So, cry that your nothing loving threads don't get seen. I could already stop them from being seen without IK power just by posting more in interesting threads, which I wish you did. there are a lot of good threads from even the past month you could jump in and get kicking again if you wanted to actually post. Before my thread was gassed, not my choice, I actively responded to every post. I still have PMs if anyone wants to use that to talk.

But, I can't actually address issue on any thread. So, I'm not probing anyone. I'll just post a thread telling you to shut the gently caress up, and it'll be buried under a bunch of stickied threads that aren't stupid drama.

Smooches, oh sorry, I ate some crazy spicy stuff, that might hurt good with you friend?

El Spider posted:

Something Awful chocolonely joke_explainer is the name of my COD clan and we dominate the warzone ladder with the new Seth Rogan skin

dipshit posted: