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TURTLE SLUT
Dec 12, 2005

That guy is a boring condom. You should fuck the mailbox. I help facilitate said fucking by applying an image of ilovebeersooomuch to said mailbox
So I'm in my late thirties and I live alone and I have a pretty decent job. This feels like the second on-ramp to owning a sword, the first being when you're 18 and get your first paycheck that you don't know what to do with.

I don't think I would display it or anything, that seems a bit silly. I would probably just put it in the closet and sometimes look at it and chuckle to myself that I am the kind of person that owns a sword.

Is there any sort of cool poo poo I could do with a sword at home? Hell no am I going to a sword-using class or something. Is it more likely I'm going to kill myself with the sword accidentally than do anything cool?

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Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




i'd start with a tanto or perhaps a wakizashi and work your way up

bossy lady
Jul 9, 1983

Just buy an iroc-z like everyone else

TURTLE SLUT
Dec 12, 2005

That guy is a boring condom. You should fuck the mailbox. I help facilitate said fucking by applying an image of ilovebeersooomuch to said mailbox

Bad Purchase posted:

i'd start with a tanto or perhaps a wakizashi and work your way up
I think I remember those words from anime but don't remember enough to know if this is a sincere post or not!

Panic! At The Tesco
Aug 19, 2005

FART


only if it is sweet japanese steel OP

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

I’ll buy you shrimp every night of your life and you can eat it out of my butthole!

bossy lady posted:

Just buy an iroc-z like everyone else

Hell yeah

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009

someone gave me two swords for free the other day op, just find some old retiring historian to befriend and the swords will buy themselves

Diamond Dallas Page
Nov 17, 2017

og brogi
This can be you https://youtu.be/YdGpvnNUehM?si=dfpQgIcEemZEY4TE&utm_source=MTQxZ

TURTLE SLUT
Dec 12, 2005

That guy is a boring condom. You should fuck the mailbox. I help facilitate said fucking by applying an image of ilovebeersooomuch to said mailbox

free hubcaps posted:

someone gave me two swords for free the other day op, just find some old retiring historian to befriend and the swords will buy themselves
The bar downstairs has a lot of old crusty looking dudes, should I ask them if they have swords?

bossy lady
Jul 9, 1983


more like

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kFgeZtkAb8

TURTLE SLUT
Dec 12, 2005

That guy is a boring condom. You should fuck the mailbox. I help facilitate said fucking by applying an image of ilovebeersooomuch to said mailbox
I mean there's no "can" in it, I already am that except I'm a weird old queer homo instead of a very buff gym teacher.

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

I’ll buy you shrimp every night of your life and you can eat it out of my butthole!
People would be a lot more polite if we could all carry swords. Personally I think I would carry some sort of fencing sabre or something

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009

TURTLE SLUT posted:

The bar downstairs has a lot of old crusty looking dudes, should I ask them if they have swords?

i can almost guarantee some of them are swordsmen. pro move is to find an empty scabbard to wear and then just loudly and repeatedly lament about how u lost your sword, one of them may take pity on you and gift you one

Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




i generally dual wield thrusting swords when i pvp

Bad Purchase fucked around with this message at 23:19 on Jun 14, 2025

Dwesa
Jul 19, 2016

Maybe I'll go where I can see stars
yes

TURTLE SLUT
Dec 12, 2005

That guy is a boring condom. You should fuck the mailbox. I help facilitate said fucking by applying an image of ilovebeersooomuch to said mailbox

free hubcaps posted:

i can almost guarantee some of them are swordsmen. pro move is to find an empty scabbard to wear and then just loudly and repeatedly lament about how u lost your sword, one of them may take pity on you and gift you one
I don't have a scabbard but maybe are there some lines I could say that sound like I want to have a sword?

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009

usually i wear a smallsword or rapier as my daily carry, sometimes an estoc if i wanna make a statement

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
Why settle for a sword when you can have a proper battle axe or a mace?

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

I’ll buy you shrimp every night of your life and you can eat it out of my butthole!

Colonel Cancer posted:

Why settle for a sword when you can have a proper battle axe or a mace?

Try lifting that thing over your head before I stab you with my sabre

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

I’ll buy you shrimp every night of your life and you can eat it out of my butthole!
Can we wear chainmail?

TURTLE SLUT
Dec 12, 2005

That guy is a boring condom. You should fuck the mailbox. I help facilitate said fucking by applying an image of ilovebeersooomuch to said mailbox

Smugworth posted:

Can we wear chainmail?
Ooh now we're getting somewhere. This is very sexy.

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009

TURTLE SLUT posted:

I don't have a scabbard but maybe are there some lines I could say that sound like I want to have a sword?

OK here’s what you do: pay some local thugs to jump you and kick your rear end in the bar. pull out a small knife to defend yourself, but have one of the thugs laugh at your puny blade and kick it out of your hand before they pummel you. This will both a) possibly identify any swordsmen in the bar if they decide to step in and defend you and b) make them realize that you are someone who could really benefit from a gifted sword.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
Sword, scabbard, chainmail tie. Don't forget a single gauntlet. The groans from your coworkers are for free.

TURTLE SLUT
Dec 12, 2005

That guy is a boring condom. You should fuck the mailbox. I help facilitate said fucking by applying an image of ilovebeersooomuch to said mailbox

free hubcaps posted:

OK here’s what you do: pay some local thugs to jump you and kick your rear end in the bar. pull out a small knife to defend yourself, but have one of the thugs laugh at your puny blade and kick it out of your hand before they pummel you. This will both a) possibly identify any swordsmen in the bar if they decide to step in and defend you and b) make them realize that you are someone who could really benefit from a gifted sword.
Ok hold on going to do that. Will report back.

Dumb Sex-Parrot
Dec 25, 2020


Swords sound a bit dangerous, maybe model trains are more up your alley?

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH
Got to build your arm strength up first. Try a pool noodle

Kmount da Hood
Oct 18, 2024

by Pragmatica
I mean it's a bit flashy. Do you really want people to KNOW they're at a disadvantage? I think it's more fun when they don't know.

Private Cumshoe
Feb 15, 2019

AAAAAAAGAGHAAHGGAH
If you do get one of those double edged ones they are twice as fun I hear

You Are A Werewolf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!

Only if you are willing to reenact sword-and-sandals/sorcery movies, OP.

I’m thinking Spartacus, Jason & the Argonauts, Clash of the Titans, or The Beastmaster.

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD
No OP. Buying one sword is how you begin a sword collection.

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

Star Trek: The Motion Picture is a boring movie

Private Cumshoe posted:

If you do get one of those double edged ones they are twice as fun I hear

It has a business end and another business end. A win-win as we like to call it in the sword industry.

Harry_Potato
May 21, 2021

A nice two handed broadsword is a great way to share a bigmac at MacDonald's

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

I’ll buy you shrimp every night of your life and you can eat it out of my butthole!

Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:

Swords sound a bit dangerous, maybe model trains are more up your alley?

Who wants to die without any hideously disfiguring scars?

TURTLE SLUT
Dec 12, 2005

That guy is a boring condom. You should fuck the mailbox. I help facilitate said fucking by applying an image of ilovebeersooomuch to said mailbox
Ok trip report old drunks were very rude and NONE of them had any swords.

You Are A Werewolf posted:

Only if you are willing to reenact sword-and-sandals/sorcery movies, OP.

I’m thinking Spartacus, Jason & the Argonauts, Clash of the Titans, or The Beastmaster.
I am very willing to do all of those things.

Diamond Dallas Page
Nov 17, 2017

og brogi
When I was a child I thought the sword was the perfect weapon in a zombie outbreak and it was CRAZY nobody else has thought of it

SkyboxWriter
Oct 5, 2002

REAL Champs don't care too much - just enough to keep their wins up.
Watch this first as part of your thought process. THEY COULD BE YOU!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuI1zY46OX0

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009

Diamond Dallas Page posted:

When I was a child I thought the sword was the perfect weapon in a zombie outbreak and it was CRAZY nobody else has thought of it

plate armor would also be real good against zombie bites. knights would be unstoppable against zomboes

Deep Glove Bruno
Sep 4, 2015

yung swamp thang
you got a lot of water bottles you need chopped in half real quickly? to my knowledge that is the main reason for purchasing a sword, cutting like 24 kirklands through the middle without even having to remove the shrink

TURTLE SLUT
Dec 12, 2005

That guy is a boring condom. You should fuck the mailbox. I help facilitate said fucking by applying an image of ilovebeersooomuch to said mailbox

SkyboxWriter posted:

Watch this first as part of your thought process. THEY COULD BE YOU!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuI1zY46OX0
gently caress off with this propaganda

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Anderson Koopa
Jun 9, 2006

Like epic funny shit like this? Want to post some? Click >>here :twisted: for more.
Grimey Drawer
I got one of those knockoff "s words".

Stupid seller's swindled me

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