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So I got a message from my daughter's school today:Catholic Elementary School posted:Dear Third Grade Parents and Guardians, I'm not myself Catholic and was unfamiliar with St. Michael's prayer. It goes like this: Some Website posted:St. Michael's Prayer This didn't feel "especially relevant." So I wrote a new prayer: Brainworm posted:
Depending on how your eight-year old's taste in shoes or how removes her nail polish, you might find this prayer useful. So I'm creating a space for you to share your own prayers for specific occasions.
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Nov 11, 2025 23:21
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| # ? Dec 15, 2025 07:49 |
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quote:Lord, I confess I’m struggling to resist the temptation to snu snu. My spirit is willing, but my flesh is spongy and weak. I ask that You strengthen me by Your Holy Spirit and this case of Natty Lights so I can stand firm and erect. I thank You, Jesus, that You have already paid the price for my sin using MasterCardTM, and I ask that You now help me to overcome the pain in my own poor bruised member.
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Nov 12, 2025 00:42
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for more.
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God doesn't exist, but amazing titties do. Amen. 
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Nov 12, 2025 01:04
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dear st. titties hell yeah amen
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Nov 12, 2025 01:10
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Panic! At The Tesco posted:dear st. titties
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Nov 12, 2025 02:04
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I am one with The Force and The Force is with me.
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Nov 12, 2025 02:08
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Dear God, Jesus loving Christ God dammit! Amen.
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Nov 12, 2025 02:09
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Here I sit all broken hearted Tried to poo poo but only sharted
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Nov 12, 2025 02:11
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Dear god, Please just stop We get it Enough already For gently caress’s sake Amen
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Nov 12, 2025 03:39
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Today is a day Amen
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Nov 12, 2025 04:04
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Oh God I'm gonna cum Amen
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Nov 12, 2025 05:44
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Dear Lord, Please grant me the wisdom to use the right prompts and the compassion to forgive when it makes a mistake. Do you want to make that sound more religious? Amen
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Nov 12, 2025 05:56
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Dear god, please don't let me poo poo my pants
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Nov 12, 2025 05:58
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Secks Cauldron posted:Dear god, please don't let me poo poo my pants Uh oh you forgot to say amen
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Nov 12, 2025 07:45
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dear lord in heaven please smite all posters itt amen
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Nov 12, 2025 07:48
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Yeah smite me Daddy Amen
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Nov 12, 2025 07:51
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OP why do you send your kid to a catholic school
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Nov 12, 2025 07:54
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Ogun Kills on the Right Ogun kills on the right and destroys on the right. Ogun kills on the left and destroys on the left. Ogun kills suddenly in the house and suddenly in the field. Ogun kills the child with the iron with which it plays. Ogun kills in silence. Ogun kills the thief and the owner of stolen goods. Ogun kills the owner of the house and paints the hearth with his blood. Ogun is the forest god. He gives all his clothes to the beggars. He gives one to the woodock--who dyes it in indigo. He gives one to the coucal--who dyes it in camwood. He gives one to the cattle egret--who leaves it white. Ogun's laughter is no joke. His enemies scatter in all directions. The butterflies do not have to see the leopard . . . they scatter in all directions! Master of iron, chief of robbers, you have water, but you bathe in blood. The light shining in your face is not easy to behold. Ogun, with the bloody cap, let me see the red of your eye. Ogun is not like pounded yam: do you think you can knead him in your hand and eat of him until you are satisfied? Do you think Ogun is something you can throw into your cap and walk away with it? Ogun is a mad god who will ask questions after seven hundred and eighty years. Ogun has pity on me: whether I can reply,or whether I cannot reply: Ogun don't ask me anything! The lion never allows anybody to play with his cub. Ogun will never allow his child to be punished. Ogun do not reject me! Does the woman who spins ever reject a spindle? Does the woman who dyes ever reject a cloth? Does the eye that sees ever reject a sight? Ogun, do not reject me.
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Nov 12, 2025 11:41
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the fact that I poop the courage to trust that fart and the wisdom to know the difference.
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Nov 12, 2025 12:17
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Praise the Lord Pass the Ammunition
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Nov 12, 2025 13:18
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i pray that the porn ladies were sexy, all naturakl petites with lots of tattoos and bitchin lingerie amen
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Nov 12, 2025 13:42
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Anderson Koopa posted:God, grant me the serenity A prayer for the ages. Specifically the ages of 45 and up.
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Nov 12, 2025 14:56
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Back in the old days it would have been Kirk or Lemonparty, but the kids today just wouldn't understand.
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Nov 12, 2025 15:45
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Toxic Mental posted:OP why do you send your kid to a catholic school Really though, speaking from experience, sending your kid to a Chr*st*an school is up there with one of the worst things you could do. May the Goddesses smite OP's brain, Amen.
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Nov 12, 2025 15:48
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I've had my own (private) religion for decades now. Here's the actual prayer (or grace) I say before eating: I take this life into mine, as mine will be taken into another's. I will strive to use it well. Thank you.
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Nov 12, 2025 15:53
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I hope they charged that kid with cyberterrorism
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Nov 12, 2025 15:57
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goatface posted:I hope they charged that kid with cyberterrorism They'll get a slap on the wrist because only g*d can judge them.
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Nov 12, 2025 16:07
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Toxic Mental posted:OP why do you send your kid to a catholic school Our local public schools are not very diverse and while they have some great teachers they are administratively inept. The Catholics, OTOH, run a shockingly tolerant and inclusive system which, even though it is much smaller, offers more opportunities for advanced courses and experiential learning. Because it is not districted like the publics (and since we're in a voucher state) it is also more diverse. Just so you understand how this played out: we were for a time guardians of our nephews, one of whom is trans. The Catholics were straight up "we do not tolerate bulling or harassment of our students. Working and learning here is a privilege that students, teachers, and staff earn by consistently demonstrating respect and sympathy for their fellow human beings." The Public HS was like, "what happens, happens."
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Nov 12, 2025 17:21
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^ Isn't it great when faith/spirituality is both humanistic and applied correctly?Anderson Koopa posted:God, grant me the serenity It's all about pausing before the final push, and contemplating what it actually feels like. And remember: the powers that be, gave us fiber for a reason!
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Nov 12, 2025 19:20
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That kid is loving cool as hell
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Nov 12, 2025 20:01
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In grade school an octogenarian nun was introduced to a school assembly to say a few words, but I only remember the part about gays and Crisco. Follow the lard.
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Nov 12, 2025 22:25
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Dear God Jesus and the rest What are you wearing?
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Nov 12, 2025 23:10
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Hold on to your butts!
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Nov 12, 2025 23:22
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Brainworm posted:Our local public schools are not very diverse and while they have some great teachers they are administratively inept. Aren't you worried about the whole indoctrination/right wing/pedo thing that the Catholic church has always been overtly or covertly doing I think I'd rather just homeschool my kids if the only option was the world's most tolerant religious school
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Nov 13, 2025 00:19
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Toxic Mental posted:Aren't you worried about the whole indoctrination/right wing/pedo thing that the Catholic church has always been overtly or covertly doing I was going to make a joke that my kids are too goony to be molestable, but I ate a probe for something like that so I'll give you an honest answer. You are going to find war crimes in any system. For instance: Public school districting, and the property-tax-based funding systems embedded in it, is one of the most widespread and brazen forms of legislated racial and social inequality in the United States. Hard to say you're not complicit in that if you're sending your kids there. You are also going to find risks. My kids are much more likely to be gunned down in a public school than in a private one, for instance. Shouldn't that be something I'm worried about? Both of those are 100% the wrong end of the stick. Moral certainty, worry, and fear are no basis for good decision making. I have been careful not to model them for either my nephews or my children. Instead I think it's about people: how is this principal or this teacher going to handle, say, a trans kid getting bullied? What kinds of values and institutional process guide their decision? What commitments are they willing to make? Most important: Do they consider a big-tittied anthropomorphic passenger jet pornography, or does it have to also be doing something actively sexual instead of just, say, existing?
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Nov 13, 2025 14:20
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That email said it was inappropriate pornographic content, which implies appropriate pornographic content in this contex. Also lol that they recommend a prayer that implies the world is a swirling chaos bursting at the seams with evil spirits as some sort of solution. Apotropaic spells and medallions and the like don’t work after the fact, you big dummies. They’re prophylactics in intention. If the prayer had been said over the Smart Board in question previously, assumedly this shouldn’t have happened!
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Nov 14, 2025 17:30
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Brainworm posted:Moral certainty, worry, and fear are no basis for good decision making. Tru dat duder
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Nov 14, 2025 17:38
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Dear Lord, please hide penises, please hide cocks, please hide dicks, please hide dongs, please hide knobs, please hide pricks, please hide peters, please hide peckers, please hide weenies, please hide weiners, please hide tools, please hide willies, please hide woods, please hide phalluses, please hide schlongs, please hide all manner of manhoods, unless its a priest, Amen.
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Nov 14, 2025 17:39
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Pvt.Scott posted:That email said it was inappropriate pornographic content, which implies appropriate pornographic content in this context. Word around the campfire was that it was just pictures of naked women. Which: (a) isn't even pornography? and (b) if appropriate pornographic content exists, surely this is it, and (c) sets a record for high school student lameness that may not be breakable. Like, he did the hard work of circumventing both the State and the school's content filters, and getting a classroom SmartBoard to work as intended, all to look at different nudes from the ones in the sculpture garden. A snuff level of effort for National Geographic results.
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Nov 14, 2025 18:45
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dear god in heaven please dont kill me this time as i try kings field 2 deathless/saveless for the umpteenth time
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Nov 14, 2025 21:45
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