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I've been noticing a lot of "funny things that happened at my job" posts, so I thought I'd try my hand at it. As the title says, I work at a mental hospital. Basically, I'm an orderly. You know, the guys in the white suits you see in all the movies. My hospital called my job title "Psychiatric Counselor", mostly because I think "Bitch Boy" would be too demeaning. I work the night shift, so things are usually pretty quiet. My responsibilities involve doing the paperwork for the morning shift and checking on the patients regularly to make sure they're in their rooms and still breathing. Anyway, one night I was scheduled to work on the Acute Adult Psych unit. Let me begin by stating that I HATEHATEHATE working on this building. Mostly because of a few horrible experiences with the patients, and this night was no exception. So, acute psych. This is where we house a wide range of patients from suicidals to full-blown Schizophrenics. You're probably thinking "golly gee whiz, Colton.. that sounds like something I couldn't deal with, I'd be kinda scared to deal with those types of people" to which I would reply "It's not all that bad once you realize that these people can't help the way they act, and they're on medication most of the time. And I can't believe you just said 'golly gee whiz'" This night, I arrive on the unit and sit in while one of the evening shift nurses gives the reports on the patients, just telling us what to look out for, when they get to their newest patient. Let's call her Jane for reasons of confidentiality. "Jane's new. She's psychotic. She was really violent and hallucinating like crazy when we got her. They carried her in on a stretcher, restrained and facemasked. She's in her room now. Don't get too close to her, she came running at me and tried to gouge my eyes out with her fingernails and started screaming that I was the devil." Ok, I already mentioned that I dislike working on this unit. And now I hear that there's a violent psychotic person on the ward who got wheeled into the hopital dressed like hannibal lecter because she kept biting and clawing people. Things couldn't get much worse. "oh, and she's got Hepatitis C" gently caress. So, report finishes, and I cautiously start to make my rounds on the patients. I eventually get to Jane's room, and I see one of the other evening shift nurses in there. Jane's lying in bed, and the nurse is sitting by her bed, holding her hand and talking to her. He looks up at me and tells me that she's calmed down a lot since they first got her, and the only way to make sure that she's calm enough to sleep is by holding her hand and talking to her. Then he leaves. In retrospect, I really should have been warned by the fact that he seemed to haul rear end out of the hospital while laughing to himself. Since I was working with another orderly that night, he volunteered to be on "psycho duty" for the first hour of the shift, then we would switch off every hour until she went to sleep. I was all cool with that, so he settled into the room and took her hand, and she was whispering quietly to herself about jesus and sunbeams or something like that. When the hour was finished, I moseyed my happy little rear end to my colleague and we switched off. He got up, told me Jane was pretty docile and sleepy and she'd be asleep in no time. Then he walked off. I sat down and took her hand. Let me paint a picture for you: There's me, sitting in a small dorm-like room, in pitch blackness, holding the hand of an older woman who has absolutley no connection with reality and really liked to gouge people's eyes out with her fingernails and transmit Hepatitis C to people by biting them. Strangely enough, I wasn't scared at all. I suppose working at the hospital for a while has actually made the 'common sense' portion of my brain atrophy, or maybe I'm just actually a closet retard. Then she stirs. She must have noticed that my hand felt a little different than the other guys, she she gets scared. "Who's there!?" asked Jane. "It's ok, I'm the other staff member. I'm not going to hurt you" Says I, trying to get her to calm back down. After I said that, she got kinda still, then she spoke again. She said six words that will forever be burned into my memory and still gives me nightmares to this day. "ooh, you got a sexy voice" And as soon as she finished saying this, she proceeded to yank my hand as hard as she could, pulling me out of my chair and right over her bed. Immediatley my oh-poo poo-ometer kicks in and I start to pull away. Well, I try to anyway. Ever hear the old saying about the insane having the strength of 10 regular men? They're right. I'm a pretty strong guy, I take martial arts and can hold my own pretty well, but this 60ish women had me off balance and panicking within the first 10 minutes of being in the same room as her. I thought as quick as I could, trying to pull away and tell her that she needs to let go of me. She wasn't having none of that. She pulled me to her and dove face first into my lap. She buried her face into my crotch and starts to.. well... I'd much rather not think about what she was trying to do. It felt kinda like eels were trying to implant themselves into my body... this was definatley a 'bad touch'. Fortunatley, she let go of my hand and I was able to push her back on her bed carefully. I was concerned about her safety, seeing as how if she fell out of bed, it was my rear end. She thanked me for my thoughtfullness by asking me if she gave good head. This went on a for the duration of the hour. She kept trying to get up and give me the hot psycho lovin', and I kept putting her back in bed. At least I managed to keep her from grabbing me again and I actually managed to get her calmed down. She was lying in bed and breathing deeply. "Thank the gods above" I thought, "she's finally going to go to sleep" I sat back down in a relieved heap and thought that the worst of it was finally over. WRONG! In walks the nursing supervisor. We all call her spoon, cause she's short, scrawny, and has an afro.. she's shaped like a spoon. For the purposes of this story, I'll call her Shithead. So Shithead walks into the darkened room I was sitting in, I guess to check on the patient. "HEY, HOW ARE THINGS GOING ON IN HERE?" (did I mention that she has absolutley no control over the volume of her voice?) As soon as the echoing in the tiny room stops, I'm on my feet, trying to give her the "shush!" gesture or at least slap her or something, when psycho girl grabs me from behind and starts to lick and kiss all over my hand. Hepatitis C... mucus... I panicked. She was all excited because in her own little world, I proposed to her, and she was about to give birth to a couple of sunbeams at any minute. Back in the real world, I started screaming like a scared little bitch for the nurse on duty to bring as many drugs as she could to put this patient down. At this point, the patient had both her arms wrapped around my left leg and tried to soothe me with promises of what kinds of carnal delights await me in the land of aborted jesus fetuses and sunbeams. She had a thing for sunbeams, I guess. The nurse came in, gave her a few shots, and I ran to the bathroom and washed up. I walked out into the nurse's station and sat there, shaking and praying to god that the worst was over. WRONG AGAIN. The nurse walks in and informs me that our patient of the night had just poo poo and pissed all over herself. I guess the exitement finally got to her. And of course, the supervisor thought this was the funniest thing she's ever seen, so she decides to stick around and laugh her rear end off. So back I go into the gaping maw of hell and pull on some latex gloves to help change the bedsheets while the female nurse showers the patient and cleans her up. As I'm nearing the room, our patient jumps out of the bathroom, eager to see me again and show me that she's as naked as the day she was born and invite me for more of the hot psycho lovin'. I somehow managed to restrain myself from ravishing her elderly body (/sarcasm) and put some of the bedclothes into the washing machine. At that point I sat in another part of the building and thought what horrible choices I've made in life that lead up to that moment. I refused to go anwhere near that patient for the rest of the night because I was just too damned irresistable. And the most depressing part of this whole story? That was the most action I've gotten all month. and yes, I have even more stories if you liked this one: 1) The night adult psych went up in flames 2) The night Hurricane Lili hits the mental ward 3) "hey, what color are your panties?" and more, to be posted when I remember them all
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Apr 11, 2003 07:56
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quote:pogue23 came out of the closet to say: because my hospital prides itself on it's 'no restraints' rule... they're loving retards there.. and she did get sedation before I came on shift.. she just metabolized it very fast.. she didn't go down until around 6 am... 7 hours into the shift....
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Apr 11, 2003 08:26
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ok, since you asked for it... time for "hey, what color are your panties?" One night, I was working on the child/adolescent unit, and it was pretty early in the shift. I was relaxing at my desk, my feet were up, I was eating some of the food they keep on the unit (popcorn and mountain Dew, great combo) and generally relaxing away my shift. I love the children ward, because they all stay asleep all night long and I can get some pleasure reading done. So, I'm chilling at my station, then my phone rings. I pick it up, cause that's what you do with phones... "Adolescent, Chad speaking" "Chad, come over to adult psych for a minute" "Why?" "just come over for a second" needless to say, I'm alarmed as all hell. Did a patient escape? is a patient eating his own feces? Do I have to stop someone from attempting suicide again? against my better judgement, I walk across the quad and walk in the building I absolutley HATEHATEHATE. I step into the nurse's station and address the nurse on duty. "you wanted me?" "yeah, just sit by the phone and answer it when it rings" "um... why?" "just do it" yeah, I'm the bitch at my job. So I sit down and within two minutes, the phone rings. I answer the phone, and whoever was on the other line hangs up. I look at the nurse curiously, who just motions to wait a little while longer. The phone rings again, I answer, hang up. This happens a couple more times. I want an explaination, but get none. I return to my post weirded out beyond all belief. As I sit back down, my phone rings again. I answer, and another hangup! I'm frantic at this point because I don't know what's going on. I'm a simple creature, strange situations make me want to curl up in a fetal ball and wet myself. To cut it short, this happens a few more times. I even get called to other buildings to answer the phone.. all hangups. Needless to say I'm pissed because all of the female nurses that ask me to answer their phones won't tell me what the deal is, and they even avert their eyes when I ask. My shift ends, and the day shift walks in. I must have looked thouroughly confused at this point, because another counselor asked me what was up.. I tell her. Then she informs me that there's been a prank caller who's been asking all the women who answer the phone what color their panties are. What's worse is that this is a recently discharged patient who has been calling. So think about this... patient gets discharged, decides to harass the hopital he was just released from. We don't get a whole lot of rocket scientists admitted to our hospital. (yeah, I know this story was kinda lame, but it gives you an idea of the bizarre crap I deal with on a nightly basis)
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Apr 11, 2003 08:51
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quote:pogue23 came out of the closet to say: it inflames your liver and is transmitted through bodily fluid contact, mucus membranes, that kind of stuff.. I haven't been tested yet, but I just had saliva on my hands and washed it off POST HASTE...
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Apr 11, 2003 08:59
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quote:Justin_Hate came out of the closet to say: because soon, very soon, I will graduate with my Master's degree and I will be giving therapy to nervous housewives and children whose parents beat them.. I can hold out for a few more months if it means never having to deal with such extreme cases...
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Apr 11, 2003 09:01
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holy crap! comedy gold in less than an hour.. thanks, guys! time to reward y'all with another story! "The night adult psych went up in flames" Once again, I'm working in the adolescent/children's ward. I'm relaxing because nothing happens on that unit.. ever. I was enjoying my shift when the intercom comes to life. "Code 6, adult psych! Code 6, adult psych!" I admit that at first I was a little confused... I remembered what a Code 3 was.. that's when a patient is going nuts and all the strong men (usually me since I'm somehow always being scheduled when there are no other men in the hospital) have to jump on the patient and restrain them. So I looked on the back of my name tag where there's a small list of what the codes mean. "hmmm.. code blue... nope.. code STAT.. nope... code 6.. fire... fire? gently caress poo poo drat!" So I lept out of my chair and hauled rear end over to adult psych. As I run in there, I see all this smoke everywhere. I shout for one of the orderlies on duty and ask him if he contained the fire. As I ask this, A patient comes running like a bat out of hell out of one of the hallways that leads outside, followed by a trail of smoke. We look in the door, and find out that all that smoke just came from her playing with the fire extinguisher (this is the same patient who was severely retarded and took a massive crap in front of the snack machines earlier that day) CO2 was wafting everywhere.. it looks like smoke, so I gave the orderly that called the code the benefit of the doubt.. I would have panicked if I saw that too. The staff on that ward asked me to help fan the CO2 out, so I walked in the hallway and unlocked the door to the outside and started opening and closing the door to fan the smoke out. Now, keep in mind that at first they thought this was a real fire. The fire alarm was still going off, and the patients were running around like it was the end of the world, I swear to god. Actually, as I recall, I think one of them was actually screaming "the end is nigh!" I looked at the ward through the big windows and laughed at all the patients scrambling to save themselves. What I found even funnier was that one of the OTHER retarded patients (we keep getting retarded patients.. nobody seems to realize that a PSYCH hospital can't do much for them besides dope them up until they can't move) had grabbed all of the bananas they keep on the unit in both of his hands and was shuffling around in circles near the window screaming "save the bananas! save the bananas!" I broke down into hysterical laughter, which was a bad idea because I started inhaling all the CO2 in the air. By the time I left, they STILL haven't calmed down all the patients.. I was so happy I was able to walk back to my quiet ward after all that... and even today, all someone has to do is say "save the bananas!" and I piss myself laughing so hard... more stories I remember: 1)hurricane Lili (warning, this story may suck.. might be one of those 'had to be there' stories) 2) 'The night all hell broke loose' or 'why I hate to work on adult psych' 3) I can supply some really short funny stories into one post... some of these aren't funny enough to be stand alones 4) I met the black messiah 5) helping a patient take THE poo poo of his life tell me what you want, and I'll post more tomorrow night.... maybe
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Apr 11, 2003 09:29
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alright goons, you wanted more, you got more! "helping another man take THE poo poo of his life" This was another night I was working on adult psych. Actually, the majority of the shift wasn't that bad, as it was mostly quiet and peaceful (for a change). Then the patients woke up, as they always do, around 5:30 because they want their cigarettes and coffee. Now, why we allow psychotics and schizophrenics load themselves up on stimulants is beyond me. At least it keeps them quiet and happy. So, anyway, we had this one patient, another of those guys you wonder why they were admitted. This person had no mental illness, he just have a severe case of Cerebral Palsy. He was wheelchair bound and could barely move at all. I think he got sent to us for fighting with someone in his group home, although if the guy can't move his arms, I wonder why he was such a danger? Anyway, everyone's awake, the patient with palsy was awake, and of course he needed help. I got him milk (with a straw so he could drink it) and wheeled him to the dining table so he could relax with his friends. I'm looking forward to the end of the shift and my warm, soft bed. I drifted away in my own daydreams for a while until I come crashing back to reality when I hear out main character in this story grunting. I looked at him, and he had a desparate look in his eye. I asked him what was wrong. He said something that sounded a lot like "afooom" or "batoon" I asked him if he needed to use the bathroom. He nodded like it was an emergency, so I called the other orderly on shift to assist me and I hijacked the other orderly who works in admissions (cool guy.. always calls me 'Zeke' for some reason, though) and we all wheel him to his room and put him in his bathroom. Since he couldn't fo it himself, us three guys had to lift him up, pull his pants down, and sit him on the toilet. I happened to be the lucky guy who got to pull his pants down. Now, I honestly don't know what I was expecting, but I was shocked when I saw his wang flop out. Actually, now I remember why I was shocked, because it was the BIGGEST loving WANG I'VE EVER SEEN! Now, I've seen a lot of porn in my day, never seen another one in person before, but I'm not kidding.. must have been down to his knees or something. After I got over my initial shock, my first thought was "drat, too bad he can't move.. the ladies would love this guy" Hey, it was early in the morning, I was tired and delerious. His wang could have started talking to me and I wouldn't have found that weird. anyway, I know you're all waiting with baited breath to hear about the making GBS threads, so I'll get to that. He tried to go.. he really did.. but nothing was coming out.. but he looked like he was in a lot of pain, so one of the orderlies decided to... help him.. I don't know if this is standard procedure or anything, but he checked his oil. I mean he jammed a digit in this guy's pooper and had to jump back from the avalanche of poo poo that he started. I really wish I was exaggerating when I say this, but it sounded like someone was pouring a gallon of iced tea directly into the toilet. What made it worse was that the patient was making sounds like "HEA! WAH! NNNNNGEH! (think about the sounds cartman made in the prision episode). And the smell.. oh god, the smell. I had to walk out while the other two helped the guy wipe and dress and put him back. We wheel him back, things are fine.. except for 10 minutes later, when he has to use the bathroom again. remember what you just read? well, read it again because EXACTLY THE SAME DAMNED THING HAPPENED! Well, except for the wang thing, cause I made sure I was the one holding him up this time. Finally the shift ended, and I go home. That morning I had dreams about cartman crapping out giant wangs.. I hate my life. Colton fucked around with this message at 19:55 on Apr 11, 2003 |
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Apr 11, 2003 19:48
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quote:V-Men came out of the closet to say: I know, I posted the story.. check the first page of the post, dude.
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Apr 11, 2003 19:56
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And now, another story.. "The night I met the black messiah" This was back when I first started the job. This was back when I still have hopes, ideals, and really wanted to help other people and I wasn't nealy as jaded as I am now to the needs of my patients. I was working on adult psych again (notice how all the weird poo poo happens on this unit?) and was sitting at my station, reading over some textbooks because I'm studious, when one of the patients comes out of his room and sits by me. He looks like he's been having a hard time sleeping, so I ask him if he wanted any medicine to help him sleep. he said no, and that he just needed to sit down for a minute. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, he turned to me. "you in school?" "yeah" "what're you studying?" "I'm going for my Master's degree in counseling" "Oh, that's good, because I need to talk to someone" Now, when I heard this, I was so excited. I was going to actyually be able to talk to a patient and make him feel better! I might even cure him! This was too good to be true! I put my book down, put on the look of practiced concern that all counselors wear (I actually had a class teaching me the proper way to sit and all.. but that's neither here nor there) and I asked him to tell me what was bothering him. He looked around to make sure nobody was listening in first, then he leaned in closer. I leaned in closer as well to better hear his burdensome problem. "I've had something on my chest for 20 years now, it's been hard to live with" "woah, that sounds heavy.. what's going on, man?" *looks around some more, then back to me* "I'm the black messiah" after I recovered, I told him to go back to bed. I hoped I was going to help someone out by being a shoulder they can cry on, turns out the guy is just crazy. But no, he insisted that he was the black messiah, and he told me he'd prove it. So what does he do? He runs to his room, then comes back out and hands me... a card. Yes, the black messiah has a card. It had his name on it, a bible verse about fishing for men or something like that, and was on a nice blue background with clouds on it. So there I am, looking at the black messiah's card, he's looking at me all excited like I want his autograph or something, so I say the only thing that comes to my mind. "drat, you really are the black messiah" luckily this satisfies him and he goes away for a while. When it's time for smoking and coffee, he's up and I light his cigarette. Then he starts with another question. "hey man, you take martial arts?" "yeah, Taekwondo. Why?" "what would you do if I did.. THIS?" and he grabbed my arm. When we're oriented as new employees, we always get warned about patients who grab you and then proceed to do horrible things to you, such as rape you, bite you, spit on you, or just pee all over you. I twisted my wrist and got out of the grab pretty easily and told him to never, ever touch me again. He must have been impressed with this, so he tells me that he was the one who taught Bruce Lee everything he knows. I must have said something along the lines of "wow.. bruce lee? that's amazing". Because he didn't think I beleived him for some odd reason. So he decides to prove it to me. He says "No, I really did.. see?" and he gets into a martial arts fighting stance, complete with "waaaaaaaaaaaa... " sounds. I looked at him, said, "drat, you really did train bruce lee" then walked back inside as quickly as I could. I turned around to see our resident messiah standing up on a chair in front of the other patients and started preaching. Of course, it was Sunday, and the patients needed some religion I guess. the other patients were clapping along and saying 'testify!'.. they were having their own tent revival right out on the smoking porch. Needless to say, I had a damned good laugh before my shift ended.
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Apr 11, 2003 20:35
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time for something different, a story about how insane my coworkers are... "The night Hurricane Lili hit the hospital" This night I was working on child/adolescent for a change, and of course it was the night that hurricane Lili was scheduled to hit us. I, of course, had to work because stdents always get the short end of the stick in EVERYTHING. Anyway, the nurse on duty and I were happy because we only had about 8 patients. Most of them were gone because their parents took them out because they evacuated to higher ground. This was one of those rare moments where the parents of these kids actually gave a poo poo about them, ebcause most of them just dump their kids off and drive off, never to be heard from again, leaving us to get in touch with OCS (orphaned child services, I think...) to find a foster home for them. So the nurse and I got our work done very early, and just bullshitted and watched the weather reports during the shift. As the shift goes on, it starts raining harder and harder outside, especially when the hurricane hits land near us. I have never seen that much rain before in my life. The nurse and I kept checking the parking lot because the hospital has lovely drainage and it has a problem with flooding. And we were worried about water leaking under the doors and flooding the building. Well, things seem perfectly fine, if a little wet, and we go back to bullshitting. Then, during an otherwise quiet shift, the phone rings. My first thought was "no way, we can't possibly have a patient coming to us in this weather". Well, I was right. It was the nursing supervisor who works the evening shift. She had just gotten home and decided to call me. I was flattered, then I was frightened. "Chad, is everything ok there?" "yeah, it's raining pretty hard, but the patients are quiet and everything's done.. good shift" "is any water coming into the building?" "no, everything's dry over here" "are you sure?" "yeah" "POSITIVE!?" "um, yeah.. I just said so..." "well, if any water comes in, save the toilet paper" "what?" "SAVE THE TOILET PAPER!" "um, ok..." the conversation went on like this... she was deathly afraid of the toilet paper, which is stored close to the floor, getting wet. I told the nurse about this, and later the day shift nurse, and they speculated that she just was half asleep when she called and might have had a dream about it. Now, I ask you this.. how many times have you woken up in a cold sweat at the thought of the toilet paper getting wet? poo poo, if water HAD started coming into the building, the toilet paper would be the first thing I would toss onto the puddles to soak it up. If it comes down to either my stuff or the hospital's stuff getting destroyed, it's going to be the hospital's every time. I was also wondering why my building was the only one that was called.. maybe the kid's building has the entire supply of toilet paper for the hospital or something. at least it had a happy ending.. the toilet paper was saved through the night. God forbid me or the nurse on duty would have drowned or been hit by flying trees or something.
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Apr 11, 2003 22:13
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well, I gotta say that I like everyone's responses to my first real post as a newbie... I'm being inducted into an honor society tonight, so I gotta go now... but I'll be back on later tonight (maybe around 11:00 central time) ready to post even more stories that you request... ok, so far this is the lest of stories that I haven't told: 1) man worships the washing machine 2) little girl gets anal revenge on innocent orderly 3) why I hate adult psych 4) superman, I'm a rapist, and naked old woman on fire submit your requests please, gotta jet
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Apr 11, 2003 22:56
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quote:hollykat came out of the closet to say: oh, thank the aborted baby jesus fetus for that! Although it would of been cool to be able to sue the hell out of the hospital if I contracted it....
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Apr 12, 2003 03:53
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Alrighty, time for more fun stories! Here are three vignettes for y'all... "Superman, I'm a rapist, and elderly woman on fire" Superman: We had this one patient who was trying very, very hard to intimidate staff... it was so pathetic you almost felt sorry for him. He had the height, but he was just rediculous. He would get his meds, then he'd stand in the doorway for three minutes, looking up at the ceiling and screwed his face up as if deep in thought. Then he would say "you ugly" to the sky and take his pills. He even tried to scare a nurse by walking up to him and just.. shaking... Not like a seizure, but just kinda jiggling a bit. He tried to intimidate me by walking past me and saying "Superman" (but pronounced more like a three year old.. "dupamaaaaan!"). He never understood why we would just laugh at him. I'm a rapist: One morning I was taking the vital signs of the patients on the eating disorders unit. Let me tell you how much fun it is to wrap a blood pressure cuff around an arm no thicker than a broom handle. Anyway, one of the female patients was giving me this odd look... I looked back at her and smiled my "I know you're a psycho, please don't hurt me" smile, and she asked me what my name was. I told her it was Chad, and her eyes grew really wide. She backed up and said "that's my brother's name... he raped me". Now, I ask you guys, what's the proper response for something like that? Elderly woman on fire: Adult psych patient. I think she was around on the night of the fire alarm drill, so ever since the drill she thought that the building was on fire. In the middle of the night she would wig out and pull the alarm. One morning while I was there, she comes running out like a bat out of hell screaming to high heaven about the fire that's going on downstairs (we're a one-storey hospital), and she threw her arms out reminiscent of a superman pose while she was running. Well, she was also wearing a bathrobe with nothing on underneath. The robe flies open and billow out behind her like a cape as she's running around like a decapitated chicken screaming that she's on fire, the building's on fire, and everything else is on fire. This is just one of those situations that you leave up to the next shift that is coming in 10 minutes. Next story: little girl gets anal revenge on innocent orderly
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Apr 12, 2003 04:11
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quote:MirrorSaw came out of the closet to say: good question. I thought about this when I first started working there, but you have to understand that the really severe cases have absolutley no touch with reality. If you try to tell them that what they know and see isn't real, they get violent. And besides, I work the night shift. We don't do therapy, we just have to keep them quiet and make sure they're sleeping. SO the rule is to just get them to comply anyway you can. and besides, with patients like that, saying anything to them isn't going to ahve much of an effect. for disorders like these, drugs are pretty much the only answer.
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Apr 12, 2003 05:33
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quote:CreamCheese came out of the closet to say: I would have posted some, but sadly, I can't upload pics to the forums cause I don't have a platinum account. However, if someone were to be so kind as to gift me with one, I'll gladly edit some pics in.... (/kidding)... (/wellsorta)
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Apr 12, 2003 11:18
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well, I promised it, I can't sleep, so here you go! "Little girl gets anal revenge on innocent orderly" This is a story that was related to me, luckily I wasn't the orderly involved, but it's still funny as hell to think about. On the child/adolescent ward, we used to have this little girl who was a real discipline problem. Actually, most of the patients on that ward were real discipline problems. Either they were beaten too much by their parents or they weren't beat enough. Anyway, this girl was being particularly bad this day so the staff on duty locked her away in the quiet room (that's what we call our padded seclusion cells). She went absolutley apeshit. She was trying to batter down the door with her fists, then her head, then tried to kick the wall down. Basically, she acted like they tossed a chimp into a room all by itself and then lit his nuts on fire. As time passes, she calms down a bit.. well, for her, anyway. She asks if she can use the bathroom, but was denied. (before you all get all angry about cruelty, she had already used the bathroom, and sometimes you need to watch out for patients that try to manipulate you by lying to you. Once you let them get away with one thing, they're very hard to get back under control) She kept complaining about it, so this one orderly on duty gave her the benefit of the doubt, he let her out and told her she had five minutes to do her thing and get back in the quiet room, which she did. She's back in the room, and about 10 more minutes pass when she says she needs to use the bathroom again. Ok, there's no way she can go again, she's lying. The orderly denied her the bathroom, and kept telling her no when she asked. This just escalated the girl more and more. From the way the orderly made it sound, she was doing backflips and spitting up pea soup. Thank god she was in a padded cell. Anyway, this little girl gets real quiet all of a sudden. I mean uncharacteristically quiet. The orderly figures that she's either worn herself out or has decided to calm down for 20 minutes so she can be let out. Time passes and he lets the girl out. When he looked in the quiet room, he saw that the little girl had just poo poo, pissed, and puked ALL OVER THE ROOM. And by all over, I mean that she must have worked up quite a pile of the vile stuff and SMEARED it all over the place. I just thank god that I wasn't the orderly on duty when that happened, I would have just quit.. I don't get paid enough to put up with that kind of poo poo. heh... personally, if I were that girl, I would have made sure to write "I told u i was hardcore" on the wall with my own poo poo.
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Apr 12, 2003 11:58
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quote:Dan came out of the closet to say: actually, the fire department never shows up here. They call us first, and we can usually shut off the alarms if there's no fire. the police department, on the other hand, is another matter. We've had a few patients call 911 and tell the cops that we were force feeding them worms, raping them, and doing all sorts of horrible poo poo. And they always come by EVERY loving TIME. The know we're a MENTAL hospital and they don't bother calling back to check to see if the story's true or not. and what's worse is when they come in, they have their guns with them! We almost had a situation oce where a woman called the cops just so they could come over, and made a grab for the gun. she got the cops there just so she could shoot us all!!! gently caress da police!
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Apr 12, 2003 12:28
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hey, serotonin... you a real psychiatrist? hey, here's an idea! let's find all the goons who are in the mental health profession! it'll be fun... well, not really...
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Apr 12, 2003 12:45
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^^^ this is why my children will have the poo poo beaten out of them regularly... it knocks the stupid right out of them... but seriously, that kind of stuff doesn't really phase me anymore. although it is kinda funny to see the whole "hey, I'm a teenager with low self esteem, I'll say/do stupid poo poo so people will like" behavior mixed in with a good dose of loving NUTS. and don't get me started on the kids who are only there because they had a choice of the hospital of juvenile hall.. those little bastards really make my blood boil
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Apr 12, 2003 13:39
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yeah, sometimes I consider the mental health field to be the most depressing.. expecially at the hospital, where it's all about making money and not about helping people. It really pisses me off when admissions is really happy to see a patient again, especially if it's their 8th admission in three months. It ceases to be at all about helping your fellow man and more like making money for keeping these people off the streets. I mean, poo poo, if that's the way things are now, why not just go back to the days of Bedlam and chaining the patients to the wall and charging people admission to watch them throw food at each other? I guess this is why I was attracted to counseling. the goal is to help people learn how to solve their own problems and not have them depend on you or a prescription to make them feel normal.
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Apr 12, 2003 22:41
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| # ¿ Apr 24, 2024 14:00 |
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quote:Kaji came out of the closet to say: all you need is a bachelor's degree in a related field (mine was in psychology), and a real desire to see the most bizarre poo poo you can think of.
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Apr 13, 2003 08:54
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