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hoodrow trillson
Jul 15, 2001



I found out I was adopted when I was thirteen, but I never cared too much. I consider my adoptive parents to be my "real" parents as much as any non-adopted person would, because they've raised me well and have always been good to me. I never cared about enquiring into who my biological parents were, because as Shaq once said "This man's my father... cuz my biological didn't bother."

Well, two weeks ago I got a letter from a woman saying that she is my biological mother. Her name is Wanda. She's an American, but I was concieved in Ireland during a visit there in 1982. She said she wanted to meet me, because she wanted to tell me not only about herself, but about who my "real" father is. She made it sound as if he was someone of consequence beyond just some dude she'd hosed, and like I'd be shocked and amazed to hear who he was.

Well, I agreed to meet her. She was in SF, but she drove all the way up to Humboldt to see me. I met her at a nice local park. She was a handsome woman about my adoptive mother's age. I had wondered if I'd feel some kind of special connection to her, but honestly, it was just like meeting a stranger, or at best like meeting some distant relation you'd never heard of. I gave her sort of a half-assed hug and we sat down and made awkward small talk for a while. She asked what I was doing with my life, if I were gay (second question she asked, I swear to God), if I was interested in music, stuff like that. She seemed pleased with all my answers, and she occasionally got some tears in her eyes and told me that my dad would have approved. By this time I was really curious as to who my dad was. I think she could tell, so she told me the story.

My father was a man named James McShane, although he went by Jimmy. He was an Irishman. She met him at a club in London in 1980, but he hadn't chatted her up; he was gay. She was drunk and her boyfriend had ditched her. She had no place to go so he took her home with him for the night. The two of them became inseperable friends. She was extremely attracted to him, because he was a charismatic and talented, but of course he could not return her affection. This is where it gets weird. Through some circumstances, I guess it was lots of drugs and alcohol, he gave her a shot one night. They slept together. In the morning he was overcome with guilt and shame, and he couldn't bear to see her anymore. This was a terrible blow to her, but an even more astonishing blow came when she learned she was pregnant. She moved back to SF with her parents, and I was born in October of 1982. Obviously, I was given up for adoption. She went on to become an interior decorator. I'm sure YOU'RE all wondering just who the gently caress Jimmy McShane is now, so I guess I'll tell you.

Baltimora.

Yeah, Baltimora. You might be asking "Who the gently caress is Baltimora." Well, get on Kazaa and download a song called Tarzan Boy. You've heard it a thousand times. It was in some listerine commercial and in lots of movies. You might have seen the video in some 80s flashback thing.

My dad was Baltimora. The guy who sang Tarzan Boy.

gently caress.

He's dead now. He died of AIDS. My biological mother only heard the news two years after it happened.

So, how was your week?

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Lesbian, cancer survivor, anime fan.

hoodrow trillson fucked around with this message at May 13, 2003 around 20:28

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some FUCKING LIAR
Sep 19, 2002



Fallen Rib

Oh god we are never going to let you live this down.

Woah-oh-oh-owowowowowo-oh-oh-oh!


But it's still sort of cool. And hosed up.

PS: Please please please don't pull a Liv Tyler. Unless you're way hot.

Twitch
Apr 15, 2003



How did your adoptive parents take all this?

Not an Anthem
Apr 27, 2003

I'm a fucking pain machine and if you even touch my fucking car I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU.


I want to laugh but my body's too overcome with LOLOMG Shock and Awe(tm) to move. Best pregnancy story I've heard to date.

Fernando
Jun 19, 2001



Write a script about this. Seriously.

some FUCKING LIAR
Sep 19, 2002



Fallen Rib

double post.

hoodrow trillson
Jul 15, 2001



quote:

Twitch came out of the closet to say:
How did your adoptive parents take all this?

I can't figure out a way to tell them. Maybe I'll just play the song 10 times a day till they ask what's up.

Lesbian, cancer survivor, anime fan.

Laopooh
Jul 15, 2000



cool story, i doubt most peoples conception is that interesting/hosed up

PS: so you get any residual homo genes or what??

Acolyte!
Aug 6, 2001

Go! Rocket Kiwi! Go!

That song was the best part of those Listerine commercials.

The Remote Viewer
Jul 9, 2001


Holy poo poo. That's loving awesome.

janklow
Sep 28, 2001

whatever in creation exists without my knowledge exists without my consent.


that is wild, wild stuff

Donnie Darko
Jul 25, 2002


Use your new found power to get on one of the 80's shows on VH1.


That song fit in perfectly in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 movie.

Mouse Dresser
Sep 3, 2002

This isn't Middle Earth, Quentin. There aren't enough noble quests to go around.

Wow.

My dad's name is Robert Smith. One girl once asked me if he was the guy from the Cure, and I said yes.

Heffer
May 1, 2003



1. Impress women with the story. Somehow convince them that your heritage makes you an amazing lover.
2. ???
3. Profit!

KPT
Jul 7, 2002


Congrats, you should follow in the path of your father and become a singer.

hoodrow trillson
Jul 15, 2001



quote:

Alaska came out of the closet to say:
Wow.

My dad's name is Robert Smith. One girl once asked me if he was the guy from the Cure, and I said yes.

My mom's maiden name is Morrissey (adoptive mom)

Lesbian, cancer survivor, anime fan.

Lacool
Jun 18, 2002
ASK ME ABOUT MY DRAGON FUR SUIT BORING YOUTUBE BULLSHIT AND THEN TELL ME TO GET OUT

Wow.

Is it just me, or do you have a lot of drama stories to tell?

hoodrow trillson
Jul 15, 2001



quote:

Lacool came out of the closet to say:
Wow.

Is it just me, or do you have a lot of drama stories to tell?

I do believe this is the first and only drama story I've told on here.

Lesbian, cancer survivor, anime fan.

carcinofuck
Apr 18, 2001
pink floyd still sucks

Is that the one that goes 'woah oh OH-oh oh-oh oh-ohhh oh OH?'

flickr

graedus
Jul 12, 2001
My poor decisions are backed up by :10bux:.

Incredible.

Are you happy that you now know, or would you have preferred to stay in the dark?

Sinister Manskirt
Apr 3, 2003


Wow, that song is kickass, and I guess that makes you kickass by extension. Will you get any money from it?

http://stringman.somanylevels.net

Laporte Fan
Oct 5, 2001

PRAY THAT MY PASTEY WHITE ASS GETS INTO THE C.H.P. OR I WILL HAMMER YOUR CHILD'S FAC

Haha, awesome.

This thread is 100x better if you listen to the song while reading it.

Nit Wit Dog Shit
Sep 28, 2000



Fun Shoe

This is one of those stories you come across once in a while and really don't know how to respond.

Cool?!

gently caress?!

Holy poo poo?!

Holy fucken cool poo poo?!

If anything, it's part of who you are. Don't be afraid to share the story outside of this forum.

Interesting story, though; for sure.

scheissmacht
Oct 23, 2000


Baltimora was gay?:confused::confused:

hoodrow trillson
Jul 15, 2001



quote:

Sinister Manskirt came out of the closet to say:
Wow, that song is kickass, and I guess that makes you kickass by extension. Will you get any money from it?

I can't even begin to imagine how I'd go about making money from it. Sounded to me like he was broke when he died, anyway, and it's not like I own the rights to the song.

Lesbian, cancer survivor, anime fan.

Lacool
Jun 18, 2002
ASK ME ABOUT MY DRAGON FUR SUIT BORING YOUTUBE BULLSHIT AND THEN TELL ME TO GET OUT

quote:

DannyManic came out of the closet to say:


I do believe this is the first and only drama story I've told on here.

Oh, just confusing you with someone else then, nevermind.

Edit: I just downloaded and am currently listening to Tarzan Boy. This needs to become your theme song or something.

Lacool fucked around with this message at May 5, 2003 around 06:06

IRQ
Sep 9, 2001

SUCK A DICK, DUMBSHITS!



downloading now. That's a very interesting story, much more intersting than mine, I have trouble beliving my parents ever shared any love whatsoever.

edit: eh, as 80's pop goes it could be worse, your mom could be cindi lauper or something

edit2: this really is pretty good, you should become a pro-wrestler dressed as tarzan and have this be your opening song dealy.

edit3: MOTHERFUCKING WAIT A SECOND! Listarine used this in LOTS of commercials, as his heir, you are entitiled to royalties yes? Get on that.

IRQ fucked around with this message at May 5, 2003 around 06:20

liquorhead
Jul 10, 2002



Wow, that's wild. We were just looking up whatever happened to that Baltimora guy a few days ago at work.

I remember my sister buying this record and hating it. She always bought stuff like that, and "The NeverEnding Story" by Limahl.

mrWr0ng
Feb 12, 2001

by Lowtax


quote:

Laopooh came out of the closet to say:
cool story, i doubt most peoples conception is that interesting/hosed up :)

PS: so you get any residual homo genes or what??

my guess is that's why his real mom asked if he was gay. she wanted to know if it was nature or nurture.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

sublyme
Mar 21, 2003
lol poker

excellent thread, must be a total trip to find out

5 btw

edit - just listened to the song, OMG YOU ARE THE SPERM FROM THE GUY WHO SANG THIS?!?

VH1 here you come!

Lacool
Jun 18, 2002
ASK ME ABOUT MY DRAGON FUR SUIT BORING YOUTUBE BULLSHIT AND THEN TELL ME TO GET OUT

quote:

liquorhead came out of the closet to say:
I remember my sister buying this record and hating it.

Come now, you'll hurt the boy's feelings!

Frolixo
Jul 17, 2002


WOW.

Danny, I'm glad you finally found out who your father is, but I understand this must be a hard time for you. Just because he was a 80's pop star that dressed like Tarzan, and had random gay orgies with other fanciful men, doesn't diminish the love I'm sure he had for you deep inside.

If you need to talk, aim me, k?

iscariot
Oct 7, 2001


Jungle life
I'm far away from nowhere
On my own like Tarzan Boy
Hide and seek
I play along while rushing cross the forest
Monkey business on a sunny afternoon
Jungle life
I'm living in the open
Native beat that carries on
Burning bright
A fire the blows the signal to the sky
I sit and wonder does the message get to you

Night to night
Gimme the other, gimme the other
chance tonight
Gimme the other, gimme the other
Night to night
Gimme the other, gimme the other world

Jungle life
You're far away from nothing
It's all right
You won't miss home
Take a chance
Leave everything behind you
Come and join me
Won't be sorry
It's easy to survive

Jungle life
We're living in the open
All alone like Tarzan Boy
Hide and seek
We play along while rushing cross the forest
Monkey business on a sunny afternoon

Night to night
Gimme the other, gimme the other
Chance tonight
Oh Yeah
Night to night
Gimme the other, gimme the other
Night to night
You won't play
Night to night
Gimme the other, gimme the other
Chance tonight
Oh Yeah
Night to night
Night to night
Gimme the other, gimme the other

Life is Eat and Die
Apr 15, 2001


I wish I was related to 1980s one hit wonders. Sigh.

http://www.calwong.org

hoodrow trillson
Jul 15, 2001



quote:

Life is Eat and Die came out of the closet to say:
I wish I was related to 1980s one hit wonders. Sigh.

Despite what you'd think, it doesn't actually add any deeper meaning to my existence. I wish I had the video for that song, though.

Lesbian, cancer survivor, anime fan.

liquorhead
Jul 10, 2002



Dude, your pop was on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III soundtrack. How cool is that?

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dl...1&category=1050

SNlPERWOLF
Aug 28, 2002
SHUT THE FUCK UP

YOU HAVE AIDS.

Olin Fnard
Apr 6, 2003


hmmmm, let's review:

Biological dad was famous. Biological mother is handsome. Adoptive parents are cool. You're not gay. Listerine has special meaning for you. Sounds like you won the drat lottery.

hoodrow trillson
Jul 15, 2001



quote:

SNlPERWOLF came out of the closet to say:
YOU HAVE AIDS.

I don't think that's how it works :rolleyes:

Also, I'm sort of ashamed that my DAD's soundtrack is only fetching 99 cents on Ebay.

It seems way too weird to call him that. Dad. Baltimora. Baltimora is my dad.

Lesbian, cancer survivor, anime fan.

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Jadius
May 12, 2001

FISSION MAILED!

This song?

That's really sad and really neat all at the same time.

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