A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

I dunno OP, get a cow. Or a buffalo.

Applewhite posted:

Legit looking into this now. Thanks!

The Dregs posted:

One of my neighbors asked my wife to not let our kids blow on dandelion because it spreads seeds. Why the gently caress do people hate dandelions?? They're pretty and edible and they're my son's bearded dragon's all time fave food. So now the kids get one (1) jelly bean every time they manage to locate and launch a ripe dandelion.

AEMINAL posted:

Thread need more lawn pics

ghlbtsk posted:

Applewhite posted:

I wanted to get a goat but my wife doesn't want it pooping everywhere.

boom boom boom posted:

promis her you'll clean the poop every week, then don't

ghlbtsk posted:

ghlbtsk posted:

Business Gorillas posted:

i dont like lawns, i want a nice apartment in the city

B.H. Facials posted:

If you want a low maintenance lawn just get zoysia plugs.

LOVE LOVE SKELETON posted:

Bonsai Grass.

give it a second, just let it sink in. i think i've got a winner here.

Applewhite posted:

A lawn completely covered in bonsai trees?

Applewhite posted:

I wanted to get a goat but my wife doesn't want it pooping everywhere.

Applewhite posted:

I wanted to get a goat but my wife doesn't want it pooping everywhere.

Volume posted:

On Friday I was when up at the crack of non by my neighbor to the east mowing his lawn. Saturday be mowed it again. Sunday he mowed it again. Today he's out there yet again mowing. Idgi

ghlbtsk posted:

Dave_Indeed posted:

I'm not an rear end in a top hat.

Dave_Indeed posted:

I loving love lawns.

Dave_Indeed posted:

The only time I have ever seriously injured my back was from trying to pull weeds out of a ditch because the dumb whore that owned my house before me put a garden in a loving DRAINAGE SWALE.

Dave_Indeed posted:

I cleared the brush out of my woods and used it for more fuckin' yard.

Dave_Indeed posted:

Clover lawns look like a poo poo butt.

This local hippy got owned by the township for having a "natural habitat" for a front lawn. They labeled the property a nuisance and made her cut it, but she was crying in the news paper about not wanting to run over snakes and groundhogs. Everyone voted and decided she was fuckin dumb and needs to shutup before we kick her rear end though.

Utz posted:

Yeah you are.





gently caress YOU

Utz posted:

Yeah you are.





gently caress YOU

The Dregs posted:

One of my neighbors asked my wife to not let our kids blow on dandelion because it spreads seeds. Why the gently caress do people hate dandelions?? They're pretty and edible and they're my son's bearded dragon's all time fave food. So now the kids get one (1) jelly bean every time they manage to locate and launch a ripe dandelion.

Fitzy Fitz posted:

My neighbor really owned me with her lawn yesterday. The weather was really nice and I was taking a nap out back, so the old lady next door decided to get her POS chitty chitty bang bang of a lawnmower out and run over her backyard that is 90% rocks and sticks. It's only the second time I've ever known her to mow her lawn, so I'm pretty sure it was personal but I have no idea why.

The Skeleton King posted:

Here in Arizona yards come in 4 forms. There is also a fifth form that is unique to the mountains up in northern Arizona.

1. "Traditional" yards. Some neighborhoods have HOAs that force you to maintain a yard with grass and lovely plants, because God forbid that anyone show any kind of free will and have a house that looks different from the 600+ other homes around it. Of course, since grass and most bushes and trees used in yards are not native to Arizona, and thus incapable of surviving our 350 days or the year where there will be no rain at all, your water bill will increase exponentially and the plants will likely die anyway. You will have to mow your lawn and trim bushes and trees year round, because there are no seasons here, only summer and slightly cooler summer. People die here every year while doing yard work in the summer due to heatstroke.

2. Gravel yards. A lot of people around here have realized that grass is loving bullshit and instead cover their yard in gravel. On small yards it can look just fine if you mix in large rocks and some native plants. Unfortunately people here tend to be white trash losers who cover their half acre properties with gravel, including their back yards, and have no plants. It looks terrible and manages to make this place somehow look even more desolate than it usually is. It is also a loving oval office when you are stupid and let weeds grow, because now the gravel blocks all of your weed removing tools. Gravel also makes your yard unusable for anything during the few months where you can survive outside.

3. Old, rural style yards. Arizona used to be populated mostly by ranchers and farmers who owned vast properties. Some of the oldest neighborhoods still stay true to the old rural style of small houses with very simple yards. They usually have large yards that are covered in some kind of grass that is really low maintenance. I don't know what kind of grass it is but it is way better than the poo poo you see in most lawns. These homes usually also have huge, beautiful trees that provide excellent shade and make the yard usable all year long, even in the middle of summer. Some of the oldest neighborhoods even have irrigation ditches. These areas are really nice and I envy them for being better than all of the lovely modern houses.

4. Natural landscape. In outer suburbs like Apache Junction you will see a lot of old houses on private streets. These houses are usually owned by ranchers who prefer the natural scenery of Arizona. The yards are usually uneven dirt and gravel landscapes covered by Arizona's native desert plants which include bushes and small trees that perpetually look like they are dead, as well as cacti. Cacti come in many forms, such as our famous Saguaro cactus, which can stand up to 20 feet tall and is a favorite habitat for many birds, including the occasional owl! There is also the drum cactus which grows into a simple ball shape with long needles that aren't actually as bad as they look since they are softer and less pokey than other cacti. And then you have the cholla cactus and its relatives. Cholla-type cacti all have one thing in common, which is that they will grow segments that will break off and roll onto the ground, where they will become a diabolical trap that will punish anything that comes near. If you see a cholla cactus, you have likely already stepped on one of those spikeballs, which will pierce your shoe and will lodge needles into your hands when you try to remove it.
Anyway these yards are actually not all that bad since they look natural and require zero maintenance and does not harm the environment.

5.If you are lucky and live in northern Arizona, you can just leave your yard as it is because it will already have wild grass and pine trees. Houses in these areas are usually nice, built with brick or made to look like a cabin. Sadly there are still those undesirable shitheads who believe that the world is their playground and wipe out forest for the usual suburban abominations. These people deserve nothing but death. I hate them, and I want to kill them all. Sadly I have only one life and don't want to waste it fighting a battle that I cannot win, so I won't hurt anyone.


Fuckers.

ghlbtsk posted:

Applewhite posted:

"Hurr durr, what if it were the fashion for every house were surrounded by plants you had to cut short and tend every weekend? You've been working hard at your job all week, so of course the first thing you want to do on your day off is sweat like a pig pushing a loud machine around for hours. DUrrrrr *shits pants*" -The jackass who invented lawns.