ASoIaF: A Song of Ice and Fire: George Rail Road Martin

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > ASoIaF: A Song of Ice and Fire: George Rail Road Martin

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syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

I contributed to infesting the YOSPOS current job status thread with ASOIAF nonsense and it's somewhere between severely annoyed and using seven hells of spoiler tags.

I am a terrible monster.

# ? Aug 5, 2013 19:50

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 21:06

mkay0: Nov 7, 2003; I crawled the earth, but now I'm higher
2010, watch it go to fire

Gygaxian posted:

Another terrible bit I noticed are the "Reek" chapters. Good lord, they're basically torture porn. It's disgusting. The Gurm seems to revel in these chapters. And speaking of that, I used to like the Boltons as an dark foil to the Starks, but after reading the Reek chapters, and learning about how Roose Bolton apparently has screaming faces for his shoulderplates, I couldn't take the Boltons seriously anymore. I mean, sure, I could understand the flayed man theme, that's what the Boltons do, after all. And other houses have sillier symbols. And I could even understand the "creepy medieval Richard Simmons with leeches" vibe from the Leech Lord. But the "we're obviously evil, even in this setting" bits are ridiculous, with the aforementioned screaming faces shoulderplates and Ramsay being the dumbest serial killer character I've seen in fantasy. I can't treat the Boltons seriously, and Gurm seems to have a voyueristic streak with "Reek".

Reek is far and away my favorite part of Dance. I'm sure it's unbearable if you don't like those chapters.

# ? Aug 5, 2013 20:10

captain platypus: Aug 30, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER

mkay0 posted:

Reek is far and away my favorite part of Dance. I'm sure it's unbearable if you don't like those chapters.

Bran was mine, but yeah. The North stuff is the best part, imo.

# ? Aug 5, 2013 20:23

Woodpile: Mar 30, 2013

ADWD peaked with Slynt's execution for me. After that, it was 800 pages of being rousted right out of the story by serjeants and the damned alarums. Words are wind. Very boring and awkward wind.

# ? Aug 5, 2013 21:16

rypakal: Oct 31, 2012; He also cooks the food of his people

I don't remember disliking most of Feast/Dance (apart from the iron islands and dorne, of course). I just remember being annoyed that nothing happened. But goddamn Storm had like 6 decent scenes that could have been climaxes to an entire book. I realize George kept expanding the story, but did he have a heart attack while writing Storm? It's like he got all of his ideas out at once.

Doing my re-read, now I'm at the part where Roose sends Jaime to KL. How is it I didn't recognize he had betrayed Robb by this point? If not for that obvious fact, there's all the mentions of duskendale.

# ? Aug 5, 2013 21:24

PittTheElder: Feb 13, 2012; Yes, it's like a lava lamp.

When I was reading all that stuff about Duskendale, I figured Roose was up to something, and would eventually make some sort of power play against Robb. It never occurred to me he was actually working with the other side.

# ? Aug 5, 2013 21:36

SaviourX: Sep 30, 2003; The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.

AtAt-de-fay posted:

After that, it was 800 pages of being rousted right out of the story by serjeants and the damned alarums.

Of all the bad things in the book, alternate spellings got to you? Do you feel the same about gaol or mum? Tyre or aluminium?

# ? Aug 5, 2013 23:42

Blade_of_tyshalle: Jul 12, 2009; If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.

I prefer made-up words to alt-spellings, myself. It can be really distracting if you're a nitpicky person.

# ? Aug 5, 2013 23:48

Woodpile: Mar 30, 2013

SaviourX posted:

Of all the bad things in the book, alternate spellings got to you? Do you feel the same about gaol or mum? Tyre or aluminium?

Much and more bothered me, true. But they were the straw that stroked the camel's sack.

# ? Aug 5, 2013 23:58

FrozenVent: May 1, 2009; The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > ADWD-The straw that stroked the camel's sack.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 00:30

PittTheElder: Feb 13, 2012; Yes, it's like a lava lamp.

SaviourX posted:

Of all the bad things in the book, alternate spellings got to you? Do you feel the same about gaol or mum? Tyre or aluminium?

Aluminium is the correct spelling.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 01:44

rawdog pozfail: Jan 2, 2006; by Ralp

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

I prefer made-up words to alt-spellings, myself. It can be really distracting if you're a nitpicky person.

Audiobook supremacy.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 01:54

Mo_Steel: Mar 7, 2008; Let's Clock Into The Sunset Together; Fun Shoe

keiran_helcyan posted:

The theme of this series is failure. Everyone and their plans will end in complete and utter failure. GRRM is playing the long troll.

I only just now caught up on the series but Arya / Cat / No One / Ugly Girl seems to be doing well. I think she's going to have a happy ending.

_{Please GRRM.} :ohdear:

# ? Aug 6, 2013 02:01

Torquemadras: Jun 3, 2013

Gygaxian posted:

On the plus side, GRR Martin's terrible writing in this book makes me feel better about my own writing.

You're just jealous of GRRM's utter command of sexual metaphors. :colbert:

...also, I would never stop laughing through the entirety of the book if we get a Ramsay POV. I think he's actually got quite some character for someone obviously intended to be incredibly, disgustingly sadistic. Just imagine - pages upon pages of smouldering rage and unresolved daddy issues and distracting himself with fun torture & games, all while being utterly oblivious to the fact that probably all Northmen, ESPECIALLY his allies, want him dead for being too drat evil.
Would actually be a kick-rear end prologue or epilogue chapter. GRRM could go against expectations by having such a character meet a reasonable fate: be killed because everybody knows he's a loving psychopath. Because supervillains could only stay alive if they're Littlefinger. Roose kinda foreshadowed something like that when he scolds Ramsay...

I can hope, can't I?

# ? Aug 6, 2013 02:05

syscall girl: Nov 7, 2009; by FactsAreUseless; Fun Shoe

Torquemadras posted:

You're just jealous of GRRM's utter command of sexual metaphors.

...also, I would never stop laughing through the entirety of the book if we get a Ramsay POV. I think he's actually got quite some character for someone obviously intended to be incredibly, disgustingly sadistic. Just imagine - pages upon pages of smouldering rage and unresolved daddy issues and distracting himself with fun torture & games, all while being utterly oblivious to the fact that probably all Northmen, ESPECIALLY his allies, want him dead for being too drat evil.
Would actually be a kick-rear end prologue or epilogue chapter. GRRM could go against expectations by having such a character meet a reasonable fate: be killed because everybody knows he's a loving psychopath. Because supervillains could only stay alive if they're Littlefinger. Roose kinda foreshadowed something like that when he scolds Ramsay...

I can hope, can't I?

Hope in one hand, Khaleesi in the other. See which fills up first.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 02:09

p.crestmont: Feb 17, 2012

Torquemadras posted:

You're just jealous of GRRM's utter command of sexual metaphors.

...also, I would never stop laughing through the entirety of the book if we get a Ramsay POV. I think he's actually got quite some character for someone obviously intended to be incredibly, disgustingly sadistic. Just imagine - pages upon pages of smouldering rage and unresolved daddy issues and distracting himself with fun torture & games, all while being utterly oblivious to the fact that probably all Northmen, ESPECIALLY his allies, want him dead for being too drat evil.
Would actually be a kick-rear end prologue or epilogue chapter. GRRM could go against expectations by having such a character meet a reasonable fate: be killed because everybody knows he's a loving psychopath. Because supervillains could only stay alive if they're Littlefinger. Roose kinda foreshadowed something like that when he scolds Ramsay...

I can hope, can't I?

I'm hoping this is the prologue chapter, titled THE BASTARD

Then chapter one, AEGON

syscall girl posted:

Hope in one hand, Khaleesi in the other. See which fills up first.

Khaleesi hand is already full

# ? Aug 6, 2013 02:20

Talas: Aug 27, 2005

p.crestmont posted:

Khaleesi hand is already full

Yeah, with diarrhea :shrek:

# ? Aug 6, 2013 02:33

captain platypus: Aug 30, 2009; THUNDERDOME LOSER

p.crestmont posted:

I'm hoping this is the prologue chapter, titled THE BASTARD

Then chapter one, AEGON

Khaleesi hand is already full

I think he's confirmed that there are no more POV characters. So chapter one, JON, but lol wrong Jon.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 02:52

HaitianDivorce: Jul 29, 2012

captain platypus posted:

I think he's confirmed that there are no more POV characters. So chapter one, JON, but lol wrong Jon.

Pfft. Like he confirmed Dance would be out in a year. Nothing's confirmed until the fat man writes the drat book.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 03:01

p.crestmont: Feb 17, 2012

captain platypus posted:

I think he's confirmed that there are no more POV characters. So chapter one, JON, but lol wrong Jon.

I know

, but I'm hoping he changes his mind like an absolute fucker.

e:

Talas posted:

Yeah, with diarrhea

Much and more.

p.crestmont fucked around with this message at 03:24 on Aug 6, 2013

# ? Aug 6, 2013 03:20

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

I mean, do you even realize how hot the Sand Snakes are? Like, smoking. Literally - their sweaty bosoms are misty with Dorne steam.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 03:37

Gus Hobbleton: Dec 30, 2003; Can't post for 3 years!

captain platypus posted:

I think he's confirmed that there are no more POV characters. So chapter one, JON, but lol wrong Jon.

What does that mean, that all the POV characters in the new books will be entirely new characters, or characters that haven't had POVs before, or that he is going to some sort of third person omniscient narration style?

# ? Aug 6, 2013 04:21

Chinston Wurchill: Jun 27, 2010; It's not that kind of test.

Gus Hobbleton posted:

What does that mean, that all the POV characters in the new books will be entirely new characters, or characters that haven't had POVs before, or that he is going to some sort of third person omniscient narration style?

There will allegedly be no new POV characters (aside from the pro/epilogue ones I assume).

# ? Aug 6, 2013 04:24

jsoh: Mar 24, 2007; O Muhammad, I seek your intercession with my Lord for the return of my eyesight

The rest of the books will be stream of conciousness exposition from the children of the forest, to bran, while they are having sex in front of him, with the three eyed crow saying "play with her arse"

# ? Aug 6, 2013 04:24

Blade_of_tyshalle: Jul 12, 2009; If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.

The rest of the series will be in screenplay format. Much easier to simply put

code:

EXT. MEREEN - DAY

DAENERYS is wearing a beautiful dress unlike anything you've
ever seen before.

               DANY
       Ser Jorah, I demand more
       food. My breasts are
       swollen and my lover,
       Daario, must needs feed
       from them.

JORAH places a butterstick in DANY's mouth. She chews, a look
of sublime pleasure on her face.

              JORAH
       It is known.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 04:32

Gus Hobbleton: Dec 30, 2003; Can't post for 3 years!

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

The rest of the series will be in screenplay format. Much easier to simply put

code:

EXT. MEREEN - DAY

DAENERYS is wearing a beautiful dress unlike anything you've
ever seen before.

               DANY
       Ser Jorah, I demand more
       food. My breasts are
       swollen and my lover,
       Daario, must needs feed
       from them.

JORAH places a butterstick in DANY's mouth. She chews, a look
of sublime pleasure on her face.

              JORAH
       It is known.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 04:34

Saeka: Jul 2, 2007; I'm a man that loves the simple things. Sunhats. Boba. Dresses.

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

The rest of the series will be in screenplay format. Much easier to simply put

code:

EXT. MEREEN - DAY

DAENERYS is wearing a beautiful dress unlike anything you've
ever seen before.

               DANY
       Ser Jorah, I demand more
       food. My breasts are
       swollen and my lover,
       Daario, must needs feed
       from them.

JORAH places a butterstick in DANY's mouth. She chews, a look
of sublime pleasure on her face.

              JORAH
       It is known.

Oh my god, what?!

# ? Aug 6, 2013 05:15

SaviourX: Sep 30, 2003; The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt.

Didn't capitalize the DRESS or BREASTS or BUTTERSTICK, like most IMPORTANT OBJECTS. :cmonson:

# ? Aug 6, 2013 05:54

Josuke Higashikata: Mar 7, 2013

The Northern bits are the best bits of Dance, and large parts of it are because they show how loving awesome Stannis is.
That book would be terrible without Stan.
This series would be actually, let's not gently caress around.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 08:41

kcroy: May 30, 2002; by Nyc_Tattoo

I_Socom posted:

Hang on, is the word she shouts not "Jaime"? What other theories are there?

SSSSSsssssss.....

Because I'm guessing its prtty loving hard to yell anything when your entire freakish man-weight is being borne by your loving neck.

ShaqDiesel posted:

Do you think maybe Dany's making GBS threads and Tyrion's sewer maintenance abilities will come together to somehow defeat Others/win Iron Throne/feed GURM perversion?

Not to mention one hell of a spinoff Sim style game:

Tyrion's Towers! YOU are a young Tyrion Lannister, a noble dwarf with a most ignoble task. Can you keep the bowels of Casterly Rock from overflowing... and earn your critical Father's respect? They say the Lannisters *&!X gold.. here's your chance to find out! Based on real life waste management techniques from around the world!

Bulletproof Tiger posted:

I still subscribe to the theory that he sold his soul to the devil to create the best fantasy trilogy ever, but then he got greedy and thought that he could stretch it out to 7 books and still count as a trilogy. It explains so much.

YEEEESSSSSSssssssss.....

keiran_helcyan posted:

His plan wasn't even that impressive. After AFFC people acted like old man Martell was this super badass for plotting out some elaborate revenge scheme against those who wronged him. When in realty he just sat around stewing on his gouty rear end for 16 years before enacting his great scheme: send your heir through pirate infested lands with minimal protection to offer to marry a Targ that he knows virtually nothing about. And then...something.

man - thanks for bursting that bubble for me. Yeah I guess he didn't really do poo poo did he. I mean who did he even make a "Deal" with. Some fat old pirate who sold off the daughter anyway?

Mo_Steel posted:

I only just now caught up on the series but Arya / Cat / No One / Ugly Girl seems to be doing well. I think she's going to have a happy ending.

Uhm, shes going to be sent to kill Jon or Sansa. Sorry

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

The rest of the series will be in screenplay format. Much easier to simply put

code:

EXT. MEREEN - DAY

DAENERYS is wearing a beautiful dress unlike anything you've
ever seen before.

               DANY
       Ser Jorah, I demand more
       food. My breasts are
       swollen and my lover,
       Daario, must needs feed
       from them.

JORAH places a butterstick in DANY's mouth. She chews, a look
of sublime pleasure on her face.

              JORAH
       It is known.

cant stop laughing.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 09:06

Alhazred: Feb 16, 2011

Aurain posted:

The Northern bits are the best bits of Dance, and large parts of it are because they show how loving awesome ~~Stannis~~ Manderly is.

Fixed the post for you.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 16:47

mkay0: Nov 7, 2003; I crawled the earth, but now I'm higher
2010, watch it go to fire

Alhazred posted:

Fixed the post for you.

Manderly owns, no doubt.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 18:20

Plutonis: Mar 25, 2011

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

The rest of the series will be in screenplay format. Much easier to simply put

code:

EXT. MEREEN - DAY

DAENERYS is wearing a beautiful dress unlike anything you've
ever seen before.

               DANY
       Ser Jorah, I demand more
       food. My breasts are
       swollen and my lover,
       Daario, must needs feed
       from them.

JORAH places a butterstick in DANY's mouth. She chews, a look
of sublime pleasure on her face.

              JORAH
       It is known.

You may joke but this will def be what HBO will use for the Winds of Winter tv series in 20XX

# ? Aug 6, 2013 18:23

Anders: Nov 8, 2004; I'd rather score...

... but I'll grind it good for you

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

The rest of the series will be in screenplay format. Much easier to simply put

code:

EXT. MEREEN - DAY

DAENERYS is wearing a beautiful dress unlike anything you've
ever seen before.

               DANY
       Ser Jorah, I demand more
       food. My breasts are
       swollen and my lover,
       Daario, must needs feed
       from them.

JORAH places a butterstick in DANY's mouth. She chews, a look
of sublime pleasure on her face.

              JORAH
       It is known.

Actual note given to the producers at HBO from GURM as the secret conclusion of the series in case [read: when] they overtake him.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 18:29

Urdnot Fire: Feb 13, 2012

Victarion's chapters were probably my favorites in ADWD, though they felt like they belonged in a much different (better in some ways?) series.

Alhazred posted:

Fixed the post for you.

He was not wrong.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 18:32

Alhazred: Feb 16, 2011

Urdnot Fire posted:

He was not wrong.

He was. Manderly gets poo poo done (except for literally I guess) and is the only one who dare to openly sass the Boltons. Stannis is a humorless rear end in a top hat who decided to attack the North when it was winter.

quote:

Victarion's chapters were probably my favorites in ADWD, though they felt like they belonged in a much different (better in some ways?) series.

Have to say I wasn't a huge fan of the adventures of Captain Misogyne.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 18:52

Joramun: Dec 1, 2011; No man has need of candles when the Sun awaits him.

In terms of tier lists, Victarion is obviously the top tier POV character in ADWD (like Metaknight in SSB Brawl). Followed by Cersei, Barristan, Bran and Arya.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 19:02

Torquemadras: Jun 3, 2013

Alhazred posted:

Have to say I wasn't a huge fan of the adventures of Captain Misogyne.

I love Victarion. Before he appeared, we only got little glimpses of what being an Ironborn is all about. Then, suddenly, Balon's dead, Euron is crowned, and then the craziest goddamn viking knight rear end in a top hat starts chopping up people on a goddamn boat. Suddenly, you can imagine just how ridiculously awesome and fearsome the Ironborn are at their best. Victarion's a deranged, bloodthirsty reaper who considers himself honorable even though he beat his own wife to death. He's entertaining as hell.

Believe it or not, I think the most deplorable characters of GRRM are actually some of the most entertaining to read. Rock on, you crazy viking. Until you inevitably get betrayed by Euron because you're a dumb gently caress.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 20:36

savinhill: Mar 28, 2010

I liked Victarion too because it was refreshing reading a POV that was just so decisive and got poo poo done after reading so many other chapters where either a character was having command problems and had to agonize over every decision made or were being held captive by someone else and had no agency of their own.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 20:53

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 21:06

Urdnot Fire: Feb 13, 2012

Besides, Victarion is just too over-the-top to be that offended by. Especially when you consider the much worse misogyny aimed (mostly by the fandom) at Sansa and Catelyn.

And I wasn't decrying Manderly in the slightest (words are wind), he was one of the few other shining parts of ADWD after all.

# ? Aug 6, 2013 21:03

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > ASoIaF: A Song of Ice and Fire: George Rail Road Martin

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