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Dunban posted:CD magnet/clear the wings player Thats our Jozy.
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Apr 5, 2014 22:24
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The only wings he's clearing are the chicken wings off his plate What I'm saying is he's fat.
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Apr 5, 2014 22:31
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My favorite Big Soccer theory right now is that teetotaling Jozy won't go out drinking with Bardsley and the lads on Tuesday nights, which is why they won't give him the service he needs to score goals.
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Apr 5, 2014 23:36
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trem_two posted:My favorite Big Soccer theory right now is that teetotaling Jozy won't go out drinking with Bardsley and the lads on Tuesday nights, which is why they won't give him the service he needs to score goals. I saw that, it is some amazing illuminati stuff
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Apr 5, 2014 23:38
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Mods rename me This team, sadly, grabbed the wrong P. They needed a Tony P. Or some other plugger. They needed to stop the bleeding, bar fight for ties and pray for wins. Work toward a table tie with one of the two other teams not named Fulham and Cardiff that have worse GD than them.
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Apr 5, 2014 23:46
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CD Magnet: The CD stands for Chocolate Digestives.
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Apr 6, 2014 00:06
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vaginal culture posted:At one point, for a game or two, Poyet seemed to be OK with Jozy as a CD magnet/clear the wings player who he was happy to allow to dish off to Borini, Johnson, Ki etc opening space for middies who like to shoot and can even sometimes score. JESUS CHRIST
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Apr 6, 2014 00:43
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chuggo is BACK posted:JESUS CHRIST That's why he gets the big bucks, Chuggo.
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Apr 6, 2014 00:48
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middles, marking backs
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Apr 6, 2014 00:54
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bar fight for ties
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Apr 6, 2014 01:09
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Maybe if Jozy "loved the ball" a little more he wouldn't have the first touch of a rapist
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Apr 6, 2014 02:15
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Jermaine Dildoe posted:middles, marking backs Look closer. They're 'middies'
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Apr 6, 2014 02:27
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vaginal culture posted:At one point, for a game or two, Poyet seemed to be OK with Jozy as a CD magnet/clear the wings player who he was happy to allow to dish off to Borini, Johnson, Ki etc opening space for middies who like to shoot and can even sometimes score. Literally nothing is Jozy's fault
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Apr 6, 2014 03:14
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Bogan Krkic posted:Look closer. They're 'middies' Coincidentally, middies is also the colloquial name Jozy's trainer uses for the meal that traditionally comes between brunch and lunch.
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Apr 6, 2014 04:08
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Jozy grabbed the wrong P, you guys.
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Apr 6, 2014 04:37
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vyelkin posted:This team, sadly, grabbed the wrong P. They needed a Tony P. Or some other plugger. https://vine.co/v/MeaB03x7JWA
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Apr 6, 2014 05:14
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After intense analysis of the numbers, I have found that Jozy Altidore's contribution to sunderland (3.5% of its total goals scored) is slightly better than Mohamed Salah's contribution to Chelsea (3%). Therefore, Jozy Altidore is better than Salah at Football.
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Apr 6, 2014 05:28
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J Hume posted:Jozy grabbed the wrong P, you guys. Ugh, no need for these  in here for ~reasons~
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Apr 6, 2014 05:56
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Concerned Citizen posted:After intense analysis of the numbers, I have found that Jozy Altidore's contribution to sunderland (3.5% of its total goals scored) is slightly better than Mohamed Salah's contribution to Chelsea (3%). Therefore, Jozy Altidore is better than Salah at Football. This is now the only stat that matters.
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Apr 6, 2014 08:26
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Dunban posted:CD magnet/clear the wings player Jozy is a loving fridge magnet
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Apr 6, 2014 10:15
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Timbers Jim posted:Jozy is a loving magnet fridge
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Apr 6, 2014 10:50
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he fat
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Apr 6, 2014 10:52
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jazzyhattrick posted:CD Magnet: The CD stands for Chocolate Digestives. Cardiac Defibrillator, the medical staff realise he's a ticking time bomb.
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Apr 6, 2014 10:54
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Timbers Jim posted:Jozy is a loving fridge magnet But he keeps falling down, he's not even good at that
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Apr 6, 2014 12:30
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Jozy is a loving disgrace
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Apr 6, 2014 12:48
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the sex ghost posted:Jozy is a loving disgrace
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Apr 6, 2014 13:32
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Shrapnig posted:That's why he gets the big bucks, Chuggo. He won't if they don't get a table tie.
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Apr 6, 2014 13:32
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Imagine if the hope of your nation at the next world cup was Jozy Altidore. Jozy loving Altidore. Christ.
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Apr 6, 2014 13:35
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tetsman posted:But he keeps falling down, he's not even good at that Lol
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Apr 6, 2014 13:36
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El Jebus posted:This is now the only stat that matters. Here's another one for you: Jozy Altidore has scored one (1) Premier League goal against Chelsea. Combined, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Falcao, and Edinson Cavani have scored zero (0) Premier League goals against Chelsea. Jozy Altidore is therefore an infinitely better player than all three of them put together.
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Apr 6, 2014 13:48
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Has Jozy entered the pantheon of worst premiership strikers yet?
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Apr 6, 2014 15:21
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MoPZiG posted:Has Jozy entered the pantheon of worst premiership strikers yet? yeah, in hull
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Apr 6, 2014 15:29
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MoPZiG posted:Has Jozy entered the pantheon of worst premiership strikers yet? Jozy is a monotheist
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Apr 6, 2014 15:31
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belgend posted:yeah, in hull Wasnt that a loan deal from Villareal? The investment in him this time was Alfonso Alves-esque...
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Apr 6, 2014 15:34
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please try and list any and all instances of Jozy missing “sitters”. the most talked about one (actually the only one close to a sitter) was Jozy’s attempt to hit a deflected shot steering quickly wide of the goal that he missed (december 28th vs Cardiff City). that wasnt really even a sitter because A) it was a deflection from a prior shot and B) the speed it came off the GKs gloves made it terribly difficult to hit it, it was just out of his reach. to see a real sitter google “Dzeko sitter vs stoke”. Thats a sitter. a pass right to feet that isn’t converted. aka the definition of a sitter “a failed attempt that is easier to score than to miss.” Jozy’s vs Cardiff City was a difficult try at a rebound goal with a lot of pace. Dzeko’s was a direct ground cross that he mishit. It’s amazing how fast the Jozy hate snowballs…. people read a comment about Jozy “missing a sitter” and it becomes “Jozy misses sitters all the time…….” either watch the games for yourself or listen to the people who have watched 85%+ of Sunderlands games. Ive missed about 3 games this season and Jozy doesnt miss sitters. he should have scored more, sure, but its not from missing sitters. its a combination of GK saves, bad crosses, not being selfish enough to turn and shoot, mids not passing to him on a run and shooting from distance instead, etc, etc…….
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Apr 6, 2014 15:40
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The American soccer media and American soccer fans have been heavily criticizing Jozy Altidore throughout the 2013-2014 EPL season. As World Soccer Source covered last August after Jozy Altidore’s impressive hat trick against Bosnia and Herzegovina, Altidore’s technical ability, finishing, and movement off the ball have matched his athleticism and physique, and the criticism of Altidore’s scoring drought with Sunderland fails to understand how a striker’s success and goal-scoring is dependent on the passing and quality of service of his teammates. Certainly, strikers shouldn’t require all of their goals to be laid on a silver plater for them to score, but their teammates need to be able to maintain possession and provide enough service to the striker or strikers in the final third. Despite, Sunderland’s poor quality of play, Altidore is still a striker that the United States is lucky to have because the United States didn’t have strikers like him in the past. Altidore is a two-footed, fast, strong, quick, and tall Number 9 that is also good with his head. For the purposes of the USA national team, Altidore is a striker that can slip behind defenders with his speed and he can finish with both feet, in addition to being a more technical and creative player than he gets credit for, and this technical-skill, creativity, and combination play is more evident when Altidore is partnered with a second striker or when Landon Donovan and Clint Dempsey are used as wings with the freedom to float behind him. If Altidore is deployed up top with attacking midfielders that can keep possession, provide him with finals balls, and combine with him, then he won’t be stranded up top where he sees little of the ball. Regardless of what happened at Sunderland this past season, the fact hasn’t changed that Altidore is a striker that not only has the physical gifts to stretch defenses and make them run and battle, but Altidore is also a striker with cultivated technical skills that allow him to score from the run of play or with him taking free kicks or being the target of balls played by other free kick and dead ball takers. Unlike basketball where one player has more of an ability to take over a game due to the smaller size of the playing area, soccer is played on a very large field that demands quality team passing for strikers to really have any chance of getting in scoring positions. A striker can certainly create scoring chances by himself provided that he is within some reasonable distance from the goal, but a striker that doesn’t get enough touches on the ball or receive the ball in the final third is normally doomed to going scoreless. The bigger problem with the United States Men’s National Team is the poor collective team passing and poor collective technical quality with the exception of about five players. Altidore has strengthened the areas of his game which needed improvement, which were his technical ability, his movement off the ball, and his willingness to take on defenders and go straight to goal. It’s the responsibility of Jürgen Klinsmann to field a Starting XI that can keep possession and provide Jozy Altidore with enough service and touches in the final third.
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Apr 6, 2014 15:47
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tetsman posted:please try and list any and all instances of Jozy missing “sitters”. the most talked about one (actually the only one close to a sitter) was Jozy’s attempt to hit a deflected shot steering quickly wide of the goal that he missed (december 28th vs Cardiff City). that wasnt really even a sitter because A) it was a deflection from a prior shot and B) the speed it came off the GKs gloves made it terribly difficult to hit it, it was just out of his reach. to see a real sitter google “Dzeko sitter vs stoke”. Thats a sitter. a pass right to feet that isn’t converted. aka the definition of a sitter “a failed attempt that is easier to score than to miss.” Jozy’s vs Cardiff City was a difficult try at a rebound goal with a lot of pace. Dzeko’s was a direct ground cross that he mishit. Is this a real post
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Apr 6, 2014 15:47
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trem_two posted:My favorite Big Soccer theory right now is that teetotaling Jozy won't go out drinking with Bardsley and the lads on Tuesday nights, which is why they won't give him the service he needs to score goals. lol incredible, absolute crackpot theory stuff
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Apr 6, 2014 15:50
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he should have scored more, sure, but its not from missing sitters. its a combination of GK saves, bad crosses, not being selfish enough to turn and shoot, mids not passing to him on a run and shooting from distance instead, etc, etc…….
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Apr 6, 2014 15:52
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tetsman posted:please try and list any and all instances of Jozy missing “sitters”. the most talked about one (actually the only one close to a sitter) was Jozy’s attempt to hit a deflected shot steering quickly wide of the goal that he missed (december 28th vs Cardiff City). that wasnt really even a sitter because A) it was a deflection from a prior shot and B) the speed it came off the GKs gloves made it terribly difficult to hit it, it was just out of his reach. to see a real sitter google “Dzeko sitter vs stoke”. Thats a sitter. a pass right to feet that isn’t converted. aka the definition of a sitter “a failed attempt that is easier to score than to miss.” Jozy’s vs Cardiff City was a difficult try at a rebound goal with a lot of pace. Dzeko’s was a direct ground cross that he mishit. I didn't know doobie followed football.
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Apr 6, 2014 15:55
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