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ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:Two votes for 12th Man because they made it almost impossible for me to enjoy a team winning their first Super Bowl. The funny thing is, literally (not figuratively) every single Seahawks fan up here that I know doesn't really like it either. Marketing 
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May 13, 2014 01:27
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Duke Chin posted:The funny thing is, literally (not figuratively) every single Seahawks fan up here that I know doesn't really like it either. Every time I get annoyed by the Seahawks' hyper aggressive marketing, I just remind myself they're basically the same people who do the job for Microsoft (sometimes literally). It becomes less of a teeth grating annoyance and more of a, "oh right, them."
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May 13, 2014 01:35
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 4.5 hours until nominations close!I will NOT be posting the brackets tonight. The tournament will start when I get the bracket from Millitree. The dude is awesome and I would hate to start the tournament without it. This means that after the polls close tonight, you will NOT know the matches or even who has gotten into the tournament unless you go through the thread and count the votes yourself.
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May 13, 2014 01:36
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This whole thread was just to announce you have a girlfriend wasn't it? Also, you're going to kick yourself for this - cowbella. Much better name. Lee Harvey Oswald posted:+2 to Entire Alabama Fan Base This
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May 13, 2014 02:02
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Philosopher King posted:This whole thread was just to announce you have a girlfriend wasn't it? This is your fault. None of this would have happened if you didn't show me this website 14 years ago.
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May 13, 2014 02:06
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+5 for Mike Tomlin
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May 13, 2014 02:33
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+2 for Tom Benson, +3 to Tallahassee PD
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May 13, 2014 02:36
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+1 to Jimmy Haslam for being an accused white-collar criminal and man that trusts homeless men more than he does his own scouts. +1 to Ole Miss because reasons. +1 to The 12th Man because while I haven't been fully exposed to the Seattle variant (which is part because I don't know many of them in person, and partially because I follow CFB more) I have had to deal with Ags, and gently caress them. +1 to Charles Chavarria because I coach youth hockey and can tell you that his kind of people are universally both utter scum and not good game day coaches who actively hinder their players' development. +1 to Notre Dame because I still remember kids at my Catholic high school give me a ton of poo poo when they were good in the Quinn/Zbikowski/Samardzija years and they thought that Ty Willingham had nothing to do with them (well, I admit that I was adamant they fired him because he was black), and I still remember that and their smugness.
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May 13, 2014 03:32
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NOMINATIONS ARE CLOSED, SURPRISE PLAY IN DOUCHEDOWN INCOMING! As I said upthread, the full bracket will be divulged when Militree sends me his beautiful creation. That said, I have three douche in matches, one tonight and one in two nights, and one two nights after that (Matches will all take place over two days, I do have a life outside of this tournament), to determine the final participants in the players bracket, the administrators bracket, and the media bracket. Since it has been nearly a year since the last tournament ended, I will reiterate the rules. First and foremost, BOLD YOUR loving VOTE, OR YOU ARE THE DOUCHE! Your douche will receive points based off of how much effort you put into your vote. It is completely subjective and up to me alone, but the scale looks something like this: One point: Stating the name of your preferred douche with little to no explanation. Two Points: Stating your preferred douche with some reasoning behind it. This can be a few sentences or a haiku or something. Three points: Stating your preferred douche with deep, thought out reasoning behind it. This usually requires a few paragraphs- think those five paragraph essays you wrote in high school for a standardized test. Four Points: The above, and likely requires pictures, photoshoppery, or legit hilarity. Five Points: The most I have ever given out. Deep, very well thought out reasoning, original artwork, or a perfect photoshop. These are rare. For a good example of these, check out several of Febreeze's votes from last years thread. You okay buddy? Are they still hurting you? More than that?: While I have never given more than five, I am open to it. Last year, an Arkansas fan promised a video produced by the university's film department in support of Bobby Petrino's candidacy. It never materialized. Truly, he was the douche. It's that simple! So, without further ado- I HEREBY DECLARE THE 4TH ANNUAL BEN ROETHLISBERGER DOUCHE OF THE YEAR AND DAN SNYDER MEMORIAL LIFETIME DOUCHIEVEMENT HALL OF FAME TOURNAMENTS TO BE OPEN!Episode one: Legacy of the Lobster Featuring: Mike Shanahan vs. Joe Banner vs. Mike Lombardi Mike Shanahan  Homestar Runner posted:
VS. Joe Banner  SlipUp posted:Here's a nomination for Joe Banner, who thinks you should cut the best player on your team to send a message. The man behind the curtain for the CHUD saga that enthralled TFF for a season. By all accounts a petty rear end in a top hat on the same level as pioli. VS. Mike Lombardi  ”Ben Has Tiny Weenus” posted:None of you who nominated him cared enough to write anything about him, so I wrote this blurb while typing up the match up. Will the Lobster get cut? Will The Hulk's weak rear end cousin Smash? Or will The other guy do something else? Only one way to find out! 3... 2... 1... DOUCHE! Ben Has Tiny Weenus fucked around with this message at 06:16 on May 13, 2014 |
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May 13, 2014 06:13
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I have to agree with my dude Fred Smoot and say that Mike "The Lobster" Shanahan belongs in this tournament.
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May 13, 2014 06:18
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Man these are three good nominations that should have gotten more votes. Joe Banner is like Scott Pioli but I think Mike Lombardi actually is Scott Pioli. Lombardi was Pioli's go to media mouthpiece before someone was stupid enough to hire him, both of them really enjoy leaking disparaging things about people they might have problems with to the press. I'd agree with whoever said that if the Patriots scouting report leak on JFF was real it was probably Lombardi that did it trying to get back at the Browns. Also he totally embodies the Patriots Way which makes me want to somehow go back in history and see how they'd do without Tom Brady (probably about the same as far as rings honestly, maybe one less). Either way screw him and them. Whichever of these three ends up winning the doucheoff works for me. e: also as an aside I will forever hate Lombardi for somehow worming his way out of having to face everyone in that amazing press conference the Browns had after firing Chud for no reason. Grittybeard fucked around with this message at 06:52 on May 13, 2014 |
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May 13, 2014 06:46
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Mike Lombardi looks like Chris Christie so gently caress him and his dumb face
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May 13, 2014 07:23
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Joe Bannerhttp://dawgpoundnation.com (lol) posted:Banner actually saw to the inclusion and eventual hiring of Lombardi before Chud was hired, though Lombardi was announced after Chud, to ideally help lessen the inevitable criticism over bringing Lombardi back to the Browns. Sources close to the situation then told us that Haslam was not thrilled about having Banner and Lombardi essentially forced on him, but not wanting to make enemies out of friends, he accepted the deal and bought the team. If it wasn't for Banner, Lombardi would've still been a media nominee. 
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May 13, 2014 07:26
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It has to be Mike Shanahan. I'm not a giant fan of RGIII, but Shanahan nearly destroyed Griffin's career before it started by shoving him back on the field in his first year's playoffs, and then tried to pretend he wasn't injured for the start of last year when it was painfully clear to everyone with eyes that he was. He torpedoed the Redskins' season by being stupid, and then gave a press conference midway through the season basically giving up on the team. He hired his own son to be the Offensive Coordinator, and claimed nepotism had nothing to do with it after a season where they went 3-13. He rode John Elway into the Super Bowl. He looks like a boiled lobster. Who else could it be?
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May 13, 2014 07:38
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Christ, Shanahan's desperate attempts to burn Washington down on his way out have been hilarious, I love his "gently caress Dan Snyder" attitude, it's one we can all get behind. Joe Banner, on the other hand, has sought to do what, inspire a "gently caress the Browns" attitude? That kind of thinking goes hand in hand with beating up a crippled hobo with downs; on a more fit target it's funny, but this was just mean spirited and unnecessary.
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May 13, 2014 07:56
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SlipUp posted:Joe Banner That article seems to be a vote for Lombardi more than anything, but really I wish he and Banner were folded into one candidate.
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May 13, 2014 08:08
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Alouicious posted:Mike Lombardi looks like Chris Christie so gently caress him and his dumb face Wow. My blurb was quite persuasive it seems.
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May 13, 2014 08:38
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Lombardi
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May 13, 2014 11:35
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gently caress Mike Lombardi and his dumb loving faceBen Has Tiny Weenus posted:Wow. My blurb was quite persuasive it seems. Correct
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May 13, 2014 13:01
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Mike Shanahan for letting RG3 hobble around on a clearly injured knee and sending him out at the start of last season when he was obvislously still not 100%.
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May 13, 2014 13:20
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Joe Banner because we live in a country with employment troubles and somehow this guy had a job.
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May 13, 2014 13:56
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Gonna go with Mike Shanahan I guess.
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May 13, 2014 14:18
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Banner and Lombardi hosed up the same team at the same time, it's gonna split the "way to gently caress up the NFL's whipping boy" vote
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May 13, 2014 14:23
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Mike Shanahan Ex-coach of Redskins He used to win Superbowls But no more Elway
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May 13, 2014 15:13
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Grittybeard posted:That article seems to be a vote for Lombardi more than anything, but really I wish he and Banner were folded into one candidate. They're the reigning tag team champs of douche, so it's hard to separate one from the other. If I had to differentiate between them, Lombardi's biggest gently caress up was the McDaniels episode. Banner's biggest gently caress up was hiring Lombardi.
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May 13, 2014 15:42
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Mike Shanahan because if your QB misses the entire pre-season, don't send him out cold in week 1.
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May 13, 2014 17:02
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Mike Shanahan, for RGIII's sake.
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May 13, 2014 17:04
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Mike Shanahan because I don't much care for RG3 but man, that whole situation was unnecessary and handled terribly. Also, he has a rep as a shithead when it comes to leaking poo poo to the media, has a track record of nepotism, and he was a passive-aggressive manchild when he flamed out in Washington.
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May 13, 2014 17:05
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FEBREEZE EFFORT DOUCHE POST TIME Michael Lombardi because jesus christ look at his goddamn face. Look at it. LOOK AT IT. I want to take his neck fat and roll it over his face so I don't have to look at his face anymore. I'd rather look at a face covered in neck fat then that mug because jesus goddamn christ THAT loving SMUG FACE it's like a Pug got super fat, poorly injected botox into the wrong areas, started balding and then shat on it's own face while taking a bath in hydrochoric acid in a giant blender gently caress Shanahan was by all accounts a douche, yeah. He douched up RG3. He douched up Kirk Cousins. He douched it up pretty hard. But it's hard to really hate the guy when he was simply fighting fire with fire. Douche with Douche, you could say. Dan Snyder out douched everyone and put Shanahan in a position where the only recourse was more douching. I can't vote for a guy with no way out except through douch'n it up. Shanahan tanking the Redskins to spite Snyder may have hosed up the franchise, but you know what? Dan Snyder fucks up the franchise more, so more power to the Shanny Joe Banner is just Michael Lombardi with a less stupid face. VOTE TURD FACE He looks like he has to poo poo but how can a poo poo take a poo poo when it's already a poo poo. When it's Michael Lombardi, that's how Febreeze fucked around with this message at 18:12 on May 13, 2014 |
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May 13, 2014 18:09
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Holy poo poo Mike Lombardi really does look like Chris Christie
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May 13, 2014 19:49
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Gotta go with Joe Banner he's got a rare combination of retarded, mean spirited, and maybe just a little legitimately insane.
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May 13, 2014 20:02
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Mike Lombardi for his mastery of passive aggressive media leaks.
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May 13, 2014 20:33
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Mike Lombardi for probably spinning his last name into an unearned NFL career.
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May 13, 2014 21:00
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So, you ask, what's the NCAA been up to lately? Forcing players girlfriends' to sign affidavits that they're dating players out of love, and not for nefarious purposes. http://deadspin.com/sooners-girlfriend-had-to-sign-affidavit-confirming-the-1575641837 quote:“They did some digging and I’m actually compliant official with my girlfriend,” explained Ikard. “We had to sign a signed affidavit that she was not dating me just because I was a football player.” Vote NCAA for lifetime douche.
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May 13, 2014 23:15
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As it turns out Oklahoma is probably just weird and it isn't the NCAA's fault. Not that it should stop anyone from voting for the NCAA. Or OU.
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May 13, 2014 23:18
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Mike Lombardi because goons playing Madden can run better franchises and get better talent than this stupid loving hack.
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May 13, 2014 23:35
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Voting for Joe Banner because look at this stupid smarmy face:
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May 14, 2014 00:33
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Mike Lombardi can go gently caress himself.
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May 14, 2014 01:23
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Mike Lombardi is the guy who talked up Trent Richardson as a great pick for the Browns, but then immediately traded him a few months later. May end up being a good thing in the long term of the Browns, but I hate indecisive fucks.
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May 14, 2014 02:53
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Man I am completely 3-way-torn in this first vote already. Shanahan is the OG running back-killer's running back-killer when graduated to QB killer (though, even if he didn't want to, I still don't think he had a choice BUT to run RGIII out there). Mike Lombardi is a massive, fat, lovely tool. And then there's this guy: Just - look - at - that - loving - face  ugh who do I choose WHO DO I CHOOSE?!? Alright, deep breath... I think I'm going to go with the one I've known of the longest. The most name brand recognition. ------------------------------------- The man, the myth, the lobster: Mike Shanahan. -------------------------------------
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May 14, 2014 04:06
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