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A reminder that Mike Lombardi left a job at NFL Network to work for the Browns but basically refused to ever speak to the media while he was with the team because he was scared, a baby, and lovely
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May 14, 2014 04:13
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 19:20 |
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Rap posted:A reminder that Mike Lombardi left a job at NFL Network to work for the Browns but basically refused to ever speak to the media while he was with the team because he was scared, a baby, and lovely Well that's another one for Mike Lombardi
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May 14, 2014 04:38
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It looks like I've been convinced that Mike Lombardi should win this round.
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May 14, 2014 05:27
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Did anyone ever actually figure out what Mike Lombardi contributed to the Browns? The only thing I ever heard was he'd leak stories to the media, and talk poo poo behind other peoples backs. Mike Lombardi
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May 14, 2014 07:09
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  Yeah, this guy
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May 14, 2014 09:27
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I haven't even really voted Banner or Lombardi yet. I keep thinking I'm gonna do a big cool effort post that convinces Ben to let me vote +5 for both.
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May 14, 2014 15:25
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Rap posted:I haven't even really voted Banner or Lombardi yet. I keep thinking I'm gonna do a big cool effort post that convinces Ben to let me vote +5 for both. I offer you my vote in this round for this endeavor, as I'm sure it's one of those two, but I am unable to separate where one ends and the other begins, so defer to your judgement.
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May 14, 2014 15:27
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Exactly. I think for the spirit of the tournament it's Lombardi for refusing to explain anything he did. Banner made terrible decisions but that's not douchey, he stood up and tried to be an adult about it at least
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May 14, 2014 15:29
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Rap posted:I haven't even really voted Banner or Lombardi yet. I keep thinking I'm gonna do a big cool effort post that convinces Ben to let me vote +5 for both. Well, this is just a preliminary douche in, so I'll play fast and loose with the rules. Write something awesome enough, and I'll allow it. There can still only be one winner.
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May 14, 2014 18:43
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Just a reminder Joe Banner was one Haslam away from putting together a group to purchase the Browns and making himself executive of football ops, for life.
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May 14, 2014 19:02
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Voting for Shanahan because he may have deprived us of more of this (plus he looks like a tomato): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEepmb-KlDc
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May 14, 2014 19:05
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Voting Mike Shanahan. Main reason was if anyone watched the Seahawks-Skins playoff game in 2013, you would have seen RG3 do a bootleg, start running towards the sidelines, then start to limp like crazy. Shanahan left him in. What happened next was predictably, RG3 blew up his knee on Fedex Field's awful turf. The idiotic "toughness" argument aside, good lord your player is going to underperform when he's lacking movement in one knee.
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May 14, 2014 19:24
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You want to know what a douche is? A douche is defined by urban dictionary as "a word to describe an individual who has shown themselves to be very brainless in one way or another, thus comparing themselves to the cleansing product for vaginas" The key word here is brainless, who amongst these three is the most brainless? It is very hard to separate Lombardi from Banner in ongoing operations at the factory of sadness. But we must try for that is our sworn duty as selectors in this, the Fourth Annual Ben Rothlisberger Douche of the Year Awards. Because of how tightly interwoven these two men are with the current Cleveland Browns, I have opted to focus on each man's career before they came to the current era Browns as a way to separate these men. Prior to the Browns, Mike Lombardi was a scout for Bill Walsh's 49ers, Pro Personnel Director for the original Cleveland Browns and Philadelphia Eagles and Oakland Raiders. Yet when in power with the Original Browns he oversaw the eventual ouster of Marty Schottenheimer, the nurturing of Bill Belichick, the ouster of Ray Rhodes from Philly, the hiring and eventual trading of Jon Gruden at Oakland, and noted failures Bill Callahan, Norv Turner and Art Shell's second tenure. Then he did a stint in the media before being hired by banner to help right the ship at the second incarnation of the Cleveland Browns. Joe Banner however got his start when Lurie bought the Eagles in 1995. That's right his friend bought the team and used that as an excuse to shove a man who's highest accomplishment prior to 1994 was Co-Chairman of the Greater Philadelphia chapter of City Year. There, along with Lombardi they oversaw the Ray Rhodes era, shifting Philadelphia's uniforms away from the classic Kelly green to the current midnight green. Following Ray Rhodes came Andy Reid and his dominant grip upon all matters football. Joe Banner, a man who had zero football background prior to 1995 and little involvement in the actual operations of the football side of the Eagles since that point was hired to run the Cleveland Browns and promptly hired Lombardi. So we must ask ourselves is the bigger douche the man who oversaw the decay of multiple teams in a career spanning more then thirty years, or the man who had no business running a football organization in the first place who hired him? Is the bigger sin arrogance or idiocy? My friends and fellow electors I must follow my heart and say the idiot can be forgiven for he cannot help the fact that he is an idiot and we must honor the arrogant son of a bitch MICHAEL LOMBARDI as the bigger douche of these men. What of Shannahan you may ask? While clearly an rear end in a top hat, his efforts to single handedly ruin the career of Robert Griffen III do not in any way amount to the monumental failure of Lombardi and Banner's tenure with the Cleveland Browns.
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May 14, 2014 21:37
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Voting Mike Shanahan. He destroyed poor RG3 in front of a national audience, it was horrible.
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May 14, 2014 23:02
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When I think douche, I think of a tone-deaf idiot incapable of seeing their actions in a negative light, despite a long track record of failure and abuse. So in light of the strong coaching/front office relationship of your SB champion Seattle Seahawks, Michael Lombardi is a next-level douche. To paraphrase Mr. Lombardi from his stints on Simmon's podcast: "you gotta have a handful of blue chippers to win in the National Football League". To paraphrase Aaron Schatz from the same podcast:" lol wut?" Mikey boy is a prime example of considering his own role in making a team critical to success to the such a degree that he completely disregards issues of coaching scheme, rotation, and player development work done by his HC and staff. And this is why Lombardi fires Chud after less than one year, or trades Trent Richardson after calling him a transcendent talent. Which is why he is one of my top douches of this year. Lobstershan acted in counter to HoF douche Daniel Snyder trying to pressure him into giving up guaranteed money this year, and the RG3 injury was last year and partially on the player and medical staff. Joe Banner is merely a useless toady, easily fired and hard to notice when it happens. Without any evidence of wrongdoing, I would rather place full blame on Lombardi for the actions of the Factory of Sadness this year. Patriot Way be upon you, as he would say. (edit for spelling, additional reasoning w/r/t why ML Hammer is more deserving than the other two) Gerund fucked around with this message at 02:16 on May 15, 2014 |
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May 15, 2014 00:49
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 Before proceeding with the rest of this highly experimental results post, I would like to ask that 4-8 people who can volunteer a few minutes of their time at a few points in the tournament, please PM me. I have come up with a great gimmick for this years tourney and I need a few volunteers for itResults for Episode 1: Legacy of the Lobster By a score of 26 to 20 to 7, the winner of this match is... Wait a minute... What's that music? Listen while reading the rest of the results for maximum effect  IT'S COMMISIONER CAREY OF CLEVELAND! WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO SAY?!? Carey of Cleveland: It is well known that the Browns cannot compete in anything, so in order to have a chance in this tournament, I have decided that Mike Lombardi will form a Tag Douche Duo with Joe Banner, and they will be in the tournament together officially as The Factory of Sadness! That is all. Thank you, and Cleveland Rocks! Well, there you have it, the winner of Episode 1 and advancing to the actual tournament as the 8 seed in the Administration division is The Factory of Sadness! The next match will begin soon.
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May 15, 2014 05:06
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Episode 2: Does boring count? Featuring: Pete Prisco vs. Merril Hoge vs. Joe Buck Pete Prisco  SlipUp posted:I'd like to nominate Pete Prisco for just generally not knowing wha the gently caress he's talking about. VS. Merril Hoge  Homestar Runner posted:
commy gun posted:+1 for Merril Hoge VS. Joe Buck  OxySnake posted:All of this and no Joe Buck? In this douchenado, we have incompetence all around! Joe Buck, the douche of incompetence past (4th appearance)! Pete Prisco, the douche of incompetence present! Merril Hoge, the douche of incompetence future (Clowney gonna bust!)! Which spirit of douche keeps going? Only one way to find out! 3... 2... 1... DOUCHE!
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May 15, 2014 05:18
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I will throw my one point to Joe Buck because he is one persistent douche.
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May 15, 2014 05:18
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Joe Buck has ruined too many sports moments for me. gently caress Joe Buck.
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May 15, 2014 05:19
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Because making a choice between these three would be too difficult, I would like to simply vote all TV sports personalities. Thank you.
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May 15, 2014 05:23
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I'm pretty sure Joe Buck will sweep this without any trouble.
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May 15, 2014 05:33
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I really want to vote for buck, but I'm going to stick with Prisco. Buck will literally force me to mute a game if I want to enjoy it in the slightest. But man, that Prisco article was baaad. He: -Insuinated the settlement was a huge payday to the players who were getting hundreds of thousands out of it. (They weren't) -Accused players of wanting to destroy the game for our children. -Downplayed the risks of playing the game. -Claims the familys of dead players don't deserve any sort of compensation. -LOVE OF THE GAME, LOVE OF THA CHEQUES. -Nobody held a gun to their head! -Ignored the diagnosis of CTE in players he covered during his time with the Steelers. -People only act like they care. Everyone is as selfish as me. -I'm going after the peewee leagues! Reference
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May 15, 2014 05:59
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Joe Buck puts no effort into anything and it isn't quite clear that he's actually alive. He probably sits in the broadcast booth and dreams of filing worthless reports as some anonymous office drone. It takes more than passive incompetence to be a douche. Pete Prisco, on the other hand, is the standard bearer for the lazy, shallow, unjustifiably arrogant "analysis" that's smothering the national sports psyche. A vacuous fool straight out of Brave New World, you can be sure that whenever anything happens, Pete Prisco will be there to say nothing about it.
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May 15, 2014 06:30
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He's going to lose but gently caress Pete Prisco Everyone should read Rap's upcoming post about why Febreeze fucked around with this message at 18:02 on May 15, 2014 |
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May 15, 2014 06:52
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Joe Bizzle
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May 15, 2014 08:27
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Joe Buck is the only person I know of with a smug voice.
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May 15, 2014 11:12
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Joe Buck because I could care less about the other two guys and who knows maybe Clowney will be terrible. Also I like what you did with the Factory bit.
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May 15, 2014 12:36
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I'm voting for Joe Buck because I am often forced to choose between interesting game on Fox with him as the announcer, and a boring game on CBS that is somehow made less painful because it doesn't have his droning voice.
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May 15, 2014 12:49
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Pete "the Prick" Prisco
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May 15, 2014 13:18
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E: Never mind, after reading that about Pete Prisco, he can go eat a goddamn dick. What an rear end in a top hat.
Fritz Coldcockin fucked around with this message at 15:14 on May 15, 2014 |
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May 15, 2014 13:45
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Pete Prisco
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May 15, 2014 13:47
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NFL can afford $765M settlement, but players didn't deserve it - Pete Prisco, August 2013 There's nothing else to say. I like Ben's scoring system in this tournament, but more points for more effort implies that more words are better. Sometimes that's true, and sometimes you see a sentence so heinously loving douchey you'd only ruin it with more words. That said, Prisco needs my five points, so I'll do my best to add to the sentence he wrote. And since Pete Prisco's headline actually makes me feel Emotions, I'll give it to you in second person, because this is what I'd like to say to Pete Prisco once I put him in my Buffalo Bill pit. First, the first five words. You loving moron. You loving loving moron. - Who gives a gently caress if a corporation can afford a loving settlement? - Who gives a gently caress if one of the most profitable corporations in the loving world can afford the settlement? - Who doubted for an instant the NFL could afford $765 million? I just Googled "nfl teams profits" and Forbes is there in link loving 1 to tell me NFL teams are worth a billion loving bucks on average. Good ol Microsoft Calculator tells me each team needs to chip in $24M. That's one loving tenth of the Cowboys' operating income last year. - The NFL could afford a $765 billion settlement you jackass. They're not just gonna write a loving check. They'll pay it out in annuities and raise the price of a jersey $5. Ready to move on, Pete? I'm not. Giving priority to the NFL in your headline makes me want to murder you, you sack of poo poo. OK, now I'm ready. "But players didn't deserve it." You're disgusting. You're loving disgusting. Let's first look at the legal facts of the legal case you're attempting to write about without knowing what the gently caress you're doing. The players did have a good case. The league lied to them and misrepresented the long-term effects of head trauma and concussions. The pamphlet put out by the league in 2010 is a smoking gun. In fact, the settlement is a sign that the league acknowledges that. Players did deserve a legal settlement for their employer misleading them about the health risks of their job, just like if your employer misrepresented to you the health risks of spewing utter poo poo everywhere. Second, from a common sense perspective: Get hosed, you rear end in a top hat. Former players face great challenges in finding income after football and managing their finances even if they aren't dealing with brain damage. And when they are, stories abound of Mike Websters sleeping in their cars, John Mackeys refusing to brush their teeth unless Commissioner Tagliabue says so, and of course players committing suicide after their loved ones notice massive mood swings, bursts of anger and days spent without leaving bed. Are these things happening to the average ex-NFL player? Probably some of them, probably to some degree. But no, most of them aren't killing themselves. Most of them are working part-time jobs and coaching high school, taking an aspirin every day and drinking four beers before bed. Most of them are getting by OK and forgetting their wife's sister's name once in a while because Valerie and Victoria are kind of similar. But of course that's not the point. All of them were lied to about the risk they took by playing, by the piece of poo poo league and by the piece of poo poo rah-rah media people like you who don't deserve to cover high school loving volleyball but are instead riding the old, shriveled white cock of the richest and most loving awful sports league in the world. gently caress you. Now put the lotion in the loving basket, bitch.
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May 15, 2014 14:53
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I loving hate Keith Olbermann, but that was a great troll he did on Pete Prisco. You've moved me, give all my votes to Pete "loving" Prisco too. Chilichimp fucked around with this message at 15:02 on May 15, 2014 |
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May 15, 2014 14:58
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Rap posted:NFL can afford $765M settlement, but players didn't deserve it - Pete Prisco, August 2013 Pretend I just said all of this about Pete Prisco Just for emphasis, I say this as a fan of a team whose games Joe Buck almost always covers
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May 15, 2014 15:06
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Joe Buck is a bad sports broadcaster, but Pete Prisco and that whole "hurr durr toughness" bullshit needs to go away.
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May 15, 2014 15:26
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Joe Buck has ruined broadcasts, but Pete Prisco wants to ruin LIVES. gently caress him. I wish him a thousand concussions from now until the day he dies. Edit: Merrill Hodge deserves to advance but he drew a bad seed in this tournament.
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May 15, 2014 15:53
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Yeah, gonna have to go all in on Pete Prisco for this round.
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May 15, 2014 16:51
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Joe Buck hate seems so passé at this point, even though I've voted for him in past tournaments. I don't think he's nearly as bad as people here make him out to be and he hasn't really done anything of note this past year. Pete Prisco
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May 15, 2014 17:06
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Following the concussion crisis has been one of the most sobering experiences and had me question my own role in sports fandom. Voting Pete Prisco.
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May 15, 2014 17:16
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 19:20 |
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Here I was, ready to write a scathing indictment of human bore-machine Joe Buck, but boring as the man is, the evidence presented in this case clearly mandates a single vote for a single man. Pete Prisco is a sociopathic douchebag who may well ruin people's lives through his actions. May he be beaten into a quivering ruin by irrational victims of the concussion-related illnesses he believes are fictional efforts towards a money grab, and suffer from dementia the rest of his life.
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May 15, 2014 17:35
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