|
Alter Ego posted:Jesus, Richie Incognito vs. Taylor Lewan? Come on, both those guys deserve Final Four spots and they won't get it. Pete Prisco's also going to get lapped a few times in round one. Sometimes the good die young.
|
#
?
May 21, 2014 14:51
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 28, 2024 04:46 |
|
|
superaielman posted:Two things jump out at me there: how the gently caress did Mel Kiper (who owns) get more votes than Pete 'too dumb to figure out what a twitter parody account' Prisco and Jeff Ireland somehow doesn't deserve to champ his division. What the gently caress to that. God I can't wait to vote for Jeff Ireland, hopefully this time I don't break my keyboard
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2014 14:54
|
|
|
Honestly I think this is proof that we need to move away from a divisional format and seed based solely on record. The best douche's are getting screwed with this biased seeding. How is a mid-major douche supposed to compete.
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2014 14:54
|
|
|
Alouicious posted:"yeah I mean I watch college football and post in an internet forum that you have to play money to register for that is about fooball but it's not like I OBSESS over it like you spergs" "Everyone who does not have an encyclopedic knowledge of every NCAA coach in the history of the game is literally insulting me with their very presence."
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2014 17:31
|
|
|
Dexo posted:Honestly I think this is proof that we need to move away from a divisional format and seed based solely on record. The best douche's are getting screwed with this biased seeding. How is a mid-major douche supposed to compete. Only one douche can win.
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2014 17:32
|
|
|
anime gently caress pillow posted:Only one douche can win. You're either first or you're last.
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2014 17:34
|
|
|
GenHavoc posted:"Everyone who does not have an encyclopedic knowledge of every NCAA coach in the history of the game is literally insulting me with their very presence." this but unironically
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2014 17:37
|
|
|
Sometimes in between episodes of Storage Wars and Pawn Stars, when I'm not painting my warhams or working on my Dwarf Fortress LP, I like to watch football. I'm sorry I'm not one of the cool kids. I like the 49ers. They are my home town team. It's too bad that kid kaepernick is a bit of a douchebag because he seems like he is pretty OK at the football. Although it is frustrating how every three or four downs he runs out the play clock trying to make audibles way too late and they either burn an unnecessary timeout or take a delay of game penalty. He didn't allegedly threaten to rape anyone if they complained about having been raped, though, so I'm thinking he's probably not going to win King Douche.
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2014 17:55
|
|
|
The tournament will begin officially tomorrow night. Final four predictions?
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 02:31
|
|
|
Ben Has Tiny Weenus posted:The tournament will begin officially tomorrow night. Greg Schiano Pete Prisco Tallahassee PD edit: Changed player to an actual rapist over a guy who is at worst a sports-rape-culture-homer or at best got Ryan Braunned. I'm gonna vote for the rapist every time. On that note; oh my God, how did Darren Sharper not make it to the finals? Chilichimp fucked around with this message at 13:30 on May 22, 2014 |
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 13:22
|
|
|
Chilichimp posted:I'm gonna vote for the rapist every time. On that note; oh my God, how did Darren Sharper not make it to the finals? Because of the Sanduskyberger rule- to keep things light hearted and fun, those who have committed rape or murder are ineligible UNLESS they aren't being punished for it. That's why Winston/Roethlisberer are in and Sandusky/Sharper are out.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 13:40
|
|
|
Ben Has Tiny Weenus posted:Because of the Sanduskyberger rule- to keep things light hearted and fun, those who have committed rape or murder are ineligible UNLESS they aren't being punished for it. That's why Winston/Roethlisberer are in and Sandusky/Sharper are out. Right on, thanks, man.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 16:00
|
|
|
 AND SO IT BEGINS!Episode 4: Douche of Future's Past Featuring: (1)Richie Incognito vs. (8)Taylor Lewan Richie Incognito  Benne posted:Richie Incognito, who I thought would run away with the players bracket until Darren Sharper happened. Benne posted:I'm not sure there's much to say about Incognito other than that he fulfills literally every "dumb jock" stereotype imaginable. Dumb face, dumb name (who the hell goes by "Richie?" Douchebags, that's who), dumb sense of humor, he ticks every box. That he happens to be a dirty player (and not even that good in the first place) is just the cherry on top of the dumb cake. And now a word from Mr. Incognito: Interviewer: Mr. Incognito, thank you for agreeing to speak with us to - Richie Incognito: *Begins humping the interviewer* "Let it rain! Let it rain! Let it rain!" Interviewer: "Mister... Mister Incog... Mis... SECURITY!" RI: "Whoa! Whoa man. It's cool. It's cool, I just kinda zoned out there a sec. Thought I was on the golf course or somethin'. You know, I like to play in those celebrity tournaments, give back to the community, you know." Interviewer: "Of course... I was just wondering if we could get a statement from you concerning your nomination." RI: "Oh yeah! I'm really psyched, you know. I'm glad that we can put all the lies that my teammates have been telling behind us so that I can be recognized for my contributions in getting the Rams' OL to give up fewer sacks than several different NFL teams!" Interviewer: "Um... Mr. Incognito, we're referring to your nomination in the Ben Roethlisberger Douche of the Year competition, a contest you entered as the number one seed in the Players' bracket RI: "gently caress yeah man!" Interviewer: "You're... glad to be nominated?" RI: "Hell yeah, son, I'm a free loving agent now. There's no such thing as bad publicity, amirite? That's why I got back on Twitter, you know. Let people see the real me instead of the bullshit that they're getting fed." Interviewer: "Yes, how has your search for a new team been going?" RI: "Oh it's awesome man, I've been getting interest from all sorts of teams." Interviewer: "Which ones, if we might ask?" RI: "Oh you know, a couple teams. Here and there. I mean not all of them have told me to stop calling. And I've been getting lots of support too." Interviewer: "From whom." RI: "Well just last week, Donald Sterling called me up and asked if I wanted to come join him for one of the Clippers' playoff games." Interviewer: "Really?" RI: "Yeah, man. He said that he knew he didn't have to worry about who I'd be bringing. He's a real classy guy." Interviewer: "Of... course. This whole episode with your former teammate, Johnathan Martin is, of course, not the first incident you've had on the wrong side of the NFL. There were the series of incidents with the Rams that led to you being pulled from games and waived." RI: "That was all just media hype. I play with passion, I've never apologized for that." Interviewer: "Perhaps, but in four years you incurred more penalties as well as more unnecessary roughness penalties than any other player during the span." RI: "Is it my fault everyone else is a pussy?" Interviewer: "Well that same year, your own peers voted you the league's dirtiest player." RI: "Man, they just couldn't handle the reality of football. You gotta be tough to play football." Interviewer: "Was that why you were suspended indefinitely from Nebraska during your college career?" RI: "Come on, you get in one or seven fights with your teammates in the locker room, give a couple of them concussions, and suddenly it's all 'ohhh, you've gotta go to anger management. You're too extreme for us.' Buncha fa-." Interviewer: *Interrupting quickly* "Well then let's turn to more recent matters. One of the reports that circulated following the scandal was that you taunted an ethnically Japanese trainer with racial slurs." RI: "We were just kidding around." Interviewer: "According to the report, you donned Japanese headbands, cornered him in the locker room, and threatened to beat him up and rape his wife in revenge for Pearl Harbor." RI: "You see? Just a bunch of horseplay, that's all. Who doesn't talk like that sometimes, amirite?" Interviewer: "Er... quite. So then what are your feelings today regarding your old teammate, Johnathan Martin." RI: "Look, I don't see what the big deal was. So I called him a few names, so what? He's an adult." Interviewer: "According to him, you forced him to pay you tens of thousands of dollars so that you could take weekend trips in Vegas." RI: "So? He didn't have to pay. He could have fought me and the rest of my guys at once. He must have wanted to give me that money, and now he's whining about how bad we are. Boo hoo, he's an NFL player, he's got enough money." Interviewer: "Well according to the reports, you actually took a fair portion of his rookie salary." RI: "That's just the way it is, man. Besides, at least he's still on a team. Where'd he get signed again?" Interviewer: "The Forty-Niners." RI: "San Francisco eh?" *Makes a limp-wristed gesture* "Figures." Interviewer: *Uncomfortably* "Right... so er... before we wrap things up, is there something you'd like to say to all the fans out there." RI: "I wanna thank everybody for standing with me. Everybody who knows that I'm just misunderstood, and who doesn't just assume that everything they read about me is true. Guys like Keith Olberman, who ran a piece last November about how I'm More than just a Bully." Interviewer: "I'm... not entirely certain he was supporting you in that video, Mr. Incognito." RI: "Huh? I mean to be honest I haven't really watched it yet, but I figured he's got my back, so I retweeted it." Interviewer: "Of course. Well thank you Mr. Incognito, for agreeing to speak with us." RI: "No problem man. Hey, uh this award thing? What was it called?" Interviewer: "The Ben Roethlisberg - " RI: "Yeah, whatever. Who'm I up against huh?" Interviewer: "In this round, I believe your opponent is Taylor Lewan." RI: "What? Taylor loving Lewan? A loving Rookie?! Are you loving serious. Look at that pansy-rear end motherfucker, does he even lift?! gently caress Taylor Lewan! What the gently caress kind of name is Taylor anyway. I bet he's a loving nCENSOREDr. I WILL poo poo IN HIS loving MOUTH!" Interviewer: *Rapidly backing away* "Thank you Mr. Incognito. Back to everyone in the studio. RI: *From a distance* "gently caress YOU TAYLOR LEWAN, YOU'RE A loving ROOKIE! I'LL KILL YOU!" VS. Taylor Lewan Gerund posted:Taylor Lewan's sartorial douche-tool is all-pro quality And we have an interview from the douche himself:"Incognito, eh? I like that name, it really fits how anonymous, how unknown, how nothing you are. I'm a better player and a better man than that clown. When I'm on the field, I'm there to win, to beat the other guy. That's just how I am. This guy was barely starter quality on a bad unit, nobody outside of Miami would have one clue who he was if he didn't stir up childish drama. I'm famous before stepping onto an NFL field. It hurts me a lot, you know, being compared to someone so low, but if I'm here, I'm going to win. That's just how I am." Holy crap! They're practically the same guy! Will the younger, wide eyed douche take out the veteran? Or will Incognito give his past self a swirly? Only one way to find out! 3... 2... 1... DOUCHE! Ben Has Tiny Weenus fucked around with this message at 23:43 on May 23, 2014 |
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:06
|
|
|
One of these guys is a douche that bullied a 300lb man. The other one bullied a RAPE VICTIM. Taylor Lewan
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:07
|
|
|
Taylor's bad, he's really really bad. I'm going with Incognito though, even though I kind of expect an upset here. Richie's been douching it up longer than Lewan has been alive. Hell Richie probably would have bullied the same rape victim if Taylor had called him up just to be a bro.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:12
|
|
|
Taylor Lewan in every regard
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:14
|
|
|
Lewan
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:21
|
|
|
Lewan.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:24
|
|
|
Incognito, mostly because stories about him dominated football over the last year. It seemed like every week a new story dropped. Then, just when it most seemed to be over, even more things came up with the report and he attacked his car. Basically, this was Incognito's defining year as a douche, and I'm certain that Lewan, who had a breakout rookie season, will put up even douchier numbers in the future and earn his place.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:28
|
|
|
Lewan has the most punchable face in this tournament.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:31
|
|
|
Lewan made a hell of a first impression, but I'm not ready to crown him yet until he pays his proper dues. Richie Incognito is a reliable long-time veteran in the douche department and 2013 was his crowning achievement.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:34
|
|
|
Lewan Turbo-douche
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:36
|
|
|
Do effort posts still earn more points? I feel like we are already in the semi-finals. I'm going to vote Richie Incognito. Let me make my case. Why? Well, you could say I'm going to use the "oscar given to an aging actor who never won an oscar" route. So Lewan is a newcomer. A proud douche, flapping his douche feathers. He threatened a rape victim. He plays like a complete rear end in a top hat. He's going to be a strong douche for years to come. This is not going to be his only time in the tournament at all. He's coming back. He is the heir apparent to douchey dickass "offensive" lineman. He absolutely deserves to be a contender. But Richie...Richie has been a douche for a long time, and we may have seen his swan song this season. His chances of ever returning to the NFL are slim to nothing. He for many years was the prototypical douchebag. He was Lewan before Lewan. Does he deserve to be cast aside in the first round just because some young hotshot threatened a rape victim? Do we just give away our starter positions that easily? Incognito had a goddamn Douche all-pro type of season, we can't low ball him. Lets go back over this douchebag's accomplishments. -Bullied a fellow lineman and "friend" so badly that the friend may have sacrificed any NFL future by going awol and snitching. In the cult of the NFL, that is astounding that he managed to push a man so far. -Someone post that gif of him loving with that Texans player and getting him ejected (?) when he snapped. -Started acting like an rear end on twitter when he had the upper hand before all the info was devulged -Is literally named Dick in Disguise -Smashed up his car with a bat while having a tantrum -Oh yeah, if we want to get the sexual poo poo out, we found out that he molested a woman on the golf course, then paid her off to avoid the info getting out. This was Richie's argument for Douche MVP. His final hurrah. We are never seeing him again, because he's done. He deserves your vote. Lewan will have his chances in future years, I'm sure of it. Give it to ol' reliable. VOTE DICK IN DISGUISE Kalli knows what he's talking about. Febreeze fucked around with this message at 22:44 on May 22, 2014 |
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:41
|
|
|
C'mon now, this is clearly Richie Incognito.. Lewan is a dirty, cheap son of a bitch? Incognito's been near the top of the NFL's dirtiest player list for years. Oh, this guy threatened a rape victim with rape? Yeah, Richie actually went for it with a cheerleader on a golf course. But really, that is besides the point, Richie Incognito is the definition of douche, his face so plastered in the media for this he might as well be the face of the trophy. He spent the last half year being a national news story because he managed to bully a 300lb man so bad he stopped playing football, a sport where dudes play through broken necks. Lewan still has to play second fiddle to the actual you know rapist, while Incognito took center stage from a man who is still down with Aaron Hernandez. I don't want to dismiss Taylor Lewan too hard, but Richie was doing douche at a professional level.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:43
|
|
|
Richie Incognito because I barely know who Lewan is but Incognito is so irredeemable a douche that he couldn't rein it in to keep his career and because he's an awful player on top of that.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:47
|
|
|
Richie Incognito, and pretend I posted the Incognito/Martin texts here. He deserves to slay pussy as the Douche of the Year.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:50
|
|
|
Febreeze posted:Do effort posts still earn more points? I feel like we are already in the semi-finals. Effort posts always count.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:52
|
|
|
Febreeze posted:I'm going to vote Richie Incognito. Think about how much you'd have to gently caress with someone to push a NFL defensive lineman (who's accustomed to getting shoved around and held back constantly) to cross the line and try to start a fight. 
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:53
|
|
|
Incognito was an All-Pro Douche before Lewan even hit puberty, and his volume of douchitude is staggering. Get back with me in 10 years when Lewan is giving kids swirlies after they show up to his own football camp or something
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 22:59
|
|
|
Richie Incognito, even though god drat, Lewan is one hell of a douche.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 23:14
|
|
|
Some people have brought up recency arguments regarding Taylor Lewan, saying that a majority of his douchey behavior technically falls outside of the year of which we are voting. http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/10954509/taylor-lewan-tennessee-titans-court-case-adjourned-four-weeks quote:ANN ARBOR, Mich. -- Tennessee Titans offensive lineman Taylor Lewan had his court case adjourned for four weeks. "I might be bordering on aggravated assault on the field, but don't hold that against me!" The first interview with Taylor as a Titan, just a scant couple of days ago: @4:15 "It might seem that I crossed the line for no reason. But my QB was sacked a bunch of times last season, mostly from the other lineman. We're supposed to be a team, but I took it personal. I'm going to do some things here and there. I'm willing to be that guy. @7:15 "Whenever you hear about some other man, someone you've never heard of before, threatening a woman, you will think that that guy is a bad person. But today is a fresh start, for all of us." @8:25 "I was really more worried about Brendan in that situation, going through that stuff." @9:10 "I never said anything to any team-mates. So I can't imagine why they would say that." Taylor Lewan is actual scum, and going further in the internet justice tournament means more for a player with a multi-year guaranteed contract than a shitbird that doesn't even play anymore.
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 23:18
|
|
|
Incognito
|
|
#
?
May 22, 2014 23:26
|
|
|
in cog neeto come on guys, he defines douche
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2014 00:24
|
|
|
Richie.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2014 00:55
|
|
|
Lewan Richie bullies because he was bullied as a child. He never had the opportunity to learn better and never grew up. Lewan is twice the douche Richie is and has yet to hit his prime douching years.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2014 01:01
|
|
|
When I thought about this tournament a few months ago, Richie Incognito was the first contender who came to mind.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2014 01:37
|
|
|
A few months before the Incognito/Martin thing came out, there was a big article/biography done on Richie Incognito talking about how he's turned over a new leaf after coming to the Miami Dolphins. Can anyone help me find that? I already voted so don't count this, but I think Incognito deserves Douche of the Year for convincing everyone that he's cleaned up his act when he was being even douchier than usual behind the scenes.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2014 02:20
|
|
|
Brannock posted:A few months before the Incognito/Martin thing came out, there was a big article/biography done on Richie Incognito talking about how he's turned over a new leaf after coming to the Miami Dolphins. Can anyone help me find that? I'm pretty sure he also did an anti bullying PSA.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2014 02:30
|
|
|
I should probably save this, but nah. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vy-f1wBoh9Q Slaying some cro-cro wickets. He then shoved that mallet into a woman's crotch, smacked her in the face, ground his pelvis into hers and dumped a bottle of water on her face. Kalli fucked around with this message at 02:39 on May 23, 2014 |
|
#
?
May 23, 2014 02:37
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 28, 2024 04:46 |
|
|
Kalli posted:I should probably save this, but nah. Ugh. I might have to change my vote.
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2014 02:39
|
|