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Everybody knows that the only real way to summon Slendermen is to order exactly 666 red staplers from Staples & then incorrectly miscategorize them as toner cartridges in your report to Audit. Then you wait 5-7 business days & eventually you will try to print a report or something and the paper will jam & you will fix the jam and the printer will print out a Legal size page even though you set it to Letter. When this happens, it's time. You have to murder Peggy from Admin, it doesn't matter how you do it but you have to ensure that you don't damage her heart. Take her heart & an inter-office envelope, make sure to scratch out the last recipient's name & write "ATTN: SLENDER MAN" on it & place the heart inside it & seal. Then place the heart laden envelope in the OUT box & wait. That is unless Peggy was the one who handled all the outgoing mail in which case if you know how to work the postage machine you can do it yourself or just find someone else who knows how. The mail isn't technically leaving the office just print out $6.66 of postage & slap it somewhere on the envelope. Wait an additional 5-7 business days. You'll receive an invite to a continuing education class entitled "MURDER MURDER MURDER DEATH", accept the invite even if it's at an inconvenient time, no one has time for those ever anyway. Once you accept the invite you should receive a file containing the module immediately but if it's been a few hours & you haven't received it just give IT a call & they will have you leave your computer on overnight & the module should be downloaded by the next day. The file is called BLOODKILL.exe, just download that straight to the desktop & it should install itself. The included PowerPoint presentation will have all the details you need for the final summoning ritual but the short version is you need at least 4 hours PTO time, 7 baby teeth & reverse consecrated Holy Water. Follow all the instructions in the presentation & submit your request to the Slenderman (e.g. living in his WI mansion, death of your enemy, boy you like likes you back, etc.) and a Slenderman representative will submit a ticket containing your request (IMPORTANT: make sure you write down your confirmation number). Wait an additional 5-7 business days. If it's been more than 10 business days & you haven't been contacted by a Slenderman you should call the Hotline. Usually they will give you some bullshit about not having a ticket on file for you or their system indicates you didn't complete the ritual properly which is when you're like "BAM! CONFIRMATION NUMBER, BITCH!" Don't be afraid to have your ticket escalated to a supervisor. Yes, you're going to have night terrors for three months afterwards as a result but only a supervisor has clearance to expedite your ticket so it's totally worth it. You will know Slenderman has granted your request when you can smell burnt popcorn even though no one will loving own up to popping popcorn in the microwave, even though you put a sign on the microwave SPECIFICALLY ABOUT NOT BURNING POPCORN JESUS CHRIST THE WHOLE OFFICE SMELLS LIKE IT. Obviously, when you die Slenderman gets your soul & does terrible things to your soul's butt for all eternity but it's a pretty sweet deal overall.
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Jun 3, 2014 04:53
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 22:50 |
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In this sort of situation, the thing that gets me is the peer pressure style of it. I mean, girl A is fairly obviously mentally ill, and likely schizophrenic, living in a fantasy world. That's pretty cut and dry. That she could then so easily convince girl B that her delusions were real, and that murdering someone was a wise decision is what blows my mind. I mean, was there any point where girl B stopped and said "hey wait, this is kinda crazy..."
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Jun 3, 2014 04:53
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Trixie Hardcore posted:Everybody knows that the only real way to summon Slendermen is to order exactly 666 red staplers from Staples & then incorrectly miscategorize them as toner cartridges in your report to Audit. Then you wait 5-7 business days & eventually you will try to print a report or something and the paper will jam & you will fix the jam and the printer will print out a Legal size page even though you set it to Letter. When this happens, it's time. You have to murder Peggy from Admin, it doesn't matter how you do it but you have to ensure that you don't damage her heart. Take her heart & an inter-office envelope, make sure to scratch out the last recipient's name & write "ATTN: SLENDER MAN" on it & place the heart inside it & seal. Then place the heart laden envelope in the OUT box & wait. That is unless Peggy was the one who handled all the outgoing mail in which case if you know how to work the postage machine you can do it yourself or just find someone else who knows how. The mail isn't technically leaving the office just print out $6.66 of postage & slap it somewhere on the envelope. Wait an additional 5-7 business days. You'll receive an invite to a continuing education class entitled "MURDER MURDER MURDER DEATH", accept the invite even if it's at an inconvenient time, no one has time for those ever anyway. Once you accept the invite you should receive a file containing the module immediately but if it's been a few hours & you haven't received it just give IT a call & they will have you leave your computer on overnight & the module should be downloaded by the next day. The file is called BLOODKILL.exe, just download that straight to the desktop & it should install itself. The included PowerPoint presentation will have all the details you need for the final summoning ritual but the short version is you need at least 4 hours PTO time, 7 baby teeth & reverse consecrated Holy Water. Follow all the instructions in the presentation & submit your request to the Slenderman (e.g. living in his WI mansion, death of your enemy, boy you like likes you back, etc.) and a Slenderman representative will submit a ticket containing your request (IMPORTANT: make sure you write down your confirmation number). Wait an additional 5-7 business days. If it's been more than 10 business days & you haven't been contacted by a Slenderman you should call the Hotline. Usually they will give you some bullshit about not having a ticket on file for you or their system indicates you didn't complete the ritual properly which is when you're like "BAM! CONFIRMATION NUMBER, BITCH!" Don't be afraid to have your ticket escalated to a supervisor. Yes, you're going to have night terrors for three months afterwards as a result but only a supervisor has clearance to expedite your ticket so it's totally worth it. You will know Slenderman has granted your request when you can smell burnt popcorn even though no one will loving own up to popping popcorn in the microwave, even though you put a sign on the microwave SPECIFICALLY ABOUT NOT BURNING POPCORN JESUS CHRIST THE WHOLE OFFICE SMELLS LIKE IT. Obviously, when you die Slenderman gets your soul & does terrible things to your soul's butt for all eternity but it's a pretty sweet deal overall. i'm sorry you had to type all that out ----------------
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Jun 3, 2014 04:56
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But Rocks Hurt Head posted:i'm sorry you had to type all that out moar like crappypasta amirite
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Jun 3, 2014 04:57
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Trixie Hardcore posted:moar like crappypasta amirite can't copy formatting
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Jun 3, 2014 04:58
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But Rocks Hurt Head posted:can't copy formatting Why don't you stab me 19 times about it? e:seriouspost tho I have no idea what you are talking about
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Jun 3, 2014 04:59
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Trixie Hardcore posted:Why don't you stab me 19 times about it? i don't fucks with the slenderman
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Jun 3, 2014 05:00
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imo they should not have stabbed that girl
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Jun 3, 2014 05:01
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Choco1980 posted:In this sort of situation, the thing that gets me is the peer pressure style of it. I mean, girl A is fairly obviously mentally ill, and likely schizophrenic, living in a fantasy world. That's pretty cut and dry. That she could then so easily convince girl B that her delusions were real, and that murdering someone was a wise decision is what blows my mind. I mean, was there any point where girl B stopped and said "hey wait, this is kinda crazy..." Idk, maybe its bc I used to be a 12 year old girl but the idea that someone that age getting sucked into a shared fantasy like that is pretty believable. Its usually a pretty harmless 'Bridge to Tarabithia' -style fantasy and usually they grow out of it on their own. The logic-circuits haven't kicked in yet and if they've been living in the fantasy long enough anything seems real.
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Jun 3, 2014 05:16
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good thing these girls will be tried as adults, because 12 year olds who let a fantasy go out of control are the least reformable perps and would definitely benefit from a few decades in jail instead of serious mental help. god bless america
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Jun 3, 2014 05:20
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THS posted:good thing these girls will be tried as adults, because 12 year olds who let a fantasy go out of control are the least reformable perps and would definitely benefit from a few decades in jail instead of serious mental help. god bless america they're white, right? they belong in jail then.
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Jun 3, 2014 05:21
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platedlizard posted:Idk, maybe its bc I used to be a 12 year old girl but the idea that someone that age getting sucked into a shared fantasy like that is pretty believable. Its usually a pretty harmless 'Bridge to Tarabithia' -style fantasy and usually they grow out of it on their own. The logic-circuits haven't kicked in yet and if they've been living in the fantasy long enough anything seems real. I remember doing incredibly elaborate fantasy roleplaying with other girls at that age, like getting together everyday after school to continue an ongoing fantasy scenario with like story arcs and props & whatnot. All you need is one hosed up girl & one or two girls that will go along with it to get to ritual stabbing.
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Jun 3, 2014 05:23
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Ponce de Le0n fucked around with this message at 01:32 on Nov 4, 2014 |
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Jun 3, 2014 05:27
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Another one for the pile. 
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Jun 3, 2014 05:28
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Trixie Hardcore posted:I remember doing incredibly elaborate fantasy roleplaying with other girls at that age, like getting together everyday after school to continue an ongoing fantasy scenario with like story arcs and props & whatnot. All you need is one hosed up girl & one or two girls that will go along with it to get to ritual stabbing. Kind of amazing it doesn't happen more often imo
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Jun 3, 2014 05:29
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I love you, Trixie Hardcore.
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Jun 3, 2014 05:31
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Run away with me to my mansion in cruft fucked around with this message at 05:35 on Jun 3, 2014 |
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Jun 3, 2014 05:33
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im glad
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Jun 3, 2014 05:35
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Noice
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Jun 3, 2014 05:37
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cruft posted:Run away with me to my mansion in Which of my friends do I have to murder to gain access to your dairy wonderland? Is it Kate? Because I loving hate Kate & would do it, I would loving do it.
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Jun 3, 2014 05:38
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Trixie Hardcore posted:Which of my friends do I have to murder to gain access to your dairy wonderland? Is it Kate? Because I loving hate Kate & would do it, I would loving do it. is kate hot?
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Jun 3, 2014 05:39
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Hail Satan
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Jun 3, 2014 05:39
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Trixie Hardcore posted:Which of my friends do I have to murder to gain access to your dairy wonderland? Is it Kate? Because I loving hate Kate & would do it, I would loving do it. Yeah Kate or maybe Stephanie, she is such a bitch.
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Jun 3, 2014 05:39
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This is really near me. Waukesha County is pretty hosed up. Maybe because it's so heavily Republican.
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Jun 3, 2014 05:41
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synthy posted:Reminder that goons kill more people every year on average than reddit. cool
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Jun 3, 2014 05:42
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obama is a redditor and he killed a lot of people so i don't think that's accurate
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Jun 3, 2014 05:42
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Trixie Hardcore posted:I remember doing incredibly elaborate fantasy roleplaying with other girls at that age, like getting together everyday after school to continue an ongoing fantasy scenario with like story arcs and props & whatnot. All you need is one hosed up girl & one or two girls that will go along with it to get to ritual stabbing. this is why young people should not, repeat should NOT, have friends or go outside
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Jun 3, 2014 05:43
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Nanomashoes posted:http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/12-year-wisconsin-girls-stab-friend-19-times-23959855 quote:The victim began to scream that she hated them and started stumbling away, one of the girls told police. This really paints a picture because it is exactly the reaction a 12 year old girl would give to getting stabbed by another 12 year old girl. cruft posted:Yeah Kate or maybe Stephanie, she is such a bitch. OMG what did she say about me? I loving knew I couldn't trust that slut, only Slendermen understand me!
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Jun 3, 2014 05:43
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Police Chief Russell Jack posted:The Internet can be full of dark and wicked things. Unmonitored and unrestricted access to the Internet by children is a growing and alarming problem. First books, now The Internet. This is the price you pay for teaching women to read, and then allowing them to do it without an escort.
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Jun 3, 2014 05:51
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I want to see a movie about this in the style of Heavenly Creatures.
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Jun 3, 2014 05:51
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THS posted:good thing these girls will be tried as adults, because 12 year olds who let a fantasy go out of control are the least reformable perps and would definitely benefit from a few decades in jail instead of serious mental help. god bless america the system works
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Jun 3, 2014 05:52
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synthy posted:Reminder that goons kill more people every year on average than reddit. simply living a typical western lifestyle is responsible for more deaths than any spree killer could hope to match with a gun, heh
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Jun 3, 2014 05:53
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VideoTapir posted:I want to see a movie about this in the style of Heavenly Creatures. Rob Zombie's Heavenly Creatures
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Jun 3, 2014 05:53
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THS posted:good thing these girls will be tried as adults, because 12 year olds who let a fantasy go out of control are the least reformable perps and would definitely benefit from a few decades in jail instead of serious mental help. god bless america Again, Waukesha County is SERIOUSLY Repbulican. This reaction does not surprise me in the least.
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Jun 3, 2014 05:54
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its a good thing the last season of AMC's The Walking Dead is still fresh in the popular consciousness, it had some p good communal raising tips
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Jun 3, 2014 05:55
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lowtax will answer for this
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Jun 3, 2014 06:04
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I can't wait for him to come back from China.
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Jun 3, 2014 06:08
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platedlizard posted:I can't wait for him to come back from China. mangosteen is from china more u kno
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Jun 3, 2014 06:10
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Juche Fucktodd posted:mangosteen is from china 
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Jun 3, 2014 06:11
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 22:50 |
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Lemme just check what's goin' on in the ol' comments sec- 
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Jun 3, 2014 06:13
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