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I think there's a genuine risk of me contracting a prion infection by even looking at these stills. I don't know how you haven;t already torn yer eyes out instead of going any further. You are a stronger person than I.
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Aug 2, 2014 18:44
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I love the idea of Brand-X being a thing at all. "Did you get the laundry detergent like I asked?" "Yes, I got the kind with the lizard Heinrich Himmler on the box." Although I suppose it would at least be good at getting juice stains out. 
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Aug 2, 2014 19:06
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Maybe the Ikes need to fight back with propaganda of their own: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgCbegtw0JM
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Aug 2, 2014 19:14
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Brand X detergent is the final cleaning solution to your toughest problems!
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Aug 2, 2014 19:30
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But you won't look happy 
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Aug 2, 2014 19:47
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I found this
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Aug 2, 2014 20:24
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corn in the bible posted:I found this I'm loving Grumpy Dex there. Like even he knows how lovely the whole thing is.
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Aug 2, 2014 21:06
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If anyone's interested, the novel "Lucky Wander Boy" by D. B. Weiss (currently one of the Game of Thrones showrunners) features a company called "Portal Entertainment" which is an obvious analogue to Kasanoff's Threshold- I'm pretty sure that the book is somewhat autobiographical Also, at the end, the main character destroys all the company's hard drives, which I imagine was an embellishment. There's no equivalent of Foodfight in the book, though.
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Aug 2, 2014 21:17
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This feels like a machine-translation of an actual film, and not a good one. I don't mean the script is translated, but in the sense of all the elements being totally mismatched and off. Sort of like the weird computer-generated poetry that only accidentally sounds okay. If you asked Watson (the IBM system) to generate a Tex-Avery style feature-length animated movie, it might end up like this. Only it'd probably be better rendered. The premise, as odd as it is, does seem set up as an opportunity for brands to sign up and be featured to ensure customer loyalty. It's sort of the opposite marketing idea to POM Wonderful Presents: The Greatest Movie Ever Sold, but that didn't end up executing its premise very well either. Logorama probably does way more to sell the featured brands despite having no permission sought or procured on any of them. Indie Rocktopus posted:
A mental image I am now stuck with.
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Aug 3, 2014 01:50
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I really did like a fan comic project from a few years back called something like, "Breakfast of the Gods" that was the Kingdom Come of breakfast food icons. It sort of felt like Foodfight, but done a hell of a lot better. Warring factions of breakfast food icons duking it out, lots of obscure old cereal and food icon references.
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Aug 3, 2014 04:37
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Hell, I wrote a short story for myself for the hell of it about breakfast-food-themed knights whose names were puns or plays on names of brands that had to do with their food of choice. "By Eggland's Crest!" and poo poo like that. They went to war with the lunch food kingdom and were brought together eventually to fight against the common enemy that was the Brunch Baron. 
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Aug 3, 2014 05:52
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JediTalentAgent posted:I really did like a fan comic project from a few years back called something like, "Breakfast of the Gods" that was the Kingdom Come of breakfast food icons. It sort of felt like Foodfight, but done a hell of a lot better. Note that in that comic there was no "real world" that I can remember. It wasn't a grocery store, it was just a cereal-obsessed world where Count Chocula is basically Castlevania's Dracula. By doing so we don't get the bizarre implications like in the food fight movie. In fact the joke of the comic is mostly all the cliches of this kind of serious story going on with cereal mascots.
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Aug 3, 2014 06:23
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I'd just like to say I'm very glad Indie Rocktpus is doing the review of this movie because I sure as hell can't sit through even 5 minutes of it. The moral of "branded marketing good, store brands nazis" is just so mindboggling I can't wrap my head around it 
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Aug 3, 2014 15:45
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It would be a better movie is instead of being a Casablanca homage with Brand-x being Nazis, it was an Invasion of the Body Snatcher riff with Dex Dogtective trying to figure out why his friends seem to be..off as they're replaced one by one by generic knock-offs.
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Aug 3, 2014 16:02
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...of SCIENCE! posted:It would be a better movie is instead of being a Casablanca homage with Brand-x being Nazis, it was an Invasion of the Body Snatcher riff with Dex Dogtective trying to figure out why his friends seem to be..off as they're replaced one by one by generic knock-offs. But how do you work in a pimping poo poo balls weasel?
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Aug 3, 2014 16:23
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Pick posted:But how do you work in a pimping poo poo balls weasel? He should be the first clue that the world is wrong.
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Aug 3, 2014 17:18
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Das Boo posted:Shitballs Weasel makes me wonder if at some point, they considered releasing this in 3D. As scarring as that would be, nothing beats the big tie-in they had planned: quote:He predicted a huge $100 million tie-in merchandising campaign, with the film being promoted by partners like Procter & Gamble and Coca-Cola. There would be “Foodfight!” Web episodes, storybooks, plush toys and possibly a live stage show, “Foodfight on Ice.” Imagine what the costumes would have looked like. The Monkey Man posted:If anyone's interested, the novel "Lucky Wander Boy" by D. B. Weiss (currently one of the Game of Thrones showrunners) features a company called "Portal Entertainment" which is an obvious analogue to Kasanoff's Threshold- I'm pretty sure that the book is somewhat autobiographical Also, at the end, the main character destroys all the company's hard drives, which I imagine was an embellishment. There's no equivalent of Foodfight in the book, though. That book has been on my "should read someday" list for a long time - now I'll have to check it out. CoolZidane posted:I'm loving Grumpy Dex there. Like even he knows how lovely the whole thing is. Also Dan is a palette-swap of Bubsy the Bobcat. Pick posted:I would consider the Nazi reveal to be exceptionally terrible although it's less a specific "moment". That list is mostly of moments where I paused the video and thought "holy poo poo, what the gently caress am I watching." The Nazi thing, as you said, kind of creeps up on you; first they introduce these silly German stereotype characters and then before you know it its all Swastikas and Nuremberg quotes. But I agree it's terrible.
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Aug 3, 2014 17:36
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Indie Rocktopus posted:
Aaaaaaaaa. AAAAAAAAAAA.  e: YOU CAN'T GOOSESTEP IN ICESKATES. Das Boo fucked around with this message at 18:09 on Aug 3, 2014 |
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Aug 3, 2014 18:06
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PART 6: dreams of a choir of razor-faced angels The newly rejuvenated Dex climbs the Brand X Führerbunker, using a grappling hook made of bones because he is a dog, and then whaps himself in the head because physical comedy. Dex sneaks into in Lady X’s penthouse, which is decorated with parodies of famous paintings featuring the Lady as their subject to demonstrate her vanity, but also with Nazi eagles which darkens the mood a little. The Lady appears, and the two begin to tango, marking the second time the two have begun dancing during a conversation to keep the scene visually interesting.  “How bout joining me in a warm rinse?” “I’m not that dirty.” “But being filthy can be loads of fun.” “There are some stains you can never wash out…” “Let’s try. I wanna scrub your bubbles, Dex.” The keep dancing, inadvertently destroying much of the Lady’s apartment, leading to some visual gags I won’t bother to describe because they’re fairly predictable. They do knock over a fishtank and a birdcage, which only raises more questions about the supermarket reality: Are the Lady’s pets icons for some product? Are there random non-sentient creatures in the supermarket city? Where do they come from? Why do Charlie Tuna and Vlasic Stork get treated as full citizens while their brethren are kept as pets? Lady X offers Dex the opportunity to rule the supermarket with her, and threatens to dispose of Dan if he refuses. He refuses. So she tips a huge glass statue of herself onto Dex, with no effect whatsoever, and then successfully knocks him out by smacking him with a much smaller figurine (why didn’t she do that in the first place?) She expresses regret as Dex blacks out: “We could have been like macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and jelly, scotch and tape.”  Dex is woken up by Daredevil Dan inside of a giant drying machine. It turns on, threatening them with flames, and they escape by grabbing on to a loose sock in a riff on the old “socks always disappear from the dryer” joke. The whole thing is pretty hackneyed, until you remember the villains are supposed to be Nazis, which makes the “burning the Jews to death” setup deeply uncomfortable.  Meanwhile, Lady X commands the Brand X SS to start rounding up troublemaking ikes. Kung Tofu, tied up by Fat Lady and Sex Lizard, repeats word-for-word his previous line declaring his innocence, and I’m pretty sure it’s actually the exact same recording used a second time. Seriously. “But I, Kung Tofu, am innocent!” 27:20 and 34:50 if you don’t believe me. Apparently it was too expensive to bring back whoever did the racist Fu Manchu accent to read an additional sentence, so they just doubled the first one.  After successfully rescuing his friend, Dex is prepared to hang up his hat again, but Dan makes him look out of a vent down over the store. (It seems the grocery store’s drying machine[?] opens directly into the heating ducts on the store’s ceiling[?].) They see Lady X standing triumphant on a Nazi eagle-adorned tower, surrounded by platoons of soldiers and massive tanks of some mysterious chemical and X-shaped fighter formations of insectoid robot “X-obytes,” as a non-copyright-infringing version of John Williams’ Empire theme plays.   There something I need to acknowledge, here. I think the X-obytes are… okay? They don’t look great, but there’s nothing fundamentally awful about their design or animation. They might be used to good effect in a better movie. Fortunately, later on the X-obytes will be central to what is possibly the single worst shot in the entire film, so I don’t have to give them unqualified praise. “What the fudge?” Dan says, and I’m honestly a little surprised they managed to wait over a third of the way through the film before somebody said this. Dex expresses doubt that they’ll be able to stop Brand X. Fortunately, Dan gives him a very brief perfunctory “believe in yourself” pep talk, and with that Dex instantaneously overcomes his self-doubt. “Let’s snap, crackle and pop out of here,” he tells Dan, although I can’t figure out what phrase this is supposed to be a grocery-themed pun on. Brand X soldiers march through the streets as Sex Fetish Lizard announces a curfew is in effect: “All violators will be punished. I do so hope there are violators. I love a good violation. I love anything to do with violation, heh-heh-heh.”  Dex and Dan avoid the guards and pay a visit to Dr. Nose Guy, a giant-nosed antihistamine icon and run-of-the-mill Woody Allen parody character made offensve by two factors. First, Brand X’s Nazi-inspired persecution of the “ikes” makes the inclusion of an over-the-top Jewish stereotype a little questionable; second, why the gently caress is the character with the nose the size of his face an over-the-top Jewish stereotype what the gently caress is wrong with you.  Doc is having a fit, and when Dex tries to slap some sense into him he sneezes a giant wad of mucus onto our hero, bringing about the long-awaited return of the exploding goop effects. Fortunately for Dex’s dignity, the stuff has vanished from his jacket without a trace by the next scene - something we’ll see frequently with messy substances going forward.   We return to the mysterious spinning elephant from earlier in the film, finally revealed here as a toothpaste mascot, as Sex Fetish Lizard Nazi threatens him with a dental drill. “I myself appreciate a good darkener,” Fetish Lizard says, in a rare bit of his dialogue that does not imply sexual transgression, and brings the drill towards the elephant’s face as the camera zooms in on his terrified eyes; this is disturbing both because we’re watching an innocent character threatened with involuntary trepanation, which is pretty intense for a kid’s movie, and because the elephant’s giant bloodshot yellow eyes are terribly animated and creepy.  Back at the lab, Woody Allen Nose Doctor has concluded his analysis of the Brand X secret ingredient, and found it to be both poisonous and addictive to humans. Dex worries this will mean the end of the rest of the ikes and Dan despairs: “Oh man! I never had a chance to play lick the icing with sweet cakes!” Dex decides to send an email to the market’s corporate headquarters about Brand X’s toxicity, forcing a recall, and Nose Doctor panics while the camera spins and cuts around him like we’re in a bad parody of a Michael Bay film. The problem, it seems, is that our heroes don’t have time to make it to the computer (located in the store’s “expiration station”) before daybreak. So Dex boldly proposes they make the trip during the day. Dan briefly freaks out before regaining his composure (“I am a natural ninja,” he boasts, at once quoting the Twins from Transformers 2 and making a ninja joke ten years after Real Ultimate Power’s 2002 heyday.) “It’s daytime!” the Doctor shrieks, extending the word far beyond its customary two syllables, as out heroes set out into the uncanny world of the daylight grocery. APPEARANCES BY ACTUAL LICENSED MASCOTS: None (10 total) GROTESQUE SEXUAL REFERENCES: 6 (12 total) EXPLODING GOOP EFFECTS: 1 (9 total) EXCEPTIONALLY TERRIBLE ELEMENTS SO FAR: “It warms my heart how much you love my raisins, tough guy!” Mr. Clipboard’s voice and animation “Perhaps you desire a companion for those, heh heh, lonely bachelor nights?” Brand X are literal Nazis The racist voicework on “But I, Kung Tofu, am innocent!” repeated at 27:20 and 34:50 “All violators will be punished. I do so hope there are violators. I love a good violation. I love anything to do with violation.”
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Aug 3, 2014 18:19
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Mister Clipboard says we are the greatest brand; we clean, clean, all stains at your command
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Aug 3, 2014 18:20
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My favorite part is coming up! Involving a two liter bottle of soda and a willful disregard for anything related to any sort of grasp of physics whatsoever.
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Aug 3, 2014 18:41
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I never quite forgot Dan's dialogue in this segment because I was horrified something billed as a children's film would give such an explicit innuendo for oral. And then you made me remember the Sex Lizard has a rape fetish.
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Aug 3, 2014 19:35
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PART 7: the song of a universe dying in agony When we last left our heroes, they were preparing for their perilous quest through the daytime grocery store. This raises more questions about the rules of Foodfight!’s reality: where exactly do these mascots go during the day? Are they just hiding inside the shelving, or do they normally dissipate into some kind of incorporeal state, then return to their profane physical existence at closing?  Anyway, traversing the grocery during the day not only violates the ike's law that they cannot be seen by humans (Why? What happens if they are?) but puts them in immediate danger of being crushed. Dex, perhaps comforted by the familiar presence of Mr. Clean and Swiffer products in the background of the shot, makes a joke about “cleanup on aisle one” while contemplating his own imminent death.  But before we can hear more about Dex Dogtective’s subconscious desire for annihilation so he may be liberated from his blasphemous existence, we are interrupted by the Asymmetrical Brand X Fat Lady. She threatens them so Dan starts talking trash: “My friend Dex? He’ll make you stutter with your butter! You won’t survive his chives!” But Dex refuses to fight and the two “strawberry jam out of here.” (The food puns are making less and less sense as the film continues.) What follows is a chase sequence as the two are pursued across the store by Fat Lady. Dan falls into the clutches of a baby riding in a shopping cart, whose mother mistakes him for a toy, so I guess not being seen by humans isn’t really that important. The human models are indescribably atrocious:     Dan is tossed aside and winds up in the lower rack of another cart with Fat Lady. We get a close-up of her face, finally, so that we can appreciate her lovingly rendered acne; a panicked Dan offers the pleasures of his supple chocolaty body to this repulsive woman, proposing they go on a date, because it’s funny when someone expresses sexual interest in an ugly woman instead of a hot one.  Fortunately, Dan is saved from prostituting himself when Dex swoops in to rescue him on a magical levitating soda bottle. In the original trailer for the film, the bottle is suspended from a string, which makes slightly more sense. The falling and flying animations in this scene are inexplicable. The character models are motionless, and the trajectories is almost linear as the bottle slides forward through the air – it looks more like a rollercoaster car than anything else. It moves along straight diagonal lines, always traveling the shortest possible between points.  “Where you go, my chipmunk? I love you,” Fat Nazi Lady laments, smacking the cap of the twist-on soda bottle with her leg of lamb, which somehow removes it. Dex and Dan careen through the air, propelled by spraying soda (rendered, of course, as exploding goop), and levitate through into the freezer in the frozen food aisle, where Polar Penguin sits by a fire in a magical fantasy arctic landscape totally irreconcilable with the mundane grocery setting of the rest of this sequence.  Dex calls to Polar as they fly by, asking him to gather the surviving ikes to make a stand against Brand X. Polar promises to: “Thath what fwends are for!” (As an aside, Polar is voiced by Chris Kattan, who also appeared in the famously terrible CGI adventure Delgo.) Our heroes somehow burst out through a box of popsicles in the next aisle over, and fortuitously fly straight through the Kindly Storekeeper’s legs and into his office just as he announces the store is closing. (Note that the timing is totally hosed here: the store literally opened less than two minutes ago, and suddenly it’s dusk.) “See, see? I told you we’d make it,” Dan shouts, flip-flopping from his panicked screaming in the previous shot, because a character saying one thing and then saying the opposite is a comedy joke for laughing. “We’re the bug bomb, bro!”  But their celebration is short-lived, as it is revealed that at night the Kindly Storekeeper’s office magically turns into a magical morgue, the “expiration station,” piled high with the corpses of murdered ikes as far as the eye can see. There’s a suspicious figure high up on the shelves, and Dan and Dex ready themselves for another fight, only to realize that it’s just Gay Count Chocula. GCC explains that, since he’s undead, he wasn’t killed by Brand X’s toxins, which doesn’t explain why he allowed himself to be brought to the mortuary, or why the Brand X minions didn’t notice he was still alive.  But these questions are quickly forgotten. Daredevil Dan, it seems, is a magnet for unwanted admirers, as GCC is instantly seduced by his “enticing scent of rich, creamy chocolate.” Thus for the rest of the film Dan, fly-by sexual harasser, will himself be subject to inappropriate advances. Thankfully, GCC is much classier than Dan is, and his sex puns are never quite as explicit, despite the cornucopia of opportunities for chocolate/butt stuff jokes. Larry Miller actually does a reasonable job with Gay Count Chocula’s voice, and if his character’s design weren’t so grotesque (ugly colors, creepy flesh-toned skin, giant head with giant ears but tiny eyes, combover, shirt unbuttoned to reveal chest hair and giant bat medallion in a manner reminiscent of a 70s swinger) GCC might actually be likable, if only because he consistently antagonizes one of the awful main characters. “Wait, don’t tell me… bittersweet! Do you go out much, by the way? Because I like to dance a little myself, I dance a bit.”   Anyway, our two heroes and GCC finally get to the computer, which has somehow maintained its shape even as the rest of the Storekeeper’s office transformed into a giant crypt. They’re greeted by the perpetually dancing digital ike Blue, apparent representative of the mascot-deficient IBM, who for some reason demanded Foodfight! acknowledge their complicity in its abominable animation during the film.  Dex asks Blue to find a form to recall Brand X, but because that would mean the end of our villains and we’re barely halfway through the movie, it instead looks for files on previously recalled brands. (Dex does not seem to notice or care.) Blue finds documents on “Priscilla Pustley’s Genetically Giant Prunes” and… Sunshine Goodness Raisins?!?!  It seems Brand X ordered both recalls, revealing them as the culprits behind Sunshine’s kidnapping, even though there’s no way for one manufacturer to demand a recall on another manufacturer’s products. Finally, Dex and Blue hit “send” on the recall form for Brand X’s products…  But unbeknownst to our heroes, Nazi Sex Lizard is lurking outside, and has sealed them into the crypt/office with non-trademark infringing “Looney Glue.” (Dan and GCC take off to find an alternate exit, leading to some wall-splatting slapstick because GCC has trouble flying “with you on my back… Not that I mind that.”). Just as Dex and Blue attempt to send the Brand X recall form, Sex Lizard and his cronies tear down the electric meter (…indoors, on the side of the manager’s office? which just became a mausoleum?) shutting off the power and rendering the previous ten minutes of the film basically pointless. (Also, the crypt’s lights still work, they’re just dimmed a little bit. “Ooh, mood lighting,” says GCC.) It’s unclear if the email went through or not, so Dex and crew exit the office through a vent and head for the Copabanana, prepared to take matters into their own hands.  APPEARANCES BY ACTUAL LICENSED MASCOTS: 1 (I guess we count Blue? Sure, why not.) (11 total) GROTESQUE SEXUAL REFERENCES: 1 (13 total) EXPLODING GOOP EFFECTS: 2 (11 total) EXCEPTIONALLY TERRIBLE ELEMENTS SO FAR: “It warms my heart how much you love my raisins, tough guy!” Mr. Clipboard’s voice and animation “Perhaps you desire a companion for those, heh heh, lonely bachelor nights?” Brand X are literal Nazis The racist voicework on “But I, Kung Tofu, am innocent!” repeated at 27:20 and 34:50 “All violators will be punished. I do so hope there are violators. I love a good violation. I love anything to do with violation.” Indie Rocktopus fucked around with this message at 16:25 on Aug 4, 2014 |
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Aug 3, 2014 23:41
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That should be two exploding goo effects, you're forgetting the glue.
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Aug 4, 2014 00:04
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There's a "gently caress yeah Foodfight" tumblr. http://fuckyeahfoodfight.tumblr.com/
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Aug 4, 2014 01:53
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Indie Rocktopus, thank you for doing one of my favorite horrendous movies ever. This is the only movie I've ever seen that has a scene that actually made me physically angry.The Monkey Man posted:There's a "gently caress yeah Foodfight" tumblr. There's also a 24-hour Livestream channel that's been running for over a year now so you can watch it over and over and over and over and over...
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Aug 4, 2014 02:12
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The best thing I've found on that tumblr is this kid who managed to get inside a claw machine a few months ago. Yeah, he did it for the shitweasel.
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Aug 4, 2014 02:22
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So I guess someone needs to do Killer Bean Forever after this, right?
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Aug 4, 2014 02:32
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Gay Vampire is one of the only unequivocally LGBT characters in a children's animated feature film. 
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Aug 4, 2014 04:57
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Pick posted:Gay Vampire is one of the only unequivocally LGBT characters in a children's animated feature film. He's like a gay version of Leisure Suit Larry and I don't really know if that's praiseworthy. On another note, I thought (How to Train Your Dragon 2 spoilers) Hiccup's father's best friend is implied to be gay?
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Aug 4, 2014 08:48
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The first thing that strikes me in a lovely computer-animated film like Foodfight is the apparent fact that everyone involved was colorblind. Before the craptastic animation and terrible script make themselves apparent, the awful, clashing color palette make me want to gouge out my eyes.
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Aug 4, 2014 09:40
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Yeah, it's easy to focus on the failure of the animation because it's just so horrifically incompetent, but nothing here works at all. Even if the poopness of poo poo Weasel weren't inherently bad, it doesn't mesh with the other textures. Even if the animation were good, the character design would fail. Even if the animation and character design didn't fail, shot composition fails. Just every single loving thing. The writeup is doing a good job explaining it at all its different levels but, to use an internet cliche, "there are no words" for the actual experience. Human language cannot capture an artistic cataclysm of this magnitude.
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Aug 4, 2014 16:53
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It's like The Room of animated movies; you just watch it and wonder if the people who worked on this had ever actually seen a movie before. Has Charlie Sheen or Hillary Duff ever talked about working on Foodfight?
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Aug 4, 2014 17:38
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Evil Mastermind posted:Has Charlie Sheen or Hillary Duff ever talked about working on Foodfight? I highly doubt they even remember recording their parts.
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Aug 4, 2014 17:46
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I'm really glad this movie is being discussed here so more people can realize what a failure it is beyond awful animation and character designs. The sexual content really is bizarre for a kids' movie. It's interesting to hear that it was included because the director wanted it there as I assumed it was just furry/otherkin CG animators goofing off with the models and that when that insurance company picked it up and had to legally release SOMETHING they just cobbled together every second of footage that existed. Same with Sunshine's cat ears except on the box design. Yet it was there from the beginning. Also shocked to know Mr. Clipboard's majestic stride is intentional. I always just assumed it was just incomplete flailing/the model just getting jiggled through an animation like most of the other stuff. It's definitely walk to remember in animation history, up there with Bobby in Riot City. Ms. X's intro and stuff, like kinda sorta fits into a kids' movie but I still couldn't believe the schoolgirl fetish outfit dance seduction scene when I saw it and that the movie continues to get worse from then on. Neo Rasa fucked around with this message at 18:05 on Aug 4, 2014 |
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Aug 4, 2014 18:00
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Neo Rasa posted:Also shocked to know Mr. Clipboard's majestic stride is intentional. I always just assumed it was just incomplete flailing/the model just getting jiggled through an animation like most of the other stuff. Hey, just because it was intentional doesn't mean it wasn't incompetently done and a failure at communicating whatever the director thought it would be. I mean, the line about licking Dan's chocolate frosting was intentional. That doesn't mean it was in any way a good idea.
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Aug 4, 2014 19:25
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The more I see/read about this thing, the less convinced I am it was supposed to be a kids' movie. This dreck checks most of the list for "Adult animation" as set by the likes of Family Guy et al (Tasteless jokes, sexual innuendo,  animation, etc.)
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Aug 4, 2014 19:38
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It really does remind me of Tripping the Rift, except somehow it's even worse. Now there's a notion.
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Aug 4, 2014 20:01
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INTERLUDE: imagining a not terrible foodfight(?) This foolish film has been on my mind so much recently that I tried drawing some fan(?) art. This is an attempt to depict the principal characters as actual mascots. The irony of Foodfight!, however, is that if the film was better-made it would be equally reprehensible, because it would spread its evil message to kids more effectively. Anyway, enjoy!  High-flying, death-defying... He's Daredevil Dan(r), and he's "nuts" for CHOCOLATE NUTS CHOCOLATE(tm)! Don't forget to try new Chocolate Nuts Frosting(r) - goes great with Sweetcakes(tm) buttered muffins! He's got a nose for sweetness! It's your pal Dex Dogtective(r), the world's greatest CINNAMON SLEUTH(tm)! Now with a Cinnamon Spyglass(tm) in every box! Remember, THE SECRET'S INSIDE(r)! SUNSHINE GOODNESS(tm) Raisins: They'll Warm Your Heart(r)! (USDA WARNING: SUNSHINE GOODNESS(tm) Raisins may be toxic to dogs or other domestic animals, speak to your veterinarian for details) Vlad Chokul(r) has got a secret... he isn't like the other vampires... he's got a different craving... instead of blood, Vlad's got a "sweet fang" for the rich enticing taste of CHOKUL CRUNCH(tm) cereal! If you're looking for a balanced breakfast... Vlad's got your back! When you need the "ultimate solution" for stains, there's only one agent for the job: LADY X(r)! Wipe out undesirable stains with the ultimate x-terminator! She'll scrub your bubbles(r)! Now with ELIXIR, it's practically addicting! BRAND X(tm): It's simple and clean(r)! Sometimes you're feeling a little... cheesy. Well, step into the back alley, because Cheasel T. Weasel(tm) has a deal that'll please you!! Whether a family dinner or a quiet bachelor night, Cheasel's got the goods to keep you coming back for more! KIDS! Collect Cheasel Coupons(r) for awesome prizes - the Cheasel plush toy, the Cheasel inflatable companion, and much, much more!
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Aug 4, 2014 22:05
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Pick posted:Yeah, it's easy to focus on the failure of the animation because it's just so horrifically incompetent, but nothing here works at all. Even if the poopness of poo poo Weasel weren't inherently bad, it doesn't mesh with the other textures. Even if the animation were good, the character design would fail. Even if the animation and character design didn't fail, shot composition fails. Just every single loving thing. The writeup is doing a good job explaining it at all its different levels but, to use an internet cliche, "there are no words" for the actual experience. Human language cannot capture an artistic cataclysm of this magnitude. That's the misery in all this. It's something so indescribably incompetent that you just can't properly articulate its failure to someone without showing them. And then you risk outrageously pissing them off. I have told people to watch reviews of this and recieved angry phone calls.
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Aug 4, 2014 22:37
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