What kind of masturbater are you?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > What kind of masturbater are you?

Chris Awful: Oct 2, 2005; Tell your friends they don't have to be scared or hungry anymore comrades.

I'm a brute-force masturbater. No porn, no fantasizing, no lube. I fap 'til I cum. This is the most masculine method.

Although sometimes I am a leg-raise masturbater. This is an exhausting abdominal exercise that causes cum to poor out of my dick.

# ? Aug 21, 2014 13:49

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 23:37

weirdly chilly pussy: Oct 6, 2007

I don't

# ? Aug 21, 2014 13:51

Ahundredbux: Oct 25, 2007; The right to bear arms

i travel back in time and suck my own dick

# ? Aug 21, 2014 13:56

Pissed Ape Sexist: Apr 19, 2008

"Thrice-convicted" comes to mind

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:11

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007

Chronic

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:12

Idiot Kicker: Jun 13, 2007

alternating hands

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:12

Amarcarts: Feb 21, 2007; This looks a lot like suffering.

I used to be the frequent kind but lately I've been taking it easy.

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:12

ShaqDiesel: Mar 21, 2013

I'm the right loving now kind thanks to your pic OP.

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:13

Blahsmack: Oct 25, 2003

gotta get up at 3 am every morning to milk the cows

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:13

Hogge Wild: Aug 21, 2012; by FactsAreUseless; Pillbug

Idiot Kicker posted:

alternating hands

go back to fetlife

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:13

les fleurs du mall: Jun 30, 2014; by LadyAmbien

Furious

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:15

Calvin Johnson Jr.: Dec 8, 2009

aggressive

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:15

scarycave: Oct 9, 2012; Dominic Beegan:
Exterminator For Hire

None. Lost my penis in a pants zipper accident.

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:16

Idiot Kicker: Jun 13, 2007

frank and beans or just frank

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:18

gorki: Aug 9, 2014

dildo princess

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:18

Nic Cage dick cage: Jun 23, 2009; Lipstick Apathy

Tabata.

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:24

Harrower: Nov 30, 2002

Spiteful

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:25

Chris Awful: Oct 2, 2005; Tell your friends they don't have to be scared or hungry anymore comrades.

Harrower posted:

Spiteful

You ate the last of the cheerios? *splat*

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:27

Nelson Mandingo: Mar 27, 2005

Break down and cry for at least an hour before pathetically finishing up.

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:29

nigga crab pollock: Mar 26, 2010; by Lowtax

fap

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:30

Myron Baloney: Mar 19, 2002; Emitting dimensions are swallowing you

I'm the eye-contact-over-the-top-of-the-cubicle kind

the best kind

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:32

FartRomancer.EXE: Jun 26, 2012

loud & proud

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:33

Lord Frankenstyle: Dec 3, 2005; Mmmm,
You smell like Lysol Wipes.

Nurturing and respectful.

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:34

spleen merchant: Jul 1, 2007; Fun Shoe

Pathological

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:35

Blistex: Oct 30, 2003; Macho Business
Donkey Wrestler

Age-Defying

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNYrkvYHCbU

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:38

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

Upstanding and Independent

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdaM5Mv-TTo

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:39

The Fuzzy Hulk: Nov 22, 2007; ASK ME ABOUT CROSSING THE STREAMS

Continual

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:46

Inexplicable Humblebrag: Sep 20, 2003

the inevitable kind, OP

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:48

Lucky Guy: Jan 24, 2013; TY for no bm

i have an elaborate flowchart and excel spreadsheet that tells me which fleshlight to use each time

# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:54

INCHI DICKARI: Aug 23, 2006; by FactsAreUseless

Rube Goldbergesque

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# ? Aug 21, 2014 14:58

PlantRobot: Feb 13, 2010

marathon aka while running in public areas

# ? Aug 21, 2014 15:03

gorki: Aug 9, 2014

i just had a lovely big afternoon wank followed by a cup of tea and a kitkat :britain:

# ? Aug 21, 2014 15:04

Baiku: Oct 25, 2011

Machias Ellis.

By the way what is that intense feeling of shame after you finish called?

# ? Aug 21, 2014 15:12

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

sofa masturbater

# ? Aug 21, 2014 15:13

Inexplicable Humblebrag: Sep 20, 2003

Phrasing posted:

Machias Ellis.

By the way what is that intense feeling of shame after you finish called?

life

# ? Aug 21, 2014 15:14

Kleen_TheRacistDog: Feb 17, 2014; Can't bust the Krust fuckman
www.skullmund.com

slow and steady, win the race
hard and fast, jizz in face

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# ? Aug 21, 2014 15:14

Bloodfart McCoy: Jul 20, 2007; That's a high quality avatar right there.

I go in dry.

# ? Aug 21, 2014 15:27

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

A terrible one

# ? Aug 21, 2014 15:31

1gnoirents: Jun 28, 2014; hello

Bloodfart McCoy posted:

I go in dry.

yeah me too mostly bud. I find it keeps my head way more sensitive too making actual sex better. Jerking it with good lube is almost unbearable although it feels good obv.

# ? Aug 21, 2014 15:36

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 23:37

Ahundredbux: Oct 25, 2007; The right to bear arms

Cream_Filling posted:

sofa masturbater

sounds p. chill

# ? Aug 21, 2014 15:37

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > What kind of masturbater are you?

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