NFL N/V Week 1: We're all 0-0

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL N/V Week 1: We're all 0-0

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FizFashizzle: Mar 30, 2005

Franks Happy Place posted:

Probably because they are getting ready to break in the new stadium parking lot.

I know the field sucks but drat that's extreme.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:11

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 15:16

Dexo: Aug 15, 2009; A city that was to live by night after the wilderness had passed. A city that was to forge out of steel and blood-red neon its own peculiar wilderness.

R.D. Mangles posted:

5. Aaron Rodgers, having accomplished all he can in football, retires to try to make a difference by producing lovely country bands. He lives the rest of his life in prosperity and comfort, but leaves the Packers in tatters after they have to go numerous months before falling into their next hall-of-fame quarterback.

Scott Tolzien is going to literally be a figurative Peyton Manning

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:11

Franks Happy Place: Mar 15, 2011; It is by weed alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the dank of Sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, stains become a warning. It is by weed alone I set my mind in motion.

FizFashizzle posted:

I know the field sucks but drat that's extreme.

Harbaugh should have picked up a better landscaping crew from out front when he went to buy pants.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:13

weekly font: Dec 1, 2004; Everytime I try to fly I fall
Without my wings
I feel so small
Guess I need you baby...

ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:

MDMA is (RS)-1-(benzo[d][1,3]dioxol-5-yl)-N-methylpropan-2-amine (3,4-methylenedioxy-N-methylamphetamine)

Meth is N-methyl-1-phenylpropan-2-amine (N-methyl-alpha-methylphenethylamine)

I'm having horrible flashbacks to Organic Chem. In the football thread. Slap a trigger warning on that poo poo, man.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:15

FeedingHam2Cats: Nov 10, 2009

Vertical Lime posted:

ProFootballTalk @ProFootballTalk
Source: Welker took Molly at the Kentucky Derby. It had been cut with amphetamines. Same situation as Orlando Scandrick.

Wes Welker is officially my favorite player

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:18

Volkerball: Oct 15, 2009; by FactsAreUseless

Filthy Casual posted:

We were in the middle of the second furlong, when the drugs began to take hold.

well this cartoon is happening.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:18

Mgant: Nov 26, 2005; Best in the West

mllaneza posted:

That's actually a really good Hunter S Thompson imitation. Right down to the drugs.

It is, he just forgot the ether and the saltshaker.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:19

Bivens: Jun 23, 2003; die mensch·maschine

Wes Welker in uniform reminds me of the sassy Christmas elf in every Christmas movie that complains non-stop about all the work he does while Santa gets the glory

i am unsure why

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:22

Kull the Conqueror: Apr 8, 2006; Take me to the green valley,
lay the sod o'er me,
I'm a young cowboy,
I know I've done wrong

If I'm gonna roll, it's gonna be at the Derb'.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:25

Filthy Casual: Aug 13, 2014

Volkerball posted:

well this cartoon is happening.

Who's gonna be Dr. Gonzo? Peyton is way too square for it.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:27

Blitz of 404 Error: Sep 19, 2007; Joe Biden is a top 15 president

First, I do like this
Put a look on my face like I smelled some piss
Bounce to the beat till it start to hurt
Then I dust all the smirk off mi shirt
Dip to the ground as I catch the bass
Then I wipe all the sweat off mi face
Hop back up then I start to slide
Poping my collar as I glide
Then I break the thang down and do the bird
Dust myself off like I just stole third
Come on everybody here's the say
gently caress the harlem shake this the Patriot way

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:27

A Pale Horse: Jul 29, 2007

Filthy Casual posted:

We were in the middle of the second furlong, when the drugs began to take hold.

In case anyone hasn't seen it before (or just wants to read it again), here's the actual Kentucky Derby article from Thompson he wrote for Scanlan's in 1970.

http://english138.web.unc.edu/files...nd-Depraved.pdf

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:27

Chris James 2: Aug 9, 2012

I kinda hope tomorrow's boring, because this is it. This is beautiful.

This is how Offseason 2014 deserves to end.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:28

FizFashizzle: Mar 30, 2005

Filthy Casual posted:

Who's gonna be Dr. Gonzo? Peyton is way too square for it.

You ever chewed on a pituitary gland?

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:28

swickles: Aug 21, 2006; I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know

Think about the day that Wes Welker had:

1.) Popped molly and went to the derby
2.) Won a poo poo ton of money betting on horses
3.) Was accidentally overpaid $14,000 on said bets
4.) Walked around making it rain $100 bills

Can you think of anyone who wouldn't trade a four game suspension for that day?

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:29

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

The Chargers have announced that Leslie O'neal will become the 37th member of the Chargers hall of fame this year.

Leslie was the defensive rookie of the year in 1986, was a 6x pro bowler, and a 3x second team all pro. He had 132.5 career sacks. He helped make up the 1994 defense that pulled the team to the Superbowl, along with Junior Seau and Rodney Harrison. Leslie O'Neal rules and I hope he doesn't die soon.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:29

Volkerball: Oct 15, 2009; by FactsAreUseless

Filthy Casual posted:

Who's gonna be Dr. Gonzo? Peyton is way too square for it.

I don't know. The hair is kind of a dealbreaker for most. I remember debating over using fear and loathing before and deciding to scrap it. It might just be welkers adventure with his attorney.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:31

FeedingHam2Cats: Nov 10, 2009

swickles posted:

Think about the day that Wes Welker had:

1.) Popped molly and went to the derby
2.) Won a poo poo ton of money betting on horses
3.) Was accidentally overpaid $14,000 on said bets
4.) Walked around making it rain $100 bills

Can you think of anyone who wouldn't trade a four game suspension for that day?

Seriously, it was absolutely worth it

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:33

will_colorado: Jun 30, 2007

Welker, you stupid loving bastard. :mad:

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:40

wheez the roux: Aug 2, 2004; THEY SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT TO LYNCH

Death to the Seahawks. Death to Seahawks posters.

Volkerball posted:

popped a molly im sweatin

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:44

NicelyNice: Feb 13, 2004; citrus

Finally a feel-good drug suspension after an offseason of depressing off-field acts, thank you Wes Welker for getting the season off on the right foot. Hope you enjoyed your horses, money, and drugs, almost time for football!

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:44

R.D. Mangles: Jan 10, 2004

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:45

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

That's simply loving amazing when you put it like that Ehud. Imagine the night he had?

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:46

GNU Order: Feb 28, 2011; That's a paddlin'

AAA DOLFAN posted:

That's simply loving amazing when you put it like that Ehud. Imagine the night he had?

aha, I knew it, all dolphins posters are one dude's alt accounts

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:48

swickles: Aug 21, 2006; I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know

GNU Order posted:

aha, I knew it, all dolphins posters are one dude's alt accounts

shhhhh

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:49

will_colorado: Jun 30, 2007

So that Old Spice commercial where the alligators ate his legs, was just a figment of his loaded imagination?

will_colorado fucked around with this message at 01:54 on Sep 3, 2014

# ? Sep 3, 2014 01:51

FeedingHam2Cats: Nov 10, 2009

R.D. Mangles posted:

make his pupils completely dilated

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:01

FizFashizzle: Mar 30, 2005

FeedingHam2Cats posted:

make his pupils completely dilated

And the sirens going off.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:05

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

GNU Order posted:

Has anybody said

Popped a molly, i'm bettin (on horses)

yet?

Roughly 70000 people on twitter, but it's still a pretty good joke imo.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:07

Bip Roberts: Mar 29, 2005

mllaneza posted:

That's actually a really good Hunter S Thompson imitation. Right down to the drugs.

3:00 p.m. rise
3:05 Chivas Regal with the morning papers, Dunhills
3:45 cocaine
3:50 another glass of Chivas, Dunhill
4:05 first cup of coffee, Dunhill
4:15 cocaine
4:16 orange juice, Dunhill
4:30 cocaine
4:54 cocaine
5:05 cocaine
5:11 coffee, Dunhills
5:30 more ice in the Chivas
5:45 cocaine, etc., etc.
6:00 grass to take the edge off the day
7:05 Woody Creek Tavern for lunch-Heineken, two margaritas, coleslaw, a taco salad, a double order of fried onion rings, carrot cake, ice cream, a bean fritter, Dunhills, another Heineken, cocaine, and for the ride home, a snow cone (a glass of shredded ice over which is poured three or four jig�gers of Chivas)
9:00 starts snorting cocaine seriously
10:00 drops acid
11:00 Chartreuse, cocaine, grass
11:30 cocaine, etc, etc.
12:00 midnight, Welker is ready to play
12:05-6:00 a.m. Chartreuse, cocaine, grass, Chivas, coffee, Heineken, clove cigarettes, grapefruit, Dunhills, orange juice, gin, continuous pornographic movies.
6:00 the hot tub-champagne, Dove Bars, fettuccine Alfredo
8:00 Halcyon
8:20 sleep

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:12

The 7th Guest: Dec 17, 2003

Uh.. I see

quote:

The Denver Post's Mike Klis reports the Broncos believe suspended WR Wes Welker will play Week 1 against the Colts.

Per Klis, the Broncos think they'll have Welker this week because "suspensions are never announced this late in week" with the "game plan" already "in place." Hmm. Okay. It's only Tuesday. We're not sure what to make of this, as we've never seen a suspended player allowed to play because the suspension was announced on a certain day of the week.

Yeah go ahead and try that Denver, going against the league plus playing him during his current concussion seems like a good combo

e: If you're a huge NFL Films fan you might want to look away

quote:

@NFLFilms: Announcement: Joe Buck is our new host of �NFL Films Presents.� The season premiere on @FoxSports1. Welcome aboard, @Buck

The 7th Guest fucked around with this message at 02:22 on Sep 3, 2014

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:20

WHOOPS: Nov 6, 2009

Maybe they got the fax late?

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:21

The Puppy Bowl: Jan 31, 2013; A dog, in the house.

*woof*

I've always kind of wondered what the league would do if a team said "Nah, gently caress that" to a league sanction. This could be fun to watch.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:23

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Yeah if there is one thing that is not to be infringed upon, its the gameplan.

Its even inshrined in the CBA!

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:23

FizFashizzle: Mar 30, 2005

Bip Roberts posted:

3:00 p.m. rise
3:05 Chivas Regal with the morning papers, Dunhills
3:45 cocaine
3:50 another glass of Chivas, Dunhill
4:05 first cup of coffee, Dunhill
4:15 cocaine
4:16 orange juice, Dunhill
4:30 cocaine
4:54 cocaine
5:05 cocaine
5:11 coffee, Dunhills
5:30 more ice in the Chivas
5:45 cocaine, etc., etc.
6:00 grass to take the edge off the day
7:05 Woody Creek Tavern for lunch-Heineken, two margaritas, coleslaw, a taco salad, a double order of fried onion rings, carrot cake, ice cream, a bean fritter, Dunhills, another Heineken, cocaine, and for the ride home, a snow cone (a glass of shredded ice over which is poured three or four jig�gers of Chivas)
9:00 starts snorting cocaine seriously
10:00 drops acid
11:00 Chartreuse, cocaine, grass
11:30 cocaine, etc, etc.
12:00 midnight, Welker is ready to play
12:05-6:00 a.m. Chartreuse, cocaine, grass, Chivas, coffee, Heineken, clove cigarettes, grapefruit, Dunhills, orange juice, gin, continuous pornographic movies.
6:00 the hot tub-champagne, Dove Bars, fettuccine Alfredo
8:00 Halcyon
8:20 sleep

This is a real HST schedule btw if some of you have never seen this.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:23

swickles: Aug 21, 2006; I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know

I imagine their might be a provision in the CBA that if a suspension is announced X hours before a game, it applies for the following week.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:24

FizFashizzle: Mar 30, 2005

swickles posted:

I imagine their might be a provision in the CBA that if a suspension is announced X hours before a game, it applies for the following week.

Great! just wipe the blood out of Welker's ears and strap him up.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:25

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

swickles posted:

I imagine their might be a provision in the CBA that if a suspension is announced X hours before a game, it applies for the following week.

Being Tuesday that would make the window kind of short.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:26

Filthy Casual: Aug 13, 2014

Volkerball posted:

I don't know. The hair is kind of a dealbreaker for most. I remember debating over using fear and loathing before and deciding to scrap it. It might just be welkers adventure with his attorney.

Well, BenJarvis Green-Ellis was on the Pats at the same time, and he's called the Law Firm...

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:27

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 15:16

Kull the Conqueror: Apr 8, 2006; Take me to the green valley,
lay the sod o'er me,
I'm a young cowboy,
I know I've done wrong

Quest For Glory II posted:

e: If you're a huge NFL Films fan you might want to look away

Whatever, they've sucked for a while now.

# ? Sep 3, 2014 02:29

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL N/V Week 1: We're all 0-0

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