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Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

Dark segments exist to appease dudes who you don't have room on the card for, pretty much. I could make him a talk show host, he's obviously over as hell and his talking stats are much, much better than they should be. But I figure it would make more sense to have Christian or Santino doing that.

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Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

~Everybody wants to be a cat~
~Because a cat's the only cat~
~Who knows where its at~

Owens and Sticks look great on the main roster.

I just want to reiterate my idea for rebranding No Way Out and making it a location based psuedo-gimmick PPV, especially if it's an international show. I think that's a winner idea to cover up the typical uselessness of the Pre-Mania filler show. Bring back one of the old British PPV names like Insurrextion, or revive International Incident. Then give it an In Your House style subtitle based on which country we take it to. It could also help us really showcase and give a big boost to some of our international rising talent. Go to Japan, give Itami and Balor a match and watch the place catch fire. Go to Ireland and do Balor vs Shaemus. Go to England put Barret in the main event against Bryan with Regal as special guest ref. Go to Mexico and do Rey Misterio (if he's able to go) vs Callisto. Go to Canada and do Nattie vs Beth with Bret and Edge in their corners.

Lots of possibilities to do something unique and special that helps make the Mania season that much cooler.

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

Our budget is so flush (our current funds are just over 125% of what we started with) that we could definitely consider inconsequential PPVs like IYH. I don't know if it would have bad repercusssions in the long term but it would be doable. It'll be covered in the post-Rumble conference call.

NowonSA
Jul 19, 2013

I am the sexiest poster in the world!
Just because we're having the PPV with War Games on it called War Games this year doesn't mean we always have to. If we're bringing it back, we're drat sure naming the PPV after it. We can spice it in here and there when needed after that, without naming the PPV after it necessarily.

BoredDG
Aug 10, 2013


Basic Chunnel posted:

I could make him a talk show host, he's obviously over as hell and his talking stats are much, much better than they should be. But I figure it would make more sense to have Christian or Santino doing that.

I want to see Hogan's Pit, which he won in a card game from Piper.

Skunkrocker
Jan 14, 2012

Your favorite furry wrestler.

BoredDG posted:

I want to see Hogan's Pit, which he won in a card game from Piper.

I'm sorry, I believe you mean HULKAMANIA LIVE, BROTHER!

NowonSA
Jul 19, 2013

I am the sexiest poster in the world!
I'm all for Hulkamania live. We've got Hogan right? We should be trotting him out every now and then for an interview or to shill for the Network, or to look dramatically at Sting or something.

Or if it'll let us, we can put him in a match and have him die in the ring, I suppose.

Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.
I like the story potential of "Named wrestler/named wrestler vs named wrestler + local." It'd be funny to see The Usos beat Big Show and Rory Fargo, with Show not even getting tagged.

Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005

NowonSA posted:

I'm all for Hulkamania live. We've got Hogan right? We should be trotting him out every now and then for an interview or to shill for the Network, or to look dramatically at Sting or something.

Or if it'll let us, we can put him in a match and have him die in the ring, I suppose.

This'd be awesome. Maybe do a running segment where Hogan or other Legends go around to stores and restaurants and tell eople they get the WWE network for 9.99 instead of what they are buying and get in a fight. I'd like to see the first one in a Chipotle ending with Hogan leg dropping the manager then dumping a bunch of guac on him or something.

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.
I'm glad we're keeping Night of Champions, I think it's an excellent gimmick that hasn't gotten its due lately. A card of straight title matches, every title defended, that's a fun show.

Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005

What if we brought back Starrcade in the October slot as a smaller Fall Counterpart to WrestleMania? We could use SummerSlam as a lead in for storylines like the Rumble for WrestleMania. Just a thought

jesus WEP
Oct 17, 2004


Colonel Wood posted:

What if we brought back Starrcade in the October slot as a smaller Fall Counterpart to WrestleMania? We could use SummerSlam as a lead in for storylines like the Rumble for WrestleMania. Just a thought
It'd be a perfect vehicle for Hogan to get his win back off Sting

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

BringBackHornswoggle posted:



RAW is live from the Target Center in Minneapolis before a sell out crowd of 9,500.

- DARK: The Dust Bros. beat Colin Cassady and Enzo Amore. Stardust goes over Enzo with a Cross Rhodes. C

- DARK: Locke vs. Hideo Itami vs. Adrian Neville. Locke hits Neville with a tilt-a-whirl DDT to end it. C-

- DARK: Christian and Mark Henry vs. BNB and Big Show. Henry defeats BNB with a low blow as Christian distracted the ref. B-

- DARK: Gene Okerlund comes out and tells some tales of Royal Rumbles past for 10 minutes. D+

- - - - -
- Raw kicks off with Michael Cole and JBL. Cole mentions that we'll see the official title match contract signing tonight, and JBL talks up how John Cena has come up short lately and how his eyes have got to be set on winning the Rumble. B

- Kurt Angle's music hits and he comes out in a suit, mic in hand. He mentions that this Sunday is the Royal Rumble, and that we'll see a traditional 30-man contest at the end of the night. However, Angle says, there are more superstars than there are spots, and everyone deserves a shot at making it into the match, so this week's RAW and Smackdown will feature a number of one-on-one matches, the winners of which will be awarded a Royal Rumble number. Tonight will see Titus O'Neil vs. R-Truth, "Sticks" Balor vs. Viktor, Luke Harper vs. John Morrison, Cesaro vs. Diego, and John Cena vs. Kane, all in contention for spots in the Rumble. B+

- - - - -

- Paul Heyman is backstage with Kevin Owens, with a pen in his hand. He clicks it a few times, a smile on his face. "The pen is mightier than the sword", the old saying goes. A fine, figurative sentiment I suppose. But tonight we'll see it in a different light." He clicks the pen. "Tonight Randy Orton and Seth Rollins officially sign on the dotted line to face my client, Brock Lesnar, for his WWE World Heavyweight Championship this Sunday. I'm sure they're filled with the greatest confidence, but..." Heyman clicks the pen and looks off into the distance, a pained look on his face "Well, if I could stop them, I would. Not because I fear my client's championship, God no. But because with a pen just like this one" he looks down at the pen in his hand "They will cross a threshold from which there is no turning back... Perhaps it's not enough to say that the pen is mightier than the sword, perhaps we need a more apt cliche. How about this:" Heyman looks into the camera. "Tonight, Randy Orton and Seth Rollins sign the death warrants of their own careers." He shakes his head and drops the pen. "What a shame." A

- - - - -

- AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella is next. It's a fairly standard Divas match, but AJ's over with the crowd and gets a little more heat than we'd expect. During the match we had Paige come down to ringside, apparently to see what would happen. Bella taps to the Black Widow after Paige attempts to distract AJ but ends up putting Bella off her guard instead. A typically sorry performance from the power half of the Bella Twins. C

- As AJ stares down Paige from inside the ring, Beth Pheonix appears on the stage and raises her title defiantly, gazing down at both challengers. C+

- - - - -

- Back from commercial break, it's Titus O’Neil (with Sylvester Lefort) vs. R-Truth in tonight’s first Rumble draft match. O’Neil pins R-Truth while Lefort holds his feet down from outside. R-Truth was incensed after the match as Team Fly celebrated up the ramp. C-

- - - - -

- Ric Flair and “Sticks” Balor are shown in Commissioner Angle’s office. Ric Flair proposes that to make things easier for Angle and more interesting for the fans, Balor’s match tonight should be a team draft event – that is, if Balor wins, he and his mystery partner will have numbers for the Rumble, while if the Ascension wins they will feature. Angle considers the arrangement and agrees. B+

- - - - -

- “Sticks” Balor defeats Viktor with a Cymbal Crash in a fun, open match. In addition to the tag team match at the Rumble, both Balor and his opponent will be drawn for the Rumble! D

- - - - -

- Luke Harper defeats John Morrison in the third Rumble draft match of the night after Harper ragdolls the Shaman of Sexy with a big boot followed by a discus lariat. Harper advances to the Rumble. C+

- - - - -

- The Usos defeat Miz & Mizdow when Jey takes out Miz on the outside with a plancha and Jimmy pins Mizdow after a splash. B-

- After the match, the Masters of Wrestling run in from the stands and start attacking the Usos! But the tables are turned and the heels retreat, threatening the champs, who hold up their titles and gloat. C+

- - - - -

- Cesaro defeats Diego in the fourth Rumble draft match tonight. Cesaro and Diego don’t really click in the ring. C-

- - - - -

- The camera is pointed at the exit to the locker room, and Seth Rollins can be heard speaking from outside, as if anticipating that someone's in the room and can hear. He's saying that "you guys" have done a great job lately and he has a bonus for them - he walks in the door with a fresh case of Yoplait Gogurt, but as soon as his eyes set on the room he freezes and the case drops from his hand. The camera turns to show J&J security laid out, the contents of several lockers strewn around and on them! A handwritten card in flowery cursive is stuck to Jamie Noble’s forehead – “Be seeing you buddy”. Rollins kneels next to the unconscious bodies of his flunkies and screams. "AMBROSE! WHERE ARE YOU! WHY ME?! WHY ME?! WHY MEEE?!!". B+

- - - - -

- Bray Wyatt defeats Kofi Kingston with the Sister Abigail. Wyatt cannily evaded some of Kingston’s agile moves but he was a bit off his game and had some close calls. C+

- - - - -

- As Wyatt picks up Kofi for a post-match Sister Abigail, the lights go out abruptly! A few seconds later they come back up and Dolph Ziggler is standing behind him, hitting a Zig Zag before the cult leader can react! Mind games, man. Wyatt seemed unprepared for this segment and no-sold the Zig Zag for a second or two before realizing what was happening. He looked terrible. C

- - - - -

- In the main event match of the night, John Cena defeats Kane with an AA to advance to the Royal Rumble. Cena looks fiery as he yells about this being his year. B+

- - - - -

- Back from break, a table has been set up in the ring as Kurt Angle stands in the ring with a clipboard in hand. He announces that at this time the participants in the Royal Rumble title match are to come down and officially sign the contract for the match. Randy Orton comes down first, followed by Seth Rollins, and they stare each other down for a few moments before they both turn to see the champ’s entrance. Brock Lesnar is all smiles as he enters the ring with Paul Heyman, and Angle gets between all the men and tells them that whatever tensions are in the ring right now, to save their aggression for the Rumble.

Rollins signs first, then Orton, and finally the contract is slid to Lesnar, who signs before casually tossing the clipboard and contract at Angle. All three stand and look at each other momentarily before Orton and Rollins rush Lesnar and begin beating on him! He doesn’t go down but they set him up for a double suplex into the table – but they fail to lift him, and he reverses into a double DDT. Lesnar sets up Rollins for the F5 but he’s struck from behind by Orton and Rollins is dropped outside, while Orton goes for the RKO but is outmaneuvered by the champ. By this point road agents have begun to swarm the ring and pull apart the combatants. Lesnar easily throws off four burly security guards attempting to restrain him, and the ring freezes in tension as the Beast is unrestrained. But after a moment he just smirks and exits the ring. He laughs as Heyman walks him up the ramp, while Orton and Rollins watch on with looks of determination and fear as RAW goes off the air. A

Overall another B+ show. Pretty great!

Should've spaced out the Masters of Wrestling run-in and the Cesaro match @_@

Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

Box. Flipped.
Plaster Town Cop

Basic Channel posted:

- The camera is pointed at the exit to the locker room, and Seth Rollins can be heard speaking from outside, as if anticipating that someone's in the room and can hear. He's saying that "you guys" have done a great job lately and he has a bonus for them - he walks in the door with a fresh case of Yoplait Gogurt, but as soon as his eyes set on the room he freezes and the case drops from his hand. The camera turns to show J&J security laid out, the contents of several lockers strewn around and on them! A handwritten card in flowery cursive is stuck to Jamie Noble’s forehead – “Be seeing you buddy”. Rollins kneels next to the unconscious bodies of his flunkies and screams. "AMBROSE! WHERE ARE YOU! WHY ME?! WHY ME?! WHY MEEE?!!". B+

You used my segment idea :3:

And I would pay actual dollars to see Seth Rollins do his best Sid impression.

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida

quote:

RAW is live from the Target Center in Minneapolis before a sell out crowd of 9,500.

What the gently caress is wrong with this database :psyduck:

Or did you mean 19,500 (which would still technically be off since wrestling setup would take out ~6k seats or so)?

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

WWE's importance stat (the stat that, iirc, determines fed size) is more or less maxed out across the U.S., but our popularity fluctuates between like C+ and A* by region, with B and B+ being most common. Popularity determines gate and we're not that hot in the Midwest apparently.

There could be other factors as well. First among them is that the game system probably assigns a dollar value to every event attendee and they may have deflated gates to keep huge companies from being completely unstoppable. Sometimes the AI chooses venues with capacities exceedingly below expected gate, since the AI favors venue reputation first (a stat that exists solely to keep the AI booking recognizable venues) and community / hotbed statuses second (the former affects gates, the third affects match and segment ratings), and then capacity third.

We expected about 70,000 people to show for the Rumble and the AI chose a venue with something like 28,000 capacity because it was a hotspot with a reputation as a place shows are held. The highest capacity venue available had 37,500 seats, all of which we sold. The only difference in venue (beyond capacity) was that it wasn't a hotspot.

If we held a show in New England or the Tri-State area we'd get gates of ~20k. NJPW's TV shows in their home region sell out 17k venues with regularity.

Basic Chunnel fucked around with this message at 21:42 on Feb 6, 2015

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

Given the waste of attendance at the Rumble we might also consider financing our own super-capacity venue for PPVs. It would cost us several million dollars but if placed in one of our strongholds it would probably pay for itself in a few years. Another thing to add to the conference call I suppose.

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida

Basic Chunnel posted:

WWE's importance stat (the stat that, iirc, determines fed size) is more or less maxed out across the U.S., but our popularity fluctuates between like C+ and A* by region, with B and B+ being most common. Popularity determines gate and we're not that hot in the Midwest apparently.

There could be other factors as well. First among them is that the game system probably assigns a dollar value to every event attendee and they may have deflated gates to keep huge companies from being completely unstoppable. Sometimes the AI chooses venues with capacities exceedingly below expected gate, since the AI favors venue reputation first (a stat that exists solely to keep the AI booking recognizable venues) and community / hotbed statuses second (the former affects gates, the third affects match and segment ratings), and then capacity third.

We expected about 70,000 people to show for the Rumble and the AI chose a venue with something like 28,000 capacity because it was a hotspot with a reputation as a place shows are held. The highest capacity venue available had 37,500 seats, all of which we sold. The only difference in venue (beyond capacity) was that it wasn't a hotspot.

If we held a show in New England or the Tri-State area we'd get gates of ~20k. NJPW's TV shows in their home region sell out 17k venues with regularity.

You're responding to the wrong part, see my bold. Target Center's capacity for Basketball is ~19,500 so for a RAW setup it should be at worst like 12k.

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!



Possibly a typo on the mod writer's part.

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

FuckUMetsFan posted:



Recap of Main Event for week 4, January 2015 from the American Bank Center in Corpus Christi, TX. Attendance 9,502

-

DARK: Locke and Rusev defeat the Party Conservation Society. Locke pins Parker with a tilt-a-whirl DDT. C-

DARK: Colin Cassady pins Sylvester Lefort with a riotous big boot. D+

DARK: Erik Rowan pins Adrian Neville with a high flying splash of his own. C-

- - - - -

- Main Event begins with Mark Henry vs. Kofi Kingston in Henry's for the WWE Network championship. Henry pins Kingston with a World's Strongest Slam. Network title defense #5 is successful. C

- Byron Saxton puts over Henry and his title on commentary. C-

- - - - -

- Back from commercial break, we have the first ever edition of Hulkamania Taped! In three short segments, the Hulkster interviews young guns Kevin Owens and "Sticks" Balor, and veteran Mark Henry, peppering them with questions from twitter and his own softball queries. C+

- - - - -

- Luke Harper pins jobber Rod Buff with his discus lariat. C-

- - - - -

- Paul Heyman cuts a short promo asking if the WWE Universe really deserves to see the sort of devastation that Kevin Owens can inflict. B+

- A hype video for the three-way title match at the Rumble, featuring footage of the Brawl from RAW and sound bites from various promos. A

- - - - -

- In the night's main event, Christian defeats Big E after reversing the Big Ending into a killswitch. Big E had been using his power effectively all match but the tag team legend was just too wily. C

- - - - -

DARK MAIN: The Masters of Wrestling defeat Sheamus and Jack Swagger. Tyson Kidd surpises Swagger with a blockbuster for the pin. C-


Overall, not a ton of heat on the matches but the promo segments elevated the show. B-

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida

Basic Chunnel posted:

Possibly a typo on the mod writer's part.

That's kind of what I guessed was the case which is what lead to the "what the gently caress" comment

NowonSA
Jul 19, 2013

I am the sexiest poster in the world!

Basic Chunnel posted:

Given the waste of attendance at the Rumble we might also consider financing our own super-capacity venue for PPVs. It would cost us several million dollars but if placed in one of our strongholds it would probably pay for itself in a few years. Another thing to add to the conference call I suppose.

I love the idea of building our own stadium, or buying one from someone else. We can't exactly be an NFL team and hold up our city for a new stadium every decade, but I have to believe Mr. McMahon's raging id wants nothing more than to hear someone say "Welcome to War Games from the WWE Arena!"

Maybe we can have 1-2 months solely at our stadium, with little to no house shows. Basically, it would give the talent a 1-3 day work schedule for awhile without constant travel, and we could time it around one of the big 4 (probably survivor series in my mind) so we build up a tradition of always hosting a particular PPV at the stadium. Alternately, since in the real WWE the Elimination Chamber is a pain because most stadiums can't hold the dang thing, we can make sure our stadium can contain it and always host EC there. We could probably host just about every PPV there if we wanted to, but I think we should keep that a traveling attraction for the most part, unless the choices are selling out our 50k+ seat stadium or going on the road to a 22k seat stadium.

I doubt we'll introduce a rotating schedule providing a proper offseason, though I'd be all for that, but this way we can do something nice for the talent that doesn't run significant financial risk the way that an offseason does.

So yeah, let's properly be the WWE here and make a huge investment while we're still waiting for our last huge investment to really pay off. Although a few million for our own venue certainly seems worth it, so maybe it won't be a complete disaster.

zetamind2000
Nov 6, 2007

I'm an alien.

NowonSA posted:

I love the idea of building our own stadium, or buying one from someone else. We can't exactly be an NFL team and hold up our city for a new stadium every decade, but I have to believe Mr. McMahon's raging id wants nothing more than to hear someone say "Welcome to War Games from the WWE Arena!"

Maybe we can have 1-2 months solely at our stadium, with little to no house shows. Basically, it would give the talent a 1-3 day work schedule for awhile without constant travel, and we could time it around one of the big 4 (probably survivor series in my mind) so we build up a tradition of always hosting a particular PPV at the stadium. Alternately, since in the real WWE the Elimination Chamber is a pain because most stadiums can't hold the dang thing, we can make sure our stadium can contain it and always host EC there. We could probably host just about every PPV there if we wanted to, but I think we should keep that a traveling attraction for the most part, unless the choices are selling out our 50k+ seat stadium or going on the road to a 22k seat stadium.

I doubt we'll introduce a rotating schedule providing a proper offseason, though I'd be all for that, but this way we can do something nice for the talent that doesn't run significant financial risk the way that an offseason does.

So yeah, let's properly be the WWE here and make a huge investment while we're still waiting for our last huge investment to really pay off. Although a few million for our own venue certainly seems worth it, so maybe it won't be a complete disaster.

And call it the McMahon Square Garden.

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida

The idea of building our own stadium is amazing but I vote that if we do it we have to put it somewhere ridiculous.

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011

IcePhoenix posted:

The idea of building our own stadium is amazing but I vote that if we do it we have to put it somewhere ridiculous.

McMahon Square Garden at Vince McMahon's Personal Arctic Fortress in the North Pole.

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida

karmicknight posted:

McMahon Square Garden at Vince McMahon's Personal Arctic Fortress in the North Pole.

Can we build a flying stadium

jesus WEP
Oct 17, 2004


we should build an underwater stadium first, the flying one should be the sequel

Grozz Nuy
Feb 21, 2008

Welcome to Moonside.

Wecomel to Soonmide.

Moonwel ot cosidme.

St Evan Echoes posted:

we should build an underwater stadium first, the flying one should be the sequel

Vince McMahon, much like Andrew Ryan, is a great takedown of the Randian ubermensch so I appreciate this analogy.

jesus WEP
Oct 17, 2004


Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his Brock?

Senerio
Oct 19, 2009

Roëmænce is ælive!
You guys are missing the ideal option, Washington!

The Vince McMahon Mount St. Helens Secret Volcano Stadium

Give a new meaning to Hell in a Cell!

Senerio fucked around with this message at 10:32 on Feb 7, 2015

Xerzes
May 16, 2012


What did they call it in the Scooby-Doo movie? Build that.

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011

Senerio posted:

You guys are missing the ideal option, Washington!

The Vince McMahon Mount St. Helens Secret Volcano Stadium

Well, if we go with Bryan as our top face after Cena, it would make sense to capitalize on that.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013




St Evan Echoes posted:

we should build an underwater stadium first, the flying one should be the sequel

Only if there's a blitzball match.

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011

Junpei Hyde posted:

Only if there's a blitzball match.

There is a sport Vince can pioneer.

World Blitzball Federation.

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

FuckUMetsFan posted:



Here's your Smackdown recap for Week 4 of January 2015, at the American Bank Center in Corpus Christi Texas, attendance 9,502.

-

DARK: Goldust defeats Sami Zayn with a neckbreaker suplex. C

DARK: Christian beats Big E again, some here thought it was a retape of Main Event but I guess they just liked it enough to stick it into the Smackdown dark matches some 30 minutes later. People seemed to like it a lot better this time! B-

DARK: Hideo Itami and Solomon Crowe defeat "Sticks" Balor and Xavier Woods. Itami pins Woods off a fantastic telerana. D

DARK: Randy Orton pins Adrian Neville with an RKO in a crowd-pleasing match. B-

DARK: Hulk Hogan comes out and gets the crowd fired up for the go-home Smackdown! A

- - - - -

- Smackdown opens with the announce team of Joey Styles and Kevin Nash running down the card. Tonight we'll see Rusev vs. CJ Parker, Fandango vs. BNB, and Big Show vs. Curtis Axel to determine Royal Rumble spots. Nash also notes that due to the extraordinary circumstances brought on by the events of RAW, tonight's main event will see Dean Ambrose and Dolph Ziggler vs. Bray Wyatt and Seth Rollins! B-

- - - - -

- First match of the night is Rusev and CJ Parker, with not just the Rumble spot but the US Title on the line, as Rusev insists that the ref add the stip. He doesn't appear to take Parker seriously and that attitude is supported by the match, which sees Rusev on the end of some creative striking before he starts trotting out his power arsenal, including a standing fallaway slam (which makes it not a fallaway slam? Whatever, it was impressive) before Rusev locks on the Accolade and makes the hippie tap. C-

- A hype video for the Wyatt vs. Ziggler IC championship match is shown, highlighting the escalating hostility between the two men. B-

- - - - -

- Kevin Owens vs. Jack Swagger, and the unexpected technical prowess of Owens gets a showcase. A very fun back-and-forth match, Owens pins Swagger off of a pop-up powerbomb, quite impressive as Swagger is a rather large man. C

- - - - -

- Bad News Barrett vs. Fandango. Fandango tries all sorts of dirty tricks but Barrett gets the best of him and the dancer falls to the Bullhammer. C

- - - - -

- Paul Heyman is backstage with Kevin Owens, chuckling to himself. "Three days. Three days until the WWE Universe has the distinguished privilege of seeing my client, Brock Lesnar, defend his championship at the Royal Rumble... It's a vaunted tradition, the Royal Rumble match, but this Sunday, Brock Lesnar reduces it to a sideshow. Because it won't matter. The winner of the Royal Rumble match could personally endure an onslaught of 29 other superstars, throw each of them out, and end the night pointing up at that sign that says Wrestlemania, and sure, we would be happy for him. We would say "Oh, great job, what a tough guy". But it wouldn't matter. Because by the time the first man gets his number called at the Rumble and runs into that ring, my client Brock Lesnar will have already walked out of it as the defending WWE World Heavyweight Champion. And in two months? That lucky superstar will step into the main event at Wrestlemania and give their all for the title. Do you think that even with all that grit, and heart and determination that it takes to come out of the Royal Rumble as #1 contender to the championship, that any of it would matter? Do you think so?" He turns to Owens in mock confusion, and Owens sadly shakes his head.

"None of it will matter. Because they'll be followed into that ring by a man who at that time will have dominated the WWE not as a favored son or a fan favorite or a master strategist, but as the Conqueror, the unstoppable force that has not yielded an inch to any challenger to his crown, for a full 365 days." Heyman chuckles. "So the Royal Rumble is meaningless, you see. All that history, all that ceremony, meaningless. It guarantees nothing, except the promise of a beating that only comes once in a lifetime, on the grandest stage on Earth! Let's face facts. If the superstars of the WWE have even a modicum of intelligence between them they will be clamoring, falling over themselves, to be eliminated from the competition on Sunday. Because only a fool wants to be first in line to face the Beast."

Heyman sighs, and lowers his voice into a confessional tone, as if delivering unfortunate news. "This year? There will be no "road to Wrestlemania", it will be a road into one unfortunate man's personal hell. There are no conclusions that have not already been reached. This is the year of the Beast. I would wish best of luck to whoever wins tonight, but…" He shrugs, "All I have are prayers. Let him come." A*

- - - - -

- Curtis Axel vs. The Big Show comes after the break, and it's a slaughter - Show manhandling and throwing his opponent around, Axel scrambling out of the ring in fear multiple times. Big Show puts down Axel with a backbreaker and takes his time calling for the KO punch... but Axel comes to and catches the giant off guard with a thudding flash pin! 1, 2, 3! Show looks deflated (figuratively, not literally) as Axel escapes the ring and leaps up and down on the ramp, like he just won the lottery. Curtis Axel advances to the Royal Rumble! C

- - - - -

- Sheamus defeats John Morrison with a Brogue Kick in a brisk match. Neither is a heel so... the storytelling was a little confusing. But Morrison and Sheamus' chemistry is as dynamite as it ever was. C+

- - - - -

- Paige is in the back with Renee Young and she cuts a promo about how come Sunday, she's going to take back the Divas championship, and that a frenemy and an old gloryhound can't stop her, together or separately. Paige stumbled a bit, didn't seem scripted. C

- - - - -

- The main event sees the Show Off and the Lunatic Fringe vs. The Eater of Worlds and the Mechanic. A fierce but slow-burn match ensues, mostly seeing non-feuding pairings systematically wearing each other down before a nemesis gets tagged in and things heat up. Eventually Ziggler is caught in Wyatt's corner and Ambrose has had enough - he charges in and is met by Rollins and the two pairs of enemies brawl ceaselessly at once. The referee has no choice but to call a double DQ and security is called in to separate the rabid competitors as Smackdown closes out. B+

- - - - -

DARK MAIN: The Big Show and Jack Swagger defeated Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper as Big Show KOs Harper. C-

-

Overall, WWE's hot streak of A shows continue with another B+. More booking like this and the WWE could really build up their momentum over the coming months.

Basic Chunnel fucked around with this message at 13:23 on Feb 7, 2015

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

WWE Press Release / Spam Email posted:



========WWE=========

THIS SUNDAY AT FENWAY PARK IN BOSTON, MA, ONLY ON THE WWE NETWORK*, YOPLAIT YOGURT PRESENTS THE 2015 ROYAL RUMBLE SPECIAL EVENT!

This year's card is especially action-packed. Let's get to the lineup!

-

Tag Team Bragging Rights Match:
"Sticks" Balor and his mysterious friend vs. The Ascension in tag team action!

- - -

Three-Way for the Divas Strap:
Paige vs. AJ Lee vs. Beth Phoenix in hot competition for the Divas Championship!

- - -

Tag Team Gold Clash:
The Masters of Wrestling, Cesaro and Tyson Kidd set their sights on the WWE Tag Team titles, but to get them they'll need to get through The Usos first!

- - -

Fight For The Honor of the Intercontinental Championship:
The mysterious Bray Wyatt's unknowable wrath has been visited upon Dolph Ziggler, and the Intercontinental Championship that Ziggler has ferociously defended. Can Ziggler stand up to the heat? Or will Wyatt's dark prophecies bear fruit??

- - -

The Beast Stands His Ground:
The seemingly unstoppable Brock Lesnar defends his WWE World Heavyweight Championship against fearsome competition - the Viper Randy Orton, and Seth Rollins, the former secret weapon of The Shield and the 2014 Money in the Bank contract winner. Combined or apart, will they have what it takes to face down the fearsome champion and claim the title for themselves??

- - -

The Royal Rumble
The match that needs no introductions. It is quite possibly the most electrifying spectacle to take place beyond the confines of Wrestlemania itself. The venerable gauntlet through which 30 men enter but only one can win, and secure their destiny as #1 contender to the WWE World Heavyweight Championship and guarantee a spot in the main event of Wrestlemania 31! Who's your favorite to win?

- - - - -

This historic event, fabled as the first step on the road to Wrestlemania, has been generously supported, creatively and financially, by our partners at Yoplait Yogurt. This year's Royal Rumble theme captures both our loving friendship with the Yoplait corporation and bottomless courage that wells within the WWE's superstars and divas.

!!!! THIS SUNDAY, ONLY ON THE WWE NETWORK* !!!!

*"The WWE Network" encompasses all local cable and satellite providers that carry the Royal Rumble pay-per-view. Contact your local cable company to find out if you're eligible to view.

Basic Chunnel fucked around with this message at 22:36 on Feb 7, 2015

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida

An outdoor PPV in the northeast in January

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."

IcePhoenix posted:

An outdoor PPV in the northeast in January

WWE BLOOD ON THE ICE

Basic Chunnel
Sep 21, 2010

Jesus! Jesus Christ! Say his name! Jesus! Jesus! Come down now!

Prograps Unlimited Bulletin posted:

Reports from Stamford this morning claim that Vince McMahon seems intent on building a "Titan Dome" many fathoms beneath the soil of the blighted New Jersey pine forests, to serve as both a venue for the "Big 4" PPVs that WWE run every year, and as a staging area and stronghold in the worldwide war against lizardmen and lycanthropes that Vince has insisted is imminent. However, he is said to be open to alternative proposals from the Board of Investors, so long as said proposals ensure active protection against at least one humanoid abomination threat.

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Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

Box. Flipped.
Plaster Town Cop

Xerzes posted:

What did they call it in the Scooby-Doo movie? Build that.

WWE City. Vince wants everyone to move there so he can cut down on travel costs. Bring your dogs.

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