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So clearly, Japan land should've been Germany land. Unless it's a common practice for drug smugglers to put poo poo in banana crates, I don't loving know.
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May 5, 2015 23:06
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Daerc posted:So clearly, Japan land should've been Germany land. Unless it's a common practice for drug smugglers to put poo poo in banana crates, I don't loving know. Worse, Japan land is smuggling it's bananas into our world by hiding it inside our cocaine! Thankfully our proud german police officers will make sure that filth stays in evidence lockup where it belongs.
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May 5, 2015 23:11
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I bet some Colombian drug lord is going absolutely ape over those misrouted bananas. He's probably on the phone right now, using language that would peel the paint right off of the walls. He might get out of this by accusing the Aldi workers of plantain evidence. Aaaagh. I can't do any more. It burns already.
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May 6, 2015 02:07
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Okay, I swear I'm going to update tomorrow. We may have to break this next one into two smaller parts after all, it ran a little long. We'll see how it goes after the editing. Also, let's go ahead and stop with the puns. We've pretty much augered that entire line of discussion into the ground, through the Earth's core, and out the other side. 
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May 8, 2015 05:50
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Chokes McGee posted:...through the Earth's core, and out the other side. 小蜂！ I couldn't resist. But now I'm done.
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May 8, 2015 13:51
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Chapter 19: Have Fun Storming the Pagoda  ...I mean, shopping? Coffee? That wasn't the time or place. Look, we beat two different gods this way. It's a little late to change tactics. Plus, you wouldn't believe the deals you can get when you have a teleporter. How does she control that, anyway? I basically have to take an entire bottle of antihistimines every night. Wow, rough. Alright. In the Guardians, I always considered myself an expert in infiltration. With any luck, we can get you inside, get to the Shogun, and get this over with before they realize they've been had. What's the plan? I'll use my reputation to claim I'm ronin. In order to get shogun to hire me, and to keep Hannah safe, I'm bringing you four to him as prisoners. Suddenly not a fan of this. No, it'll work. Shogun's twice as dumb as his men. Since you screwed up his plans, he'll want to execute you personally. Won't they search us and take our weapons? Ain't no thang. If this works, me and Sarah can zap the crap out of him before anyone knows what happened. After that, I'll get you to your gear, and we get the hell out of there. Alright, you've convinced me. Let's do this thing. Good evening. Stop right there! Please tell His Magnificence, the Shogun of Little Edo, that I come bearing— KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL   Intruders! Intruders! ... C'mon, you can't be that surprised. *sighs*   Okay then. I guess we'll do it the other way.  Taro is amazing. Let's leave aside the fact he's an undercover samurai posing as a schoolteacher in Fake Japan who just happens to work with their sai-wielding head detective. (Saga y'all, etc.) His loadout is incredible.  The kimono armor has near non-existant defense but a high agility boost, and if it weren't for the fact that you do not take Dragon armor off in this game, ever, I'd give one to Sara. The rest speaks for itself. Muramase is a special katana that does extra damage against humanoids (i.e. knights, ninjas, etc), and the katana is just a low tier strength sword we saw all the way back on Giant World. Still, even simple weapons are far more terrifying in the hands of those with high stats.    Eesh. We're not even to the castle yet. This is gonna be a long trip, isn't it? Dude, you still have tank treads. That doesn't mean they don't get tired every now and then!  I don't like this. It's too quiet. BLERGH KILL SHINY METAL MAN Roy! Take cover!  ...do what now? ... Oh yeah, we forgot to tell you. Roy's made out of solid adamantium or something. Well. Well, we're still trapped in here. No way. We're not trapped in here with them. ...no? They're trapped in here with me  Has she always been like this? As far as we know.  I didn't expect there to be this much paper. It's a local thing. Try not to get distracted. Homie, you might as well tell a hey this floor squeaks you guys check it out *squeak squeak* woooooow Those are nightinggale floors. They put metal rims around the screws so no one can sneak up on the guards. You know. Like those. Whoops. Well, we can probably handle them— FASTER PUSSYCAT KILL KILL  Like, how's that, Mr. Taro? Did I do it right~ I am legitimately terrified of you. Line starts behind us! And no cutting. We were here first. At this point, Heather has nearly 700 HP and is shelling out 400-500 damage with an elemental sword that, quite frankly, is a tier or two back from where we should be. Our little Beverly Hills Barbarian has grown up so fast.  Since we've already seen it in action, let's talk about critical hits—or "mighty blows", as the game calls them. Similar to how a Mighty Bomb Jack is better than a regular Bomb Jack, mighty blows are far superior to regular blows. What is a bomb jack, anyway? Is it a spicier version of apple jacks? The world may never know. The point is, mighty blows are old-school RPG critical hits. You get one, your target's dead. Period. No resistance checks, no defense applied, they just keel over. As your stats rise and your weapon loadouts get more diverse, you'll see mighty blows crop up with increasing frequency. Against random mooks, it's flashy but not necessarily helpful. If you can get a mighty blow on a boss, though—and it is possible—your whole day gets a little bit brighter. Unfortunately, mighty blows usually require a weapon tuned to an enemy weakness. Here, you see Heather use a fire sword on a ghost, which did not end very well for him. Earlier, you saw Taro use a murasama on a ninja. Basically, if you bring a heavy hitter into the fight with an elemental advantage, there's a very high chance your opponent will drop dead after one hit. FFL2, of course, is well aware of this, and very few bosses have elemental weaknesses. If you want to see what what happens when they do, get to the end of the original Final Fantasy Legend, give everyone a Sun Sword, and then rampage up the outside of the tower like a pissed off Godzilla. Sure, it doesn't help us here, but there's still a certain level of satisfaction doing it.   ----- Still me IRL | \/  Mosquitos are actually kind of bad through this section, as Drain punches through Roy's armor. It's not a huge deal, as Zero can just drop an ice spell on their head and move on, but Drain is still a mana-based attack and more dangerous because of it. Once again, it's okay to run if it takes too many resources and too much HP to get through. This is a long level filled with tough opponents, and you're going to need as much ammo as possible for what's coming. Happily, the game's willing to help with that. For once.   (Barracks.) Hellooooooooooo...    Holy guacamoleThere's some high quality loot to be found from here on out. In case you didn't notice, the purchasable tiers of weapons ran dry a while ago, and we kinda busted Echigoya's smuggling ring before we could buy anything stupidly powerful. We can use Sara's Teleport ability to pick up lower tier swords if things go horribly wrong, but for big throwdowns, we need rare weapons. Fortunately, the shogun's palace is chock full o' loot! The body potion bumps up HP, I believe the ninja gauntlets grant O-Weapon (!), and the missile... well... it's a missile. It's not rocket science. I mean, it is rocket science, but, uh... oh, never mind. The point is, missiles are one of the rare weapons that hit every monster you're facing. This is a pretty big deal. It won't help that much against bosses, but if we're up poo poo creek against mobs, Roy can nuke the crap out of all our opponents. You only get five uses per recharge, though, so make them count. This is not to say that we’re invincible. Far from it.  I wanna know why you guys get all the good stuff! I want good stuff! You got the ninja gauntlet, didn't you? You didn’t see that.  I see what you did there. No you didn't.  Speaking of which, time to bring the pain! We weren’t speaking of that at all. You say potato, I say asparagus.  Sara? This is the part where you make a deadpan joke about rocks. ...aaaaany time now... Zero, I think she's got bigger problems. He's right. Your friend has been petrified. Oh no! Not to worry. We can just use a Soft potion to bring her back. ... Or an elixir. ... We used up all the sunscreen a while ago. ...do I even want to know? Probably not. Dude, this is a pretty big problem. As much grief as we give her, Sara was a really good fighter and our only healer. That’s a lot of cure and stabby that we don’t have anymore. Believe me, I’m aware. Let’s just buy some Soft potion and come back. It’s not like we don’t know where they live! We can’t leave now. The castle’s on full alert, and the shogun knows we’re coming for him. This is our one and only chance to catch him by surprise. If we leave now, we won’t get this opportunity again. I'm not leaving Sara like this! Nobody's saying we have to leave her behind. Let’s take care of the shogun, then we can go get a potion for Sara. She’ll be alright until then. Yeah, but how are we going to get her there?  ...ugh. Fine. *yoink* Let’s just get this over with.I screwed up real bad here. I wasn’t expecting Boulders to have StonGas, let alone actually hit someone with it. We’re in a real tricky position. Our big cost mid-tier weapons are pretty chewed through right now, there's a lot of ground to cover to get back to the entrance, and we don’t want to waste our big guns on scrubs along the way. On the other hand, Sara has somehow become our #2 damage dealer behind Heather. (Roy and Zero are more for crowd control.) Still, we’ve got Taro, and we handed Venus’ rear end to her without breaking a sweat. We can get away with putting Sara on the bench for this one, right? ... Right?  This is totally bogus. Aw, quit complaining. You were lifting the two of us over your head about a month ago. That doesn’t mean I want to carry her! Do you know how hard it is to swing an axe while you're holding a statue? It’s hard. Like, really hard. Probably not as hard as being turned into a stone statue. When did you take their side? Just keep it together a little longer, guys. We’re almost there.  What are you doing here?! Guards! Guards! Shogun! You’ve been attempting to gather magi. I cannot allow that, even if it means taking...  Alright, you all know the drill by now. Heather, you start with—  *sheathes katana* Or not.The shogun’s such a laughable not-boss that I’m not even bothering with the fakeout gag. He has Riddle, which is a mass confusion against your party, and that’s all I know about because he was dead in two rounds. Not pictured: The shogun gives up a measly 1GP after Taro murders the poo poo out of him.  P-please! Spare me! It wasn’t my idea, it was father’s! … Father's? *rumble* Gotta stop asking things like that, dooder.  You idiot! You had one task to do, and you couldn’t even get that right! waaaaaaaaah Come on now. Sure, he's a little soft-headed, but he's still your kid. Ask me if I care. Do you c— What the hell! That was your son! Why did you kill him?! Oh, I forgot. That’s a bit of a sore point for you, isn’t it?  Offspring are meant to surpass their parents. It’s the way of Nature. Shogun was a perversion of this. If it's for the good of everyone, why shouldn’t I kill him? What is with you creeps and eugenics? It’s seriously gross. Perhaps I can help you see... I want to show you something. Hold up! ... Okay, we're good!   Beautiful, isn’t it? The mountains and fields spread out before us. The air is so much clearer up here. Look down at them... they're ants. An evolutionary dead end marching against the waves. I had preferred the humans to wipe themselves out with their petty bickering and politics, but, well, you saw how that turned out. I guess if you want something done right... That’s horrible. You’re horrible. Such a well-developed sense of empathy. Your father would be proud of you—if he were still living. Don’t you talk about my dad. I feel compelled to do so. If I send a man to kill your father, the least I can do is admit it. What?! It was you! Your goons ambushed our base, and Captain Butte didn’t even know about you! You nearly killed a town full of civilians in the process! Why?! I wish I could say I was testing your forces, or that it was the Captain's time to be supplanted by his child... but the truth is, I just wanted the Guardians out of the picture. Magi are worth getting down in the mud for. You’re a monster. No. Nature is not cruel, because Nature does not act with intent. Now, come here, and prepare to be judged. Hold up. Oh, of all the... What is it this time? Why can’t you four just start a fight after a dramatic speech like a normal group of adventurers? Sorry, had to put on my boss killin’ hat. It was my dad’s, you see.Here’s the real power behind the throne—a big-rear end oni by the name of Magnate. However, like Venus before him, he’s a pushover. All you have to do is pfffft hahahahaha nope can’t do it this time either. Enough of this. Die. Yeah? Make us!    That was a really poor choice of words, Heather. Totally my bad. What just happened? Oh, we’re dead! ...what? Relax, this happens all the time. ...what? Hey, can you heal Sara while we're here? Sorry, it’s against regulations. The paperwork alone would be a nightmare. Bummer. Hmpf, such pathetic weaklings. With the Guardians out of the way, I’m now free to— What up! We’re back! Alright, this is too much. You don’t even have the professional courtesy to stay dead. Between you and me, I don’t think “professional” enters into this.Magnate is nasty. He’d be bad even with Sara at full strength, and now we’re fighting with one hand tied behind our back. If he casts Tornado, you’re pretty much dead. Full stop. It’s an area effect attack that hits everyone for about 500 and is by no means the worst hit we’re going to take in this game. Strap yourselves in, the bosses from here on out get ugly. Fortunately, as long as he doesn’t cast tornado, he’s manageable. We have Heather and Taro to do the heavy lifting, and Roy can turtle behind his tank—with the added bonus of sometimes making Magnate waste an action. Turns out swinging a katana against an M1A2 isn't all that effective. There's still a surprise, though, as the heaviest hitter in our party this fight is...   Grrah! Such skill with a bow... I’m impressed. I had a good teacher! I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but Zero is consistently doing 350-400 against Magnate, which is a big deal. I suspect the Samurai bow is a unique weapon and just that good. Either way, it goes a long way towards making up for Sara’s absence. Magic sure as hell isn’t going to help us here, so it's better than Zero twittling his thumbs. Which reminds me, there’s even more good news. Crumble beneath the might of the heavens! ? That... that usually works. Proper grounding, yo. Gotta put that stuff into the earth’s crust.Magnate’s other big attack is Thunder. If you remember, our party is thunderproof due to all that Dragon armor we bought. I cannot possibly stress this enough, but once you put on dragon armor, do not take it off. Ever. (Well, unless you’re replacing it with something else that has O-Damage, but other than that.) It is an incredibly good thing if your guys are invulnerable to damage spells. Sure, things like Tornado and Flare get through—but let’s be honest, nothing’s going to help with those. You need elemental defense. Supplement your defense scores with big-name helmets and gloves, but keep that dragon armor on. With that being said: between Roy tanking katana hits and thunder being ineffective, Magnate is locked down.   Woah. Gnarly.Well, mostly. Even still, Magnate can take a staggering amount of damage, but we all hit for around 300. Keep chipping away, and eventually... You think you can stop all this? There are wheels in motion that even your precious Guardians don’t know about. The statue’s purpose. The face behind the armies. The shadowy figures that manipulate your fate—Project SPARTIN. You know nothing about what you're tampering with! Die! Roy! I know the secrets of the realms! I wield the power of the skies! I have— This is for my dad, you rear end in a top hat!    No, you! oooooh burn ... I hate you all.  Later, at Hannah’s…   I don’t know how you pulled it off, but you killed the Shogun and his demon father! I don’t know how they pulled it off, and I was there. Our methods may be questionable, but we get results! Easy for you to say. You didn’t have to do any fighting. Not really seeing a problem here. I’m just glad Taro came back safe. If something had happened to him, I’d... I’d... Hannah? Okay, I’m just gonna say what everyone’s thinking. “Let’s get a burger?” Oh! That too. Oh, Hannah... *blush* Enough mushy stuff. You said Kame was retiring, right? Ayup. Just got my gold watch this morning. Great! Sounds like someone is getting a retirement party! Yeah! Next Time: Nasty Dungeons, Oh You Nasty Dungeons  Well! That seemed to go okay. You. Yeah, me. I wanted to thank you for steering those kids towards the case. They never suspected you already knew where the shipments were. ...yeah. We square now? Sure are. Good. I don’t want to owe any more favors to the likes of you. Don’t let me see you or your precious "Project SPARTIN" in this world again. Alright, alright. If it'll help keep the peace, we'll leave you alone. Good. Now get out.
Chokes McGee fucked around with this message at 09:39 on May 9, 2015 |
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May 9, 2015 09:24
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So, funny thing. If you go talk to the statues on the roof with Magnate, you can fight them! They're... weird but a way to get some nice skills for your mutants if you can kill one. The Samurai Bow always deals a solid amount of damage, either 300+, or if you get lucky close to 800. It is a really damned good weapon. That both Zero and Sara were dead or unable to act at the end of the battle with Magnate hurts a bit, since he can give you some really *good* skills, but your group is doing just fine. If Zero and Sara can get to the magic 600ish hp mark, you'll be golden so they don't die to skills like Tornado without being able to heal. Krumbsthumbs fucked around with this message at 15:08 on May 9, 2015 |
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May 9, 2015 14:47
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Samurai Bow hits an entire group for 700-800. Magnate has O-Weapon, so he was taking half damage. It's one of the best weapons in the game, and you get a very limited number of shots.
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May 9, 2015 15:14
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Krumbsthumbs posted:So, funny thing. If you go talk to the statues on the roof with Magnate, you can fight them! They're... weird but a way to get some nice skills for your mutants if you can kill one. I had thought so since it's a nice callback to FFL, but it never occurred to me until later to try. It's just as well, it would've wrecked the narration to show it off v v
Chokes McGee fucked around with this message at 16:05 on May 9, 2015 |
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May 9, 2015 15:47
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Chokes McGee posted:I had thought so since it's a nice callback to FFL2, but it never occurred to me until later to try. It's just as well, it would've wrecked the narration to show it off v Something to keep in mind for a future class with Mr. S, if there are any, then!
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May 9, 2015 16:00
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KataraniSword posted:Something to keep in mind for a future class with Mr. S, if there are any, then! There should be at least one more. It'll focus on exploits again, but i might sneak it in there
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May 9, 2015 16:04
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Chokes McGee posted:There should be at least one more. It'll focus on exploits again, but i might sneak it in there I see what you did there.
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May 9, 2015 16:11
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Chokes McGee posted:
Man, I sure remember this next part from playing this game as a kid. Mostly I remember it as one of the moments where you realize that whatever else the game is, it is also sometimes honest.
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May 9, 2015 16:13
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Chokes McGee posted:
How does a robot even do puppydog-eyes?
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May 9, 2015 16:22
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TooMuchAbstraction posted:How does a robot even do puppydog-eyes? Large LCD screen for "eyes" and just puts an image of a puppydog on it when he wants to make the puppydog eyes?
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May 9, 2015 16:50
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Gabriel Pope posted:Samurai Bow hits an entire group for 700-800. Magnate has O-Weapon, so he was taking half damage. It's one of the best weapons in the game, and you get a very limited number of shots. Which is why I always give that one to my butt.
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May 9, 2015 17:04
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Krumbsthumbs posted:So, funny thing. If you go talk to the statues on the roof with Magnate, you can fight them! They're... weird but a way to get some nice skills for your mutants if you can kill one. IIRC, don't the fish statues also sometimes drop elixers? And in the remake, they hit like a mack truck, so it's a total pain taking them on. (Plus, they don't permanently die, so you can just sit there fighting them all day long) Also in the remake, I believe the Bow is called "Yoichi's Bow". I believe it's the top-tier class bow, and there's only like, one other in the whole game.
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May 9, 2015 17:07
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Choco1980 posted:IIRC, don't the fish statues also sometimes drop elixers? And in the remake, they hit like a mack truck, so it's a total pain taking them on. (Plus, they don't permanently die, so you can just sit there fighting them all day long) Oh, those fish hit like trucks here too. They have about 5k health and can deal some several hundred points of damage to everyone. They just happen to have 4-5 different attacks so it is rare to see their multi target one. The bow is great for someone like Zero since it trains up speed, hits really hard without having a high speed stat and has enough uses to be around for awhile. Then when you have a few uses left, you huck it on the robot and then the cycle begins again.
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May 9, 2015 17:17
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Kheldarn posted:I see what you did there. As chokes already said in the update, no you didn't.
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May 9, 2015 17:29
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FeyerbrandX posted:As chokes already said in the update, no you didn't. I wanted to do this line and you stole it. I will never laugh again.
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May 9, 2015 18:36
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JustJeff88 posted:I wanted to do this line and you stole it. I will never laugh again. Calm down, and have a banana.
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May 9, 2015 19:22
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Kheldarn posted:Calm down, and have a banana. Now that you mention it, that idea does appeel to me. 
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May 9, 2015 21:37
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Kheldarn posted:Calm down, and have a banana. D..do you got any? I'm all out man... You be a real pal if you could share some.
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May 9, 2015 21:53
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Gabriel Pope posted:Samurai Bow hits an entire group for 700-800. Magnate has O-Weapon, so he was taking half damage. It's one of the best weapons in the game, and you get a very limited number of shots. Once it gets down to 1 use, Roy should take it and never let go.
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May 9, 2015 23:08
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Jegan posted:Once it gets down to 1 use, Roy should take it and never let go. 2 uses. If he equips it at 1, it'll drop to zero and disappear. ... It's ironic really.
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May 9, 2015 23:53
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Chokes McGee posted:2 uses. If he equips it at 1, it'll drop to zero and disappear. That should be a joke with some unique equipment.
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May 10, 2015 00:00
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Honestly any powerful unique gear should go on the robot. Of course, there's probably no more room on Roy since he's already packing enough explosive ordnance to take over a small country.
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May 10, 2015 00:07
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Chokes McGee posted:2 uses. If he equips it at 1, it'll drop to zero and disappear. Does it? I thought stuff disappearing only happens on removal. Yeah, testing with a Colt 1 it goes to 0, but sticks around, perfectly safe to equip for recharging.
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May 10, 2015 00:12
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Jegan posted:Does it? I thought stuff disappearing only happens on removal. Yeah, testing with a Colt 1 it goes to 0, but sticks around, perfectly safe to equip for recharging.
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May 10, 2015 00:49
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Cheez posted:But doesn't it lock the maximum uses to the amount it had when you equipped it? No. Robot uses are always half the original total value.
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May 10, 2015 01:38
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Wouldn't that open an exploit to give you virtually infinite item uses of anything with more than one use for anyone in your team?
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May 10, 2015 02:05
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Cheez posted:Wouldn't that open an exploit to give you virtually infinite item uses of anything with more than one use for anyone in your team? Why yes, yes it would. 
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May 10, 2015 02:50
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Cheez posted:Wouldn't that open an exploit to give you virtually infinite item uses of anything with more than one use for anyone in your team? Once you add an item to a robot, you can't remove it from them without destroying it. In other words, robots can only recharge items for their own use.
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May 10, 2015 03:03
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TooMuchAbstraction posted:Once you add an item to a robot, you can't remove it from them without destroying it. In other words, robots can only recharge items for their own use. You can remove it but the charges are cut in half again. So at best you can keep 25% charges and that requires an inn rest.
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May 10, 2015 04:00
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Zore posted:You can remove it but the charges are cut in half again. Well if the weapon's valuable enough that you're wanting to squeeze more uses out of it with an exploit, it's probably a nuclear option you're not going to use more than one or twice between trips to the inn anyway.
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May 10, 2015 04:50
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AlphaKretin posted:Well if the weapon's valuable enough that you're wanting to squeeze more uses out of it with an exploit, it's probably a nuclear option you're not going to use more than one or twice between trips to the inn anyway. Doesn't the nuke only have three uses anyway?
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May 10, 2015 04:53
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Cheez posted:Wouldn't that open an exploit to give you virtually infinite item uses of anything with more than one use for anyone in your team?  TooMuchAbstraction posted:Doesn't the nuke only have three uses anyway? Nukes get one use. You're thinking of... something else... and I'll thank everyone in this thread not to spoil it or even guess, seriously, I will be so pissed.
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May 10, 2015 06:28
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Chokes McGee posted:
Why would we consider guessing about that when you just confirmed that making your dude into a nuclear battle tank is totally a thing you can do in this game? Like seriously, a tank. That fires nukes. And most likely at ninjas or some poo poo because saga
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May 10, 2015 12:11
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FoolyCharged posted:Why would we consider guessing about that when you just confirmed that making your dude into a nuclear battle tank is totally a thing you can do in this game? Like seriously, a tank. That fires nukes. And most likely at ninjas or some poo poo because saga Well maybe some of us lack both the creativity and curiosity to think of something like that 
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May 10, 2015 14:10
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FoolyCharged posted:Why would we consider guessing about that when you just confirmed that making your dude into a nuclear battle tank is totally a thing you can do in this game? Like seriously, a tank. That fires nukes. And most likely at ninjas or some poo poo because saga Metal Gear!?
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May 10, 2015 15:16
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