Girls With Short Hair Are Damaged

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Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

http://www.returnofkings.com/26763/girls-with-short-hair-are-damaged

quote:

No woman in all of human history has ever looked better with short hair than she would with a head full of healthy locks. Despite this irrefutable fact, American women are �chopping it off� in greater numbers every day. This rears its ugly head in an array of ugly permutations, from the boy-like pixie cut to bizarre semi-shaved head topographies. The rationalizations�whether it�s donating their hair to sick kids or the summer weather�are immaterial. The effect, and true reasons, are the same.

I blame this lamentable trend on a few factors. The most powerful are the disingenuous lies�from both men and women�about how it looks. Women are quick to encourage other women to cut their hair by telling them how �cute� it is. While I�m no scientist, I�m convinced this is some deep, genetic programming at work, one that forces women�who compete with one another on a physical level on a daily basis�to encourage any behavior that might eliminate competitors in the dating pool. Men are no better. The cowardly and deluded among us perpetuate the myth that �some girls can pull it off.� Pulling something off, I often respond, is the equivalent of �passing� a class. Just because you have enough left-over attractiveness to remain bangable after cutting off your hair doesn�t mean you wouldn�t look better with it back on.

I once spoke to two girls outside of a restaurant. One had a short, boy-like haircut, while her friend had long, healthy black hair. The short-haired girl spoke in an obvious Latin American accent, while the long-haired friend spoke in a clearly American accent, though she sported facial features of someone from Indian-subcontinent extraction. Before long, our conversation steered to personal matters and, bored with our pedestrian topics, I floated a provocative question. �Why did you cut your hair short?� The Indian girl jumped down my throat before the Latin girl had a chance to respond, though once I settled her down, I managed to get my answer.

Latin Girl: I used to have long hair, but I just broke up with a boyfriend.

Me: I�m sure it looked better before.

Indian-American Girl: That�s sexist and stupid! It looks cute!

Latin Girl [ignoring her remark]: Wanna see a picture? [shows me her passport]

Me: God, it looks way better. You look like a different person, and way younger.

Indian-American Girl: She looks just as good, dude. Who are you?

Me [to Latin girl]: Let me ask you something: are guys hitting on you less now with the short hair?

Latin Girl: Oof. Absolutely. A lot less.

Me: If you had to put a number on it, what would you say the reduction is?

Latin Girl: At least 90 percent less. That�s partly why I did it. I wanted to be alone for a while after my break up.

Me [to Indian-American girl]: See what happens when theory meets reality?

Another factor is the effect of Hollywood and the celebrity culture on women�s behavior. It�s already well-documented that women have a much-stronger copycat instinct than men. While men�to paraphrase an astute manosphere commentator�seek to stand out from the crowd, women�s aim to stand out in the crowd. Just like women don�t go to the bathroom alone, they don�t go into a style alone. The plaudits a Miley Cyrus, Rihanna, or Anne Hathaway receive when they cut their hair off�from people who have no business commenting on the attractiveness of women, like gay men�creates a copycat cycle that increases the trend geometrically. Further evidence of this female impulse is on display when you see the same effect at work in a positive ways.

Whenever I�m in Argentina, I�m always struck by the rows of girls walking down the street with long flowing hair reaching down near their asses. Hair to the middle of the back is considered �short� there. As an experiment, I remember asking one girl with especially long hair if she�d ever consider cutting it. She answered that she�d �rather die,� and regaled me with a story of her �unfortunate friend� who�d gone into a salon for a clean-up. Instead of the �two centimeters� she�d instructed him to remove, the stylist had cut off double. �Every morning she looks in the mirror and breaks down in tears. This has been going on for 10 days straight.�

The truth of the matter is that long hair�s almost universally attractive to men, when they�re actually speaking honestly (without trying to appease women in the room). Furthermore, it�s a symbol of youth, femininity, and health. Why can�t old women grow long hair? Because it�s an ephemeral trait of your fertile years. Women instinctively know this, which is why every American girl who cuts, and keeps, her hair short often does it for ulterior reasons. Short hair is a political statement. And, invariably, a girl who has gone through with a short cut�and is pleased with the changes in her reception�is damaged in some significant way. Short hair is a near-guarantee that a girl will be more abrasive, more masculine, and more deranged.

I�d developed that belief on years of platonic interactions alone. The bitchiest work colleagues, the most difficult cashier, the most confrontational, aggressive cunts in bars have all shared one trait�short-rear end hair. But it wasn�t until I decided to make exceptions to my no-dating-short-haired-girls rule that I proved this beyond any doubt. The first pixie-cut girl I went out with�who was otherwise attractive�harbored twisted rape fantasies that actually concerned me that I was being entrapped. She cavalierly talked about filthy sex, throwing around the word �pussy� and �cock� even when our clothes were on. When�during a rather vanilla conversation about men and women�I made some tame remarks about what men find attractive in women, she broke down into inconsolable bawling and, literally, ran out of the bar we were in. It made about as much sense as crying if I�d just told you tomorrow was Saturday.

Another short-haired girl once came over to my house, texted with one hand, while she jerked me off with the other. The person on the other side of the iPhone, I quickly learned, was her until-then secret �boyfriend.� Still another girl, who had long hair while we were hanging out�but has since sheared it into an unflattering soccer-mom configuration�lived with a (legitimate) prostitute, was emotionless during sex unless I was super-aggressive, and used racial slurs to refer to people as if that was the formal term for them. On the outside, she was a college student, from a well-to-do family, who worked with children part-time.

Not only is short-hair unattractive, it�s one of the biggest signals a man can get that a woman is damaged beyond repair. There�s no such thing as �pulling it off.�

I disagree with this manifesto of a future serial killer

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:01

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# ? Apr 27, 2024 17:39

dad gay. so what: Feb 18, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

you should eat some poo poo for smelly surprise!

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:08

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

tl;dr

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:09

DEEP STATE PLOT: Aug 13, 2008; Yes...Ha ha ha...YES!

not all girls can pull off short hair, but man oh man the ones that can :swoon:

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:10

Phlairdon: Apr 15, 2003; If you can't stand up you can't do war!

Too many words to admit that he has a tiny penis.

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:11

Beige: Sep 13, 2004

Phlairdon posted:

Too many words to admit that he has a tiny penis.

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:12

Blurry Gray Thing: Jun 3, 2009

Phlairdon posted:

Too many words to admit that he has a tiny penis.

I stopped reading at the part where even the made up characters from a story that didn't happen were all confused about who the gently caress he is and why he's talking to them.

It was funny but there was nowhere to go but down.

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:13

big nipples big life: May 12, 2014

The author could have saved everyone a lot of time by just killing himself.

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:13

Lurk Ethic: Jul 25, 2007; Lurk More

Return of kings is the funniest poe poo poo I've ever seen. Someone post the paul elam pic with the crazy eyes (all of them)

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:14

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Can't post for 3 days!; Ultra Carp

Nooner posted:

tl;dr

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:14

This Jacket Is Me: Jan 29, 2009

Bangs is an even better tell

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:14

fuccboi: Jan 5, 2004; by zen death robot

Wafflz posted:

The author could have saved everyone a lot of time by just killing himself.

First he should kill some attractive women.

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:14

Bleusilences: Jun 23, 2004; Be careful for what you wish for.

Tl:dr: eat a dick?

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:16

Beige: Sep 13, 2004

I'm pretty sure the author hates women.

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:18

Nichole: Nov 5, 2009

Are there any pictures of this guy who seems to know women so well? I'm sure he is real catch.

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:21

eonwe: Aug 11, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

that article is thingsthatdidnthappen.txt

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:22

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Bleusilences posted:

Tl:dr: eat a dick?

correct. you get a gold star

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:22

eonwe: Aug 11, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Nichole posted:

Are there any pictures of this guy who seems to know women so well? I'm sure he is real catch.

when a journalist doesnt even have a face for newspaper and goes by a pseudonym you know he is a special ugly

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:23

boom boom boom: Jun 28, 2012; by Shine

SHaved bald is a look that should be more popular. Not all women can pull it off, because some of them have ugly skull shapes, but a surprising amount can.

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:25

sugar free jazz: Mar 5, 2008

That's a really boring and stupid website

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:29

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

boom boom boom posted:

SHaved bald is a look that should be more popular. Not all women can pull it off, because some of them have ugly skull shapes, but a surprising amount can.

The bald chick fro! Mad max was hot yoy think she ever gets freaky with her stump????

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:30

Snatch Duster: Feb 20, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

I mean, the OP makes a good point. Take Claire Underwood and April O'Neil as examples. Both been raped and have hosed up world views, really makes you think.

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:31

Mr. Pumroy: May 20, 2001

initially intrigued by your thesis, then saw the length of the post and did not read

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:32

boom boom boom: Jun 28, 2012; by Shine

Snatch Duster posted:

I mean, the OP makes a good point. Take Claire Underwood and April O'Neil as examples. Both been raped and have hosed up world views, really makes you think.

The chick in Teenage Mutant NinjaTurtles was raped?

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:38

ghlbtsk: Apr 19, 2005; these bath mats
are
GORGEOUS

Why is it that people who think their opinions are interesting enough that the whole world wants to hear them are also the people who make up fictional scenarios in which they completely own someone they disagree with?

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:39

Beige: Sep 13, 2004

Snatch Duster posted:

I mean, the OP makes a good point. Take Claire Underwood and April O'Neil as examples. Both been raped and have hosed up world views, really makes you think.

The TV reporter from turtles?

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:39

BigBoss: Jan 26, 2012; by Lowtax

Cubey posted:

not all girls can pull off short hair, but man oh man the ones that can

Word

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:40

Ignatius M. Meen: May 26, 2011; Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

ghlbtsk posted:

Why is it that people who think their opinions are interesting enough that the whole world wants to hear them are also the people who make up fictional scenarios in which they completely own someone they disagree with?

because their egos are the size of watermelons and just as easy to smash when exposed to the real world?

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:46

Jesustheastronaut!: Mar 9, 2014; Lipstick Apathy

ghlbtsk posted:

Why is it that people who think their opinions are interesting enough that the whole world wants to hear them are also the people who make up fictional scenarios in which they completely own someone they disagree with?

I heard ewhwn he went back inside everyone literally high fived him and cops arrived minutes later to drag off those two 'tutes

# ? Jun 4, 2015 15:46