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Holy poo poo. Ready Player One may be the worst novel ever published. It's written by a goon or probably that kid who shot up everyone because he was a virgin. It's about a post-apocalyptic future where Facebook, Amazon World of Warcraft and the Oculus Rift have merged into one big internet. Everyone is online, and you can shop, go up levels grinding boars, equip plasma rifles, vote in elections and play MAME cabinet games. The creator adds an easter egg, and whoever finds this easter egg gets control of the company, a la Willy Wonka. Note, that the company is public, which the author mentions to explain how successful they are because of their stock price, yet control of the company can be obtained by playing the game. Ya, that stock must be soaring. The author is a video game and 80s film sperglord who thinks reciting lines from Monty Python's Holy Grail is the epitome of hilarity. The story is constantly interrupted by the author's terribly tumblr-inspired opinions on religion, social conditioning, and equality. Descriptions of characters read like medical autopsy reports. He informs us that the female protagonist is 168 pounds. A big shocker in the story is that someone who we think is a male character turns out to be a big black african american woman. I'm pretty sure that's the actual quote from the book. The vitriol towards religion is pointlessly added and interrupts the story unneccesarily. The easter egg hunters know the creator loved the Indiana Jones movies, yet when one clue towards the treasure also includes three words that appear in a verse from the Bible, they instantly dismiss the Bible reference because "[The Creator] was an athiest, anyone looking for help in the Bible is a MORON". The author constantly goes into non-sequitors that constantly contradict the story. He mentions that the US government in the future is obsolete, but later points out that he voted for Will Wheaton for US Senate. Also the end of the book has the evil CEO villain arrested by the Feds, about ten pages after the author mentions that the FBI is "organizing deck chairs on the Titanic" This may be the shittiest book ever written. It's like The Room, but for movies. Now admit you wrote it
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:44 |
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# ? Apr 28, 2024 03:41 |
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It was me.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:45 |
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i can't really say tl;dr cause it's not that long but i sure as gently caress didn't read
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:45 |
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goon authors are like assholes: everyone's got one and they write about rape alot even tho no one has ever touched their junk
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:46 |
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better writing than the OP!
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:47 |
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the gamefaqs spinoff luelinks "eti"
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:49 |
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i actually wrote Schindler's List.... this thread did not make it
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:49 |
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Madcosby posted:Holy poo poo. if you're going to mention my work at least give me credit for it.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:50 |
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Let me link you to my patreon account.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:50 |
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I wrote it, while cramming my maw with pain killers. I have yet to die, someone please end this life, a life lasting forever, but never truly lived.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:51 |
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i read that too because it was popular on the kindle store it was definitely written by a goon
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:52 |
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I thought is read like lousy fanfic, but I understood many of the references so it was just entertaining enough to finish. As soon as I saw an interview with the author though, I decided to ignore everything he does in the future and rename him Irritation Incarnate.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:52 |
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oh look, it's the huge wall of bad text i ordered. can't wait to give it my full undivided attention.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:52 |
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jackyl posted:i read that too because it was popular on the kindle store that's why i read it sometimes, when I dont know what to read, I go to the top books on the kindle store I've read some terrible things Ready Player One literally is the worst
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:53 |
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i don't know op... that's a lot of words too read.. sorry
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:53 |
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now read all of fallout equestria and feign disdain. you are the fucker dumb enough to have read the entire book and now you are complaining that after deliberately shoving giant turds down your throat you can taste poo. kill yourself, op. im not being ironic, i literally want you to be useful for the first time in your life by feeding worms.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:53 |
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ghlbtsk posted:I thought is read like lousy fanfic, but I understood many of the references so it was just entertaining enough to finish. haha, I never even bothered to look him up, until now
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 20:55 |
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I wrote chapters 13, 47, 56, 139, and 202 of fallout: equstria, and also the entirety of Being and Nothingness.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:06 |
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Madcosby posted:haha, I never even bothered to look him up, until now Jesus
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:06 |
Waltzing Along posted:It was me. no, it was me. i wrote ready player one.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:09 |
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I actually wrote the entirety of Infinite Jest when I was a small child.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:09 |
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Madcosby posted:haha, I never even bothered to look him up, until now you.jpg
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:09 |
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and today Nice jacket
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:14 |
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God, you could probably get cancer from all that nerd concentrated in one place.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:16 |
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I didn't write it but I did read it and got all of the references except the 'Rush' poo poo at the end cos idgaf about Rush
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:24 |
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Madcosby posted:haha, I never even bothered to look him up, until now lol him and the guys at boingboing get together at the xkcd house and swap steampunk accessories.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:25 |
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Madcosby posted:
lmao well at least he got a photo in before martin ate him
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:27 |
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The "apocalypse" takes place because the world has almost run out of fossil fuels which leads to food scarcity, and the streets aren't safe due to bandits attacking people all the time. A few chapters later the author tells us how the main character lives off of pizza deliveries and microwave brownies. In a world of food scarcity, he gets delivery.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:32 |
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Madcosby posted:The author is a video game and 80s film sperglord who thinks reciting lines from Monty Python's Holy Grail is the epitome of hilarity. to be fair, it is the epitome of hilarity--the first time you see it. it is unironically one of the funniest movies ever made. it's just been overexposed because it was so good that now nobody can ever find it funny again and any grown rear end group of men who quote it deserve to be punched in the face
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:33 |
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Madcosby posted:Holy poo poo. Wow, Tolstoy, nice first draft of your next novel.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:36 |
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Mental-Rectangle posted:to be fair, it is the epitome of hilarity--the first time you see it. it is unironically one of the funniest movies ever made. it's just been overexposed because it was so good that now nobody can ever find it funny again and any grown rear end group of men who quote it deserve to be punched in the face the climax of the book involves the main character having to recite every line from The Holy Grail, while the evil villain must do the same. The first person to succeed wins the company. This is literally the climax of the book. The author seems to forget that the main character gets there first, so has a head start, and therefore the climax has no way of going bad for the protagonist because they both have to recite the movie linearly, while having access to the internet. Also the climax is "broadcast live" so one person can just watch the other person do the same thing then repeat it the writing is terrible edit: the author also goes off on a tangent to tell us that the person who patented "recite lines from movies" is now rich because reciting lines from movies is the best video game ever
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:37 |
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I won't vote to send Will Wheton to the senate, but I might vote for him if he ran to be a house representative
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:37 |
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posting in a thread
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:38 |
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Madcosby posted:the climax of the book involves the main character having to recite every line from The Holy Grail, while the evil villain must do the same. The first person to succeed, wins the company. that's a pretty dumb challenge probably anyone on the internet could do that. he should've picked something harder like reciting all of baron von munchhausen
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:39 |
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He was in Atari Game Over and in a documentary full of unbearable people he held his own.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:39 |
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Mr. Pumroy posted:the gamefaqs spinoff luelinks "eti"
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 21:50 |
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ghlbtsk posted:I thought is read like lousy fanfic, but I understood many of the references so it was just entertaining enough to finish. This Charming Goat posted:He was in Atari Game Over and in a documentary full of unbearable people he held his own.
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 22:00 |
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they give it away with one of those garbage loot crate things idiots buy, so that says everything
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 22:23 |
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so did you read this idiotic book OP
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 22:23 |
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# ? Apr 28, 2024 03:41 |
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Title: Ready Plaper One Genre: Erotica, Self publish
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# ? Jun 19, 2015 22:24 |