NFL July N/V: There is training camp at the end of the tunnel

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL July N/V: There is training camp at the end of the tunnel

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No Safe Word: Feb 26, 2005

Kalli posted:

You know, it never really struck me that they're actually divisional rivals.

Good on Mettenberger for taunting the bear, divisional rivals should be dicks to each other.

Sorry for what's going to happen to him though.

Going to happen?

I mean he's on the Titans and he's on the bench. Things aren't going to get much worse unless Mariota dies I guess.

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:25

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# ? May 22, 2024 05:04

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Athanatos posted:

How can I shoot roman candles and bottle rockets at my brothers if I dont aim them with my hand?

Put it between your buttcheeks, dumbass.

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:25

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

Kalli posted:

You know, it never really struck me that they're actually divisional rivals.

Good on Mettenberger for taunting the bear, divisional rivals should be dicks to each other.

Sorry for what's going to happen to him though.

Are we still operating under the assumption that Mett is starting?

It would be pretty hilarious if Watt mangled Mariotta at the end of game one, so that he could mangle the poo poo out of Mett the next time the teams meet.

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:26

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Kalli posted:

You know, it never really struck me that they're actually divisional rivals.

Good on Mettenberger for taunting the bear, divisional rivals should be dicks to each other.

Sorry for what's going to happen to him though.

Jags are the only true rival to the titans imo

Chilichimp posted:

Are we still operating under the assumption that Mett is starting?

It would be pretty hilarious if Watt mangled Mariotta at the end of game one, so that he could mangle the poo poo out of Mett the next time the teams meet.

No it wouldn't

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:26

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

Neil Armbong posted:

Sup fire work loving bros. Been doing fireworks since I could walk and had bottle rocket wars and did all kinds of stupid poo poo as a kid. No one was ever injured. Now we're more chill about fireworks in terms of stupid poo poo, but light of tons of big ones, including mortars.

Worst things to happen in recent memory were dud mortars that only went about 20 ft up -- no one majorly injured - and one of the 12 shot cakes just blowing up all at once instead of shooting poo poo up in the air. Again, no one hurt, because we're a safe distance from where fireworks go off.

How to avoid injuring self when doing fireworks:
- only one person lighting at a time(unless you're at the point in the evening when you're lighting off multiple mortars at once, in which case you're coordinating)
- always make sure your mortar will smoothly go down the tube, if not, get a new one
- rotate tubes so they don't get warped too fast and give them time to cool
- light that poo poo with a big rear end punk and run back once the fuse gets going

I've only experienced short wicks on two things -- really old fireworks I found buried in a closet and individual black cats that aren't the starter wick. even then, you can usually light and throw those.

Or, go downtown, have a day outside with some hotdogs and Lee Greenwood, and watch the town shoot fireworks for you. Then all you have to worry about is traffic home and the prices of food truck hamburgers.

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:26

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

Americans maiming themselves on the 4th is a pretty old tradition.

http://www.stevenspointjournal.com/story/news/local/2015/07/08/july-fourth-injuries-keep-doctors-busy/29868791/

quote:

Among the items was a large cannon firecracker which he mistook for a Roman candle and, lighting it, held it in his hand. When it exploded, he realized his mistake, and once the smoke cleared, it was evident that his hand had been shredded, necessitating amputation at the wrist by Drs. Rood and von Neupert.

Down in Plover, R. W. Parks did not believe the reported lifting power of a dynamite cap. On the morning of the Fourth, he built a fire in the yard and placed the cap inside. Waiting for some time, nothing happened, so he got a rake and began raking the fire, looking for the cap. He was just reaching for it when it exploded, tearing away his thumb and two fingers. Dr. Southwick was called to tend him.

In another foolish accident, a cannon firecracker was placed in a glass bottle and the fuse was lit. The explosion caused glass shards to fly everywhere, injuring several.

This is an article about 4th injuries from loving 1895 but they could have just changed the dates and you'd never know the difference.

Impossibly Perfect Sphere fucked around with this message at 21:35 on Jul 8, 2015

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:27

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

Eltoasto posted:

NFL players blowing themselves up with fireworks and NBA players recruiting with emojis have really made the work day better today.

Don't forget Paul Pierce being :corsair:

as hell

warcrimes posted:

This is news today because of Mettenberger's sick burns, though

I know but it's not like it happened out of nowhere is my what I'm saying

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:29

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Watt bullying mett is going to lead to the Lewan kicking Watt's rear end

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:34

Detroit_Dogg: Feb 2, 2008; Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT

Lewan would get dusted by Watt. JJ Watt is a scary human being, not a rape victim significantly younger than him that he's trying to intimidate.

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:38

Pron on VHS: Nov 14, 2005; Blood Clots
Sweat Dries
Bones Heal
Suck it Up and Keep Wrestling

I pray for increased physical strength every day

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:38

Detroit_Dogg: Feb 2, 2008; Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT

Or Ohio State fans at a bar after they soundly kicked his team's teeth in.

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:39

Detroit_Dogg: Feb 2, 2008; Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT

Taylor Lewan is a punk rear end bitch is what I'm saying

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:39

A Man and his dog: Oct 24, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Watts cabin loving owns.

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:44

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

Pron on VHS posted:

I pray for increased physical strength every day

Beats working out

Well, not literally

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:44

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Detroit_Dogg posted:

Taylor Lewan is a punk rear end bitch is what I'm saying

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:44

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

I'm not sure who I'm more scared of pissing off, JJ Watt or Brock Lesnar

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:45

Athanatos: Jun 7, 2006; Est. 1967

Intruder posted:

I'm not sure who I'm more scared of pissing off, JJ Watt or Brock Lesnar

Aaron Hernandez

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:46

CyberPingu: Sep 15, 2013; If you're not striving to improve, you'll end up going backwards.

Intruder posted:

I'm not sure who I'm more scared of pissing off, JJ Watt or Brock Lesnar

Brock....he literally looks like his stare could hospitalise me...

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:46

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

Detroit_Dogg posted:

Taylor Lewan is a punk rear end bitch is what I'm saying

Taylor is a bitch-made name.

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:46

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Intruder posted:

I'm not sure who I'm more scared of pissing off, JJ Watt or Brock Lesnar

Brock

Even if you could equal his strength his actual wrestling skills are lethal

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:47

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Intruder posted:

I'm not sure who I'm more scared of pissing off, JJ Watt or Brock Lesnar

Brock Lesnar has little baby legs so Watt

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:47

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

They're very similar in size and appearance, but JJ lives in a "remote cabin" on the outskirts of some suburb while Brock found the middle of nowhere in Montana to not be remote enough and moved somewhere even more desolate

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:48

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

the babiness of his legs cannot be overstated

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:49

A Man and his dog: Oct 24, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Both dudes have the build that can take an acoustic guitar breaking over them without flinching.

:ohdear:

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:50

GNU Order: Feb 28, 2011; That's a paddlin'

Pron on VHS posted:

I pray for increased physical strength every day

Isometrics are not the way to go, then

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:51

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Metapod posted:

Watt bullying mett is going to lead to the Lewan kicking Watt's rear end

There seems to be some confusion about this statement. I mean Lewan will literally kicked Watt's rear end after Watt blows past him

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:52

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

I mean look at em

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:54

FUCKFACE MORON: Apr 23, 2010; by sebmojo

don't piss off brock osweiler imo

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:57

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Ross Angeles posted:

God I loving love Tony Romo

From the wayback machine but :hfive:

Intruder posted:

With bottle rockets you get a pvc pipe and a fashion a crude shoulder mount and fire them like a bazooka

gently caress that, you hold it by the end of the stick, light it, and throw it end over end so that when it ignites midair and still heads toward your target you look like a goddamn pro

# ? Jul 8, 2015 21:59

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

If Brock Lesnar were an SNL character he would be Mr. Baby Legs and every sketch would be him walking around with passerbys being very uncomfortable and distracted by his little baby legs.

He would be played by Bill Hader.

# ? Jul 8, 2015 22:00

Detroit_Dogg: Feb 2, 2008; Aaron Rodgers is gay and lame and oh please cum in me Aaron PLEASE I NEED IT OH STAFFORD YOUR COCK IS NOT WORTHY ONLY THE GAYEST RODGERS PRICK CAN SATISFY MY DESPERATE THROAT

Brock Lesnar works on the same principle as a shark, just hit him in the face.

Just also try to do this before he double legs you into oblivion and pounds your face in.

Or serve him a plate of vegetables, that'll do it

# ? Jul 8, 2015 22:02

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Mel Mudkiper posted:

If Brock Lesnar were an SNL character he would be Mr. Baby Legs and every sketch would be him walking around with passerbys being very uncomfortable and distracted by his little baby legs.

He would be played by Bill Hader.

Were you the fan that got by the car door?

# ? Jul 8, 2015 22:04

Rooster Brooster: Mar 30, 2001; Maybe it doesn't really matter anymore.

Eltoasto posted:

NFL players blowing themselves up with fireworks and NBA players recruiting with emojis have really made the work day better today.

I realized the other day that sometime soon we're going to see a court case that hinges on emojis, and the transcripts are going to be great.

"At 4:45pm, defendent sent a text message to the victim consisting of a sleepy-face, a slice of pizza, a gun, and a pile of poo."

# ? Jul 8, 2015 22:19

Blitz of 404 Error: Sep 19, 2007; Joe Biden is a top 15 president

god i am so excited to see an actual receiver in Oakland

# ? Jul 8, 2015 22:21

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

Rooster Brooster posted:

I realized the other day that sometime soon we're going to see a court case that hinges on emojis, and the transcripts are going to be great.

"At 4:45pm, defendent sent a text message to the victim consisting of a sleepy-face, a slice of pizza, a gun, and a pile of poo."

Already sorta happened. Some dumbass teen facebooked a gun emoji and talked about shooting cops then was arrested and charged with making terroristic threats.

Came up in the silk road trial transcripts as well.

# ? Jul 8, 2015 22:23

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

Mel Mudkiper posted:

If Brock Lesnar were an SNL character he would be Mr. Baby Legs and every sketch would be him walking around with passerbys being very uncomfortable and distracted by his little baby legs.

He would be played by Bill Hader.

Detective Baby Legs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-o0Qp5J_Oo8

Chilichimp fucked around with this message at 22:34 on Jul 8, 2015

# ? Jul 8, 2015 22:24

Raku: Nov 7, 2012; Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Roll Tide

Blitz7x posted:

god i am so excited to see an actual receiver in Oakland

I'm completely in favor of everything in support of student athletes over the NCAA, but if it meant Amari had to play at Alabama another year I'd be all in favor requiring NFL players to run out of college eligibility first.

# ? Jul 8, 2015 22:31

Metapod: Mar 18, 2012

Blitz7x posted:

god i am so excited to see an actual receiver in Oakland

I honestly can't remember the last time the Raiders had a receiver who was both good and tried

# ? Jul 8, 2015 22:40

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

Metapod posted:

I honestly can't remember the last time the Raiders had a receiver who was both good and tried

They could have drafted Calvin.

# ? Jul 8, 2015 22:41

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# ? May 22, 2024 05:04

CyberPingu: Sep 15, 2013; If you're not striving to improve, you'll end up going backwards.

Metapod posted:

I honestly can't remember the last time the Raiders had a receiver who was both good and tried

Probably Jerry Rice.

# ? Jul 8, 2015 22:42

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL July N/V: There is training camp at the end of the tunnel

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