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We dont always get to gently caress the ppl we want to gently caress in our tragically human-length lives -- sometimes they live far away, or are happily married, or in prison, etc. And sometimes, they are dead and gone before we even realize we totally want to bang them. Let's talk about some of the gentlemen and ladies who have come and gone before our time who we would go full hammer and tongs on. Nikola Tesla, goddamn genius We have Tesla to thank, or blame, for the ability to shitpost today. He was a brilliant physicist who was able to transform his ideas from paper to reality. He famously predicted the near future would enable people to communicate instantly over long distances with small and portable devices. May god have mercy on his soul for this. Smart is sexy, and Tesla was a dark-haired cutie. I would be the first in line for his electric moustache ride. Simo Häyhä, humble and deadly sniper A tiny Finnish hunter and farmer, Häyhä was the deadliest sniper in history, confirmed to have killed over 500 Soviet troops during the Winter War of 1939-1940. The more men Häyhä killed, the more Soviet countersnipers were sent to kill him, and he killed them, and more were sent, etc, until finally the Soviets called in artillery strikes on him, shelling vast areas of the forest, and still failed to hit him, much less understand that they were dealing with a single man who stood proud at 5'3". Exactly one week before the war was over, the Soviets finally managed to tag Häyhä with an explosive bullet in his face -- IN HIS FACE -- that blew off his cheek and much of his jaw, but STILL failed to kill him. He was evacuated by fellow soldiers and spent a week unconscious, waking on the same day peace was declared and the Russians went home like the pussy bitches he had made them. Russians couldn't kill him or my ladyboner for him - he was still a beautiful, deadly man. Plus hes short like me so we could kiss and gently caress at the same time. Empress Theodora, bold and beautiful She was a lowly Constantinople dancer/actress/concubine before she won over the future Emperor Justinian's heart with her beauty, charm, and mastery of political savvy. She was streetsmart, charismatic, and the imperial public face for more goony and introverted husband. During the Nika Revolts, Justinian had a ship prepared to evacuate them from the city. Theodora told him to find his balls and stay and fight to the end as befits a man of his title, remarking famously that 'imperial purple makes the finest death shroud.' History proved her boldness to be correct. I would totally smash pussys together with her. Well thats mine, lets hear about your most highly fuckable dead people! Pls respect modern values regarding legal age of the dead lads and lasses youd like to gently caress to 18 or older (their age at death, not what they would be today).
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:08 |
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# ? Apr 28, 2024 22:07 |
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Joan of Arc Helen of Troy Cleopatra That's prolly it
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:10 |
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:11 |
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:11 |
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hi and welcome to topping your pops!
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:12 |
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good thread topic, very middle school
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:13 |
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Stoic Commie posted:good thread topic, very middle school thanks!!! so have u thought about what dead person or people you would like to gently caress? if ur not sure u can think about it and maybe check wikipedia and come back later?
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:26 |
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you posted my person already (theodora)
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:27 |
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i'm not going to look but I'm 100% positive there is a subreddit about necrophilia
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:28 |
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Id do stuff with Ibn Battutah.
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:29 |
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Uh....I think I am going to choose some of the more decadent of the renaissance ladies. Maybe Lucrecia Borgia?
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:31 |
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would NOT gently caress a skeleton
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:31 |
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whoflungpoop posted:smash pussys get beefy takes on new significance
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:38 |
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Lawrence Gilchrist posted:get beefy takes on new significance
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:38 |
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jarofpiss posted:would NOT gently caress a skeleton
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:39 |
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:52 |
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Who is this dreamboat?
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:54 |
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something clever posted:Who is this dreamboat?
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:55 |
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something clever posted:Who is this dreamboat? like most attractive people from his country, he didnt age well
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:56 |
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I want to gently caress jesus
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:56 |
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something clever posted:Who is this dreamboat? stalin of course
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:57 |
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 00:58 |
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i would let stalin systematically purge every bit of empty space from my yoni! great choice!!
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 01:01 |
As long as you get in there when they're fairly fresh it's actually pretty good. If all else fails you can also just break up the rigor mortis manually, and then just warm them up by leaving them right by, but not in, the cremation chamber.
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 01:10 |
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TheJoker138 posted:As long as you get in there when they're fairly fresh it's actually pretty good. If all else fails you can also just break up the rigor mortis manually, and then just warm them up by leaving them right by, but not in, the cremation chamber. Figures you're an expert on the matter.
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 01:13 |
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A can of Crisco and a string of Christmas lights to warm up the orifice is all you really need. Hth, op.
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 01:18 |
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They liked gross fat girls in the past because most people were skinny b/c poor, so probably there were dozens of supermodel looking present girls all over the place who weren't considered attractive because only one chin and no cellulite. Like Helen of Troy def had a FUPA
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 01:42 |
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Jimmy Jangle, yes. Who does not want to be the thing you want to gently caress?
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 02:19 |
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would want an orgy with the cast of the golden girls and the cast of designing women (including the men in each show). think it'd have been a lot of fun.
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 02:26 |
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Tesla is indeed a hottie. I also like Leopold I of Belgium. He was the first king of the Belgians (they like calling them that instead of the king of Belgium). Dig those muttonchops and that sexy tousled hair.
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 02:46 |
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helen of troy or eva peron
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 02:52 |
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did anyone say le hitler?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 03:11 |
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Secks Cauldron posted:Tesla is indeed a hottie. And those kissable lips!! Great fuckable choice!!
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 03:26 |
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OMGVBFLOL posted:i'm not going to look but I'm 100% positive there is a subreddit about necrophilia You know what there probably is and you know what Tesla and that Finnish sniper are probably 1 and 2 on their top submissions as well.
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 04:18 |
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who's that French queen that died loving a horse I bet she got freaky
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 04:21 |
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There ain't a lot of famous girls in history so I guess I'd like to gently caress Patti Smith when she was 25 or so. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0brHGJ6xqbk I'd probably also dump one real greasy like in Flannery O'Connor. I don't want to gently caress no princess ladies because punks have the loveliest dreams. Maybe Si Suriyothai because she rode a war elephant into the middle of combat to fight the guy who was going to waste her husband and died doing it. raton fucked around with this message at 04:28 on Jul 11, 2015 |
# ? Jul 11, 2015 04:21 |
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Jane Fonda was smoking hot back in the day
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 04:22 |
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- did you know that dead people do not care if you have sex with them? - did you know that if nobody knows that you did something, it didn't happen? - did you know that the dead tell no tales? - did you know that you yourself are dead but do not know it yet? - did you think that you were masturbating a live penus? think again
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 04:22 |
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the dead are evil https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unnLg1TPCYM
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 04:24 |
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# ? Apr 28, 2024 22:07 |
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How much internet porn do you have to have gone through to start fantasizing about loving dead people.
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# ? Jul 11, 2015 04:29 |