Retail Thread: I'M A BALLET DANCER! I HOPE YOU ALL SHIT YOURSELVES TO DEATH!

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Retail Thread: I'M A BALLET DANCER! I HOPE YOU ALL SHIT YOURSELVES TO DEATH!

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UZworm: Feb 9, 2009; Young wild Elsweyrian
C'mon baby, do you have a soul gem

Our lead cosmetics person got a new job, so I might be getting promoted... to beauty advisor :laffo:

UZworm fucked around with this message at 07:35 on Aug 21, 2015

# ? Aug 20, 2015 14:28

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# ? May 10, 2024 20:12

winterwerefox: Apr 23, 2010; The next movie better not make me shave anything

I have worked in gas stations for over 11 years now. I dont get bad customers, but I suspect its the look of 'I will murder you' I tend to have on my face at most all times. I get weird ones. Two or three days ago, a guy is being a creeper to some of the younger 20 something guys "You wanna hug? Wanna kiss?" I walk over, and he stops it right away. What? no hug or kiss from the huge pissed off looking bearded guy with arms thicker than your lil bird legs? :v:

What really makes me out of retail is management. For classes this last term, I put in writing that tues to thursday, I couldnt work past 9am. Cue assistant managers taking over scheduling as the main one is out on surgery. So I have to leave early as I get put to 11am or noon on those days. Come last week, I get a 3 day suspension for 'Calling in sick" on those days my availability wouldnt let me work those times. I worked, I just had to leave at the time I said I had to leave. That I had informed them in writing months prior that I couldn't work past that time. The scheduling software even has an alert saying you messed up availability.

Currently, in other Management news, our store manager is obsessed with our customer survey scores. I think we are number 3ish in a family of stores numbering in the thousands. Its a big department store with attached gas station. So starting this week, the gas station attendants need to sign off that yes, we are aware of the tracking numbers for our store. Daily. Like this is information we could do anything with. Kinda like how they insisted every employee know as a store we were going to be stalkers toward our customers and show everyone how much info we have on everyone.

Customers.. I get weird ones, like an old guy that insists he gets the new account bonus discount on his fuel every time. However, that expires after 3 months. I give it to him anyway, cause my fucks have long ran out, but this has been happening now for over a year, and I've watched him fill out for a new card multiple times to try and get the discount automated. I am pretty sure that Visa is aware of what you are doing, its not a new card.

# ? Aug 21, 2015 02:20

Copper For Lyfe: Jun 1, 2011

princecoo posted:

I work for a big Australian supermarket chain as... well, I wear many hats. I'm a produce assistant, cashier, ex-store safety team leader (current safety team member), run the store social club and to top it all off, I'm the store union representative.

I've had a loving gutfull of this job. For a variety of reasons.

- I'm over-qualified, but have been straight up told by the store manager that I don't have any "management qualities", and that he didn't see me as a leader. I have 2 bachelor degrees and a Cert 4 in business, that I'm considering turning into a diploma, with prior experience as an Assistant Store Manager. I am treated as a supervisor by all of the department managers and am often asked for advice regarding staff management and other managerial duties by several of them. I was the backup backdock operations manager (filled in for him when he went on holidays/was sick) up until the company decided to remove the pay grade for that role. They still wanted me to fill in for him (as did he; then he could enjoy his time off without worrying about returning to a shitstorm) but as the role was now no longer considered a "specialised position", there would be no corresponding pay increase while working it, so I refused.

I honestly don't care if the managers take my ideas, freely given, and don't give me credit. I'm happy to help. I don't even want to be a manager, since I see them get made to work 14-16 hour days for what amounts to less money than I'm on (due to the sheer number of hours and that they are on a salary). I couldn't be a manager these days anyway; the company has removed the annual bonuses they used to get, and any new managers they bring on since about 2 years ago have gotten increasingly worse salary packages, (A person who was promoted 2 years ago could expect around $900-$1000 a week - now the same person could expect $700-$800 a week after tax, with regular shitkickers making $700 before tax) and my personal circumstances have changed due to having kids (my wife works in the medical field and gets a lot of on-call work, so my available hours are pretty much limited to within the 6am-5pm timeframe ie. the hours the kids can be in daycare.
What pisses me off is the blatant "Yeah, we'll use you like a manager, ask your opinion and even take your advice, and fully understand and defer to your knowledge and skills, but when asked directly, no, you're absolutely not suitable for any position above what you currently are. No chance."

- I generally enjoy my role as a union representative, but gently caress me does it get frustrating when I have a member approach me with a problem, ask my advice, then ignore it. Especially if it's serious.
Staff member: "Oh no, *so-and-so* has accused me of theft, and *manager* has taken their side, even though I have reciepts and witnesses that prove my innocence! Also, security cameras prove it! But they've still stripped me of my supervisor priveliges and told everyone I stole! Whatever can I do?"
Me: Holy poo poo, you were accused, proven innocent by 2 sets of evidence to the contrary and multiple witnesses, and you were still punished?! Well for starters we can get you your old job back, and backpay, and nail some asses to some walls, that is what we can loving do.
Staff member: "I thought so! It is so unfair! Thank you, but nevermind, bye!"

The company has something against efficiency, I'm certain of it. I'm positive they want people worked off their feet for the entirety of their shifts. For example, our produce department used to have a refrigerated cabinet that contained all the corn, capscicum, swedes, leafy vegetables and carrots, that sort of thing. The old cabinet allowed 1 crate of capscicum to go up, maybe 1.5 crates if you stacked it properly. You filled that, then maybe you'd have to top it up on a normal day, about 3 or 4 hours later. Spring onion shallots you'd get 2 and a half crates up comfortably, then fill them again in about 3 hours. Broccoli, there is an easy 4 crates, refilled every 1.5-2 hours.
Now, after a refit, our new and improved cabinet certainly looks pretty, but you cannot fit more than half a crate of capscicum up. Spring onion shallots will only fit 1 crate up on their stupid refrigerated stairs, and broccoli, you will barely fit 1 crate up.
So instead of having 3 employees opening the department in the morning, filling, say, shallots, then filling capscicum, then broccoli, then filling whatever else, and so on, by the time they have finished filling everything, the poo poo they filled first will be empty, so they have to start again. Now that looks great on paper, but that is 3 people doing nothing but filling shelves all day - that doesn't include cutting fruit for display/sale, the ticketing that needs to be done, the price increases and decreases, rostering, putting the load away, rotating, marking down soon to be out of date stock, filling the pre-packed salads and breaks. And the department only employs 6 people - the manager, the 2ic, 2 full timers, 1 part timer and a casual, to cover the stores entire opening ours monday to saturday. But increase the wage budget? Not on your loving life.

The icing on the cake is I got called up into the office last week to be told I needed to "pull my weight" and "step up my game" because the store manager had heard - from my peers - that I was lazy and unwilling to work, wasting time and generally being a terrible employee. I flat out told him to speak to my line managers, and review security tapes if he wanted to - both would give more than enough evidence as to my work ethic. Hell, I'm only in produce at the moment covering for the 2ic because he is on holiday - so I'm doing everything he would have normally done during startup, as well as my own work. His reply was that since I was the union rep, the staff look up to me, and I should hold myself to a higher standard.

gently caress the place. I need a better job, and I need it 4 years ago.

I'm gonna guess coles cos kmart went lovely when west farmers bought out the Coles group.

I know your pain brother. I'm also a union delegate and nothing frustrates me more than when people don't follow your advice and when you bring it up to them they act like you never explained a thing to them.

# ? Aug 21, 2015 03:20

Sibilant Crisp: Jul 4, 2014

Where I work we can just give 10% off damaged items if a customer asks, just to easily and quickly make a customer happy and to get rid of the damaged product. It's nice when I can do that for people, but it's even better when people get greedy and lose the discount entirely. To do anything more than 10%, we have to get a manager to come approve the discount. Most of the things we cashiers give discounts to, the managers probably wouldn't, or they'd give a more specific discount.

Once, a lady brought up some shoes and wanted a discount because there were scuffs on the bottom of the shoe. I flipped them over, and the shoes looked fine, the only mark I saw on the bottoms was the price we write on the bottom of the right shoe in the stockroom. I figured it'd be easier to just give her the discount and get her gone, so I told her I could do 10%. That apparently wasn't good enough, so I told her I needed to get a manager for anything higher than 10%. I paged a manager to the front and they took one look at the bottom of the shoes and said that she couldn't offer a discount for them. The lady looked shell shocked for a few seconds, staring at the shoes. Then she showed us the inside of the shoes and said that the insides were scuffed too (the logo on the inside was slightly worn, like someone walked around a bit to try them), so she really would need the discount to consider buying them. My manager reposted, saying that she'd be happy to put them away for her.

She bought the shoes.

But god drat, I've been at this retail job for a month, and while I'm mostly used to everything, taking hard tags off of poo poo is still the worst. Sometimes they just refuse to come out and you have to put a good amount of force into it to get them out. Worse than that, for the first week or two we had people from other stores that trained us and they said it only gets worse as your stock of pins start getting bent. Half the time our loss prevention junk is just a hinderance that adds tons of time to getting customers out of the door. One specific device is attached to hung items and you have to place this tool in a specific place to get it off. It only properly detaches about half the time. It's really frustrating when you're doing exactly what you're supposed to do and it takes multiple tries to get the thing off. It makes customers impatient and also adds to the time that customers have been standing there. One time I had to get someone to cut the cardboard around the loving thing to get it off.

# ? Aug 22, 2015 19:14

Kickshaw: Sep 6, 2012

Today, a teenage girl who straight up told me she wasn't shopping and just wanted to try it on for fun got pissed and called me a bitch because I wouldn't let her try on a delicately beaded $379 gown, then brought her mother in the store to yell at me.

I told her it's policy, because letting girls try them on for fun puts wear and tear on them that accumulates over time and causes damage, and she demanded to get my manager's number. Go ahead and call the manager, lady, she will back me up and the company owner will back HER up, so you can :fuckoff:

# ? Aug 23, 2015 20:56

The Lord Bude: May 23, 2007; ASK ME ABOUT MY SHITTY, BOUGIE INTERIOR DECORATING ADVICE

Santheb posted:

So I'm a little conflicted here..

We're guaranteed two 15 minute breaks and a lunch over an 8 hour shift. The way it worked out today was I finished my lunch, had one more break to take, and had to cover the other guy in the department's last break.

I come back from lunch, 8:05ish, and tell the other guy to go on his last break. He says I have to take a poo poo. I said whatever, it's your last break, do whatever you want.

In my department we're pretty lenient about "15 minutes". If you take 20, whatever, who cares.

This guy went and took a dump and then took his "15". I work nights, I've got poo poo to do. Trucks,stocking, whatever. Come 8:33, after our door is down, I'm looking for this guy. Come to find out, he's on his break still, upstairs. He finally comes back, and I say dude what the gently caress were you doing?

He immediately gets defensive saying I've done the same thing and he's timed it and whatnot, and then gets very confrontational about it. Never mind that I'm an eight year employee and he's been there maaaaybe 2. He says I should've understood he was taking a poop break and his regular break, constituting about 30 minutes and putting me back from doing work later.

Am I wrong for being salty at this guy?

As a caveat to his lovely attitude, the photo lab supervisor asked one of us to take back his two trash bags of trash because he was on OT. I said yeah just to get him to go away. After he left the kid in question said "gently caress that I'm not going back there."

He clocked out 10 minutes early.

Am I just salty or is this guy a terrible employee?

No he's a bad employee. Spending extra time on your paid break is literally a form of theft.

Worst thing I've ever seen is an employee (who was the checkout supervisor at the time, and I was his assistant) spend an hour on his 15 minute break. His excuse? His mother was on the phone and she wouldn't hang up.

The Lord Bude fucked around with this message at 16:49 on Aug 24, 2015

# ? Aug 24, 2015 16:41

Sankis: Mar 8, 2004; But I remember the fella who told me. Big lad. Arms as thick as oak trees, a stunning collection of scars, nice eye patch. A REAL therapist he was. Er wait. Maybe it was rapist?

Spending extra time on your break is not literally theft.

# ? Aug 25, 2015 23:02

UZworm: Feb 9, 2009; Young wild Elsweyrian
C'mon baby, do you have a soul gem

I'm going to be on vacation the entire week while they're setting up all the Halloween poo poo :smugdog:

# ? Aug 26, 2015 05:29

Enhydra lutris: Apr 27, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

I have been selected to complete a Team Member Screening Test for Target; I do not know the Answer to this Question; I require Assistance; this Screening Test is extremely important; I will not be offered a Position as a Target Team Member if I complete the Screening Test unsatisfactorily and I thoroughly desire a Position as a Target Team Member because I enjoy folding and organising Clothing Articles; I also enjoy conducting Small Calculations such as those required in the processing of Transactions; I have completed Thirteen (13) Questions thus far with moderate difficulty; however I am perplexed by Question 14.

The Catalogue Check is very vital; the Catalogue Check is a means of tallying all Stock with in a Given Department; if Merchandise Objects are absent it follows that there has been Shrinkage due to Loss; Theft; Incorrect Scanning; Other; the Catalogue Check is of paramount importance because Shrinkage of Merchandise is an Urgent Problem in the Retail Industry; unwarranted Shrinkage decreases the Profit Margin [the amount of Money obtained by a Business Owner when Over Head Costs {Premises Rent; Employee Wages; Operating Fees; etcetera} are subtracted from the Gross Income]; thus impacting the Business Success of the Store. I can not avoid or postpone the Catalogue Check; my Department Manager must know if unwarranted Shrinkage has occurred; my Department Manager must know if Merchandise has been stolen so that the Situation can be remediated through retrieval of the Merchandise or Apprehension of the Wrongdoers by the Police Men; furthermore the Hypothetical Scenario Outline specifies that it is a Friday Afternoon; the Department Manager will soon be leaving Work in order to begin their Week End and thus is it imperative that the Catalogue Check be completed prior to their Departure so that they may attend to any Issues therein; such as Merchandise Loss; or Discrepancies. However; as noted the Catalogue Check is a Time Consuming Exercise; I do not know the Size of the Hypothetical Department nor do I know the Stock Taking Technology available to an Employee such as Scanning Machines. If it is a requisite that Stock be counted by hand [with out Mechanics] then a Department of Average Size (One Thousand (1000) to Three Thousand (3000) Items [based upon Average Department Size at the Myer Department Store in the City; this is an Estimate because I can not count every piece of Merchandise in every Department; I am asked to Leave The Department and furthermore I am limited by Opening Hours; the Myer Department Store is open from 9am until 7pm on Mondays; Tuesdays; Wednesdays; Saturdays; Sundays; and from 9am to 9pm on Thursdays; I do not attend the Myer Department Store on Friday Nights due to Shabbat; thus this Figure is an Approximation based on the Departments that I have thoroughly catalogued]) will take approx. Three (3) Hours to Catalogue; a Large Department of more than Three Thousand (3000) Items (e.g. [for example] the Myer Store Perfume Department) will take a longer Period; possibly as long as Six (6) Hours. I do not know how long the Hypothetical Shift will be and thus what Percentage of the Shift will be occupied by the Catalogue Check; if I spend Three (3) Hours completing a Catalogue Check with in the Duration of a Shift lasting Seven (7) Hours I will have a total of Four (4) Hours remaining to attend to other Crucial Tasks and deliver Excellent Customer Service; however if the Shift is only Four (4) Hours then I will only have One (1) Hour to attend to other Crucial Tasks and deliver Excellent Customer Service; this is not enough time to attend to other Crucial Tasks and deliver Excellent Customer Service; thus the Shift Duration is a very important Detail that has been omitted; as have numerous other important Details; resulting in Significant Bewilderment with regards to this hypothetical scenario; and inability to answer the Question in a reasonable manner. In addition I do not know how many Customers will attend the Department during my Catalogue Check Process; I have not attended a Target on a Friday Afternoon; a greater population of Consumers represents a more significant demand upon my Time; and thus a slower and less efficient Catalogue Check Process; as my Primary Priority must always be the Point Of Sale as this is where the Money is exchanged between the Customer and the Store; thus the source of the Profit Margin; thus more important even than Tasks that impact upon the Profit Margin; such as the Catalogue Check. There is no Phone Number or Contact Detail that I can consult for clarification of these Concerns; such as the Stock Taking Technology available to Employees; the Length of the Shift; the level of activity within the Store on a Friday Afternoon; I can not answer the Question with out clarification; the hypothetical scenario is too dependent upon Variables that have not been adequately specified. The Posters in this Thread are Retail Experts; the Posters are engaged in Retail Careers and frequently resolve Dilemmas such as the Dilemma outlined in this Team Member Screening Test Question; Please tell me what You [Posters in this Thread] would do in this hypothetical scenario; namely how you would reconcile the Pressing Concern of a Catalogue Check with the need to deliver Excellent Customer Service and Other Duties on a Friday Afternoon. Thank You; and G-d Bless.

# ? Aug 26, 2015 11:50

Enhydra lutris: Apr 27, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

Please provide Swift Assistance; I will remain On Line until Assistance is provided; as I can not close the Target Team Member Talent Screener and recommence a later Session at the same point; this is not an In Built Function of the Target Team Member Talent Screener; I must complete the Questions in A Single Sitting; I can not complete Questions 15 through to 20 until I have completed Question 14; and thus I require a Timely Response.

# ? Aug 26, 2015 11:58

Faerunner: Dec 31, 2007

Know what's nice? Setting a goal, getting to work, choosing your own break times and getting it done because there are no customers to bother you. That's nice. Overnights are pretty cool.

# ? Aug 26, 2015 11:58

CaptainJuan: Oct 15, 2008; Thick. Juicy. Tender.

Imagine cutting into a Barry White Song.

The third one

# ? Aug 26, 2015 11:59

Enhydra lutris: Apr 27, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

CaptainJuan posted:

The third one

Thank You for your Assistance.

# ? Aug 26, 2015 12:00

The Lord Bude: May 23, 2007; ASK ME ABOUT MY SHITTY, BOUGIE INTERIOR DECORATING ADVICE

Sankis posted:

Spending extra time on your break is not literally theft.

It is if it's a paid break. When you are at work, being paid, your time and labour is the property of your employer. Taking extra breaks is theft of company time.

# ? Aug 26, 2015 13:02

The Lord Bude: May 23, 2007; ASK ME ABOUT MY SHITTY, BOUGIE INTERIOR DECORATING ADVICE

Enhydra lutris posted:

I have been selected to complete a Team Member Screening Test for Target; I do not know the Answer to this Question; I require Assistance; this Screening Test is extremely important; I will not be offered a Position as a Target Team Member if I complete the Screening Test unsatisfactorily and I thoroughly desire a Position as a Target Team Member because I enjoy folding and organising Clothing Articles; I also enjoy conducting Small Calculations such as those required in the processing of Transactions; I have completed Thirteen (13) Questions thus far with moderate difficulty; however I am perplexed by Question 14.

The Catalogue Check is very vital; the Catalogue Check is a means of tallying all Stock with in a Given Department; if Merchandise Objects are absent it follows that there has been Shrinkage due to Loss; Theft; Incorrect Scanning; Other; the Catalogue Check is of paramount importance because Shrinkage of Merchandise is an Urgent Problem in the Retail Industry; unwarranted Shrinkage decreases the Profit Margin [the amount of Money obtained by a Business Owner when Over Head Costs {Premises Rent; Employee Wages; Operating Fees; etcetera} are subtracted from the Gross Income]; thus impacting the Business Success of the Store. I can not avoid or postpone the Catalogue Check; my Department Manager must know if unwarranted Shrinkage has occurred; my Department Manager must know if Merchandise has been stolen so that the Situation can be remediated through retrieval of the Merchandise or Apprehension of the Wrongdoers by the Police Men; furthermore the Hypothetical Scenario Outline specifies that it is a Friday Afternoon; the Department Manager will soon be leaving Work in order to begin their Week End and thus is it imperative that the Catalogue Check be completed prior to their Departure so that they may attend to any Issues therein; such as Merchandise Loss; or Discrepancies. However; as noted the Catalogue Check is a Time Consuming Exercise; I do not know the Size of the Hypothetical Department nor do I know the Stock Taking Technology available to an Employee such as Scanning Machines. If it is a requisite that Stock be counted by hand [with out Mechanics] then a Department of Average Size (One Thousand (1000) to Three Thousand (3000) Items [based upon Average Department Size at the Myer Department Store in the City; this is an Estimate because I can not count every piece of Merchandise in every Department; I am asked to Leave The Department and furthermore I am limited by Opening Hours; the Myer Department Store is open from 9am until 7pm on Mondays; Tuesdays; Wednesdays; Saturdays; Sundays; and from 9am to 9pm on Thursdays; I do not attend the Myer Department Store on Friday Nights due to Shabbat; thus this Figure is an Approximation based on the Departments that I have thoroughly catalogued]) will take approx. Three (3) Hours to Catalogue; a Large Department of more than Three Thousand (3000) Items (e.g. [for example] the Myer Store Perfume Department) will take a longer Period; possibly as long as Six (6) Hours. I do not know how long the Hypothetical Shift will be and thus what Percentage of the Shift will be occupied by the Catalogue Check; if I spend Three (3) Hours completing a Catalogue Check with in the Duration of a Shift lasting Seven (7) Hours I will have a total of Four (4) Hours remaining to attend to other Crucial Tasks and deliver Excellent Customer Service; however if the Shift is only Four (4) Hours then I will only have One (1) Hour to attend to other Crucial Tasks and deliver Excellent Customer Service; this is not enough time to attend to other Crucial Tasks and deliver Excellent Customer Service; thus the Shift Duration is a very important Detail that has been omitted; as have numerous other important Details; resulting in Significant Bewilderment with regards to this hypothetical scenario; and inability to answer the Question in a reasonable manner. In addition I do not know how many Customers will attend the Department during my Catalogue Check Process; I have not attended a Target on a Friday Afternoon; a greater population of Consumers represents a more significant demand upon my Time; and thus a slower and less efficient Catalogue Check Process; as my Primary Priority must always be the Point Of Sale as this is where the Money is exchanged between the Customer and the Store; thus the source of the Profit Margin; thus more important even than Tasks that impact upon the Profit Margin; such as the Catalogue Check. There is no Phone Number or Contact Detail that I can consult for clarification of these Concerns; such as the Stock Taking Technology available to Employees; the Length of the Shift; the level of activity within the Store on a Friday Afternoon; I can not answer the Question with out clarification; the hypothetical scenario is too dependent upon Variables that have not been adequately specified. The Posters in this Thread are Retail Experts; the Posters are engaged in Retail Careers and frequently resolve Dilemmas such as the Dilemma outlined in this Team Member Screening Test Question; Please tell me what You [Posters in this Thread] would do in this hypothetical scenario; namely how you would reconcile the Pressing Concern of a Catalogue Check with the need to deliver Excellent Customer Service and Other Duties on a Friday Afternoon. Thank You; and G-d Bless.

I would definitely choose option 3.

# ? Aug 26, 2015 13:04

Sankis: Mar 8, 2004; But I remember the fella who told me. Big lad. Arms as thick as oak trees, a stunning collection of scars, nice eye patch. A REAL therapist he was. Er wait. Maybe it was rapist?

Not worth it.

Sankis fucked around with this message at 13:13 on Aug 26, 2015

# ? Aug 26, 2015 13:06

Enhydra lutris: Apr 27, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

I have completed the Target Team Member Talent Screener; for Question 14 I chose Option 3 as advised by Posters in this Thread; other Questions were less ambiguous and provided more crucial information thus posing less of a Challenge to my self; Thank You for your Assistance; and Kind Mentorship.

# ? Aug 26, 2015 13:19

The Lord Bude: May 23, 2007; ASK ME ABOUT MY SHITTY, BOUGIE INTERIOR DECORATING ADVICE

Enhydra lutris posted:

I have completed the Target Team Member Talent Screener; for Question 14 I chose Option 3 as advised by Posters in this Thread; other Questions were less ambiguous and provided more crucial information thus posing less of a Challenge to my self; Thank You for your Assistance; and Kind Mentorship.

I hope you have a happy future of clothes folding and organization!

# ? Aug 26, 2015 13:53

MatildaTheHun: Aug 31, 2011; here's the thing donovan, I'm always hungry

Hey otter dude did you ever figure out why gay guys like anal or are you abandoning that quest for a life of dealing with middle class mothers?

# ? Aug 26, 2015 21:43

Enhydra lutris: Apr 27, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

I am persistently intrigued by Sexual Intercourse Via The Anus; the Mechanisms and Cultural Context there of; and Safety Concerns; however I have collected sufficient Primary Data to satisfy my initial Inquiries; namely the Hygienic Repercussions of Sexual Intercourse Via The Anus; and whether it yields Pleasurable Sensations. When a Condom [Latex Sheath] is utilised Sexual Intercourse Via The Anus is no less hygienic than Sexual Intercourse Via The Vagina or Other Orifice; in addition the Sensation is pleasurable due to a high concentration of Nerve Endings in the Prostate Gland; and the Outer Rim of the Anus; in addition I now understand Homosexual Intercourse Between Females; I have discovered that the Human Clitoris is approx. the size of a Cucumber Squash; and intensely sensitive; thus a Penis is not necessary; any Phallic Object will suffice. This Knowledge has provided me with sufficient understanding of Homosexual Behaviour in Humans to continue my Research into Homosexual Behaviour in Mammals (esp. Marine Mammals) and therefore I no longer need to make Sexual Intercourse Inquiries on this Awful Forum; this is a Relief; my Innocent Inquiries frequently provoked Aggressive and Hostile Conduct by the Fab Goons; Post Your Favourite Goons; Beware Your Own Butt Goons; Moderators; etcetera; this Conduct was unwarranted; I was treated like a Sexual Pervert; I am not a Sexual Pervert; I am an Academic.

# ? Aug 26, 2015 23:46

PCOS Bill: May 12, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

This is getting annoying

# ? Aug 27, 2015 00:09

Mooktastical: Jan 8, 2008

PCOS Bill posted:

This is getting annoying

So ignore him or gently caress off

# ? Aug 27, 2015 00:35

PCOS Bill: May 12, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

Mooktastical posted:

So ignore him or gently caress off

Or option 3, criticize

# ? Aug 27, 2015 01:12

Magic Underwear: May 14, 2003; Young Orc

Enhydra lutris is the greatest asset this dead-rear end forum has, I won't hear any poo poo-talking of him or her.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 02:49

Azuth0667: Sep 20, 2011; By the word of Zoroaster, no business decision is poor when it involves Ahura Mazda.

I'm amazed at how petty lovely retail managers can get. I had to pick up medication from a pharmacy I used to work at and the same managers were there. We made small talk while I was waiting and the managers seemed to get visibly upset that I was doing far better now as a grad student than I was when I worked for them.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 14:54

Kickshaw: Sep 6, 2012

Speaking of petty lovely retail managers, I found out a few days ago that my old terrible manager came into the store I work at now and tried to trash talk me to my new boss. Boss wasn't hearing any of it and asked her to leave, thankfully, but that she seriously tried to retaliate against me for quitting like that floors me.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 15:18

Blade_of_tyshalle: Jul 12, 2009; If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.

Azuth0667 posted:

I'm amazed at how petty lovely retail managers can get. I had to pick up medication from a pharmacy I used to work at and the same managers were there. We made small talk while I was waiting and the managers seemed to get visibly upset that I was doing far better now as a grad student than I was when I worked for them.

It's jealousy. I've known precious few managers who got those positions through anything other than simply being there forever. You got out, you're making something of yourself. They hate you.

In related news, I visited my old Michaels while on leave and when I ran into the manager who I hated so viciously...I couldn't recall why, or how I'd ever let him get under my skin so bad. And now I feel pity for him.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 15:31

creatine: Jan 27, 2012

Caught my first shoplifter today.

Kid about 21 years old comes to me and gets 3 steaks that are on sale. Didn't think anything of it. About 10 minutes later a customer service worker brings me the steaks and said he tried k steal them. Oh well, it happens.

The same kid came back an hour later after changing clothes and putting sunglasses and a hat on. Got the exact same steaks. I recognized him and tipped off security and they caught him trying to shove stuff in his bag.

I then found out from security that the kid was fired from our store not even a week ago.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 20:20

Ouroborus: Mar 31, 2010; I really only come here for the Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens CYOA these days.
SA was one of the first websites I ever frequented, waaaaay back in the day. I only got off my ass and got an account about 8 years ago. I bought the platinum upgrade recently.

Goddamn I am glad I only worked retail for a little while. I worked with some colossally stupid people though.

The place I worked was un-affectionately known as "The Stupid Store". (Canadian goons will know who that is) I worked midnight grocery -- stocking shelves and the like. We often stayed until the store opened because management were cheap and never hired enough people.
The night crew were mostly pretty good, but there were a few colossal fuckups.

I had one co-worker, let's call him Steve. He was an rear end in a top hat in a dead end job. He was at the top of the pay scale (we were a unionized store) and he didn't give a gently caress about anything. He worked the frozen foods and showed up every night with a massive hangover. He would just kind of press his face into the frozen veggies for 45 minutes to 1 hour, only taking breaks to criticize the people sent to make sure the aisles were done on time.

Another who's real name I forget but I ended up calling "The Zombie Guy" was a real winner. I learned later that he smoked a fat bowl before every shift but not even that could explain the utter mindlessness of him. I was introduced to him by our manager "Hey, can you train this retarded new guy? Everyone else has refused, you're patient and poo poo." I said "sure" thinking that watching someone else work would be easier. This guy was utterly idiotic. It wasn't that he took forever to answer when spoken to, it wasn't that he talked in a half asleep mindless drone, it wasn' that he didn't listen or learn, it was a combination of ALL that, plus he had this slow shuffling gait like a zombie. I had to show him how to open boxes with a box cutter (You just cut the top of the box off and the front, thereby leaving a nice display for the product without the time spent taking stuff out of the box and stacking it) four times before I thought he'd got it. We were in the "Coffee and things that go in coffee" aisle and we had gotten to the soy milk abominations. By that point I really had to pee so I showed him how to open the boxes without getting the 1l containers inside. I had him do a couple and then I excused myself. I got back all of 6 minutes later and the floor was awash with soy. He'd done a decent number of boxes but he had managed to slash the tops of every container and put a cut top to bottom on each soy container that faced the front of the box. There were litres of soy on the ground, dripping off the shelves. I exclaimed "ZG! What the gently caress are you doing!??!?!?!" He looks at me, looks at the boxes, looks at the floor, me, boxes, floor, me, floor, boxes. Then he says (with not a trace of emotion or irony) "I think the soy milk is broken"

The worst was a guy we'll call Gary. He was an idiot, but a curious and gregarious idiot. He found a smashed mouse on the bottom of a pallet and decided to show everyone. Another time he found an opened bottle of pickles that was so old the pickles disintegrated when he poked them. The worst of his folly was finding a can of veggies that was bulging at both ends and he loving STABBED IT WITH HIS BOX CUTTER. The watery black filth that spewed out was so foul we had to abandon that aisle. The cleaners told our manager to gently caress right off when he asked them to clean it.

# ? Aug 27, 2015 22:36

thewireguy: Jul 2, 2013

We would have mandatory saturdays for big jobs. I told them I didn't want overtime, just let me come in late on Monday or whatever, but no luck. poo poo, as you get older, your time is more valuable than your money. I am living paycheck to paycheck but I still want time to get my poo poo together before I go back to work.

# ? Aug 28, 2015 00:09

Faerunner: Dec 31, 2007

Ouroborus posted:

Colossally stupid people

I work with a few of those and have met many, many more who are customers of this store. At this point my tactic is to be distantly polite, help them only when directly requested (for my own sanity), and never make eye contact or ask questions, which only serves to encourage them when they attempt conversation. Pretending to be busy is a good one. Thankfully since I'm on overnights my contact with such idiots is limited.

# ? Aug 29, 2015 00:52

asio: Nov 29, 2008; "Also Sprach Arnold Jacobs: A Developmental Guide for Brass Wind Musicians" refers to the mullet as an important tool for professional cornet playing and box smashing black and blood

The Lord Bude posted:

It is if it's a paid break. When you are at work, being paid, your time and labour is the property of your employer. Taking extra breaks is theft of company time.

Nope. The theft is of your time by the company. Taking extra time on your break is being assertive and being a role model of how life should be.

Retail is so soulless because it's pure capitalism. There's no thin veneer of excuse as to why the company exists except to make money. The most productive you can be is by making more money.

I got a complain once through from the higher ups. Well, several at the same time so it got communicated to me in the form of an informal feedback session.

Customers were calling up head office asking why they had paid so much and if they could have the money back. I had sold them a legitimate service, but it cost too much.

The general mood of my feedback was "great job! Make more money! But just read the customers a bit more to gauge the size of their wallet." How is anything I can do be worse than this kind of theft? If course I'm not going round putting stock in my pockets, but I'm a pirate on the high seas of the market, I'll take some extra time off if my mum calls.

# ? Aug 29, 2015 03:56

PCOS Bill: May 12, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

asio posted:

Nope. The theft is of your time by the company.

Pffffffffffhahahaha okay

# ? Aug 29, 2015 08:30

Sibilant Crisp: Jul 4, 2014

Pumpy Dumper posted:

Caught my first shoplifter today.

Kid about 21 years old comes to me and gets 3 steaks that are on sale. Didn't think anything of it. About 10 minutes later a customer service worker brings me the steaks and said he tried k steal them. Oh well, it happens.

The same kid came back an hour later after changing clothes and putting sunglasses and a hat on. Got the exact same steaks. I recognized him and tipped off security and they caught him trying to shove stuff in his bag.

I then found out from security that the kid was fired from our store not even a week ago.

Someone keeps stealing purses from where I work. Defeated screamer tags keep showing up in the clothing aisles but despite multiple people keeping an eye on that area we haven't caught the person doing it. The weirdest thing is if they have a screamer tag (a thing that alarms if it's defeated without a magnet), they also have a hard tag (a thing that sets off the alarm at the door) but we haven't found any of those. I don't really care that much, but there is a co worker that is super gung ho about trying stop stealing and laments that he can't tackle people and detain them. :shrug:

# ? Aug 29, 2015 20:55

LonsomeSon: Nov 22, 2009; A fishperson in an intimidating hat!

PCOS Bill posted:

Pffffffffffhahahaha okay

Meh, treat your employees shittily enough for long enough and at least some of them will evolve persecution complexes. Sure, retail workers aren't literal slaves or concentration camp denizens, but I feel like folks posting in this thread should be able to at least intellectually understand the origins.

Also, it's a valid point insomuch as the company will take from their workers everything they possibly can get away with taking; it's simply the nature of for-profit business. While lengthening paid break time is still in the strictest definition of the concept theft, I personally have never felt that I somehow owed perfect scrupulosity to an entity which would not return that consideration in kind. And, in fact, as long as I was accomplishing enough work to the benefit of the company that it was willing to continue employing me, I never felt like taking (for instance) 10-minute poo poo breaks independent of my required-by-law paid breaks was somehow violation of a sacred trust.

# ? Aug 29, 2015 22:04

AbrahamLincolnLog: Oct 1, 2014; Note to self: This one's the shitty one

If I can get all of my work done to a satisfactory level I don't see the harm in taking 20 minutes instead of 15 minutes, or even taking a second 15 minute break. It doesn't harm anyone. It's really not a big deal.

# ? Aug 29, 2015 22:21

asio: Nov 29, 2008; "Also Sprach Arnold Jacobs: A Developmental Guide for Brass Wind Musicians" refers to the mullet as an important tool for professional cornet playing and box smashing black and blood

If we lived in a perfect world we could choose our dream job and work all the hours. But if you're working retail often its a choice between work or starve. That's the "theft by employer" bit, I don't think this guy in the story is getting all his work done and rewarding himself with a long poo poo though. He should probably be in a different line of work from the sound of things.

Plus, the excuse was talking to his mum. What if he actually was? Not gunna get pissy over that...

# ? Aug 30, 2015 00:07

PCOS Bill: May 12, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

asio posted:

If we lived in a perfect world we could choose our dream job and work all the hours. But if you're working retail often its a choice between work or starve. That's the "theft by employer" bit, I don't think this guy in the story is getting all his work done and rewarding himself with a long poo poo though. He should probably be in a different line of work from the sound of things.

Plus, the excuse was talking to his mum. What if he actually was? Not gunna get pissy over that...

Talk to your mom when you clock out.

# ? Aug 30, 2015 04:40

SymmetryrtemmyS: Jul 13, 2013; I got super tired of seeing your avatar throwing those fuckin' glasses around in the astrology thread so I fixed it to a .jpg

PCOS Bill posted:

Talk to your mom when you clock out.

Why not treat workers with human decency and let them have a few minutes to speak with their loved ones?

# ? Aug 30, 2015 04:43

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# ? May 10, 2024 20:12

AbrahamLincolnLog: Oct 1, 2014; Note to self: This one's the shitty one

SymmetryrtemmyS posted:

Why not treat workers with human decency and let them have a few minutes to speak with their loved ones?

You don't understand dude it is literally theft to talk to your family when you're at work.

# ? Aug 30, 2015 04:45

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Retail Thread: I'M A BALLET DANCER! I HOPE YOU ALL SHIT YOURSELVES TO DEATH!

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