Shit_That_Actually_Happened.txt - The weirdest comics ever printed

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > Shit_That_Actually_Happened.txt - The weirdest comics ever printed

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Aphrodite: Jun 27, 2006

Was Hitler particularly known for being perverted?

# ? Nov 13, 2015 06:57

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# ? May 22, 2024 00:05

Gavok: Oct 10, 2005; Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?

Gavok posted:

Speaking of Savage Dragon, while not a comic, I'm currently writing an article about this really weird cartoon crossover story between Street Fighter, Savage Dragon, Mortal Kombat and Wing Commander Academy that aired in the 90's. It's surprisingly not terrible (the animation of the SF episode aside, cripes), but it also gets incredibly dark towards the end.

Shill time: here it is.

Anyway, a year or so ago they started doing an Angry Birds comic. It was all-ages, mostly written by Jeff Parker and Paul Tobin and was fun. Really, the only thing worth noting is that they should have come out with it like 2-3 years earlier.

Rather than be fine with the cartoony adventures of birds thwarting disembodied pig heads and leaving the franchise be, IDW decided to double-down in the weirdest way.

The birds are superhero vigilantes in a world where bird people, pig people and humans coexist. Corrupt pigs run the city, but the Super Angry Birds fight crime against their will.

...why does this exist?

# ? Nov 13, 2015 20:05

A Gnarlacious Bro: Apr 25, 2007; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Anora posted:

Alright, so Maximortal.

So the head incident happened which brought some scientist/military guys to investigate. While they were piecing things together three things happened.

A guy who looks like Walt Disney, who is a pilot gets brought down by the Maximortal, then the toddler Maximortal crushes his balls.

The Pa Kent stand in finds the heads, gets understandably angry and confronts his wife. Yelling at her upsets the Maximortal, who starts crying, then sits on Pa Kent's shoulders, wraps his legs around his neck, flys him into the desert, and pounds his head into a mush.

Some random dude gets raped by a huge hulking lady then walks into a cave, strips naked, lays down in a pile of bat guano and then just sort of understands the universe. Then for the rest of the book he walks around, naked and unseen, putting poo poo on people, eating poo poo, and preaching. That is basically all he does, he seems to represent ideas, as every time he puts poo poo on someone they get an idea, and don't notice they have poo poo on them.

So then the army finds the Maximortal, being lead around by his mom and the corpse of Pa Kent on a horse drawn carrage. The Maximortal starts to look like he's going to attack them and the mom tells him to go into the egg thing he landed in, which puts him to sleep. The mom gives over the Maximortal, and the army gives him to some scientists, who start doing tests on him, while keeping him in the egg.

At this point, the Walt Disney guy is building an empire like Disney, and hires "Siegal and Shuster" who basically write Superman. Any plot following them is basically just what happened to the two in real life, though ironically perpetrated by the Walt Disney guy.

While that stuff is going on the army is waking up the Maximortal (who is an adult now), which freaks him out and causes him basically blow up the area around him. They then use him as the two nukes that end World War II. Following that one of the scientists brings his family to work, and accidentally opens the egg holding him. Instead of going nuclear, the Maximortal sees the comic book in the kid's hand (which is "Superman") and turns his skin into the same costume as the comic book character, who is named "The Maximortal." They then seal him before he can cause any destruction.

So where this all ties together is that After "Shuster" dies, or just before, Siegal runs into the offices dressed as the Maximortal intent on killing himself in the costume to ruin it's image. Somehow the real Maximortal escapes, and disappears with him. Then the Maximortal goes back in time, turns into the hulking woman that raped the guano guy, does that, then gives birth to the egg he was born in. I think he then turns into the idea that Siegal and Shuster had.

It was weird and I know that this post seems really disjointed, but so was the book, and I'm going off of 3 year old memories of the thing. I think it was supposed to be a commentary on a bunch of different issues, but it was really clumsy, so even though they got across, some of it was just really hard to follow. Plus Guano guy was just the whole loving book.

Thanks for posting this. My roommate owned it, I always wanted to read it and it was real loving awesome.

# ? Nov 13, 2015 21:55

Cabbit: Jul 19, 2001; _{Is that everything you have?}

Gavok posted:

That whole Jack Kirby/April thing reminded me of one of my favorite STAH.txt moments. The greatest twist in any comic book, given to us by one Dwayne McDuffie.

In the 90's, Marvel released a six-issue Double Dragon comic. It had more sci-fi and fantasy aspects than the games itself, but was shockingly really good (again, McDuffie). It was like the animated series done right.

A few issues in, Billy and Jimmy Lee are fighting whatever threat and we see an old man elsewhere in the city, meditating. He has a comb-over, mustache and looks very familiar. He senses their presence and goes to assist them by giving them advice. Afterwards, they thank him and he introduces himself as Stan. They're rather taken aback when he shows himself to be familiar with their powers and identities, but he assures them that he learned all about it from their mother. Again, the two are shocked, explaining that they never knew their mother because she died during childbirth.

"Yeah, I knew her. I was married to her. So who does that make me?" TO BE CONTINUED.

Billy and Jimmy Lee's father is Stan. And it isn't just a one-off. He remains their rear end-kicking mentor for the rest of the book and it's AMAZING.

God drat I miss Dwayne McDuffie.

# ? Nov 13, 2015 22:23

Lightning Lord: Feb 21, 2013; $200 a day, plus expenses

Gavok posted:

Shill time: here it is.

Magic is also totally not out of left field for Wing Commander. A crashed Kilrathi ship appeared in Ultima 7, and there's a race of primitive (either prehistoric or from very far in the future) Kilrathi in Ultima Underworld 2 called the Trilkhai. The implication is that the Wing Commander and Ultima universes are the same. Also, you fly into space to shoot down TIE Fighters in Ultima 1.

# ? Nov 14, 2015 05:29

Cornwind Evil: Dec 14, 2004; The undisputed world champion of wrestling effortposting

Anora posted:

So where this all ties together is that After "Shuster" dies, or just before, Siegal runs into the offices dressed as the Maximortal intent on killing himself in the costume to ruin it's image. Somehow the real Maximortal escapes, and disappears with him. Then the Maximortal goes back in time, turns into the hulking woman that raped the guano guy, does that, then gives birth to the egg he was born in. I think he then turns into the idea that Siegal and Shuster had.

Sounds like someone who was a comic book fan read All You Zombies while high and got 'inspired.'

# ? Nov 14, 2015 10:40

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Cornwind Evil posted:

Sounds like someone who was a comic book fan read All You Zombies while high and got 'inspired.'

They made a movie of that.

# ? Nov 14, 2015 11:29

Bloodly: Nov 3, 2008; Not as strong as you'd expect.

Gavok posted:

Shill time: here it is.

Rather than be fine with the cartoony adventures of birds thwarting disembodied pig heads and leaving the franchise be, IDW decided to double-down in the weirdest way.

The birds are superhero vigilantes in a world where bird people, pig people and humans coexist. Corrupt pigs run the city, but the Super Angry Birds fight crime against their will.

...why does this exist?

1.Warrior King ends up pretty interesting it looks like.

2. Against whose will? The Pigs? Their own?(What, someone's blackmailing them?)

# ? Nov 14, 2015 14:50

Gavok: Oct 10, 2005; Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?

Bloodly posted:

1.Warrior King ends up pretty interesting it looks like.

2. Against whose will? The Pigs? Their own?(What, someone's blackmailing them?)

The pigs. They run the town and don't like the Angry Birds messing with them. I believe the pig mayor was putting pressure on the bird running the newspaper to find out the Angry Birds' secret identities and expose them or else.

# ? Nov 14, 2015 18:51

Crowetron: Apr 29, 2009

ArmyOfMidgets posted:

Page in question.

My memories are vague on this, but I think the cow head time traveled them because there was an evil hitler robot in the future that used a clone'd Hitler's brain to take over the world, so Hitler travels in time to protect his clone's brain until this page happens, and then somehow Raph convinces Hitler to commit suicide.

The trucker hat for some reason makes Rapheal look like a pro wrestler to me, and I think I just realized that TMNT is the long and twisted story of history's greatest tag team career.

# ? Nov 15, 2015 00:23

Open Marriage Night: Sep 18, 2009; "Do you want to talk to a spider, Peter?"

Raph's actual wrestling outfit was him being colored all black. The outfit stuck around for a bit after the initial arc, and everyone else ditched their space wrestler clothes.

# ? Nov 15, 2015 00:32

Cabbit: Jul 19, 2001; _{Is that everything you have?}

Crowetron posted:

The trucker hat for some reason makes Rapheal look like a pro wrestler to me, and I think I just realized that TMNT is the long and twisted story of history's greatest tag team career.

It doesn't help that he sounds like he's about to launch into one of the Rock's call-and-response catchphrases.

# ? Nov 15, 2015 01:13

Gavok: Oct 10, 2005; Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?

Crowetron posted:

The trucker hat for some reason makes Rapheal look like a pro wrestler to me, and I think I just realized that TMNT is the long and twisted story of history's greatest tag team career.

Leonardo = Ric Flair
Casey = Arn Anderson
Donatello = Dean Malenko
Michelangelo = Mongo
Raphael = Chris Benoit

........Venus = Paul Roma

# ? Nov 15, 2015 06:16

Lurdiak: Feb 26, 2006; I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.

Gavok posted:

Raphael = Chris Benoit

Yowza, better get that Raphael tat laser-removed asap.

# ? Nov 15, 2015 06:31

Darthemed: Oct 28, 2007; "A data unit?
For me?"; College Slice

If requests are a thing in this thread, could someone lay out the Superman Red/Blue story?

# ? Nov 15, 2015 07:17

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

http://lifeofreillyarchives.blogspot.com/

Spider-Man's Clone Saga is probably my most WTF because it lasted for loving ever and eventually lead to them using Mary Jane's miscarried fetus as a MacGuffin, and coincided with me getting into comics for the very first time. One of these days I'm going to go back and read the whole thing, because among the detritus of lovely plots and being confusing for the sake of being confusing there's some really good Spider-Man comics hidden in there, and Ben Reilly was a great character. It also introduced such memorable characters as Stunner and Lady Dr. Octopus (that's a joke, if you even knew those character's existed you probably haven't thought about them in decades until I brought them up).

# ? Nov 15, 2015 09:22

Lurdiak: Feb 26, 2006; I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.

One thing I want to point out about the Clone Saga (this is covered in Life of Reilly) is that the writers were planning to resolve it with a time loop, so as to not make fans of Peter or Ben upset by killing either off (or saying which one was a fake). Mephisto had sent Peter back in time as Ben Reilly to gently caress with him, trapping him in an existential nightmare. This was shot down by editorial because they felt it would be completely inappropriate to have a major event in Spider-man's life be caused by someone like Mephisto, since those characters exist in totally different spheres of the Marvel Universe.

Insert your own joke here.

# ? Nov 15, 2015 09:33

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

Lurdiak posted:

One thing I want to point out about the Clone Saga (this is covered in Life of Reilly) is that the writers were planning to resolve it with a time loop, so as to not make fans of Peter or Ben upset by killing either off (or saying which one was a fake). Mephisto had sent Peter back in time as Ben Reilly to gently caress with him, trapping him in an existential nightmare. This was shot down by editorial because they felt it would be completely inappropriate to have a major event in Spider-man's life be caused by someone like Mephisto, since those characters exist in totally different spheres of the Marvel Universe.

Insert your own joke here.

# ? Nov 15, 2015 09:37

ruddiger: Jun 3, 2004

Gavok posted:

Shill time: here it is.

Cool write up, but you spelled Erik Larsen's name wrong.

# ? Nov 15, 2015 11:41

Odonata: Nov 5, 2009; Nap Ghost

Skwirl posted:

http://lifeofreillyarchives.blogspot.com/

Spider-Man's Clone Saga is probably my most WTF because it lasted for loving ever and eventually lead to them using Mary Jane's miscarried fetus as a MacGuffin, and coincided with me getting into comics for the very first time. One of these days I'm going to go back and read the whole thing, because among the detritus of lovely plots and being confusing for the sake of being confusing there's some really good Spider-Man comics hidden in there, and Ben Reilly was a great character. It also introduced such memorable characters as Stunner and Lady Dr. Octopus (that's a joke, if you even knew those character's existed you probably haven't thought about them in decades until I brought them up).

Stunner- was she the one whose super powers included the ability to speak in CHANGING fonts like T H I S!!!? Because that poo poo was about the most annoying gimmick I've ever seen.

# ? Nov 15, 2015 14:11

Lurdiak: Feb 26, 2006; I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.

Odonata posted:

Stunner- was she the one whose super powers included the ability to speak in CHANGING fonts like T H I S!!!? Because that poo poo was about the most annoying gimmick I've ever seen.

No, that was Delilah, the Rose's henchwoman. Stunner is the fat lady who can project her mind into a hard light construct of a sexy muscle lady. She was recently used in Superior Spider-man. It was an appropriate use of the character, really.

# ? Nov 15, 2015 14:22

Gavok: Oct 10, 2005; Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?

ruddiger posted:

Cool write up, but you spelled Erik Larsen's name wrong.

Crap. I spelled Mortal Combat wrong too. Like... a lot

# ? Nov 15, 2015 17:35

Wheat Loaf: Feb 13, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

Lurdiak posted:

No, that was Delilah, the Rose's henchwoman.

I always associate the Rose with the Clone Saga era, in amongst guys like Don Fortunato and Jimmy Six, but he was around a full decade before that.

Whatever happened to Jimmy Six? The last appearance of him that I can remember was in the Howard Mackie run (right after Mary Jane is seemingly killed when her stalker blows up the plane she's on) where Peter swings through NYC and finds him in a shoot-out with the Enforcers.

# ? Nov 15, 2015 18:10

Light Gun Man: Oct 17, 2009; toEjaM iS oN
vaCatioN; Lipstick Apathy

Here's a good article about that Whole April is a Drawing issue if anyone wanted further reading / to see some of the pages:

http://tmntentity.blogspot.com/2015/07/tmnt-vol-4-22.html

I've seen some pretty funny convention sketches done on this cover, like giving drawing-fetus April a TMNT mask and weapons.

Light Gun Man fucked around with this message at 18:36 on Nov 15, 2015

# ? Nov 15, 2015 18:33

lifg: Dec 4, 2000; <this tag left blank>; Muldoon

I was going to post this to badass panels, but this thread will do.

# ? Nov 15, 2015 20:40

Unmature: May 9, 2008

lifg posted:

I was going to post this to badass panels, but this thread will do.

What the gently caress is happening here?

# ? Nov 15, 2015 23:41

RandallODim: Dec 30, 2010; Another 1? Aww man...

Unmature posted:

What the gently caress is happening here?

An edit of an old horror comic.

# ? Nov 15, 2015 23:59

Benito Cereno: Jan 20, 2006; ALLEZ-OUP!

Darthemed posted:

If requests are a thing in this thread, could someone lay out the Superman Red/Blue story?

The 60s one or the 90s one?

# ? Nov 16, 2015 01:27

Edge & Christian: May 20, 2001; Earth-1145 is truly the best!
A world of singing, magic frogs,
high adventure, no shitposters

I'm not sure if edits of old comics to put 'funny captions' in or whatever technically counts as "poo poo that actually happened."

# ? Nov 16, 2015 01:39

RandallODim: Dec 30, 2010; Another 1? Aww man...

Benito Cereno posted:

The 60s one or the 90s one?

Why not both?

Edge & Christian posted:

I'm not sure if edits of old comics to put 'funny captions' in or whatever technically counts as "poo poo that actually happened."

It's actually 100% the opposite.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 01:45

Lady Naga: Apr 25, 2008; Voyons Donc!

Boy let me tell you about the Garfield run that didn't actually have Garfield!

# ? Nov 16, 2015 01:48

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Dovetail into the You Have No Idea How Alone You Are Garfield comics and the Garfield has been dead ever since theories.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 01:56

Lurdiak: Feb 26, 2006; I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.

Wheat Loaf posted:

I always associate the Rose with the Clone Saga era, in amongst guys like Don Fortunato and Jimmy Six, but he was around a full decade before that.

Well, there was more than one Rose, this particular version appeared after the clone saga concluded, if I remember right.

lifg posted:

I was going to post this to badass panels, but this thread will do.

Please leave.

Lurdiak fucked around with this message at 02:27 on Nov 16, 2015

# ? Nov 16, 2015 02:24

Lightning Lord: Feb 21, 2013; $200 a day, plus expenses

Edge & Christian posted:

I'm not sure if edits of old comics to put 'funny captions' in or whatever technically counts as "poo poo that actually happened."

What about the actual published examples of those? Those Keith Giffen What Were They Thinking!? books. Or Watchmensch.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 02:52

lifg: Dec 4, 2000; <this tag left blank>; Muldoon

Edge & Christian posted:

I'm not sure if edits of old comics to put 'funny captions' in or whatever technically counts as "poo poo that actually happened."

I didn't know it was an edit, but I should have guessed.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 03:20

haitfais: Aug 7, 2005; I am offended by your ham, sir.

lifg posted:

I didn't know it was an edit, but I should have guessed.

The dialogue being in comic sans didn't tip you off?

# ? Nov 16, 2015 03:37

lifg: Dec 4, 2000; <this tag left blank>; Muldoon

Chaos Hippy posted:

The dialogue being in comic sans didn't tip you off?

I saw it, I laughed, and I didn't question it. And I don't know a whole lot about Erie comics.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 04:43

Darthemed: Oct 28, 2007; "A data unit?
For me?"; College Slice

Benito Cereno posted:

The 60s one or the 90s one?

The '90s one, with electric Supermen.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 05:13

Edge & Christian: May 20, 2001; Earth-1145 is truly the best!
A world of singing, magic frogs,
high adventure, no shitposters

Lightning Lord posted:

What about the actual published examples of those? Those Keith Giffen What Were They Thinking!? books. Or Watchmensch.

I mean, if you think those are so weird you can barely believe that they published such a strange thing with venerable characters like "that guy from a standalone 1950s Fox War Comic" then yeah, it fits the parameters I suppose.

# ? Nov 16, 2015 06:19

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# ? May 22, 2024 00:05

Sailor Viy: Aug 4, 2013; And when I can swim no longer, if I have not reached Aslan's country, or shot over the edge of the world into some vast cataract, I shall sink with my nose to the sunrise.

Pa Kent had a heart attack and went to the afterlife and beat up a bunch of angels with a shovel in order to save Clark's soul.

Also maybe the angels were also Cthulhus?? I don't have that comic any more

# ? Nov 16, 2015 08:49

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > Shit_That_Actually_Happened.txt - The weirdest comics ever printed

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