This just in: Have you guys noticed that we are living in The Onion now

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poverty goat: Feb 15, 2004

Just check out these headlines

Wife crashes her own funeral, horrifying her husband, who had paid to have her killed

quote:

�Is it my eyes?� she recalled him saying. �Is it a ghost?�

�Surprise! I�m still alive!� she replied.

Far from being elated, the man looked terrified. Five days earlier, he had ordered a team of hit men to kill Rukundo, his partner of 10 years. And they did � well, they told him they did. They even got him to pay an extra few thousand dollars for carrying out the crime.

Speed Dating for Rabbits

quote:

Moo hopped tentatively toward Tonya, and another Sunday session of speed dating for rabbits was underway at the city animal shelter in East Harlem.

Rabbits might seem the last species on earth that would require human-supervised dating.

But this was not mating dating. This was something much trickier.

Moo was looking for a roommate.

Chicago Officer, Citing Emotional Trauma, Sues Estate of Teenager He Fatally Shot

quote:

The Chicago police officer who fatally shot a black 19-year-old and an unarmed bystander in December has filed a lawsuit seeking more than $10 million in damages from the teenager�s estate, an unusual legal approach based on a claim that the young man�s actions leading up to the gunfire were �atrocious� and have caused the officer �extreme emotional trauma.�

Ohio governor John Kasich pledges to reunite Pink Floyd

quote:

Ohio governor John Kasich has pledged to reunite Pink Floyd if he�s ever made president. Forget climate change, inequality and Islamic State: the Republican presidential hopeful is making a reunion between Roger Waters and David Gilmour one of his priorities. In an interview with CNN, he set out his case.

�Roger Waters is a remarkable artist,� he said. �I saw The Wall in Pittsburgh; it was absolutely incredible. And if I�m president, I am going to once and for all try to reunite Pink Floyd to come together and play a couple of songs.�

also this lady

do you guys think this has anything to do with the berenstein bears?

# ? Feb 8, 2016 15:24

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 28, 2024 23:35

egon_beeblebrox: Mar 1, 2008; WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

Guess I'm voting for Kasich. With Rick Wright dead, we can finally get a The Final Cut tour.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 15:30

solar energy panel: Apr 30, 2007

Yes OP, I agree with you.

The other day at the beginning of the ABC Republican debate, Ben Carson had some sort of mental lapse and got stuck in the hallway instead of walking out to the podium. Donald Trump also became confused and decided to hang out with Ben Carson in the hallway instead of going to the podium.

The pundits or whatever got so flustered they completely forgot to announce the candidate who's the governor of Ohio, what's his name (Kasich) and the whole thing felt like one big Onion article.

Here's a nice vid of the whole thing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uafScAiaC44

# ? Feb 8, 2016 15:34

Libelous Slander: May 1, 2009; ... you're just creepy ...

Lt. Tanaka posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uafScAiaC44

lmao

# ? Feb 8, 2016 15:37

Nelson Mandingo: Mar 27, 2005

I remember when "Citizen's United" passed, the Onion's article was 100% accurate and only a joke at the end.

Nelson Mandingo fucked around with this message at 15:40 on Feb 8, 2016

# ? Feb 8, 2016 15:38

Macasaurus: Oct 12, 2012

Idiocracy was documentary not a comedy

fart

# ? Feb 8, 2016 15:38

solar energy panel: Apr 30, 2007

Macasaurus posted:

Idiocracy was documentary not a comedy

fart

HOLY poo poo I think this all the time! That loving movie was supposed to be satire, not some sort of prophecy. We are two steps away from our Wrestlemania president watering our crops with Gatorade.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 15:42

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

Macasaurus posted:

Idiocracy was documentary not a comedy

its becoming a cliche to say that at this point but its still true

# ? Feb 8, 2016 15:50

Animal-Mother: Feb 14, 2012; RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

Things are getting weird. I half wonder if Cthulhu is about to dream himself into existence.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 15:56

a shiny rock: Nov 13, 2009

Lt. Tanaka posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uafScAiaC44

# ? Feb 8, 2016 16:01

ANIME IS BLOOD: Sep 4, 2008; by zen death robot

A misanthrope posted:

its becoming a cliche to say that at this point but its still true

# ? Feb 8, 2016 16:24

ANIME IS BLOOD: Sep 4, 2008; by zen death robot

Lt. Tanaka posted:

HOLY poo poo I think this all the time! That loving movie was supposed to be satire, not some sort of prophecy. We are two steps away from our Wrestlemania president watering our crops with Gatorade.

Trump isn't going to push us directly into Idiocracy's timeline but you can bet for damned sure that his inauguration is Year 0 on it

# ? Feb 8, 2016 16:26

pop fly to McGillicutty: Feb 2, 2004; A peckish little mouse!

Animal-Mother posted:

Things are getting weird. I half wonder if Cthulhu is about to dream himself into existence.

Fingers loving crossed

# ? Feb 8, 2016 16:44

Mr. Unlucky: Nov 1, 2006; by R. Guyovich

the whole world got real stupid like 5 years ago and it's taken this long for people to slowly catch on lol

if everyone gets dumber simultaneously it's harder to notice i guess

# ? Feb 8, 2016 17:52

SHISHKABOB: Nov 30, 2012; Fun Shoe

Lt. Tanaka posted:

Yes OP, I agree with you.

The other day at the beginning of the ABC Republican debate, Ben Carson had some sort of mental lapse and got stuck in the hallway instead of walking out to the podium. Donald Trump also became confused and decided to hang out with Ben Carson in the hallway instead of going to the podium.

The pundits or whatever got so flustered they completely forgot to announce the candidate who's the governor of Ohio, what's his name (Kasich) and the whole thing felt like one big Onion article.

Here's a nice vid of the whole thing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uafScAiaC44

Holy poo poo that was amazing. Jeb Bush is such a fuckin weirdo.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 18:08

Fabricated: Apr 9, 2007; Living the Dream

Kinda why I stopped reading the onion really

You can't parody reality anymore

We live in a cartoon

# ? Feb 8, 2016 18:12

Irradiation: Sep 14, 2005; I understand your frustration.

Lt. Tanaka posted:

Here's a nice vid of the whole thing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uafScAiaC44

# ? Feb 8, 2016 18:18

EvilJoven: Mar 18, 2005; NOBODY,IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, HAS ASKED OR CARED WHAT CANADA THINKS. YOU ARE NOT A COUNTRY. YOUR MONEY HAS THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND ON IT. IF YOU DIG AROUND IN YOUR BACKYARD, NATIVE SKELETONS WOULD EXPLODE OUT OF YOUR LAWN LIKE THE END OF POLTERGEIST. CANADA IS SO POLITE, EH?; Fun Shoe

Fabricated posted:

Kinda why I stopped reading the onion really

You can't parody reality anymore

We live in a cartoon

I'm p sure this is the reason Jon Stewart quit the daily show. Shits so hosed up now that trying to cope with humor isn't working and trying to keep laughing was killing him.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 18:30

wyoming: Jun 7, 2010; Like a television
tuned to a dead channel.

I blame 9/11.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 18:33

Prorat: Aug 3, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

I don't understand the last part, President Trump will be the greatest president since Jefferson.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 18:34

SHISHKABOB: Nov 30, 2012; Fun Shoe

Irradiation posted:

# ? Feb 8, 2016 18:36

solar energy panel: Apr 30, 2007

ANIME IS BLOOD posted:

Trump isn't going to push us directly into Idiocracy's timeline but you can bet for damned sure that his inauguration is Year 0 on it

I won't be surprised if he announces Jesse Ventura as his running mate.

There was another weird Onion moment in the Republican ABC debate. It was when the fat guy Chris Christie seemed to short circuit the android looking candidate Marco Rubio, and he repeated the same line 3 or 4 times. I almost expected him to start smoking and his eyes to glow red.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdY-t4MRqxw

# ? Feb 8, 2016 19:13

FlimFlam Imam: Mar 1, 2007; Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams

You're only 15 years late to the party OP.

http://www.theonion.com/article/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-pros-464

# ? Feb 8, 2016 19:21

ziasquinn: Jan 1, 2006; Fallen Rib

Lt. Tanaka posted:

I won't be surprised if he announces Jesse Ventura as his running mate.

There was another weird Onion moment in the Republican ABC debate. It was when the fat guy Chris Christie seemed to short circuit the android looking candidate Marco Rubio, and he repeated the same line 3 or 4 times. I almost expected him to start smoking and his eyes to glow red.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdY-t4MRqxw

What the hell

# ? Feb 8, 2016 19:34

Falun Bong Refugee: Dec 14, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

Mad Monk posted:

You're only 15 years late to the party OP.

http://www.theonion.com/article/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-pros-464

"One gulf war level armed conflict." Lol, that 90s optimism.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 19:36

FishionMailed: Feb 2, 2014; by zen death robot

The Goatfather posted:

Chicago Officer, Citing Emotional Trauma, Sues Estate of Teenager He Fatally Shot

The loving balls on this guy holy poo poo

# ? Feb 8, 2016 19:40

Smash it Smash hit: Dec 30, 2009; prettay, prettay

its about time some of yall leave there arent enough layers for all of us please

# ? Feb 8, 2016 19:44

down n out: Sep 16, 2008; Nap Ghost

Mr. Unlucky posted:

the whole world got real stupid like 5 years ago and it's taken this long for people to slowly catch on lol

if everyone gets dumber simultaneously it's harder to notice i guess

No way, I've been playing brain training games and I am now a genious.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 19:55

nomadologique: Mar 9, 2011; DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO

Mr. Unlucky posted:

the whole world got real stupid like 5 years ago and it's taken this long for people to slowly catch on lol

if everyone gets dumber simultaneously it's harder to notice i guess

lemme guess that's righat about when you turned 30

# ? Feb 8, 2016 20:00

SHISHKABOB: Nov 30, 2012; Fun Shoe

nomadologique posted:

lemme guess that's righat about when you turned 30

Don't be such a oval office.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 20:18

Bobert Bobertson: Apr 1, 2014

life is parody of itself, laugh

# ? Feb 8, 2016 20:23

El Boot: Mar 18, 2009; Thank Dog It's Friday

yeah it's p great. turns out the end of the world is silly as gently caress. we live in a goddamned cartoon.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 20:40

dad gay. so what: Feb 18, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

life is like a bag of funyuns, you know what your gonna get. a funyun.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 20:50

FishionMailed: Feb 2, 2014; by zen death robot

when I was a kid I thought that generally the people in charge knew what they were doing and acted in a moral/ethical manner as best they could. Mistakes get made, not everyone is perfect, some people are incompetent/evil, but generally things were okay.

Around 15-16 the cracks started to show (man the Bush administration was stupid as gently caress) but a few years later and yeah wow there just needs to be an AI dictator or something because my loving god half the country is drinking lead water and loving it and the other half is too brain damaged already to know the difference.

All in the pursuit of money which ultimately is only good as a medium of exchanging goods. It's not a good thing to have a ton of money in of itself. It's not good that nuclear power is clearly the best option going into the future but no one wants to build nuke plants because the capital investment is too large. This cult of capitalism we have created where an economic system is supposed to solve all our ills, whether monetary or moral, is loving disgusting.

So idk is it that everything just got that much dumber or is it just that I got older?

FishionMailed fucked around with this message at 20:56 on Feb 8, 2016

# ? Feb 8, 2016 20:52

reallivedinosaur: Jun 13, 2012; Ogdober subrise! XDDD

FishionMailed posted:

when I was a kid I thought that generally the people in charge knew what they were doing and acted in a moral/ethical manner as best they could. Mistakes get made, not everyone is perfect, some people are incompetent/evil, but generally things were okay.

Around 15-16 the cracks started to show (man the Bush administration was stupid as gently caress) but a few years later and yeah wow there just needs to be an AI dictator or something because my loving god half the country is drinking lead water and loving it and the other half is too brain damaged already to know the difference.

All in the pursuit of money which ultimately is only good as a medium of exchanging goods. It's not a good thing to have a ton of money in of itself. It's not good that nuclear power is clearly the best option going into the future but no one wants to build nuke plants because the capital investment is too large. This cult of capitalism we have created where an economic system is supposed to solve all our ills, whether monetary or moral, is loving disgusting.

So idk is it that everything just got that much dumber or is it just that I got older?

As a child you were slightly more naive than you are now, nothing has changed. Go post a pic of yourself in the millenials. jpg thread while you're here.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 21:06

Xaris: Jul 25, 2006; Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

FishionMailed posted:

So idk is it that everything just got that much dumber or is it just that I got older?

nothing has changed, politics have been like this since the beginning of time you just notice it more being older, also more proliferic access to information (and instant videos of basically everything) that isn't quite as controlled as it was than say during McCarthyism era when you might be thrown in jail or such..

# ? Feb 8, 2016 21:09

FishionMailed: Feb 2, 2014; by zen death robot

Xaris posted:

nothing has changed, politics have been like this since the beginning of time you just notice it more being older, also more proliferic access to information (and instant videos of basically everything) that isn't quite as controlled as it was than say during McCarthyism era when you might be thrown in jail or such..

I think you're right. I think it's pretty cool that we're living in a time where there is social media like that, too. Sure, there's dumb gently caress social media people. But, if someone does some hosed up poo poo they can get put on blast by millions of people. I bet you if Martin Shkreli did his poo poo in the 80s no one would have really cared beyond the patients/doctors/hospitals immediately effected but today he livestreams himself for the whole country to poo poo on. I hope people start to care more about politics and/or they start giving politicians and CEOs the social media call out treatment.

# ? Feb 8, 2016 21:14