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PT6A posted:I attempted to make pastry. I foolishly assumed when they said “up to 1.5 cups of cold water” one could reasonably add, say, half of that to start. I have only the most introductory and long-ago experience with making pastry. What happened? 
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Feb 3, 2020 02:00
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ExecuDork posted:I have only the most introductory and long-ago experience with making pastry. What happened? Pastry is a cold fickle bitch from hell. Making a soup? Just chuck in whatever. Making choux paste? If you deviate even slightly from the accepted measurements adjusted to your air pressure and microclimate, the devil will crawl out of your oven and stab you.
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Feb 3, 2020 02:31
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ExecuDork posted:I have only the most introductory and long-ago experience with making pastry. What happened? Well, they might just as well have said “up to a gallon of water,” as the required amount of water is still technically less than a gallon. Starting with two to three tablespoons of water, as I saw recommended in pastry recipes I consulted after the fact, in retrospect, would’ve been just fine. It turned into a gross, soupy mess and I threw it out.
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Feb 3, 2020 03:49
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I'm making a pot roast, and browned the roast and aromatics, then browned the veggies. Pot roast and aromatics go in the oven, and I find myself about 45 min into this process realizing that there's no way the veggies are going to fit in this loving pot. Wish me luck! Changeover should be happening in about 15-20 min.
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Feb 4, 2020 02:54
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Chef Bourgeoisie posted:Grated my thumb yesterday At hotspital, gratin fingat
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Feb 4, 2020 03:17
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My six year-old cut off her finger pad while cutting up kiwis unsupervised (without my knowledge). While I held pressure on it I told her every story I could remember about cutting myself while cooking and showed her all my scars. I told her she's a real cook now 
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Feb 4, 2020 05:05
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Sandtrout Catsuit posted:My six year-old cut off her finger pad while cutting up kiwis unsupervised (without my knowledge). While I held pressure on it I told her every story I could remember about cutting myself while cooking and showed her all my scars. I told her she's a real cook now Now show her a mandoline.
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Feb 4, 2020 06:12
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Shooting Blanks posted:Now show her a mandoline. My fairly recently converted to veganism mother keeps mentioning getting a mandoline to chop up carrots to make carrot cake. I have told her several times that a. a grater is the tool to use for that, we have several graters of varying fineness and b. she will absolutely, definitely do herself a serious injury if she uses a mandoline. I've used one a few times and cut myself more than once even while being very careful and aware of the dangers. Not to be unkind but she could probably cut herself with a teaspoon. I think the message has sunk in (mandolines are evil and thirst for our blood and fingertips) , but I'm still a little worried I'm going to hear she's been whisked off to hospital with three severed fingers, two missing toes and entirely covered with carrot cake batter 
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Feb 4, 2020 10:08
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gaddam edit not quote
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Feb 4, 2020 10:09
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Shooting Blanks posted:Now show her a mandoline. We don't condone child murder on these forums
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Feb 4, 2020 11:21
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Not a dinner disaster yet, but I was dicing a mango for a mango salsa and at one point the mango took the knife and tried to cut me with it. Tricky little bastard.
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Feb 4, 2020 13:59
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I put rice in my Instant Pot- but I forgot the whole "pot" part!  so then I had a fun time.
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Feb 4, 2020 14:37
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I put rice in my Instant Pot- but I forgot the whole "pot" part! I've done that, and the water too. Very annoying to clean x.x
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Feb 4, 2020 21:13
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Pookah posted:My fairly recently converted to veganism mother keeps mentioning getting a mandoline to chop up carrots to make carrot cake.  Can you get her a food processor with a grater attachment? Or would she figure out how to stick a fingat in it? At one of my old jobs we used a mandoline to shred carrots and it was the most terrifying thing every time because it was impossible to use the blade guard with something like that. We did have cut-resistant gloves though, or I would have never touched that thing. The carrots also liked to get stuck in between the blades and suddenly snap off in weird ways, so if you really do have to mandoline something, pick an easier vegetable. Cucumbers were okay.
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Feb 4, 2020 23:09
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Chef Bourgeoisie posted:Grated my thumb yesterday comrade!
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Feb 5, 2020 02:27
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Eat This Glob posted:comrade! 
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Feb 5, 2020 07:30
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Bees on Wheat posted:
Oh she has a food processor but it's hardly ever used because assembling the drat thing is like doing some kind of really boring 3-d jigsaw; I'll probably just end up making the cake for her, which was quite possibly the plan all along. I hate and fear mandolines and hope never to use one ever again if I can avoid doing so. Argh, even writing about the drat things is making my fingers twitch.
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Feb 5, 2020 09:51
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I put rice in my Instant Pot- but I forgot the whole "pot" part! Thankfully the bottom cover is held on with only one phillips screw, and after that the rice comes right out.
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Feb 5, 2020 18:42
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I put rice in my Instant Pot- but I forgot the whole "pot" part! I did that with water. Stood there for a few minutes trying to figure out why my feet were suddenly wet.
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Feb 10, 2020 15:56
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Slate Slabrock posted:I did that with water. Stood there for a few minutes trying to figure out why my feet were suddenly wet. It's a different -kind- of pressure cooker, but I once managed to empty an autoclave onto myself at work. drat things have suction cup feet so I was shimmying and shawing and trying to get the drat thing off the mystery medical furniture it was adhered to. Maybe close the door or drain it before moving? Fortunately it wasn't hot.
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Feb 11, 2020 02:24
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angerbeet posted:It's a different -kind- of pressure cooker, but I once managed to empty an autoclave onto myself at work. drat things have suction cup feet so I was shimmying and shawing and trying to get the drat thing off the mystery medical furniture it was adhered to. Maybe close the door or drain it before moving? Fortunately it wasn't hot.  I think I would have poo poo myself
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Feb 16, 2020 01:41
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Lab-cooking disiasters I've never been able to use an autoclave without get a faceful of stinking steamy sterilized vapour when I take my stuff out. The least-nasty is, of course, when I autoclave lab solutions in their glass jars or in ependorf tubes. That's just mildly salty steam, with a vaguely-melted-plastic undertone. The worst, again of course, is when I had to autoclave the biohazard garbage, long ago at a job where we went through piles and piles of plastic petri dishes filled with agar growth media. This media was a lovely growth home for all sorts of horrid smelly bacteria and fungi, and those smells would persist right through the extra-long, extra-hot autoclave cycle we'd run for the garbage bags. After 45 minutes, the door slides open on what had been 30 kg of poo poo in bags, which was now 30 kg of melted poo poo in melted bags. But at least it wasn't infectious anymore!
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Feb 16, 2020 05:53
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Suspect Bucket posted:I've done that, and the water too. Very annoying to clean x.x YEP! So backstory, my dog is old---like 13, we think; she's a rescue so we don't know exactly---and has long since hosed up her teeth chewing bones and sticks as a puppy. So instead of hard kibbles she won't even try to chew, we've been giving her a cup of cooked rice mixed with wet food. She loves it, no tooth-pain, all is good. Until the other day when I went to feed the dogs around 5 am, as usual. In my half-asleep daze I forgot to put any water in with the rice. Was alerted to this by the increasingly-strong burnt popcorn smell and wisps of smoke from the microwave. I opened the door to find a nice bowl of carbon.
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Feb 17, 2020 02:48
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I used to do security on a college campus. I cant tell you how many times I've had to respond to a fire alarm because somebody went to make "easy mac" but neglected to put water in the container before microwaving it for 5 minutes or whatever. I could pick that smell out of a lineup
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Feb 19, 2020 21:50
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10 or 12 years ago I was cooking some rice in the microwave. 5 minutes on high, 30 on medium. Done it a thousand times. But when you forget the "medium" part, and you head out to the garage while it cooks, you come back to a smoke-filled house, a melted bowl, some black rice hotter than the surface of the sun, and a microwave that still works 10 years later in spite of the interior now being amber instead of white.
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Feb 20, 2020 11:50
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Eat This Glob posted:I used to do security on a college campus. I cant tell you how many times I've had to respond to a fire alarm because somebody went to make "easy mac" but neglected to put water in the container before microwaving it for 5 minutes or whatever. I could pick that smell out of a lineup One of my roommates in university managed to achieve the opposite. He put water on to boil to make basic mac&cheese from the old-school cardboard box. Then he sat down in front of the TV and 2 hours later I got home. "What's that smell?" *roommate's eyes bug out, he runs to the kitchen* The water had completely boiled off, and the non-stick coating on the bottom of the pot had transformed into a thin layer of very fine light-blue powder. We threw the pot away (once it cooled off). The pot had been mine - a cheapo Walmart special - and he bought me a replacement. Which I was happy about. I had a bit of a reputation at that time as a chronically unhappy and grumpy person. When he told his girlfriend that I had expressed my appreciation for his replacement pot, she said "You made the monster HAPPY?!"
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Feb 21, 2020 05:27
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Not my cockup, but my stepmother's. This was several years ago, and she was trying out a recipe for a whole, salt-baked fish (not the same recipe, but you get the idea). An important part of baking a fish in salt is the skin. Without the skin, the salt will dissolve in the juices and absorb into the fish, making it salty enough to be inedible. She's ordinarily an excellent cook, so she was pretty distraught over that one.
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Mar 4, 2020 13:12
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I made spätzle tonight, but I hosed up and made it too thin. Instead of starting over, I just decided to dump it in the pan that I was sautéing cabbage and onions in with butter. The texture was weird and gloopy, so I tossed it in the oven after deglazing with white wine. A while later, it came out nice and firm - like a giant egg noodle. Actually really good, and very well received. It almost had a similar texture to clafoutis, oddly enough.
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Mar 31, 2020 05:28
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I know a lot of people have time on their hands and are used to eating out - curious what inventive screw ups are going down....
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Mar 31, 2020 13:13
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Arkhamina posted:I know a lot of people have time on their hands and are used to eating out - curious what inventive screw ups are going down.... Last night I made pizza crust with expired almond flour and it had such a gnarly aftertaste that we broke down and ordered one.
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Mar 31, 2020 13:18
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In my apartment building, I've been hearing different smoke alarms more nights than not. Not like actual fires, just people who aren't used to cooking.
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Mar 31, 2020 15:34
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i like nice words
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Ugh, rancid nut oils are so gross. It's a flavor that just lingers. I have learned the hard way to always nibble a sample nutmeat before dumping them into a recipe. I am a stress cooking person, and normally have a dozen or so nerds to my house every weekend. Now I am more stressed than normal, can't work out, and our household is 2 isolated people. I am getting twitchy as I also hate wasting food...
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Mar 31, 2020 16:53
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Arkhamina posted:rancid nut oil Mods, please. Also, I'm taking a stab at making croissants for the first time. I'm sure I'll get a cockup out of my first batch.
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Mar 31, 2020 22:40
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Guess who just learned you can't just throw a bunch of corn starch into hot soup!
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Apr 3, 2020 20:03
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Killingyouguy! posted:Guess who just learned you can't just throw a bunch of corn starch into hot soup! oooo she thiqq
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Apr 3, 2020 21:05
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I'm gonna go with clumpy.
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Apr 3, 2020 21:20
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I premix starches into a small amount of cold water first which so far has worked to avoid clumps.
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Apr 3, 2020 22:13
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CrazySalamander posted:I premix starches into a small amount of cold water first which so far has worked to avoid clumps. Yeah I learned this after I Googled wtf had happened to create the giant gelatinous blobs in my soup
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Apr 3, 2020 22:22
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Same, only with egg. Made the mistake once and ended up with scrambled eggs in soup. Now I know better.
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Apr 3, 2020 22:44
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Accidental Egg Drop Soup? drat. Now I want egg drop soup.... My sister and I used to argue about who got to make the Thanksgiving gravy. I won the argument after she put so much cornstarch it cooled into a gravy boat shaped lollipop with a spoon stick.
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Apr 6, 2020 18:05
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