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Kikka posted:lady, the only drat mystery here is why all women date jocks HarlanHell posted:A dark room framed the glowing screen in front of me. I watched as the angelic aberration before me worked her usual Saturday night gig. I was there to police the scum, to enforce the rules, and to keep watch. There was always a tough crowd in the Internets red light district. Some of the worst characters the net had to offer would wandered in, and out of her room. "RESPECT THE LADY!" I typed gruffly at some joker who thought it'd be funny to make wise about lube, and ballbats. "LOOK AT THE PROFILE!" Some rear end in a top hat inquiring about breast size. lol i want to empty quote everyone in this thread but that would get annoying. pretend im empty quoting all of you.
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Mar 16, 2015 23:18
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The pocky in my mouth is soggy from the rain and the only light on a street blacker than my wispy neckbeard is coming from my year old iphone. my dick and balls are shriveling into something smaller than my pinky finger and I'm alone with my thoughts and doubts. "She used you, she brings out the worst in you, how dumb you can be". A train of self realization ad disgust flashing past across what would normally be a dark void comprised of thoughts of carl marx, suicide girls, and NTR pornography. Why am I here? I know better than this. I tuck upjorts and fix my John Cena t shirt, while trying to keep hold of both the iphone and the red roses I bought. finally the bus comes and as she waddles out of it, the train stops and the void comes back. Pink hair, double chin, and she's got at least forty pounds on me. Dear god she's beautiful. And she needs me. I suddenly forget that told me to be here three hours ago and she had to take another bus after getting off the first to go pick up some records. All I remember is what she told me on Twitter. She had used the blockbot, but it wasn't good enough, the Gators had followed her. On She linked to a tweet that pinned hers showing her pointing out the innate sexism of sexy mortal kombat characters and then a picture she had tweeted two hours early of her cosplaying Naurto with the caption "More Faturo, bitch. #GamerGate" Doxxing had gotten since the Twitter War began three months ago. "Oh great you're still here! I'm having back pain, is it alright if my boyfriend and I use the bed and not the couch" "S-Sure"
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Mar 16, 2015 23:19
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Hatsune Miku is dead, bullet wounds litter her body. Vision blurry, tears fill my eyes and roll down, wetting my neck beard. Frank grabs and pulls me away, "Forget it Jake, its Japantown."
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Mar 16, 2015 23:24
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if i could go back in time to see her, at the moment of her death. when she was most beautiful. i would. i love you android 18. wait i can just rewind
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Mar 16, 2015 23:28
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The movie Strangers on a Train but the plot never happens because neither man speak to each other due to their crippling anxiety.
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Mar 16, 2015 23:30
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"You were permanently friendzoned, you were sleeping the big sleep, you were not bothered by things like that, girls and e-cred were the same as wind and air to you. You just slept the big sleep, not caring about the nastiness of how you were friendzoned or where you fell. Me, I was part of the nastiness now. The mens's rights movement would march on." -- Raymond Chandler, The Big Sleep "He was a guy who talked with memes, like a wall of shitposts." -- Raymond Chandler, The Long Goonbye
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Mar 16, 2015 23:31
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I was in my hug machine when she walked in. She was wearing a short skirt and from my position lying awkwardly between to pieces of plywood, I thought I could catch a glimpse of heaven there. She was smoking a cigarette. "What the hell are you doing?" "This machine allows me to make sense of my world by letting me focus on one incredible stimulus, because my brain doesn't send me the right signals and I am liable to go spinning of into a void of overwhelming neuroactivity." I cranked the lever and felt my ribcage buckle under the deep pressure. I was going too hard. Had been for months. I was going to have to quit or it was gonna kill me. "Someone's murdered my husband. I can't involve the police. His body is cooling in our bathroom as we speak. Can you help?" I got up and considered her for a moment. It was Awesome Games Done Quick season, and I knew Ecco the Dolphin was coming up in a scant two hours. Could I solve it before then? I didn't have much choice. I threw on my weighted vest. "Let's go." We went out into the night, her strolling on two getaway sticks that would make a priest eat his collar, and me, two feet below, making my way down the avenue on my Adventure Time Sit N' Bounce. I could feel it deep within me. Tonight, things were going to get stimulating.
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Mar 16, 2015 23:59
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It was the dead of night in the city of a thousand sinners, and in the darkness I was jolted from my League match. Normally I'd just let it ring and gank that noob Rammus, but it was her. I'd recognize that specially chosen Persona 4 ringtone even with two of these Turtle Beach headsets on. "I need you, Nick Niceguy, I need you now. To print something, and bring it over in the afternoon." I took a long drag from my pendant e-vape and exhaled out a cool drag. "Hey, yeah, sure sure, whatever you need I'll help you, I'm all yours." Smirk. The dame sends it along and of course in this town, nothing's easy. It's from Microshit Publisher, and I don't subscribe to that fascist garbage. Not after losing my partner. I begin to panic, thinking of a way to get this dizzy twist's order up. It finally comes to me. It's called the City of Angels, but it was hell on Earth to carry that printer with me those two miles all night. The night never cools down, neither does the passion. I knew for this trial, I'd maybe get a hug. I was drenched in sweat, but nothing would cool me off like the refreshing presence of her. I mustered the last of my strength to ring the bell. She let me in, waving me towards her setup. The cords were tangled, dusty, a wild jungle of lawless madness. She asked if I wanted some Brita water; It wasn't my normal Code Red, but for her, I'd swig any swill in the joint. That's how you play the game. As she walked out (making sure not to ogle her backside, which would be disrespectful) I saw them... laying there. I had been hot under the collar, but my adrenaline made everything go arctic breeze. It was her... undergarments, out on the bed. "My Sagan..." I muttered to myself. The nightmares came back to me. I was torn between becoming a mad beast and huffing her scent, or holding myself together to just get this infernal job done like the saint I am. That I know I can be. It was then she sauntered in with her fay friend, Antonio. He was drinking my water. "Ooh, look at dis niiiice fellow!" They laughed with me, not at me. I know that. "You just finish up here and ... we're going to the mall soon, so..." She waved her hands, and I swayed like a puppet on her strings. As the sixtieth page printed, my eyes narrowed. How would I get that hug if there was another man in the room? Once again, Nick Niceguy was going to have to put his ace sleuthing to... "Okay, we're finished, so can you go now? There's a sale at Nyx." I nodded. Anything for you, dollface. All in good time. I walked those lonely roads back with that printer, my hands stinging in righteous pain. Once again a nice guy had saved the day, and soon she'd realize I wasn't going to finish last -- I was first all along.
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Mar 16, 2015 23:59
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A misanthrope posted:"He was a guy who talked with memes, like a wall of shitposts." -- Raymond Chandler, The Long Goonbye It struck me like a master crafted bokūto strikes a gaijin in the temple. Time itself slowed to a crawl as my brain struggled to process what my eyes were seeing. This was the real deal, the real McCoy, and on the up and up. I kept my room at an exact 65 degrees--cold enough to keep my wall scrolls from warping--but I was sweating bullets. You see a lot of posts in the forum business. You see a lot of the bad, and the shitposting some twisted men call good. But this post was on another level. A post so damned beautiful to me it might as well have been crafted out of gold. My hands shook with anticipation as I maneuvered the mouse over the yellow numbers. "Five," I muttered as I clicked. "I'm lookin at a goddamn five."
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Mar 17, 2015 00:18
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Shinjobi posted:It struck me like a master crafted bokūto strikes a gaijin in the temple. Time itself slowed to a crawl as my brain struggled to process what my eyes were seeing. This was the real deal, the real McCoy, and on the up and up. I kept my room at an exact 65 degrees--cold enough to keep my wall scrolls from warping--but I was sweating bullets. i wasn't gonna do it, but you convinced me to 5 my own thread. i usually give myself a 1 and move on.
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Mar 17, 2015 00:29
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“I don’t think I’ll have to kill her. Just slap that pretty face into hamburger meat, that’s all.” -- unaltered quote from The Killing (1956)
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Mar 17, 2015 01:27
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“Flossie had looks, brains, and all the accessories. She was better than a deck with six aces. But I regret to report that she also knew how to handle a mail-order katana. My mail-order katana. I might not survive this unboxing.” -- John Hoyt in Brute Force (1947)
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Mar 17, 2015 01:34
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looking up noir film and novel quotes, i've noticed a surprising number of them don't even need to be changed. “You knew when a woman loves you like that, she can love you with every card in the deck and then pull a knife across your throat the next morning.” --Van Heflin in Johnny Eager (1942) “What a beautiful picture. Moonlight. Sagebrush. My wife with a stranger.” -- Vincent Price in The Las Vegas Story (1952)
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Mar 17, 2015 01:38
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpLd_oogU4w
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Mar 17, 2015 02:02
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first off: haaaaahahahahahaha second: holy poo poo movies moved a lot slower back then. today it'd be all swooosh zoom quick cut quick cut quick cut and then optimus prime would do something racist
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Mar 17, 2015 04:15
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This is art.
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Mar 17, 2015 16:10
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The broad didn't know what she wanted, and I wasn't about to tell her, because that would be disrespectful. I respect women, I'm a nice guy like that. SO WHY WON'T THAT BITCH STOP DATING JERKS FOR ONCE AND DATE ME! loving GASHES ALL WANT MEN TO TREAT THEM LIKE poo poo, AND THEN WHEN THEY'RE IN TROUBLE, THEY COME CRAWING TO ME TO SOLVE THEIR CASE BUT WHAT IF I STOPPED, HUH? WHAT IF I JUST CLOSED UP MY PI BUSINESS? THEN THEY'D NOTICE! THEN THEY'D MISS ME! But I could never do that. Too many good women out there need my help.
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Mar 17, 2015 16:37
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Applewhite posted:The broad didn't know what she wanted, and I wasn't about to tell her, because that would be disrespectful. I respect women, I'm a nice guy like that. SO WHY WON'T THAT BITCH STOP DATING JERKS FOR ONCE AND DATE ME! loving GASHES ALL WANT MEN TO TREAT THEM LIKE poo poo, AND THEN WHEN THEY'RE IN TROUBLE, THEY COME CRAWING TO ME TO SOLVE THEIR CASE BUT WHAT IF I STOPPED, HUH? WHAT IF I JUST CLOSED UP MY PI BUSINESS? THEN THEY'D NOTICE! THEN THEY'D MISS ME! 
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Mar 17, 2015 17:09
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