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Funky See Funky Do posted:Better he'd have died than not be able to post about his hilarious chimp attack on here. In time he will learn to communicate via morse code with his toes, then we will learn the full hilarity.
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Dec 17, 2014 12:52
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david... posted:that thread was funny when the one guy said he could probably beat a gorilla by putting it in a sleeper hold
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Dec 17, 2014 13:31
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Yolomon Wayne posted:Dont be silly, he just lost his face and fingers. Balls too.
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Dec 17, 2014 13:33
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Top Bunk Wanker posted:As I understand it, apes have high bursts of strength, but humans are much better when it comes to endurance. Humans are pretty much better than ANY other large land animal when it comes to endurance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=826HMLoiE_o Like maybe dogs could keep up, wild dogs are one of the few other species that also just chase after prey for tens of miles until it's too tired to move and collapses. But we can also carry water cos of being bipedal and having tool use. There are people who regularly run 100+ miles without stopping
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Dec 17, 2014 13:39
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Lasher posted:Balls too. We are talking about goons, reproductory organs are not relevant.
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Dec 17, 2014 13:42
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david... posted:that thread was funny when the one guy said he could probably beat a gorilla by putting it in a sleeper hold hahah on another forum, i know a guy who insisted that a well-trained human could kill a gorilla with only what they could find in a jungle. he also claimed that killing the gorilla's children and climbing a tree would be instrumental parts of his strategy. killing the babies was psychological warfare, you see i'm not sure he knew what a gorilla actually is
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Dec 17, 2014 14:04
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they never skip leg day
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Dec 17, 2014 14:16
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Milky Moor posted:hahah I mean, humans are bloody good at killing things that are much, much bigger and stronger than they are, a single Masai warrior with a spear can kill an adult lion. Don't underestimate the value of tool use, especially if the human knows how to make a bow and which frogs make the best poison. Plus, if you allow for the human to make traps and snares (plenty of fibres in the jungle for rope making), the Gorilla doesn't have a loving chance. That assumes the Gorilla doesn't just come up and rip the dudes head off while he's plaiting plant fibres or looking for toxic toads, but gorillas *tend* not to be super aggressive if you stay out of their way, so the human could have plenty of prep time. If you're just talking about a 1 on 1 boxing ring type situation not "Arnie vs the Predator"/hunger games tho I'm p sure the gorilla dominates 99 times out of 100. Fatkraken fucked around with this message at 14:20 on Dec 17, 2014 |
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Dec 17, 2014 14:17
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It's because they were tried of being called "chimp pansies"
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Dec 17, 2014 14:23
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"things available in jungle" includes stuff for making fire, thus all animalkind is defeateable.
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Dec 17, 2014 14:24
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Chimps don't compare to Gorillas. Google tells me an adult male can lift 10x it's own weight, so it can lift 2tonnes. Chimps didn't even make it into top 10 for strength to weight, but humans did:that strong man Lithuanian can lift 5x his own weight, but the gorilla will still utterly crush him and he's an absolute extreme case. I wanna see the sleeper hold guys original post lol.
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Dec 17, 2014 14:37
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Yolomon Wayne posted:"things available in jungle" includes stuff for making fire, thus all animalkind is defeateable. seriously, one of the hallmarks of humankind is we are really, REALLY good at tool use and problem solving. A small group of humans can kill a hundred bison by scaring them into stampeding off the edge of a cliff. Pretty much all animals are horribly vulnerable to traps and snares. There's a huge difference between "who can win in a physical fight" and "can a human successfully hunt this animal with tools made from what's available in the environment", in the former it's almost always the animal, the latter, almost always the human. If a large predator is actively hunting an unaware person though, that person is hosed
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Dec 17, 2014 14:41
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Fatkraken posted:seriously, one of the hallmarks of humankind is we are really, REALLY good at tool use and problem solving. A small group of humans can kill a hundred bison by scaring them into stampeding off the edge of a cliff. Pretty much all animals are horribly vulnerable to traps and snares. Id wager the average person is hosed if its hunted by an average badger. We honestly suck at 1v1 against rpetty much anything that resembles a carnivore.
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Dec 17, 2014 14:51
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Yolomon Wayne posted:Id wager the average person is hosed if its hunted by an average badger. A big stick can help. A LOT. Crude clubs and thrown rocks were probably the first weapons, you get a huge force multiplier effect just swinging a bit of branch around.
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Dec 17, 2014 14:58
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Humans traded strength for endurance. Our upright gait uses much less energy to move and run, but means that our structure has less of a mechanical advantage. Our upper bodies are built for speed to sling rocks instead of brute power. Also human athletes have to do a lot of work to build and maintain muscle. If you eat wrong or stop working out, your body desperately tries to drop the muscle and shrink you back down to a size that uses less calories. I'm not sure the great apes have that I think they just hang on to whatever muscle they build. .What's up with all the concern about taking on chimps lately? Is something going to happen?
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Dec 17, 2014 15:02
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WorldsStrongestNerd posted:Humans traded strength for endurance. Our upright gait uses much less energy to move and run, but means that our structure has less of a mechanical advantage. Our upper bodies are built for speed to sling rocks instead of brute power. Also human athletes have to do a lot of work to build and maintain muscle. If you eat wrong or stop working out, your body desperately tries to drop the muscle and shrink you back down to a size that uses less calories. I'm not sure the great apes have that I think they just hang on to whatever muscle they build. .What's up with all the concern about taking on chimps lately? Is something going to happen? Yeah, Lowtax said some bad stuff about this chimps mom, so the chimp is flying him out to Africa for a boxing match.
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Dec 17, 2014 15:04
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We were designed for endurance and fine motor control. The reason we walk upright, sweat, and have thick hair on our heads all probably contributes to that. Chimpanzees were designed for ripping your balls off
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Dec 17, 2014 15:09
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Fatkraken posted:A big stick can help. A LOT. Crude clubs and thrown rocks were probably the first weapons, you get a huge force multiplier effect just swinging a bit of branch around. Considering you prolly have ONE strike, the odds are still pretty much not in your favour.
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Dec 17, 2014 15:12
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Yolomon Wayne posted:Considering you prolly have ONE strike, the odds are still pretty much not in your favour. have you ever heard of a little technique called the one inch punch? i would ruin some chimp, esp. with a stick
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Dec 17, 2014 15:18
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satanic splash-back posted:have you ever heard of a little technique called the one inch punch? Drunken Monkey Fist > One Inch Punch, sorry. Also humans are pussies when it comes to physical pain. A badgers preferred method of obtaining honey is to shmash his face into a beehive and eat, not giving a poo poo about 70.000 bees stabbing him. Humans generally resort to screaming when stung by one.
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Dec 17, 2014 15:21
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Aren't gorillas really chill dudes unless threatened?
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Dec 17, 2014 15:23
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Yolomon Wayne posted:Drunken Monkey Fist > One Inch Punch, sorry. a chimp is not a monkey
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Dec 17, 2014 15:25
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aids
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Dec 17, 2014 15:26
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FreudianSlippers posted:Aren't gorillas really chill dudes unless threatened? Gorillas are OG. They don't need to act violent and out of control, ripping balls off. Just a small demonstration here and there to let you know not to step out of line. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lb-vpmW1n7U
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Dec 17, 2014 15:28
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FreudianSlippers posted:Aren't gorillas really chill dudes unless threatened? Depends what you mean by "threatened". I was at a zoo a few years ago and was outside the Gorilla enclosure which was like a huge glass cage with ropes and tyres and poo poo for the Gorillas to play on. I'm watching the big Alpha male Gorilla and he's just sat there about 15ft from the glass, chewing on some straw. This family rocks up next to me to watch too, and one of the kids, a fat teenage lad, had a bright green jacket on. Quick as a flash the Gorilla gets up and starts punching the glass. I nearly fell backwards on my rear end. Dude had hands like loving shovels. He did NOT like that kid.
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Dec 17, 2014 15:30
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but could they defeat ufc light heavyweight champion jon jones of ufc fame
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Dec 17, 2014 15:36
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FogHelmut posted:Gorillas are OG. They don't need to act violent and out of control, ripping balls off. Just a small demonstration here and there to let you know not to step out of line. if a gorilla grabs hold of your leg and starts dragging you along the ground, LET HIM! Hell, it worked out for the guy, gorilla got bored after like 3 seconds and let him go, if he'd started hollering and fighting back he'd probably be dead.
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Dec 17, 2014 15:39
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Gorillas are buds, gently caress chimps https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GorgFtCqPEs
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Dec 17, 2014 16:39
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DaveSplitter posted:Someone post the video where the chimp fucks a frog. tia https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKoESj5CDsk
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Dec 17, 2014 16:40
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humans are kind of unimpressive physically when compared to like any other animal roughly our size, honestly have you seen what like a bigass cat can do, drat it's a very good thing we can do the whole "speech" and "advanced tool use" thing
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Dec 17, 2014 16:42
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DaveSplitter posted:Sure thing DaveSplitter! flintstones fleshlight
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Dec 17, 2014 16:46
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okay yeah ON GENERAL gorillas are stronger than humans and even some chimps are stronger than humans, sure but i wouldnt say that I PERSONALLY am not as strong as a chimp or gorilla. i think that humans IN GENERLA are weak and arent strong but i dont think i, like a lot of people here, are generally weak. with proper training and diet, a human could be on par with a chimpanzee or some goriallas, because a pound of muscle is a pound of muscle. im not saying that working out for like 5 days a week and eating turkey is necessarily enough but like if you had months maybe years to prepare and train for a gorilla fight you could get to a point where you're just as strong as if not stronger than a gorilla. of course at that point it would have to be a man doing the fighting because of (lets face it people) biotruths. it requires a certain degree of strength that can only be developed with rigorous work and, frankly, genetics.
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Dec 17, 2014 16:59
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Whiskey Sours posted:flintstones fleshlight It's a livin'!
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Dec 17, 2014 17:02
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Yeah, we know gorillas lose if you factor in tool use, that's why they're endangered and your grandkids will probably have no idea what they are.
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Dec 17, 2014 17:03
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Robo Reagan posted:Individual muscle density or length, I forget which. Basically humans traded the strength for better agility with our hands or some poo poo like that I heard that humans are better than chimps at striking whereas chimps are better at ripping and tearing due to the difference in our bodies. Unfortunately by the time you get into striking distance it already is tearing your balls off. Also I think that our usage of tools, traps, and strategy is more interesting to debate because most of nature will easily kill us. Trees will fall on you. 70% of the earth will drown you. You'll try to wash your poison ivy off and a hungry, hungry hippo will kill you. flick my Mr. Bean fucked around with this message at 18:05 on Dec 17, 2014 |
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Dec 17, 2014 17:56
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Dec 17, 2014 19:28
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lol oh yeah i'm gonna trust an animal that wears jorts
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Dec 17, 2014 19:31
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Kleen_TheRowdyDog posted:why? why not have both? we are are just in the middle of it evolution. its just the time you happen to be alive if we somehow survive, and without human intervention of any sort to our genome, humans a couple tens of thousands of years from now will look at us and literally laugh at how inept our bodies are
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Dec 17, 2014 19:36
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1gnoirents posted:we are are just in the middle of it evolution. its just the time you happen to be alive
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Dec 17, 2014 19:38
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dads a mall cop posted:but could they defeat ufc light heavyweight champion jon jones of ufc fame Insert Daniel Cormier joke here (I'm sorry) No but for real Jon Jones and Daniel Cormier could tag team a chimp together and still get owned. Even a pro UFC fighter has the strength of a toddler compared to chimps and other larger ape species.
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Dec 17, 2014 19:44
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