(NWS) Images from the Road: A Dollfucker's Travellogue - The Something Awful Forums

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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > (NWS) Images from the Road: A Dollfucker's Travellogue

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

I've been following this whole debacle for a while and I was wondering... has anyone saved/uploaded Kevin's blogs anywhere? The whole Google cache thing doesn't work anymore.

# ¿ Oct 27, 2008 04:53

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 12:34

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

I honestly think that this lovely picture from the Doll Album sums up my feelings regarding dollfuckers and this whole debacle:

:nws:

:nws:

https://wi.somethingawful.com/71/71f20007556e3d2e2f99098380a14d9dd81195ba.jpg :nws:

:nws:

"Ugly face that looks nothing like the image on the box"

# ¿ Oct 28, 2008 17:59

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Caligasti posted:

I know I'll have to modify Beetface's, as some of those blogs are likely in the Wayback Machine by now. A good deal of them were at least 2 years old by the time any of us dug them up.

The Blogspot and Wordpress ones aren't...robots.txt.

I tried to find cached versions of the blogs the other day, and this was the only thing I could come up with: October 2007

# ¿ Oct 28, 2008 18:26

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Caligasti posted:

Ah, what have we here?

http://fubar.com/casperghostboy

Buy him a drink, then?

Haha, his sister welcomed him to the site, and then decided not to put him in her 'family' section. Those silly juggalettez...

Edit: From that blog:

Kevin Havens Esq. posted:

Of course, I understand that it�s not free money, I have to pay that back. And I only have a $1,000 credit limit so far, so I cannot buy a RealDoll and possibly end it with Kat, with her angry at me with the promise of �one doll and one doll only.�

But I thought it was true love?

Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 00:00 on Oct 29, 2008

# ¿ Oct 28, 2008 23:21

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Hey everyone, it's Aspie boy's brother!

And here are some more gems that I found in that blog:

Loving fiancee posted:

I know that Kat and I, mostly I, had the freedom to do whatever we wanted with our money. Mostly, all Kat had to pay when we lived together by ourselves was her portion of the rent not covered by Section 8. The rest of the money was mostly hers, because water, sewer and trash was covered by the apartment; and I�ve never seen an electric bill, but that was covered by her Section 8 voucher. I never had to pay rent. Of course, I paid the grocery tab and also pitched in for the high-speed Internet because I wanted it, but that was mostly it. My $900+ paychecks were spent the way I saw fit. If I wanted a PS3 if we stayed there, I would have gotten it! If I wanted an inexpensive, but good LCD HDTV, same here! But then, I was afraid to ask Kat to sign up for the HD DVR service because I was afraid that it may cancel her low-income cable television plan and replace it with a higher-cost cable television plan.

quote:

Later on that night, aided by whatever force, whether it be caffeine or something else, Will and I wanted �Fourthmeal.� Usually, that means whatever he and I can think of from blurting out into the squack box in the drive-thru lane at Taco Bell. So, he took me to the ABNB ATM at Pembroke Mall and I took out $220 to cover mine and his meals and whatever else the $200 was for, because I was only going to spend no more than $20 on Fourthmeal.

But then I wanted McDonald�s, because I started to have a �Mac Attack� (No, not Mac OS X, but Big Macs instead) and he obliged to take me to McDonald�s and he would order whatever I wanted for me, and that �whatever� would mean �as long as they�re not on their late-night menu.� I found out that the McDonald�s near me doesn�t start the late-night menu until midnight, and it was about 11:15 that night, so I ordered a Big Mac Meal, Go Large, with a Coke. He then wanted Taco Bell at first after we left the McDonald�s, but when we saw that the drive-thru queue was so backed up (near the street entrance if that says anything), so he quickly changed his mind and wanted McDonald�s himself. So, making a �legal u-turn,� which meant instead of risking it at the intersection of Independence and Virginia Beach Boulevard, he turned right, then right at The Cheesecake Factory, then made it to Columbus Loop, then turned left onto Independence and made it to McDonald�s. And to say this, the only way to make it to the McDonald�s on Independence going southbound is to make a u-turn into the parking lot. So, he ordered a two cheeseburgers meal, with a large fries and a Coke. We then headed home and I had to check Kat�s blood sugar. It peaked at 200-something. After I ate Fourthmeal, even though it wasn�t Taco Bell, I fell fast asleep, even though that Kat had to sleep in her wheelchair.

Christ, is he specifically trying to get people to stalk him? At least I now know the quickest route from the Taco Bell to the McDonalds, in case I ever get a 'Mac Attack'. And classy move taking the bed so that your handicapped fiancee can sleep in her wheelchair.

# ¿ Oct 29, 2008 02:26

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Caligasti posted:

Did you really read all the way down to here? Really? Really? No loving way!

I had to read it in three chunks.

The best part:

posted:

I signed a USPS Form 3846 [delivery notification card, usually left behind in your mailbox whenever if the postman left your package(s) in another part of your house or in your apartment's leasing office, or it's at the post office, or you simply sign it if you are present and the postman has your package in his or her hand] got my package and he left, nothing more).

...

Then final conception happens when she is poured and her features have been applied. Even though that real human babies are already in their wombs from the start of conception (I could be wrong), but if you'd bear with me, the dolls are placed into their crates or corrugated cardboard sidewall boxes maybe with a plastic film over the front of the entry, but would be hidden when the door is closed (an example of this is RealDoll), or be placed in plastic bags that protect the doll from dust while shipping, and both have some sort of cushioning to protect them from further damage, just like being in the womb. And when "Birth" happens, you break the seal and you bring her out to your world for the first time. That is how I equate "giving birth" to a doll, like how a RG would give birth to a baby.

Seriously, did he really post the exact form number for a notification card? He has to like keep a file or take down notes or something, really.

I think the weirdest thing about him is the fact that he owns a loving store mannequin. That takes dollfucking from the weird to the outright bizarre.

# ¿ Oct 29, 2008 19:20

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

TigerMoJo posted:

Especially when all of this is concerning a loving ugly lump of deformed fuckable plastic.

That's what I think is hilarious about Kevin... whereas Realdolls can actually kind of look like real people, the piece of poo poo that he has looks awful.

Seriously...

It's even missing a big chunk of 'skin' near it's shoulders.

# ¿ Oct 29, 2008 19:32

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Zappatista posted:

I'm very frightened by the possibility of Kevin posting here, if only for the possibility of something like this..
General Bullshit > Help please!!!

Any goonobyl would leave 5 replies calling her a slut, etc., right?

I like how on the Doll Forum someone made a reasonable negative review of the same type of doll that Beetface has and got trolled because of it for 11 pages.

Dollfucker posted:

...Overall reflections: I have serious doubts this doll will last the winter even just hanging around. With the seams separating, the foam having gaps in it, and the general lack of quality.

My recommendations for buyers: DO NOT BUY! Unless this doll is exactly what you want, it is way way small and has too many issues to be otherwise serviceable.

My favorite reply:

Shit_Viper posted:

I'm not the one with the foul mouth in this thread running around acting like an rear end in a top hat to everyone.

You don't go by the name of Caligasti on another site, do ya?

I knew it.

# ¿ Oct 30, 2008 03:00

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Apology posted:

Yeah, who owns "moonport.org" where the 1X1 pixel is hosted? Looks like more leeching to me.

Our pal Shit_Viper!

Domain ID:D98310830-LROR
Domain Name:MOONPORT.ORG
Created On:03-Jul-2003 00:57:58 UTC
Last Updated On:25-Sep-2008 23:15:28 UTC
Expiration Date:03-Jul-2009 00:57:58 UTC
Sponsoring Registrar:eNom, Inc. (R39-LROR)
Status:CLIENT TRANSFER PROHIBITED
Registrant ID:cfb22f6a18e
Registrant Name:James S Williams Sr
Registrant Organization:Moonport Productions

# ¿ Oct 30, 2008 17:31

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Caligasti posted:

Many of those dollfuckers get up in arms whenever anybody criticizes itsme or the fuckdolls he makes. Then again, those RSSDs are about the only non-inflatable dolls that many of them can even afford.

You don't need to spend a lot of money on fuckdolls...Go the homemade route!

These two pictures are the some pf the most terrifying things I've ever seen.

:nms:

:nms:

'my face is a movie star, can you guess who? :nms:

:nms:

:nms:

'homemade vampire sex doll' :nms:

:nms:

Oh god.

Edit: Here's the site linked to from Doll Album... :nws:

:nws:

Why pay lotsa bucks for sex toys... :nws:

:nws:

Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 03:21 on Oct 31, 2008

# ¿ Oct 30, 2008 18:06

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

I remember reading somewhere in this thread that someone was interested in Beetface's shopping habits, so here's the man in his own words:

Beetface posted:

I'm glad that there's someone else here who thinks the same way I do about dressing RSSD dolls in adult women's, not girls', clothing. Don't get me wrong, sometimes that us members may feel more comfortable buying girls' clothing, but I agree on the fact that these dolls depict adult women, that these dolls should be dressed accordingly.

A good Petite Women's department at a fine department store has nice clothing that can fit these short stature dolls and would look very good on them. In fact, I always shop, whenever possible, in that department for my doll Daphne. Otherwise, a XS (0-2) or a S (4-6) can fit these dolls pretty well and not look all frumpy on them.

Oh, and I perceive Daphne as a 27-year-old lady. Just thought I'd let you know. Wink

OTOH, nice, long, and very detailed review of your dolls (even got the other review thread of your Taffy [it'll take me a while to learn how to spell her name without looking it over] in another Firefox tab, looking it over), I do faintly remember my review, but it wasn't as long as yours. Well thought over.

CGM, Kathryn, Daphne and Andrea]

# ¿ Oct 31, 2008 04:38

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Caligasti posted:

Oh so what have we here...

That's a reasonable guess. Not too far out of the way. Haven't had much to do with it for a while, though. Does he wish to meet somewhere in the vicinity, then? Has he come all the way down here just to meet lil' ol' me? Broadway is an awfully long road. What does he think he'll accomplish if we can't find one another?

Wait, so hold up... Dollfucker Davey is driving/flying down from Canada all the way to New York to stalk you because you made fun of him for loving dolls on the internet?

:downsbravo:

:downsbravo:

# ¿ Oct 31, 2008 22:47

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Caligasti posted:

Sillier... all the way to Arizona. There's a Broadway in every major city.

He's probably calling up some "goons" of his own to try and hunt me down and serve me for a lolsuit. Or at the least trying to make me think he is. He tried it before and was just shooting blanks, and I called his bluff. No sleep lost here.

I just have the silliest image in my head of Davey wearing all black trying to maneuver his doll like a puppeteer whilst following someone. Considering dollfuckers, it's probably be something he'd do.

# ¿ Oct 31, 2008 22:59

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Zappatista posted:

But seriously poo poo Wiper...perhaps one of these days someone'll call your house and ask if Lisa and Lolly are home...

He'd probably do an awful falsetto to try to make himself sound like a vaguely humanoid shaped hunk of cum-filled silicone (or plush).

# ¿ Nov 4, 2008 04:16

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

I'm so mad that I had to miss the 2008 Doll Forum Convention back in July!

Some interesting conversation between participants, meeting each other for the first time...

Bianca the MOVIE STAR was in attendance, and she sure does look like she's having a great time!. Talk about a once-in-a-lifetime event.

Our pal Midi- er... Davey can't get the ladies off of him!

More of the fascinating conversation.

I really wish that I could've been there.

Edit:

Dollfucker posted:

I am hell on dolls, I've destroyed a french madam, beheaed an s 18 and now KaLi has devoloped large rips in her rear end and has lost one of her arms.I haave made an attempt to repair her but I'm afraid the repairs won't last. Throwing her up in the attic probably didnt help much. Anyway finances being what they are today, upgrading to a realdoll or even replacing the !st PC is prohibitive. I was wondering about mannequins. I am looking for a seated mannequin,possibly large breasted and not terribly expensive. i dont have sex with my doll, i just like to dress her and masturbate Is there a good mannequin out there somewhere, somebody that makes something i can dress. It needs to be fairly near my size, as she will wear some of my old things. Thanks in advance for your help.

:psypop:

Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 00:43 on Nov 7, 2008

# ¿ Nov 7, 2008 00:18

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

I think I just found Beetface's really old site from 2003...

Internet Archive: Kevin's Haven

Only one of the links on the 2003 cache works, but I think everything on the first 2004 cache does, including links to his doll stories and a page for his loving band.

Beetface posted:

Kevin Havens' Redux Machine was formed by Kevin Havens, Lead Vocalist; Jason Stratman, Background Vocals; Adam Ebel, Keyboards, Robert Berry, Guitar; and Will Havens, drums and percussion. We formed in June 2001 to fufill our mission: "To sing the song parodies that Weird Al Yankovic would never bother to sing." The term "Redux" and not "parody" was chosen because "redux" is a French term for "repeat" or "return." We never intended on infringing on trademarks, for instance, the diet drug "Redux." We here at KHRM feel that the word "redux" is a term in the general for, as we said, "repeat" or "return," never on the drug, however the R is capitalized. So, if you came on this page on accident looking for ways to sue the lowly bastards that made "Redux," you're in the wrong place. We are here to provide a new avenue to song parodies.

Currently, there is an album in the works from KRHM. It is called Tiffany Brissette 45's and Under. All of us band members in KHRM are dedicated Small Wonder fans, and the main character, "Vicki," was played by Tiffany Brissette. She excelled in her acting duties on the show, and we feel that, even if a new Small Wonder show was in the works, no other actress can fully reprise the role of "Vicki." The songwriting team of KHRM have wrote new lyrics based on the show, some serious about how addictive the show can be, or just fun ones. You can go to the lyrics of the first KHRM feature album by clicking here. Note: All of the songs were re-done from the Squeeze album Singles, 45's and Under.

There are some "Singles" we have done, to "oil" ourselves for our big album (see above). Someday we do plan to make an album out of them, but we need more access to a CD-RW drive. Cassette is no problem. You can see the singles by clicking here. The name of the "singles album" has been put into the works, and the working title is Reduxtion. (It sounds like "Reduction," which we're reducing our singles catalog to a bare minimum.)

Hey, all of us in KHRM celebrates Christmas year-round! (It's our most favorite holiday of the year!) So, we have made some Christmas songs (there is even a Jeff Foxworthy cover in it), so if you feel like you're burning up and you need to cool down, your air-conditioning is not working right...So, just pour yourself a cold one (beer is acceptable, that is, if you're 21 or older), click here, and think cold things. It is known that if you think cool things in the summer, you'll cool down, and if you think warm things in the winter, you'll warm up. (This only applies if you're living in the Northern Hemisphere.)

We have re-wrote lyrics by shooting the breeze around while playing our personal CD collections, and when the time was right, we'd blurt out what we think what we should do in the new song. We then listen to the song again and then write new lyrics. Then on certain days, we join together and sing them.

Here's EnterNet, a lovely parody of Metallica's Enter Sandman:

Kevin Haven's Aspie Machine posted:

Boot up your computer, little one
Don't forget IE, my son
and use Dial-Up Networking
You're logged in at 56K
It'll keep you up all night
'Til the ISP bill, it'll come

Keep you up all night
Using Google.com in sight

Havens 3
At Pinn dot net
AOHell
We're off to cyberspace

404, DNS failure
Heavy use of ICQ tonight
And they're all aren't the same

Sites of wars, sites of Nintendo
Sites of Game Boy Emulators
And things you never heard of

Keep you up all night
Using Google.com in sight

Havens 3
At Pinn dot net
AOHell
We're off to cyberspace

Now that I'm connected to my ISP (now that I'm connected to my ISP)
Pray the Lord that I disabled Call Waiting (now that I disabled Call Waiting)
And if my ISP kicks me off (and if my ISP kicks me off)
Hope that I don't have a lot of flames to take (hope that I don't have a lot of flames to take)

Hush little modem, you are connected
And never mind that racket you just heard
It's just the tones of the utmost bliss
Around the world and in your house

Havens 3
At Pinn dot net
Single byte

Havens 3
At Pinn dot net
AOHell
We're off to cyberspace

# ¿ Nov 12, 2008 20:40

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

I also think it's hilarious how almost all of his "band's" songs are just Squeeze songs with lyrics about loving the girl from Small Wonder (HIS OLD BLOWUP DOLL). The rest of them are either about computers or how much he hates the Beach House.

And he did have a job at that time...
"Employment Status: Currently employed at Walt's Transmission, doing auto detailing and basic shop duties. Loving it. I hope it will give me enough $$$ for Christmas! (But I'm staying with it, unlike the other jobs that I had... for about no more than four months, and no longer. Not this time around.)"

"No, Really. If you passed away, say, tomorrow, what would you like for your epitaph? Live life to its fullest. Even though one day might seem like it's hell, but once you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you can see it's not so bad after all. Women might come and go, but it's your happiness (DOLLS) that never gives up."

I found the site in his introductory post on the Doll Forum, which is here.

Cal, do you have any of the blogs saved anywhere? I wanted to try to read some of them.

EDIT: For those who are going to attempt the daunting task of reading that story, remember, this is Alexandra Tilbrook:

Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 03:14 on Nov 13, 2008

# ¿ Nov 13, 2008 03:06

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Beetface posted:

Not only have I had to switch from buying three cartons of cigarettes at $45, or $15 a carton, to buying a bag of pipe tobacco at $10 (which lasts me all month) in order to have a little money to have in my pocket for things like, well, getting some �Geedunks� (snacks and sodas) to put in a �stash� in my footlocker, getting some things that I wanted really badly, like slices of pizza and sub sandwiches from the Food Mart near the corner of Border and Campostella, or something that I really wanted to get from GameStop, Kmart, Wal-Mart, or any store at MacArthur, Military Circle, or Greenbrier Malls; or save it up to get something needed (okay, a beer with Jason is not really needed, but I could use one sometimes.)

That is honestly the most confusing and longest sentence I think I've ever seen.

Are there any other good caching sites that might have "Alexa's Page - My Synth Lover's Page" cached on it? I'm thinking that if we could get to it that it would be the most hilarious and saddest thing ever.

If y'all look a little bit on that site, there's some fun stuff to be found... e-mail addresses, IM usernames, etc...

EDIT: I searched 'Jason Stratman Kevin Havens', and found caches of some of his Wordpress blogs!. The current version is just stuff in arabic.

Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 03:51 on Nov 13, 2008

# ¿ Nov 13, 2008 03:47

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

From his "Thanks" page for The Journey To Love:

Beetface posted:

These are all the people involved, either directly or indirectly, in the production of The Journey To Love Version 7.0:

* Gladden Entertainment for having the balls releasing Mannequin in theaters in 1987
* MGM DVD for releasing it to DVD in 2001
* Amazon.com for selling me the DVD in Feb. 2005
...
* Adam Ebel for letting me include him in the story... and for being a better friend than Jason Stratman
...
* Rammstein, Herzeleid.com and Altavista Babelfish (http://babelfish.altavista.com) for teaching me some German that was used in the story
...
* Cox Communications Hampton Roads (http://www.cox.com/hr) for providing the Internet connection to connect to other agalmatophiles, writers and Small Wonder viewers; Digital Telephone to keep in touch verbally as the story progressed and Cox Digital Cable for giving me numerous ideas and the Food Network

I think it's hilarious that he picked up German for a story about loving dolls from Rammstein.

And here's Adam Ebel, who is a better friend that Jason Stratman:

He has, for some reason, four different myspace pages.

quote:

It took me almost six months and a lot of time just to write sixty-eight pages. Some were written in one night, while some, including the first chapter, was written in about a month. One part was written while I was watching the Super Bowl with the Ravens and the Giants. Just to get the winner on "Alexa's" Super Bowl shirt, I had to sit there carefully watching the game just to see who was going to win the game. Of course, I could have just guessed it, but to make it seem good, I waited to see who was going to win Super Bowl 35.

I'm still looking for a girlfriend. Nobody seems too interested in me. Well, I'll just wait and see. I sure did slam Ms. Yolonda Lee (my real ex-girlfriend) real good! But in real life, I wouldn't slam the poor girl, and yes, in real life, I would let my real-life girlfriend curse her out. And that is what I did with "Alexa."

Classy.

Edit:

Caligasti posted:

Is anybody else thinking this could make for one hell of an Awful Audiobook?

I was thinking that covers of his 'reduxes' would be way better.

# ¿ Nov 13, 2008 17:50

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Caligasti posted:

^^^^^

Wait, what?! Adam "slammed" "Alexa"? He got to gently caress Kevin's doll?! Am I reading that right? Link, please. I must see this myself if that's the case.

Huh?

Here's the myspace search and here's the thank you page.

Edit: Going through this story, what the gently caress is up with Kevin's obsession with eating (specifically lunch)? I swear that on every page he mentions it at least once.

Seriously, he eats a gigantic breakfast, goes outside to smoke a cigarette, then goes back inside after that to eat a gigantic lunch, then stops at a gas station to get a huge bag of chips and a 2-liter of soda, and then they go to the library for a while. After that they buy two boxes of White Castles, 2 bags of pork rinds, two 2-liters, etc... It's loving disgusting.

Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 18:12 on Nov 13, 2008

# ¿ Nov 13, 2008 18:06

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

queenfrostine posted:

I've read both threads thoroughly and I don't think I've posted in either before...
with the slamming, i think he meant verbally? from the context?
but I have to wonder... what does he do at the library? Did he mention that? Libraries are such an epicenter for crazy, I wonder what all the employees think about him. I bet he makes the employees talk to him about his doll and his mannequin.. they always do. never want to keep the crazy quiet.

He and his buddy use the computers to download ROMs and MIDIs.

Someone should make a Midnight Cowboy-ish amateur film out of this. It'd be hilarious.

Edit:

Beetface posted:

We did arrive at the College Park Food Lion after all. We got two, count �em, two, twelve-pack bottles of our favorite beers. I got Red Hook I.P.A., Jason got Guinness Extra Stout, and to wash it down, we split the cost of a twelve-pack bottles of Budweiser, for weakness and to mask the bitterness of our �good poo poo.� We got plenty of chips, potato and tortilla, two bags of pretzel pieces, honey mustard & onion for Jason, buttermilk ranch for myself. We got three boxes apiece of White Castle cheeseburgers, Totinos
Pizza Rolls (cheese for Jason and Three Meat for me), Toaster Strudel (of different flavors) and also three boxes apiece of microwave popcorn, Kettle Korn for Jason, Movie Theater Butter for myself. Two twentyfour pack cans cases of Pepsi were bought.

So, we stopped off at the Little Caesar�s and got four large pepperoni pizzas, then stopped off at the Bamboo Hut and got three quarts of shrimp
fried rice for me and three quarts of Moo Goo Gai Pan for Jason. We then went back into Food Lion and got two cartons of unfiltered Camels to split. Even though that I wanted Marlboro 100�s, but I soon gave in and paid a little extra for the absence of filters on our cigarettes. �Shi�t, the stronger the better,� was Jason�s argument. I soon agreed. We also got plastic cutlery and foam plates to eat off of because there was no way that I was going to eat solely with my hands.

That's for one night in a hotel room.

Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 18:35 on Nov 13, 2008

# ¿ Nov 13, 2008 18:30

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Caligasti posted:

Seriously...
This is the greatest thing ever. I'm only just starting into chapter 2.

Chapter Three is just as funny, "At The Hotel... Time For A Paaaaaarrrrrrttttyyyyy!".

The hilarious thing is that you can tell that he's not making a lot of this up (other than the mannequin stuff). It's disgusting... It really does remind me of a Midnight Cowboy-esque thing.

Beetface posted:

Alexa and I went into our �room,� shut the door and even though that I was confused on what to do, she helped me through every step of the way. I, at first, decided to take off my own clothes. She told me that was a �horny nerd�s way of doing that, like a person desperate to get it on.� She also told me not to rush it when it comes to having sex, even if it is the first time. So, she told me to come toward her, and we helped each other take off our clothes. Our underwear, except for Alexa�s bra, was done by ourselves. I have never, ever unfastened a woman�s bra before. But, I tell you, it was great and very euphoric doing so.

Also, we dimmed the room (it was the middle of the afternoon when all four of us had sex) to where we closed the blinds to almost darkness, turned on the bedside light to the lowest setting and, even though that I hate to say this, Alexa had to �work me up� for the situation until I was �ready� enough to do so. And while seeing Alexa naked and such made it go a little faster.

Alexa asked me if I was ready. I enthusiastically replied, but not too bad-off, �Yes.� She then asked me if I wanted above or under the covers. It was kind of cold in the room, so I easily replied to do it under the covers. We went under the covers, we initiated with our routine.

Five minutes into the intercourse, I exclaimed �Schei�e! That feels good!� �Yes,� Alexa said, �I know that feels good, but what in the hell did you say?� �Schei�e, German for �poo poo.� It rhymes with �sliced.�� You and your weird words, Kevin,� Alexa said. �I was told about you using weird words for weird situations.�

Fifteen to twenty minutes later, we both were exhausted and decided to quit having sex. I got up and decided to use the bathroom. I came out of the bathroom and said �poo poo! I forgot to put on a rubber! Jason and I forgot to get some at the store while we were busy shopping!� �Not to worry, Kevin,� Alexa stated, �it's not my time of month yet. So, you don�t have to worry about getting me pregnant today. But, I�m not telling you when my time of the month is. If you knew, you would be over at mine and Esuna�s apartment those days, loving my brains out. I can have you over to have sex with me sometimes, but, getting me pregnant and having a child... well, that would have to wait until we are married.�

:barf:

Edit:

Caligasti posted:

That's just like Kevin to provide way too much information. Seriously, read the Revision History for his TJTL. He drat near gives out his bank account number from then.

He actually does mention his phone number in the story, along with his doll's.

Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 19:56 on Nov 13, 2008

# ¿ Nov 13, 2008 19:47

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

TigerMoJo posted:

So let me get this straight...he awkwardly starts having sex with this woman then says some German phrase and then gives her some kind of lesson about what that means in German in the middle of sex. Then they just get tired and stop. Then, he suddenly realizes he forgot a condom but she magically knows that she isn't ovulating and when she ovulates even though humans have concealed ovulation.

It's not a real woman... it's a mannequin come to life!

The scary thing about this story is how close it parallels what actually happened to him later on... he's living off of his 'girlfriend', and using all of her money to buy cigarettes and junk food.

This story isn't making smoking look cool anymore

The noted auteur, Kevin Havens posted:

I then look again at the stuff all over the lawn and note Jason�s radio lying on top of one of his CD�s, but the CD appears to be busted. I then notice that it happens to be his Diablo II play disc, something he needs to play the game. �Yo,� I yell to him. Jason, who is pissed off beyond pissed off, yells �WHAT?!?!� �I hate to tell you this,� I stated, �but your Diablo II play disc is destroyed.� He then yells �gently caress!!!!�

# ¿ Nov 13, 2008 20:07

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Oh god....

Literary genius, Kevin Havens posted:

About three days later, I wanted to check up on a old friend of mine, Luz Cardenas, of D�signers Boutique, the dressmaker�s shop where Alexa�s mother came from, to see how she was doing. She (Luz) knew I had �feelings� for that mannequin, which was formerly in her store window, but became disappointed when I found her �missing,� only to my surprise that she �miraculously� came to life for me and Alexa to have a "mother figure" for Alexa. I warned to Alexa that may not be a good idea, because Luz knew that I had feelings for that mannequin.

Alexa got a little angry. She fired out �You had feelings for my mother? You sick little bastard!� I told Alexa to calm down, and explained to her that it was the only �available� mannequin in a five-mile radius, excluding Pembroke Mall, when I lived with my mother. Alexa then said �Oh, okay.� I then explained that I did not know that this said mannequin would come to life and become her mother. I thought that it was going to be a �random� mannequin from some �random� store. Then Alexa asked �Why didn�t DifLove get what was supposed to be my mother to be me instead?� I then said �It was up to them. I stated that I wanted a blonde, not a brunette. By the way, why are you a blonde and your mom�s a brunette?� Alexa then stated that her mother was naturally a �dirty blonde� at birth, but then her hair
started graying in her early thirties and decided that she was getting older and a darker brown was �her shade.� This, I had to accept because I knew that the segments in the fabric of the system of things were slightly out of place and had to be told or seen, sometimes, with a grain of salt, or be accepted as a whole. This explanation of Jennifer, Alexa�s mother, being a brunette had to be accepted as a whole because I cannot decide if it was the truth or not. I had to take it, no matter what.

Kevin and his doll get married, and the marriage is broadcast live on some TV show on TLC. I'm not even kidding.

Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 20:34 on Nov 13, 2008

# ¿ Nov 13, 2008 20:32

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Kevin Havens, Literary Maverick posted:

Usually, since her doctor told her that driving in the last few months (as I see of this, it's the month
of June) of her pregnancy may be dangerous because of the medications that she's taking to not only benefit her mental condition but also "helper drugs" to have the psychotropic drugs not affect the fetus. The Paxil she's taking for her shyness and anxiety is usually not taken during pregnancy because of risks to the unborn fetus. Not to also mention the Depakote and Risperdal that she's taking. (When I first met her, she was taking Lithium and Risperdal only. When Dr. Laster found out that she's pregnant, they had to switch around a couple of drugs to make sure that Alexa does not have any difficulties during pregnancy or childbirth or any other stage of that.) She also has to take some drugs to help her not let the psych drugs enter the bloodstream of her unborn child. And these drugs are not cheap. Also, since in January, Medicaid had approved a Preferred Drug List that approves certain drugs because of cost-efficiency. So the drugs the primary care doctor had to prescribe under cooperation of Dr. Laster to help her with her condition but not harm the child that we are having, had to be dispensed under the doctor's written approval because they are not on Medicaid's Preferred Drug List. And as I found out, these drugs are about $300 each for a thirty-day supply. And there are three of them, about nine hundred dollars total out of our pockets if Medicaid and the doctor did not approve of them. So, paying a total cost of about twenty-five bucks a month for medications, it is quite a bit expensive, but, hey, we wanted a child and we are not letting mental conditions get in our way.

So dollfucking is a mental condition.

# ¿ Nov 13, 2008 23:54

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

TigerMoJo posted:

So he has the chance to make a Mary Sue-like fictional story about his ultimate fantasy. Yet, in his fantasy he's still a hosed up jobless, junk food-eating loser and his doll is a headcase?

The only difference between the fantasy and reality is that his doll came to life!

Kevin Havens, Pulitzer Prize winning author posted:

Even though that I started out with a Chickorita, then it evolved into a Bayleef, but when I got my Game Boy back, Bayleef evolved into a Meganium, which she nicknamed "Ghostboy," even though that Meganium, a Grass Pok�mon, is not a Ghost Pok�mon, but I don't know why she named my major Pok�mon that I mostly use for fighting wild Pok�mon a name mostly suited for ghosttypes. She told me that she named Meganium "Ghostboy" because I was the trainer for that Pok�mon, my name is on the save file, and that my nickname is "CasperGhostboy," but she decided to use the shortened version of my nickname, even though that I told her to not reveal it to the members around Beach House because they at Beach House only know Zar as "Ghostboy" and poo poo would hit the fan if they found out that I have the same nickname.

:bravo:

doll,

:bravo:

# ¿ Nov 14, 2008 00:11

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Caligasti posted:

Maybe I'm skidding 'round the point there a bit, but how hosed up is it that the woman who was made for him is in need of heavy medication?

She was made like that on, purpose... Duh!

The ending for the story just goes on, and on, and on.

Here's a nice summary for ya'll.

Kevin and his friend James are living in separate 'group homes', but hang out and go to use the computers at the library like every day. Kevin signs them up for some new dating site and they get chosen for a new 'experiment'. They mooch off the guy, Jeff, to get a taxi ride to the meeting location and for food. He gives them mannequins and sends them off to a hotel with more money so they can buy more food and smokes.

The mannequins turn into 'realgirls', so James and Kevin just use them for loving and getting more money. The two of them get kicked out of their homes for not taking their meds and for smoking in the bathrooms, so they move in with their 'lovers'. They both get married and the wedding is broadcast on TV for some show. They keep mooching off of them, and James and his 'woman' get jobs at Target while Kevin and his 'broad' can only get a job as janitors at a navy base.

Kevin knocks up his 'broad', and they move out, to live in an apartment with Kevin's family. Kevin somehow learns to drive, even though he's totally 'spergin. His 'woman' buys him a car, and later goes into labor and has a girl.

Then a few years later they go to a 'reunion' set up by the dating company for feedback. The website goes public and poo poo breaks loose. Turns out it's a dream and Kevin is actually married to the woman, but she was never a mannequin! The end!

Add about 50 pages with nothing but descriptions of eating and smoking, and a full page of Kevin describing in detail how he upgrades his computer.

# ¿ Nov 14, 2008 07:00

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Kevin Havens, lover posted:

We were waiting a few minutes (about twenty, to be exact), until I saw Jason Johnson pushing a wheelchair-bound person down the street from the area of the mall. Alexa whispered to me �Is that the bitch that he and his �girlfriend� want to set you up with?� �Yes,� I whispered back.
...

�That thing is my girlfriend (doll) and she appreciates me for who I am and not
what you and that� that abomination that you want to set me up with, not to forget that slut Melanie, think of what I am.�

ABOMINATION

# ¿ Nov 14, 2008 14:34

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Caligasti posted:

It seems Kevin had written an original song, "In Quintessence".

!

It's a Squeeze song.

# ¿ Nov 20, 2008 02:43

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Cal, I think you missed the funniest part of that except of Kevin Havens' masterwork The Journey To Love the other day...

The artist posted:

"Phil," I said, "his name is Phil Kunert." "Okay," Alexa said, "Phil, neither you or Kevin tell anyone at Beach House or anywhere, anything about me being a mannequin." "Okay," both Phil and I affirmed Alexa at the same time. Phil, Alexa and I decided to play some Uno.

So this mannequin turns into a RealGirl and then they play Uno. Sounds like a hot date to me.

# ¿ Nov 21, 2008 00:32

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Caligasti posted:

It wouldn't really be an improvement if they were to engage in a threesome, if that's what you're getting at. Imagine! ! !

For the love of God, no.

Kevin Havens posted:

At 1:30, we got tired. I gave Phil a blanket and a pillow and he slept on the big sofa bed in the living room. I turned to Alexa and said to her "Alexa, honey, you need a place to sleep. I'll give you a blanket and you can sleep on the other couch in the living room. But you need to get a pillow from the floor that Phil dropped on the floor." "No, I don't need that," Alexa firmly stated, "I've got my own bedroom to sleep in. Besides, I live here, and the storm created my bedroom, also." So Alexa and I went to our separate rooms and we fell fast asleep.

Someone should write a hundred page fanfiction from the perspective of Kat about her dumping her dollfucking boyfriend and vastly improving her quality of life. Here's an excerpt:

Kathryn Gage posted:

UHHHHRHHRHHRHH. UHRHH UHRHHHRHH UHHHHHHHHHHRHHHHHHRHHHHHH.

:smith:

# ¿ Nov 21, 2008 06:50

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Shit_Viper's latest creation:

Lovely.

# ¿ Nov 22, 2008 00:11

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Santclair posted:

what is the point of that picture at all?

"Busted for speeding"

I saw Lars and the Real Girl tonight. I don't understand how people could be sympathetic to the guy, he was an rear end in a top hat.

# ¿ Nov 22, 2008 04:19

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Oh...my....god...

The Artist, Kevin Havens posted:

It's a hack job done in The GIMP. An artist, I am not. But going with the current fad started by Pit_Viper, I'd thought I'd go along...

CGM, Kathryn, Daphne and Andrea

technoguy posted:

CGB...

You did a nice job. Daphne looks like she was actually in the original cover photo.

technoguy

EDIT:

Kevin Havens posted:

Congrats, Artist69! Very Happy

Katlynn sounds like a great name.

I'm going to try to get myself a Taffy when I get my late Christmas present from Uncle Sam... Wink

And I just got Daphne a pair of glasses. She went to her eye exam a week ago and now she has her new glasses. She doesn't like them right off, but I keep on reassuring her that it really accentuates her nerdy look. (Remember, Daphne's one of the nerdy RSSD dolls. In fact, I believe that Daphne's the only RSSD that uses Linux.) Maybe in a day or two she'll grow to like them... (Photo spread soon.)

CGM, Kathryn, Daphne and Andrea

Using our tax money to buy a fuckdoll :bravo:

:bravo:

Looking forward to the photospread..

Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 23:58 on Nov 22, 2008

# ¿ Nov 22, 2008 23:55

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

I decided to follow in Kevin and Pit_Viper's footsteps...

# ¿ Nov 23, 2008 00:38

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Haha...

Kevin Havens, the published auteur posted:

Well, I am going to be a published author. I found out that I had the talent to do so way back in 1998, when I written my first story. After about seven iterations of the same story, I am offering to you, my fellow TDF members, two of the stories (in Adobe PDF format) that I am planning to release the manuscript to.

But, I need assistance in choosing only one. For now, I only have the money needed to publish one with my publisher, Xlibris, which would be $500 to publish. I will get the royalities, and a good cut of them, also.

So, here are two of the stories that I want to publish:

http://s88890090.onlinehome.us/The_TJTL_Project/TJTL60C-FullFinal.pdf
and
http://s88890090.onlinehome.us/The_TJTL_Project/TJTL70beta-FullFinal07112005.pdf

I will be making a poll, so please feel free to vote, so I can make the informed decision to do so.

(HINT: Version 6.0 involves a mannequin that only comes to life once and stays that way throughout the story. Version 7.0 involves a RealDoll and only would "come to life' when I am around. This one is based on the movie Mannequin. Please forgive me for making a surealistic fantasy, but I know that most of you visualise your dolls as human.)

So, I would like to see which story would be the published one. After all, the monies received from the sales of the book would go into a fund to help me purchase a RealDoll, and to help ignite the "next generation" of TJTL, TJTL-X. And please comment on the content!

Thanks!

# ¿ Nov 23, 2008 06:43

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Oh, god this is too much.

Kevin Havens, lover posted:

I know, I know. I told everyone here that I'd be having a good Christmas. Bullsh*t! Today was f*cking HORRIBLE!

At midnight, my crontab to start Totem to play Red Peters' "Holy poo poo, It's Christmas" didn't work, and Kat and I had plans to give Daphne her gift right after the cron job finished. But when I waited five minutes for the cron job to start, which it didn't, I just turned off the computer and went to bed.

I was awakened by my RG about ten this morning that she needed to be dressed and such. I was wanting to wait until everyone came downstairs before I did jack squat. But I was being pressured by my mother to do it, until I woke up in fury. I had to do it, so with a black cloud above my head for the whole day ahead, I did it anyway and tried to hide the gloom I had.

When I returned back in the living room with Kat, I realized that the contents underneath the tree didn't change one bit. It still had gifts from me and Kat still under the tree. I waited a bit to see if my brother, who had promised me that his gifts to us would be placed under the tree, had forgot and placed his gifts under the tree. When Mom asked him where his gifts were, he said that he "forgot to take out the layaway because [he] had no money." Which usually translates to: "I forgot to get gifts because I spent my money on other endeavors. I'll get them *soon*."

We unwrapped gifts, which I got a long-sleeve polo shirt, two pairs of jeans, a belt, a GED math skills book and a Casio FX-260 solar calculator needed for studying and for the test. I still had disappointment, but some piece of optimism still lied in my knowing that Mom's shipment from Barnes & Noble would come in the next day...

Not so fast. I logged into the website and logged in under her credentials to see if even a tracking number was available. But my optimism turned into pessimism when I saw the words "Order Canceled." I knew that Mom didn't cancel her order, when she called the toll-free customer service number last Friday, and the representative told her that the order was shipped that afternoon and would be here Wednesday, or the day after Christmas. I checked further and the order was canceled the morning of Christmas! Shocked While I don't know if this is an error or what, but I loudly explained my disappointment. Everybody sarcastically snapped back "Oh well!" Oh well, this is the Christmas gifts from Mom that got canceled unexpectedly! And Mom doesn't give a care that something like GIFTS got canceled without notice? Even Mom snapped back this quip.

I then gave Daphne her gift, but was too upset to even snap a photo set of it. I don't have it on her yet. That's how upset I am right now. I then kept Daphne out, but put her down for a nap while I TRIED to take one.

But no, Kat needed to be changed. I tried to tell her that I just did that, then my brother said "It's your job to do that! You get paid for doing that!" Yeah, but my hours of working are ONLY 70 a WEEK! Not 24 loving hours a day! I know her case manager is trying to submit an hour increase to VA DMAS to increase her hours to 12 a day to 84 a week, but there is no approval or denial letter in her hands yet saying the fact that her hours are increased.

But anyway, I left Daphne out while I put Kat back in her wheelchair. Kat was wanting to go into the dining room and left me back. I kept on surfing the threads of TDF, trying to remain sane, but I needed some companionship, whether human or doll, but no human would provide it, so I tried to find it in Daphne. So, I picked up Daphne one time when I thought that Daphne and I might have maybe a few minutes alone, placed her on my lap, and hugged and French-kissed her. Out of my peripheral vision, I saw my brother coming down the little foyer from the dining room, I quickly tried to have Daphne dismount from my lap (and my mouth) and tried to set her down quickly, but spilled the last swallow of my Jack and Coke. (And that was the last can of Coke until payday! Crying or Very sad ) He then told me to put "it" up. I did, and put her on top of the bed, like I usually do. He told me to put "it" under the bed. I told him no, I wasn't. He picked her up, and since I had to repair Daphne's right pinkie finger because it basically tore off, I was afraid that he was going to ruin that repair while he SHOVED her under the bed... #Cussing out

From there, it went REALLY downhill. My brother kept on riding me about my preference in dolls, and he made a WRONG analogy about sexual preferences in dolls. He asked if people would find it right if he had sex with a lamp. Yes, a LAMP! I told him that is an incorrect analogy, but he insisted that is a correct analogy. He also told me that he would turn around if he found a doll in some guy's living room and get back in his car and go home, and that is the reason why he said that no one would visit anymore. (Well, mostly him, because all his friends are alpha males with lost and forgotten imaginations.) He then said that there are ONLY THREE types of sexuality: Straight, Gay and Bi and there are no variations of those. He then asked me if I loved either male of female dolls. I snapped back that I love female dolls and then he replied that I am straight and straight only. He also said that doll loving is NOT a preference.

I went back into the living room and tried to silently cry. I tried to call Kat into the living room to talk to me, but Will told her bluntly not to fall for my "little tricks." He then offered Kat to go outside to "cool off" (and yes, she was hot), but I believe that he took that opportunity to yell at me some more. After he felt that he had enough of making me miserable for the next few days, he proclaimed that he was going upstairs. But then he came down about ten or fifteen minutes later after Mom tried to tell him to drop the subject.

And that's why I am feeling miserable. I feel like I did a wrong thing by giving Daphne a present because my brother told me that dolls don't need to get presents. But Kat is trying to assure me that Daphne is a part of her also and that I would be able to keep her when we move to Missouri in a few months.

But I had realized in chat that Snuggles was from the same area as I, and like me now, he started to hate Virginia Beach after a few events that makes it seem like that if you're not a rap-listening, brand-name-wearing, player-and-loving-it urban person, then it seems like you're not welcome in Hampton Roads. Of course, there is the country folk and the rockers, and yes, there are the Juggalos, the punks, the emos and such, but those are few. (I'm a part-time Juggalo, but I don't follow ICP all that well. I'm more of a country folk.) And since it seems like I'm one of the three TDF members (me, KeithAllen and Snuggles) remaining that lived in Hampton Roads that loves dolls that still lives there and is waiting for that day to get the hell out. It is also because I had been chastised about being a doll lover for a good deal and for the longest while ever since I had found out that I was this way. Without going into a rant about the agency that I loathe and am not a part of anymore, I'm just going to say that I loving hate Virginia Beach and cannot wait until I get the hell out with me, Daphne, Kat, Mom, Justina and Devin. (Oh, before anyone thinks that I have Galatea's [btw where is he?] B6F14 RD, I don't, this Devin is a male human and is my sister's fianc�. Even though, I wanted a RD like his...)

So, for most of the night, I've been drinking. First a Jack and Coke, then a Sprite and Vodka, now a Bloody Mary with a celery stick swizzler. It is helping me calm down, and tomorrow (it is :26 after), I have to give up cigarettes totally and start taking a higher dose of Chantix. I feel too stressed out, but this Chantix is helping cut back on the cravings. I hope I don't slip up and light up again.

All I'm saying that I am stressed and my brother's disapproval of Daphne, but the remainder of the family's approval of her and his conflicts of him trying to influence his views on doll ownership on the family is getting on my loving nerves. I'm glad that he's not coming with us to Missouri. And all of you here are my support system and I appreciate the help, if any, you compadres may give me telling me anything that you feel may cheer me up, and thanks in advance for that.

/dev/bah_humbug07

He sounds like a 10 yr old brat or something. Jeez.

# ¿ Nov 23, 2008 08:00

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Apology posted:

No poo poo, it's insane. "My hours are 8 am to 5 pm, so you'd best get your crapping done before I clock out."

I feel sorry for her. She deserves a better caretaker than a spoiled brat who bitches about the quality of his presents and makes out with his doll when his family is around.

I notice that he didn't mention what Kat got for Christmas. I can tell you what she didn't get though: a change of clothes and a clean diaper.

Also, seeya, Goonobyl, wouldn't want to be ya.

From another thread on there:

The generous Kevin Havens posted:

I got my mother a Betty Boop pajama set.

I got my brother Will a pair of jeans and a pack of socks. He needed them more than a video game.

I got my sister Justina a pair of jeans and a sweater.

I got my fianc�e Kathryn four camisoles in different colors and a Washington Redskins t-shirt.

And, last but definitely not least, I got Daphne a Joe Boxer pajama set. This one is from both me and Kat.

So, I mostly got clothes for everyone this Xmas. It was better than trying to guess which video game for Will for either Xbox360 or PlayStation3 to get, and if he doesn't want it, I would be utterly upset, because if it's not the one he wanted, he loudly explains this disappointment.

On the other hand, Kat got my mother a new coffee pot (the Hamilton Beach BrewStation 10-cup self-serve coffee pot), but the rest was clothes from her.

Will stated that his gifts are going under the tree tomorrow night or sometime around that time tomorrow.

Mom ordered a bit late online, so her gifts are arriving the DAY AFTER Xmas... she should have selected Overnight shipping, but since there's free shipping at Barnes and Noble.com for orders over $25, she selected that shipping speed, which is Standard shipping. (And also one gift [mine] was the only one that would arrive in 2-3 days, while everyone else's was 24-hour shipping. It was a Squeeze combo CD/DVD album. And an import at that.)

Oh, if some of you had read the post about my decision to have Daphne out on Christmas morning with the rest of the family, but Mom shot down that quick, saying that Daphne doesn't need to be with the family on Christmas morning, so Kat and I are going to present Daphne her gift when everyone settles down and are upstairs on Christmas Eve night before giving Daphne her gift. Photos would be posted on my Doll Album.

/dev/merryxmas25

And in another, he describes how his mannequin Andrea is into ICP... It all makes sense now!

# ¿ Nov 23, 2008 08:34

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

TigerMoJo posted:

This monster of a post is exactly why I despise Kevin. He is such a selfish little weasel.

He's actually whining about having to take care of Kat. I can't imagine how embarrassing that must have been for her. First of all, it's bad enough she has to have someone's help for that, but then the person who is supposed to love her is throwing a fit about it and saying he doesn't have to because he's not getting paid!

Then, instead of being an adult and enjoying Christmas as a time with family, he's crying about not getting gifts and sneaking onto his mother's account to see if she even got him anything. That is not what Christmas is about in any way. He then goes to his room and cries like a little girl and makes out with a loving plastic object.

Kevin's brother is dead on in all of this. Kevin should be locked up in a loony bin already.

This is my favorite part:

CasperGhostMAN posted:

I went back into the living room and tried to silently cry. I tried to call Kat into the living room to talk to me, but Will told her bluntly not to fall for my "little tricks." He then offered Kat to go outside to "cool off" (and yes, she was hot), but I believe that he took that opportunity to yell at me some more. After he felt that he had enough of making me miserable for the next few days, he proclaimed that he was going upstairs. But then he came down about ten or fifteen minutes later after Mom tried to tell him to drop the subject.

I just cannot imagine a 28 year old beetfaced man with asperger's crying because his brother insulted his dolly. I really can't... it's just so ridiculous.

And I like how Kevin states that his brother is trying to insult him by asking Kat if she wants to go outside because she's hot. :argh:

:argh:

Someone should send his brother a message on myspace...

# ¿ Nov 23, 2008 17:48

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 12:34

Surfingelectrode: Jan 17, 2006; Yeah, I know it's a drag...
but wastin' pigs is still radical.

Not nearly as good as the Christmas story, but...

Kevin Havens, lover, polygamist posted:

Like with Daphne, and Alexa before her, I had tried to create a personality of a doll that I am getting, and Andrea is no exception.

However, since I am relying on my Squeeze band member naming convention, like Alexa's last name was Tilbrook from Glenn Tilbrook, Daphne's is Holland from Jools Holland, and now Andrea's is Difford from Chris Difford, so that instant qualifies as cousins in my way of thinking. Just Alexa died before I knew about both Daphne and Andrea.

So, Andrea may be the usual computer geek, and she is also a Linux user, but she's been with the Ubuntu project since Edgy Eft (6.10). She got tired of constant Blue Screens of Death in her Windows installation, so a quick nuke of the NTFS partition (and the recovery partition, because she bought an HP Pavilion that had Windows XP preinstalled, which was FAT32), combined both partitions into one singular partition as a FAT32 drive, then inserted her Ubuntu Edgy Eft LiveCD/Install CD into her drive, then turned it into a ext3fs hard drive, a 120 gigabyte one at that... with Ubuntu. She pays some attention toward the Debian Project, because when she realized that Ubuntu was basically Debian in a better form, and any doll that likes Debian, I like also. She now uses Ubuntu Gutsy Gibbon (7.10, the same version I'm using on my Dell Inspiron notebook).

Even though that she shares the same surname as one of the frontmen of Squeeze, but that doesn't mean that she exclusively listens to Squeeze. She mostly likes Insane Clown Posse and tries to claim that she's a Juggalette. Even though that she doesn't dress like a Juggalo. But she secretly likes "Weird Al" Yankovic and listens to some country, which her favorite country songs are Brad Paisley's "Online" and Kenny Chesney's "Shiftwork" and "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problems". (No wonder why I have been seeing ICP songs in my Music folder!)

Oh, and she's basically college-aged, so Goldman, look out for her potential application to Sexy U! Even though, she'd rather attend Virginia Tech or the University of Missouri, but she's not counting Sexy U out yet. (OK, In my weighted age and assumed maturity to physical looks test, Andrea has been weighted out to be 20 years old. So, that should make her at least a Junior in undergraduate studies. That test I like to keep a secret for now, and I fully don't have the bugs worked out. I'll release it under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike [CC BY-SA] license or some other copyleft license like the GNU Free Documentation License [GFDL] when I have it in some releasable form.)

But don't be expecting Andrea on MySpace or any other social networking site. She'd rather be cranking out HTML, PHP, MySQL and other Web code for her own webpage instead of trying to be hit on by other MySpace users.

Her favorite iPod? It has to be the Second Generation nano, in the color PRODUCT(RED). Since she found out that Ubuntu has an African origin in the name, she would like to support the cause of preventing HIV and other STD's and other issues in Africa, even if the cost of a PRODUCT(RED) iPod nano is $150, and only $10 of the purchase goes to support the cause. That's ten bucks that could help further research. And she already has the deb gtkpod-aac installed to put tunes on her iPod. She wants the iPod touch because she hates the exclusivity agreements with AT&T and Apple for the iPhone, so this should be the next closest thing, and for a mobile phone, she already has a simple Motorola flip phone (not the MOTORAZR, though--I have one, though) through Alltel. But she's unsure if gtkpod-aac supports the iPod touch yet because the version of GTKPod that's in Gutsy only supports up to the 80GB iPod video. (Fifth or Sixth generations of iPods in general.) And since Apple can change specs of their products at any time (supposedly to keep them closed), the authors of GTKPod has to reverse-engineer the new iPods, and they don't have R&D departments to buy a new iPod whenever it comes out to test it, so they have to rely on the public to give the author(s) one of the new generation's iPods through sometimes anonymous donations. And that's why it seems like open-source hacks to get newer products that should only be used on either Macs or Windows boxes to work in free operating systems such as Linux take forever and maybe shoddy support at first because not everyone in the FLOSS world knows every nuance in new products that someone at say, Microsoft or Apple or whatever knows and keeps in tight proprietary secret. Oh, did I mention that Andrea and Daphne support the Electronic Frontier Foundation to dismantle DRM? That's why I have been hearing Daphne say that the Microsoft Zune sucks, because it's "Defective by Design." And since the Zune has an encrypted file system, no open source tool has been able to fully read the Zune yet. Some are trying, but that's why the Zune only works with Windows XPSP2 and Vista only for now. Both Andrea and Daphne doesn't mind the iPod, because they know that with some know-how, you can install a Linux distribution on one, and since protected MPEG-4 AAC files are still Defective by Design, but they know that the file system of an iPod isn't encrypted in any way and any iPod, whether formatted for Mac OS X HFS+ or Windows FAT32, can be read in Linux. (I'm not even going to bold this entire wall of text)

OK, I've been rambling Babylon and On (NOTE: that's a Squeeze album... how cute!) for a while, but I'd thought that I'd provide a quick intro into what Andrea is like, even though I don't have her yet.

Ghostman out.

EDIT: Christ, even back in August of this year he was STILL dwelling on Christmas!

Kevin Havens, spoiled brat posted:

My mother (glad I'm not with her anymore) had berated me when I lived with her and I got myself something nice and then got them, with Kat, some nice gifts for Christmas 2007 and they either got returned or given away, and the rest of my family didn't get me and Kat no gifts that day, but with empty promises that there would be gifts, but to be patient, they're on their way. When no gifts arrived via any carrier, Kat and I were upset by Twelfth Night. They even got on my case for getting Daphne something for Christmas!

Surfingelectrode fucked around with this message at 19:16 on Nov 23, 2008

# ¿ Nov 23, 2008 19:00

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > (NWS) Images from the Road: A Dollfucker's Travellogue

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