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Security Chief's Log, Stardate Numbers I've given Security authorization to instantly vaporize anyone caught mentioning "cake," "companion cubes," "neurotoxins," or any other reference to "Portal." I know it was a good game, guys, but it's been almost four hundred years. Give it a rest already. Supplemental: The Starship is now down to a skeleton crew of 12, including our last surviving Vulcan love slave, who has taken over as Chief of Operations. Fister Roboto fucked around with this message at 23:13 on Sep 23, 2008 |
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Sep 23, 2008 23:09
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sobrider posted:Commander Stickmens log. Stardate 86745309.11 Transporter Chief's Log, Stardate 62196.7 Cap, I'm standing by for 'Tantalus field/Redjack scenario' activation for this guy. Just give me the word. Codeword phrase is ohhh my (Sulu code Alpha 3.8932) In other news, due to last night's unfortunate Twister disaster, the bowling tournament between we mighty members of the U.S.S. Starship and the Klingons from the warship Gk'KrAATth'K! has been called off for a while. We're probably going to be able to get back to them in a few space-weeks or so, but right now I'd say it's a great opportunity to work on our skills, plus I've reprogrammed the replicators to make jello shots. Also, some of my socks and pens keep vanishing.
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Sep 23, 2008 23:12
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Personal Log, Ensign Jimmy Bethesda, stardate 90319.0 My first day on the USS Starship, and it's *very* different from my previous shore assignment on Starbase 420. Back then, I was cleaning all the time, doing scutwork and keeping organized, now I barely have any assignments at all. When I came on board, the chief Ops officer asked, in a quite-honestly-rather-disturbing voice, if I was any good at Astrogation, as they "could use a hand helping out." I mentioned that I had audited it at Starfleet Community College before transferring to SB420, and he immediately sent me to Astrogation before I had even unpacked! The layer of dust everywhere is completely not up to starfleet code, and I don't know who I am supposed to report that to, the chain of command here is all messed up. I don't know what I'm going to do. I asked for a record-keeping device and the Astrogation chief told me to retrieve a pen from the storage closet, which he said was erroneously labeled "Transporter Chief's Quarters" He also asked me to get him an extra pair of socks, saying they were to "tie around the astrogation computer so he can overheat it and RMA it back to Starfleet." Shrecknet fucked around with this message at 23:20 on Sep 23, 2008 |
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Sep 23, 2008 23:17
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Lieutenant Pollard, Personal Log, Stardate 90320.4, I don't have to report to duty anymore, because the skeleton crew means that the computer is running itself. That being said, there's only loving 12 people on this ship, and even the lunatic ensigns in firefights in the corridors don't even notice my presence on this loving ship. I swear, it's a good thing I made that holodeck program which replicates the captain's and commander's voice... I may actiatve auto-destruct later tonight. Currently Listening To: A Simple Ka'they Current Mood: 
JetsGuy fucked around with this message at 23:56 on Sep 23, 2008 |
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Sep 23, 2008 23:52
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Chief Inspector's Log -Stardate 666.666 This has been a long few hours. My routine inspection started in the lower decks to investigate the cause of the life support malfunction. As a precaution, I brought a handful of security officers. We discovered close to 15 corpses in various states of undress. I can only describe the torso of a young woman as "mayoinaise-esque". I performed a field autopsy and found a strange mix of genetic material, most of it alien, covering every possible crevice and crest of the departed. The officers merely shrugged and informed me that, "They died doing what they loved." It sounded like they said, "After they died they were used for love. Hot, sexy, violent, vulcan slave love." but that simply couldn't have been right. As I scoured the logs of the console, I became distracted by the screams of the security detail. Assuming this to be part of the grieving process, I ignored it. Then, the lights went out. I swear, the chief engineer on this ship is absolutely worthless. Nothing works! I navigated several labyrinth corridors with naught but my personal flashlight. The ventilation must need tightening, as I heard what can only be described as howls and shrieks coming from the very walls. Peculiar. I'm going to recommend a few ensigns examine that later for me. I hate crawling in tight places. After what seemed like days, I eventually returned right where I started. My ventilation concerns were confirmed when I found the security detail I brought down with me covered in horrible burns, I assume from super-charged plasma. The poor bastards had tried clawing their own burning flesh off. They made some impressive marks on very difficult places to reach, which means I assume they helped each other. At least they died in a spirit of teamwork! It appears someone found them before I did, as the bodies were laid in a strange geometric pattern and an alien phrase, I assume a prayer to help the deceased rest in peace, was painted on the wall in bright red. I need to talk to the transporter chief, as it seems the plasma discharge fused their bodies to the very ship. In slightly better news, it appears what I thought were badly damaged corpses were just sleeping crew members! Turning off life support must be some new health fad. They looked in the peak of health, with bright glowing eyes. They asked me to bring them to the warp core, because they couldn't remember how to get there. Normally, this would seem very strange to me. However, having been lost for hours myself, I chalked it up to hasty repairs and renovations that the crew is still getting used to. Hopefully tomorrow goes better!
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Sep 24, 2008 01:13
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Engineering Ensign Dent's Personal Log, Stardate 90319.8 [Delayed Entry], After careful observation for enemy patrols, the smoke seemed to have a strange effect on me. I fell asleep for a while and upon waking up I felt different. More... together. After my long sleep I checked the computer to see what has been happening and reviewed the current state of the ship. I came out of the tube and went over to the shuttle bay, when I opened the shuttle door Ensign Valle ran into the bay with a phaser aimed at me. He told me to step away from the shuttle as "He was going to escape from this hellhole and you better not stop me." Remembering the recent security changes I asked him what he had for desert the night of graduation. "What? What kind of loving question is that? I had cake you assho..." That'll teach him to bogart the holodeck at the academy. I'm locking the shuttle bay doors and am prepping the ship for flight just in case...
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Sep 24, 2008 01:31
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Chief Life Support Officer's Log, Stardate 3.14159: I swear their used to be more people on this ship and the ones that are still here have some serious pinkeye going on. Ah well. For shits and giggles I turned off the artificial gravity. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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Sep 24, 2008 02:12
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Commander Stickmens log. Stardate 86745309.112 My attempt to change the computer has been thwarted. drat I was almost vaporized. The crew is down to 12 but I have the U.S.S Small Yellow Bus docking with it for a crew transfer. It seems the lower decks of the ship have suffered some sort of zombie infestation. The inspector of Starbase 420 will be lost surely....note to self..job opening...anyways once the short yellow bus gets there I will also have the crew unload another set of "sex Slaves" to replace the ones killed.
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Sep 24, 2008 05:36
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Counselor's Log Stardate 24601.00 After the unfortunate supernatural incident morale has gone waaay down to the whole three members of the crew sane enough to realize most of the ship is dead. I, on the other hand, am elated that I won't have to deal with those whiny losers anymore. Artificial gravity was turned off by the Chief Life Support officer, rendering the apparently possessed members of the crew inert. The Captain and First Officer Jerkbag put on magnetic boots and used them as shooting practice while yippee-kay-yaying. There are bits of zombie-meat everywhere down there now but at least we're relatively safe. On a more personal note, I recently had a flash of insight on escaping this benighted ship. As of now I am running for President of the Federation.
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Sep 24, 2008 06:05
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Transporter Chief's Log, Stardate way too early in the morning. The twins woke me up in the middle of the night. They seemed pretty scared, so I put on my robe and fuzzy bunny slippers and left our temporary quarters on the Shuttlecraft Foghat to see what all the commotion was about. Apparently, almost the entire crew is engaging in some sort of weird activity in Holodeck 5, which has a nasty tendency of going on the fritz (and just so happens to be right next to the Shuttlebay). I banged on the door and told them to keep it down in there because some people are trying to sleep here, then returned to the Foghat. I guess I'll take it off line once the computer's done running the level III diagnostic on the Pizza ovens in the main kitchen and the Galaga machine in rec room 8, because I swear the drat thing keeps stealing my space tokens. Edit: Oh, I get it now; scanners indicate there's one of those goofy energy-based aliens on board that feeds on fear or anger or whatever that's been zapping people into the holodeck. I'm going to pipe through some 'Foggy Mountain Breakdown' into the holodeck's speaker channel in an attempt to alert the crew that things aren't what they appear, then I'll commence audio bombardment beginning with 'All out of Love' by Air Supply, then maybe with some tunes from Kansas and Chicago. Because, trust me, no evil, emotion-feeding alien can survive that stuff. Oh well, seeing as now I can't sleep, I think I'll see if there are any of those chicken enchiladas left over in the 'fridge, and catch up on the personnel logs. Supplemental: Hey, the double sunrise over that planet we're orbiting really does look nice. The twins are back asleep, and I have to admit, it really is kind of a special feeling to look back and take some time to appreciate the little things in life that one takes for granted. I guess it's because this big ol' ship is pretty much empty and (mostly) quiet and that I'm the only one awake that's put me in this introspective mood. Like, we're all just one mote of dust in an unimaginably big cosmos, which is surrounded by even vaster universes, and so on and so on. It really reminded me of why I joined Starfleet in the first place; the wonder, the beauty, the adventure of discovering the unknown. I'll admit, it really got to me. So, even though I'll be a little tired during my upcoming shift, I think it'll be a really great, productive day. Now, to check on those logs. . Hmm-hmm-hmm. Say, this coffee really hits the spot! . . Huh. That's weird. . . What? . (sputters and spitting sounds indicated by personnel log) JESUS CHRIST WHAT ARE THESE GUYS ON?!? Mach5 fucked around with this message at 10:57 on Sep 24, 2008 |
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Sep 24, 2008 09:56
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Captain's log, stardate Wed Our resupply at Starbase 420 is incomplete, and yet starfleet has ordered us to the neutral zone! And to top it all off, they didn't even tell me which neutral zone! Am I supposed to guess? # Saudi-Iraqi neutral zone, area of 7,044 kmē on the border between Saudi Arabia and Iraq # Saudi-Kuwaiti neutral zone, area of 5,770 kmē between the borders of Saudi Arabia and Kuwait left undefined I'm going to go with those two, since they're really close to each other, and they're on Earth.
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Sep 24, 2008 11:06
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Lieutenant Falken's personal log, stardate 90319.9 I decided to find Ensign Dent, as he seemed to be the only sane man around here. I located him in the shuttle bay, and once I reached there, I saw him prepping a shuttle for launch. Walking over to the shuttle's viewport, I knocked on the glass, "Dent, what's going on?" I asked him, "Falken? I'm not sure. Everyone's acting weird as hell." he replied. "So says the man who's sitting in a shuttle without a flight plan with an unconcious ensign nearby." "Point." "But seriously, what the hell is going on? I got knocked out by... something" I said, putting my phaser away. "Same here. Look, if this all goes pear shaped I want out of here, so don't try to stop me." "Hey, I wont. Infact, I'm coming with you, gently caress this place."
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Sep 24, 2008 12:51
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Engineering Ensign Dent's Personal Log, Stardate 90320.0 The LT showed up here to the shuttle Allman. He also wants to get off this crazy ship. I opened the hatch and let him in while I finished making preparations. The replicator in here seems to be working fine, not being attached to the main network of the USS Starship. I've been having it make emergency supplies of water and MREs just in case. The shuttle was just refueled with antimatter just a few months ago, and has hardly been used. It appears to have been fitted for long range security detail, as it boasts a slightly faster warp drive, stronger shields, and a decent compliment of offensive weapons compared to a normal runabout. I have also prepared a pair of pressure suits in the event we do decide to make like a tree and get outta here. You never know... I've turned the conn over to Lieutenant Falken while I check nearby star systems for anywhere decent to go.
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Sep 24, 2008 13:42
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Sub-Commander Mig's personal log, stardate somethingarather: A lot of people on this ship don't seem to know that I'm here, which I guess is a good thing. It seems most of the crew around here have gone bonkers, including the Captain. Just as a casual note, my orders from Starfleet still stand. I've hidden myself away in the darkest corner of the ship, a place where someone will come maybe once every 3 or 4 years. I have control of most of the ships systems here, and have been told to make sure no one gets off of the ship. This morning, I found 2 officers trying to board a shuttlecraft and attempt to take off. I quickly made an exact replica of the shuttlebay and all its contents, then beamed them to holodeck. They don't seem to have noticed and have "taken off". I'll give them 3 days or so before they try to fire upon one another.
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Sep 24, 2008 16:30
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Chief Engineer's Log: Stardate 62197.6 I guess the ship is going to poo poo. Environmental systems going on and offline sporadically, shuttlecraft launching with authorization, random snippets of lovely music being routed through the communications system... But who gives a gently caress? I was talking with the Transporter Chief earlier today, over some drinks we were having with the Doc down in Sick Bay. He had some advice for me, and I took it to heart. He thinks I'm stressing out too much, and figures I need to chill out a bit. And you know what, he's right. So, I'm here in my quarters with some slut ensign, we're freebasing Ketracel-white, and listening to "Knights in White Satin". gently caress it, let this poo poo fall apart all around me.
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Sep 24, 2008 17:07
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Transporter Chief's Log, Stardate 90364.2: Most of the crew are still in some bizarro scenario being played out on the Holodeck, so I was getting pretty bored. However, the new 'rear' saucer section along with the wheels and giant phasers came in today (as per my technical draft specs), so I'm supervising the installation process. Unfortunately, the hydraulic pumps for the main wheels haven't come in yet, so I'm afraid that the U.S.S. Starship won't be able to enter any low-riding contests for a while. Also, I've had to take off life support on a few, minor parts of the lower decks, specifically Decks 15-16, sections 3A and 12C for the primary and secondary axle installations. I've sealed off access to those areas by activating the emergency bulkheads and force fields, but honestly, no one goes down there except for maybe once every 3 or 4 years. And who would want to? It's just a bunch of outmoded junk and an old 'Starship Bridge Simulator 3000' mock console setup we picked up that time when we pulled the old 'slingshot around the sun' time-warp maneuver and picked it up from Las Vegas a couple of days after the 'Trek' ride closed up shop. Never could get the damned thing to work without a console exploding and killing someone. Still, better safe than sorry. Well, gotta go; the 6 metric tons of Legos the captain ordered has just arrived. I think I'll put them in that big room on the secondary saucer, the one next to the new hydroponics lab and about as far away from the giant cat habitrail thing that the Counselor requested as possible. How can someone keep so many goddamn cats on a space ship without being brought up on charges is a mystery to me. One more thing; there'll be a Pink Floyd laser show in astrometrics later on tonight. The twins are baking up 'space' brownies (wink, wink), peanut butter cookies and nachos. So stop on by. Mach5 fucked around with this message at 20:51 on Sep 24, 2008 |
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Sep 24, 2008 17:54
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Lieutenant Pollard, Personal Log, Stardate 90382.3, That's it. I can't take this shithole any longer. Just last night ensign Dent and Pollard were flying around the holodeck in a shuttlecraft, laughing at their 'escape from the ship'. Even when I walked right in front of them (outside the shuttle) they outright ignored me. gently caress those guys. I finally got around to fixing the EMH that the transporter chief hosed up. He wasn't interested in a game of 'move the crewman', so it was really loving boring. I swear, everyone on this ship acts like I should just go away and not bother them. That's bad enough, but I've done some hacking into personal logs, and I don't see one mention of my name anywhere since I started here. I even checked the official logs, and my CO doesn't even mention all the work I've been doing to keep this ship together. Let's see how invisible they think I am with the auto-destruct now activated. I've locked it into a silent countdown, with an encryption key so complex that no one could hope to break it in time. I put the ship on a countdown of 2 hours, just in case that lunatic Mig tries to put me in a holo-ship in a bottle like he did to Dent. I've been using all the normal holodeck routines to be sure I'm actually leaving the ship. So long bitches! Hahahahahhahaah
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Sep 24, 2008 18:37
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Third Engineer Techs log, unknown stardate Have fashioned remains of nonfunctioning deflector array into some sort of man-shed. I tapped into power/services duct aaz4, locked myself in and quietly masturbated myself to sleep. I'm not leaving, it's calm in here.
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Sep 24, 2008 19:50
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Security Chief's Log, yadda yadda We've taken on a full crew complement to replace our losses from the dual Twister Night and Portal Joke Massacres, and just in time for me to find a baker's dozen crewmen mauled and half-eaten in the corridors. I was about to get to the bottom of their murders when it dawned on me that the counselor had actually requested a habitrail for giant cats. Attention all crew: There are seven large cougars loose aboard the ship. Please be advised. Immediately contact security if you find one. Security chief out.
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Sep 24, 2008 21:42
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Sub Commander Mig's log supplimental It seems like some of the crew have caught onto me, so I moved location to somewhere with a lot of people. The closer you are to danger, the further away from harm, is what I always say. Lucky for me too, just as I left my old area, the security doors closed and locked. A quick scan revealed the life support in the room to be dead. Probably for the retro-fit of those new parts some idiot bought at Starbase 420. After settling down in my new place, I found someone loving around with the auto-destruct and get into a shuttlecraft. Looks like he didn't get too far, after all, I hear the ships weapons have been malfunctioning lately. I saw a few phaser blasts and torpedos hit the shuttle. It looks like Lt Pollard was on that ship. I re-synthesized him by looping the transporters in with the remains of the shuttle. He's mostly normal again, minus the big piece of shrapnel sticking out of his head and the 3rd leg sticking out of his back. Hell, he's the only one keeping this ship afloat, can't have him blowing up now. I turned off the self-destruct using my super awesome new access code decryptor (that I have to thank Starbase 51 for). Can't have the ship blowing up now, not with its precious cargo.
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Sep 24, 2008 23:09
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Counselor's Log Stardate 9-3tothepowerofX My plan to begin my presidential campaign by creating publicity with trained cougars is going well. The cougars are loose so the tattoos of "Xyllquad Krong For President" should be seen by everyone. That'll get 'em talking! Lieutenant Pollard had a counseling session with me today. He complained about how he feels everyone is ignoring him and wants him to go away, and this large piece of shrapnel in his head keeps giving him a headache. I told him to stop being such a whiny bitch and performed hand-face-collision shock therapy and ended the session early. As soon as we reach a decent planet with an actual spaceport and civilization I intend to announce my resignation as a Star Fleet Officer and begin my presidential campaign. In preparation I have begun growing the prerequisite Authoritative Facial Hair.
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Sep 24, 2008 23:37
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Engineering Ensign Dent's Personal Log, Stardate 90387.5 Something is wrong. Falken and I have been flying for hours and seem to be making little progress. No planet is responding to hails. And I though I saw Pollard walk past the cockpit... I marked it up to stress at first. But now I'm suspicious... "Hey Falken" I said, getting his attention. "Yes?" he replied. "I... I think we're in a holodeck..." "What?" "I'm pretty sure of it now, the rangefinder shows something solid twelve feet in front of us. I thought it was just a broken instrument." "I know we were in the shuttle bay, how'd the hell did we get in here?" He queried. "I'm pretty sure someone got control of the damned ship.... I have an idea" I had us get on the pressure suits I prepared earlier and opened up the hatch. "poo poo. The suit shows there is air here. Computer! End simulation!" The world around us faded into a grey box. After a fair amount of swearing from both parties we came up with a plan. We managed to get access to the transporter routines for a brief period, the Transporter Chief could notice at any minute, and beamed us back to the Shuttle bay. Quickly we got inside the Allman and strapped in. In a move that would surely get us noticed we set the transporter to beam the entire shuttle as far away as it can. As soon as we cleared the ship we kicked Allman into overdrive and have started to haul rear end as fast as we can in any direction. Sic Semper Tyrannis!!
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Sep 25, 2008 00:50
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Sub Commander Migs log, stardate 90387.6 Another shuttle is missing. Luckily I set them all to self destruct 3 seconds after leaving the USS Starship. That'll teach everyone.
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Sep 25, 2008 01:04
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Lieutenant Pollard, Personal Log, Stardate 90388.3, My plan to destroy the ship and escape has failed. Someone definitely has control of the ship, because the only people who could have decrypted that key were the people I did that summer research project with on Starbase 51... something is amiss. I found myself back on the ship, the destruct sequence having been stopped. I also had a leg growing out of my back and a large piece of shrapnel in my head. I managed to get someone in sickbay to get rid of the leg sticking out of my back, but the CMO says he'll need the full facilities of a starbase to remove the shrapnel. In a twist of irony, that hot Lt. Cmndr. who I share night shift with commented on the removal of the third leg. She said she was really attracted to me with it, apparently she has a thing for odd mutations. I'm pretty sure she's loving with me, I'll be sure to add her to my mental 'people to not spare when this tub blows' list. I went to the ship's counselor today about my depression, boy that slapping therapy works wonders! After the conselor demonstrated the technique, I spent four hours in a holodeck program designed for the treatment. Hours and hours of some holodeck character called 'Vito Corleone' yelling 'YOU COULD ACT LIKE A MAN!' at me, and then slapping. I didn't enjoy it, but it seems to have gotten the depression out of me. As some extra revenge before I left, I placed Dent and his companion in a holodeck within a holodeck. It's a lot like that time the Professor Moriarty character trapped Capt. Picard of the Enterprise. Anyway, I should tell Dent and his companion that they've not really escaped from the holodeck... but it's far too much fun watching them laugh at their 'escape from the holodeck'. There's two cougars who have made their home right outside my quarters... looks like I'm sleeping in the cargo bay again tonight. I called security, but I doubt they'll get to it til tomorrow. Oh shi.. gently caress. Oh gently caress oh gently caress oh gently caress oh gently caress... It appears that I left that Godfather holdoeck program running, and now there's ancient Italian-American sterotypes running around the ship. I loving TOLD the chief engineer that putting holo-emitters all over the ship and permanently disabling the ship's safety protocols was a stupid idea.
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Sep 25, 2008 01:05
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Chief Inspector's Log - Stardate The Clocks Are Even Broken While taking the surprisingly animated crew to the warp core, the gravity suddenly shut off. I am getting seriously tired of how incapable the chief engineer is. While drifting aimlessly, I got separated from the crew. I heard what sounded like magnetic boots and then energy discharges. A short time afterwards, the gravity came back. These sounds must have been related to repairs. I landed with a thump on, and this shouldn't come as a shock to anyone, more corpses. These ones looked surprisingly like the team I was leading into engineering. However, the tell-tale signs of plasm ventilation burns were all over their bodies, so I assume I just drifted into an area that still needed cleaning from the accident last night. In the meantime I'm just going to assume that the crew made it to the warp core on their own. I retired to my chambers feeling as if a study of ship logs would be more fruitful than getting lost or risking another power failure. I saw a surprsing amount of activity in the subroutines that basically negated all action. The only thing that seems to be functioning correctly, and I use that term quite loosely, is the transporter system moving people about. In an effort to save the chief engineer another screwup, I shut down all elevators and lifesupport between decks. If people are going to waste valuable resources beaming themselves to and fro, then we can't allow anything else to be running extraneously. I would have approved this through the captain first, but according to my logs he has locked himself in his quarters with a shipment of "building blocks". I assume he's involved in some top secret genetic experiment. In an effort to facilitate this, I have ordered all genetic samples I collected from the perforated crew in the lower decks to be moved to his quarters, just in case. It seems a new compliment of crew have arrived. Oddly, the only mention in the logs comes from a sealed order from the commanding officer. The qualifications on this team actually seem to be less than that of the previous crew (who all seem to have mysteriously disappeared in the two days I've been aboard, perhaps they are knee deep on shore leave). I need to confir with my superiors. Since no one seems to be bothering to navigate this ship, I have moved us to the great star cluster on Solargon VII. In order to help keep investigations private, we constructed our star base at the center of 8 stars. A small transporter type craft would be immediately pulled towards one and burned away, but who would be foolish enough to do that?
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Sep 25, 2008 01:22
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Commander Stickmans log; Stardate 6146244291 The transfer from the USS Shortbus has arrived. It seems the zombie infestation has been taken care of but now some sub-Commander is trying to thwart my plans. I have made his sensor signal that of a hot Borg drone. That should take care of him. Since the ship is filled with emitters. I have created a program in which the day repeats itself over and over again. All of the dead crew members will be brought back as holograms. This should make everyone on board freak out. Also I have restored power to the ship and life support and transporters are back online. If you try and transport off the ship you will be transported to a random spot on the ship.
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Sep 25, 2008 03:05
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Main Engineering, console 22-delta warning: THIS PROGRAM HAS PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION AND WILL BE SHUT DOWN. PLEASE NOTIFY YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR. PROGRAM: CORE COOLANT REGULATION SYSTEM PROBLEM: IRQL_NOT_LESS_THAN_OR_EQUAL OTHER AFFECTED SYSTEMS: MAIN BRIDGE VIEWSCREEN SCREEN SAVER ASTROMETRICS SENSOR PALLET GALACTICA 1980, EPISODE 03 SIMULATION (Holodeck 3) SECONDARY SAUCER MAGLOCK SYSTEM IF ANY OF THESE SYSTEMS ARE DEEMED CRITICAL, IT IS RECOMMENDED TO RELEASE COMPUTER CONTROL AND REGULATE MANUALLY UNTIL THIS ISSUE CAN BE RESOLVED. A:\>
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Sep 25, 2008 05:22
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Astrometrics Chiefs Log: Stardate Paaartay The Pink Floyd laser show went well. The brownies were a big hit for some reason. Saw a bunch of new faces, we must have taken on crew from Starbase 420. The computer found a 20th century reference to a movie called 'Wizard of Oz' related to Pink Floyd. Apparently you can play one of their albums over the movie and it synchronizes perfectly. To be honest it sounded kind of boring, but man when we sat down to watch it everyone was enthralled. About halfway through the movie some one I didn't recognize ran in screaming about cougars chasing him, but one of the twins gave him some brownies and he right down. The stress levels on this ship must be going off the scale for him to imagine cougars. Perhaps I should talk to the ships Counselor about it. Ah well, it will have to wait. Astrometrics is a mess. There are nachos everywhere. Also it seems a little hot in here.
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Sep 25, 2008 05:38
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Engineering Ensign Dent's Personal Log, Stardate 90390.1 [Automatic Transcript Activated] Dent: So they think we're still in the holodeck? Falken: They should for a while at least. Dent: They really thought we would not check for recursive holosuites after finding out we were in one... That was a brilliant bit of engineering that was. Rigging all that up to beam us somewhere in the ship and start a program of us flying around at the same time. Falken: No, not really. You should have paid attention in Holosuite Programming 202. Dent: Oh shut up. I majored in Weapons Systems, not Entertainment. Falken: Whatever. We're somewhere in the ship, and I'm not sure where. It randomly beamed us. It was the only way to throw off a trace. Dent: Either way, I'm ready to find whoever is trying to keep us on this ship. I have all this ammo and no target. [Automatic Transcript Ended-File Manually Saved into Personal Log]
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Sep 25, 2008 12:06
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Transporter Chief's Log, Stardate 30912.5: It's been a busy day. The new donut fryers came in, along with a couple of modular bathroom stalls (hooray!), some extra bowling pins and about 30 tons of the usual, standard supplies like pantyhose, roasted peanuts, a crate full of Halloween decorations, etc. (the full manifest is available on the bulletin board over the water cooler in Officer's Lounge 1). The new crew members are really a great help. However, something must have gone wrong with the Universal Translator, as the go-karts I requisitioned didn't show up, but instead we received these sort of hot-tubs supported on anti-grav generators that have a steering wheel and old-style acceleration/brake pedals attached. They look kind of fun, really. I'm putting them up in deck 3 of the Secondary Saucer, which is almost completely open and has big cushions on the walls. I was going to use it as an automated Shuttlewash, but I think it'll work out better as a hover-track. Speaking of shuttles, I've noticed some odd transporter readings on the main console. It almost looks like someone's been trying to beam something roughly the size of a shuttlecraft around, which is impossible. I assume this is just a 'ghost' signal, because I tapped on the indicator light a couple of times and it went out. Besides, everyone knows that after the massive sewage problem we had recently, any inert matter over a certain size entering the transporter grid gets automatically beamed directly into the sewage/matter reclamation system unless I authorize it. Like I said, it's probably nothing, but I'll check it out first thing during my next shift. Personal memo to the Captain: Can we actually get a Communications officer or two on board? The U.T. is screwed up beyond belief. Aside from the go-kart/hot tub screw-up, the last transmission we received said 'We are the Bong. Resistance is Futile. Put on some Zep'.
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Sep 25, 2008 13:03
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Lieutenant Falken's Personal Log, 90390.2 The "random" beaming from the holodeck has put us right into the sewage system of the USS Starship. This sort of thing always happens to me. We couldn't possibly use our phasers to blow away the service hatch, due to the heavy buildup of methane, so Dent is currently bypassing the systems in the door panel. He'll have it done in about 10 minutes. That's 10 minutes of standing waist deep in feces. Thankfully this isn't like that silly 20th Century science fiction movie, otherwise we'd be dealing with a tentacle monster and a crushing machine. PS: Dent is looking at me rather dubiously. I think it's something to do with the fact that I'm posting a log entry whilst in a sewer. Falken fucked around with this message at 17:33 on Sep 25, 2008 |
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Sep 25, 2008 17:20
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Transporter Chief's Log, Stardate: About a minute and a half until the microwave popcorn's done. Today's flavor; cheddar cheese. I was nearly mauled by a few of the cougars that are roaming the ship after performing a standard maintenance check on the brewery. Fortunately, along with the help of the Security Chief, we managed to mark them with transporter tags and beam them away. Unfortunately, the brig and all other places are filled to capacity with various stuff the captain keeps ordering, so I had no choice but to send them to the sewage/matter replication tank for the time being. The twins are busy decorating our new Penthouse atop the Secondary Saucer, and I'm about to move the Foghat into the super-cool new landing bay up there on deck 10. It's got a giant disco ball for illumination up there, and a trampoline as well. Well, gotta go. Those ski-ball and whack-a-mole games aren't going to install themselves.
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Sep 25, 2008 18:22
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Lieutenant Falken's Personal Log, Stardate 90390.2 Holy poo poo three cougars beamed into the sewage tank with us, passed out from the smell and promptly drowned in 1.5 meters of human waste. Whoever is trying to kill us is pulling out all the stops. Thankfully Ensign Dent just got the hatch open and we clambered out. Update, Stardate 90390.23 We've found some spare uniforms in the uniforms closest. Unfortunately all I could find were the white Starfleet dress uniforms. A little too fancy for my tastes, but they'll do. A quick sonic shower and a change of clothes and we'll be set.
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Sep 25, 2008 19:32
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Lieutenant Pollard, Personal Log, Stardate 90390.4 Well, good news and bad news here. The good news is the cougars have left the outside of my quarters. The bad news is that the loving security chief wasn't the one who took care of them. They chased after some pot head running through the corridors yelling "WIZARD OF OZ TOTALLY SYNCS UP WITH DARK SIDE OF THE MOON!!" What the gently caress is "Dark Side of the Moon?" I'll have to check it some time when I give a poo poo. I've decided to try and track down Dent and Falken. They're the only ones on this ship who seem to be dedicated to getting the gently caress off. Internal sensors seem to indicate they're heading from the waste extraction corridors to their quarters. I don't think I want to know what they were doing in there. Hopefully, they'll want the help of the only person on this ship that apparently knows how the ship's systems work. Along those lines, I managed to break into Security Closet 33243-X, and stole some command level isolinear chips. I'm not going to go so far as promote myself, as that would mean eventual court-martial, but as this definitely qualifies as an 'extraordinary scenario', starfleet will be ok with me getting more access to the ship that a Lt. in engineering should. I've sent a specific distress call explaining the situation to Starfleet using Algol-Red Cardassian encryption protocols. While that alone won't stop anyone from decrypting the signal, it has a low enough carrier wave that I was able to hide it in the last 'Microsoft Update' manager communication. Starfleet should see that and send some help. There is definitely someone trying to keep us here, the signal should go completely unnoticed. Just in case, I hid a routine in there that will cripple the systems of any fake beacons out there, just in case whoever is keeping us here thought of making a make update beacon.
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Sep 25, 2008 19:46
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