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Mrs. Badcrumble
Sep 21, 2002


the same 15 guys show up as last time, the veterans smoking, laughing, and telling stories, the newbies fidgeting. congratulations, the suits will tell one of them next week. we thought that of the entire group you were the most like hitler by far. it is a strange but understanding brotherhood, this small circle of hitler impersonators.

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T-Paine
Dec 12, 2007

by Lowtax


all of us hate klaus. yes, we all think it's hilarious when you make menacing comments about "method acting" to your jewish agent. or maybe we thought it was hilarious the first 5,999,999 times you did it.

Boner Honkfarts
May 19, 2003



Mrs. Badcrumble
Sep 21, 2002


a shiny red ball comes rolling into the alley where they wait their turn. a girl comes chasing after, pigtails flying in the california breeze. "rosie!" a voice shouts urgently. "leave it! get away from those men!"

her mother glares at them all leaning up against the wall as they are. how dare you be hitler.

Police Academy 6
Jul 12, 2006


im hitler

Mrs. Badcrumble
Sep 21, 2002


david is the pathetic one. his wife left him for looking like adolf hitler. his son and daughter have strawberry red in their hair, but there is enough of the hitlerine in them that they resent their father for it. we are the only family he has these days and when most of us just want to get the audition over with and go home and smoke and practice yelling he keeps wanting to take us all bar hopping when the auditions are all finished. some of us tolerate him, most ignore him.

MisterFister
Jul 6, 2003

Sticking it to THE MAN, assuming THE MAN is an innocent casual dining restaurant.


shitler

The Pussy Boss
Nov 2, 2004



they immerse themselves in the hitler canon, know all the great speeches by heart, spend hours perfecting every inflection and then the director wants them to stand there and seig heil a couple times

Mrs. Badcrumble
Sep 21, 2002


The Pussy Boss posted:

they immerse themselves in the hitler canon, know all the great speeches by heart, spend hours perfecting every inflection and then the director wants them to stand there and seig heil a couple times

lol

BABY FINLAND
Jun 14, 2008

by Peatpot


this thread owns

Mrs. Badcrumble
Sep 21, 2002


nobody pays a hitler much, not even out of pity. face it, we're all saving up for plastic surgery here. the banks won't loan us the money to do it sooner (typical). poor ernie got drunk and went after his face with an electric knife three years ago. none of us can really blame him. once a year all fifteen of us go together and lay a rose on his grave.

Necc0
Jun 30, 2005

I get REAL nice on this stuff


ugh how could they give the part to HIM? i mean, i know its all politics but the sudetenland isnt something you hand off to some loving amateur

Necc0
Jun 30, 2005

I get REAL nice on this stuff


hitler sucks black cocks? no thanks, haha. no it isn't that i dont like dicks i mean i loving LOVE 'em its just i respect the cannon a bit more thawait how much? oh wow

uh yeah lemme get your number

mrbradlymrmartin
Nov 5, 2008

Tune in tune out


sometimes it grates, reading daily variety and seeing that you'll have to shave off the outer quarters of your moustache, get the brown shirt and jacket cleaned and pressed. the worst part is the busride, with all the dirty looks. of course, no cab will stop for hitler.

POTUShead
Sep 23, 2006



shaving the moustache helps, but you have to be ready when the phone rings and they need a hitler. you have to live with it. pick up milk and a pack of smokes with the hitler moustache and your sweatpants. the facial hair that killed six million jews and your dollar general flip flops when you're cleaning the car out at the magic wash. you can't show up at a shoot with a pasted-on moustache. christ. you'd never get another callback in the 213 area code. so here you are trying to pay for goddamn takeout and some 16 year old korean kid is giving your spare uniform the hairy eyeball over your shoulder while you count out enough for a tip and not for the first time sympathize with the guy for blowing his brains out rather than deal with this poo poo.

Mrs. Badcrumble
Sep 21, 2002


i remember when paramount FINALLY did a mein kampf picture. christ, we were all so loving excited. and then, no audition. they gave the loving part to gary oldman.

MisterFister
Jul 6, 2003

Sticking it to THE MAN, assuming THE MAN is an innocent casual dining restaurant.


Her-man B÷ring

Joseph Noballs

Heiny Rimmler

Necc0
Jun 30, 2005

I get REAL nice on this stuff


in this hitler redub hitler finds out that they gave his role to george bush HAHAHA he freaks OUT!! check it out: youtube.com

Necc0
Jun 30, 2005

I get REAL nice on this stuff


mein kampfy slippers

Sai
Sep 20, 2004



i stand in front of the bathroom mirror. first, softly, "i am hitler". then, louder "i am hitler" and even louder "i. am. hitler!" the cat comes in. she is hungry but there is no food

mrbradlymrmartin
Nov 5, 2008

Tune in tune out


POTUShead posted:

shaving the moustache helps, but you have to be ready when the phone rings and they need a hitler. you have to live with it. pick up milk and a pack of smokes with the hitler moustache and your sweatpants. the facial hair that killed six million jews and your dollar general flip flops when you're cleaning the car out at the magic wash. you can't show up at a shoot with a pasted-on moustache. christ. you'd never get another callback in the 213 area code. so here you are trying to pay for goddamn takeout and some 16 year old korean kid is giving your spare uniform the hairy eyeball over your shoulder while you count out enough for a tip and not for the first time sympathize with the guy for blowing his brains out rather than deal with this poo poo.

it's easier if you grow it out on the sides, though, during the off season. and of course khaki's just out. for god's sake, your mother's funeral was the day before the audition back in '06! how do you think it felt, saying goodbye while every eye was on that fuzzy square of death between your lips and nostrils? and the director said he wanted more of a 'young hitler' look anyway. what the gently caress!

free reign
May 23, 2008

by Peatpot


the hitlers snicker quiletly and mug at each other as they creep around the side of the building trying not to be heard. a smell of sauerkraut, stale heffenweizen and sweat is built up around them hanging heavy like a bog's haze. unable to restrain themselves longer as they approach the door of the dormitory they all let out their choreographed howl through grinning mouths "WAKE UP BRAUNS!!! IT'S A PANTY RAIIIIIIID!!!"

Sparta
Aug 14, 2003

the other white meat


those couple of days between the first audition and the callback are rough, you'd be surprised at how stingy people get with tips over a square inch of facial hair

Necc0
Jun 30, 2005

I get REAL nice on this stuff


Sparta posted:

those couple of days between the first audition and the callback are rough, you'd be surprised at how stingy people get with tips over a square inch if facial hair

top it off with a bowler cap and then youre wacky!! look at the wacky waiter haha hes so funny

Fat Lowtax
Nov 9, 2008


"I'm willing to pay up to $1200 for a virtual My Little Pony avatar"


not every man can be hitler. only one. the rest of the single-file line will have to pretend to be charlie chaplin.

Necc0
Jun 30, 2005

I get REAL nice on this stuff


because im a vegetarian
and im not loving scared of him

Moinkmaster
Sep 11, 2001

Clickzorz!!!



Necc0 posted:

mein kampfy slippers
EDIT IM GAY

Mrs. Badcrumble
Sep 21, 2002


one audition all the fdrs wheeled up as we were finishing. a lot of them were just guys in wheelchairs, didnt even look anything like him. pathetic. none of us really made eye contact.

Moinkmaster
Sep 11, 2001

Clickzorz!!!



GAY FOR HITLER

sieg hiney wanna spoon that fuhrer

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

mrbradlymrmartin
Nov 5, 2008

Tune in tune out


the worst is when you're flying to hawaii, after the golden globes, clean-shaven, fresh, ready to get some rays, and the sonofabitch next to you recognizes you. -Oh, you're Hitler! I mean, in that movie.
Yes, you sigh sluggishly. You've met him before, at Caesar's Palace that night you won twelve hundred bucks, at the racetrack that afternoon you lost two grand, at your stepdaughter's wedding reception.
Someone always recognizes you, grills you about the part. 'I'm such a fan,' they bubble, 'you brought real humanity to the r˘le.' Or compassion, or zeal.
'You make evil look good', one round, balding old fairy told you at a meet'n'greet in Malibu.

Police Academy 6
Jul 12, 2006


Moinkmaster posted:

GAY FOR HITLER

sieg hiney wanna spoon that fuhrer

you're really terrible, hth

POTUShead
Sep 23, 2006



there are only five working actors that play goebbels. the same five show up to every audition. they gravitate towards the darkest corner of the room and talk to each other in a chittering huddle, a blister bump of goebbels in the corner of the green room, softly scratching the walls and squeaking like baby mice.

Bathing Poodle
Nov 28, 2003

by Fistgrrl


im sick of being typecast as a jew corpse

mrbradlymrmartin
Nov 5, 2008

Tune in tune out


the goerings have no shame. last week, one was huffing model airplane glue while his resin messerchmidts and focke wulfs sat on the floor beside him.

Boffo Beach Babe!!!
Mar 7, 2003



during our downtime between wwii movies, me and the other hitlers get gigs doing reenactments for the history channel. it's not glamorous, but it pays the heating bills.

Sai
Sep 20, 2004



i just want a hot scene with eva. just one. but no. never a hot scene with eva. always gay hitler

POTUShead
Sep 23, 2006



Bantha_PooDoo posted:

im sick of being typecast as a jew corpse

some of the younger guys get upset when they hook up with a lady that wants them to start whispering german in her ear in bed, maybe leave the jackboots on. keith had that one out in westchester that drew on the camp tattoo with a bic ballpoint the first night she brought him home, usually they work up to that but sometimes they just come right out and say they wanna bang hitler and I'm not in a position to judge anyone.

palamedes
Mar 9, 2008


frank gave his heart and soul to this business but he's black and also it turns out he was destined to impersonate a great painter instead. he won a cable ace award for "black grandma moses". we try to laugh at the irony as we painstakingly depilate the edges of our mustaches.

Testikles
Feb 21, 2009


"I remember when I first told my wife that I wanted to be Hitler. She was floored." explained Michael Brown. "She said 'you can't be Hitler Mike! You just can't! You're black!' and all I said was 'Obama. Obama, Jenny! They said that there'd never be a black president and now look! Things have changed! If there can be a black man in the Whitehouse there can be a black man in the Reichstag. Jenny, yes I can.' "

Michael Brown has yet to find a studio to take him on.

Testikles fucked around with this message at Aug 1, 2009 around 07:41

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apathetic poster
May 8, 2002



one of these guys, the one who tries for the old, 1945 stressed out hitler, has to keep his facial hair and grooming in shape. he is a kind grandfather to his seven grandchildren. somewhere in america, there is a child with fond memories of poppa hitler

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