Major Failure posted:

[W]ho would argue with a Truck-sized snapping turtle with shutter shades?

MrGreenShirt posted:

Gezora will accept once more. Gezora states here and now that it will take on all challengers. Gezora will beat you 3 or 4 at a time if it has to.

Gezora's weapon: its non-euclidean liver.

MrGreenShirt posted:

Gezora is still going strong. Gezora will see your shots and raise you pints of long island miced teas.

Gezora wonders what you think of that, Gestalt Pie?

Edit: Gezora bids you welcome to the table, Blurry Gray Thing, if theres still room. Gezora thinks you'll have to make up for lost time. Gezora wonders if you're up to it?

MrGreenShirt posted:

Gezora thinks its time for some Putrid Zombies!

Major Failure posted:

MrGreenShirt posted:

Gezora wins! Gezora gets all the ants! Gezora hopes you won't worry Plague Doctor. Gezora will regurgitate you later after it has a few more victory cocktails. Gezora is sure you'll be back to normal in no time.

Gezora asks that you please steer clear of the second tunnel to your right. Gezora is positive you do not want to know what that hole leads to.

MrGreenShirt posted:

Gezora thinks you might be right. Gezoras feeling... a little woozy...

*Bleurgh*

Gezora feels must better! Gezora would like to know if its recently regurgitated friend, or anyone else for that matter, would care to join it in another drink? Gezora has a remarkably quick turn around time. Gezora is glad it has no propensity for hangovers.

*Hic*

Gezora will start making more grasshoppers. Gezora likes the taste of them. Gezora really does.

Tewbrainer posted:

I mixed it up in Gezora's honor! Let me know what you think! I have a feeling I will be making up quite a few new drinks. Not to many drinks out there named after a cyber augmented Presidential Seal.


I will be keeping track of them! Let me know if you want a complete list (it's only a few drinks so far). Maybe further into it I'll compile them or something.

Edit: I will certainly follow the patrons at the Greenhorn from now on, they appear to know a lot more about mutated animal combat than I do.

The Deleter posted:

THEY PULLED APART CROCTOPUS' BOAT. THE BOAT HE WORKED SO HARD ON. THEY PULLED IT APART.

The Deleter posted:

Yah crossed the line.



Get out.

Seriously, I know this is roleplay and you're not meant to take it seriously, but don't you dare.

The Deleter posted:

Also, I apologise if I came across too flame-y or too dickish in that previous post. I didn't intend to, but I'm pretty sure one of the new Zoofights commandments is not to diss Croctopus. It's right up there with "Beefy Arms make everything better".

MrGreenShirt posted:

Gezora is of the mind that a weed-eater trumps a weed any day. Gezora hopes ##The Long March will share what is left of the onion when it has its fill.

Mycroft Holmes posted:

I want to see that! Croctopus should be given a job building boats.

Coucho Marx posted:

Really, all I want is a fight between the onion and Snake Preview. We may not live through it, but what a way to go!

The New Black posted:

You betcha!



Edit: Look at it this way. The tentacles are useless. They aren't that big compared to Drainage, and they are unarmoured. As anyone who enjoys calamari will know, tentacles ain't that tough. Drainage is literally encased in razor sharp metal. Which will be moving at an incredible rate. The first time aggronaut tries to grapple, it will lose its only upgrade, and then it won't even be as good as the overrated Dreadnautilus.

Megasabin posted:

I think this gentleman said it the best:

Ravenkana posted:

...or finest gold brandy delivered in jewel encrusted golden goblets, pried from the fingers of long dead kings

Major Failure posted:

Worse yet, it is said that his gullet is inhabited by a swarm of parastic gull-headed rats, ready to swarm out and gnaw on any opponent not floored by his putrid, billowing breath.

...

Last night he managed to gut a bipedal elephant with anvils for fists before it could land a single blow (Anvilphant, we hardly knew ye), and few will forget the terrifying look in his his grapefruit-sized eyes as he screamed his victory into the camera.

...

enough attitude between them to fill an aircraft carrier with hate*

MrGreenShirt posted:

Gezora will crack open a few more baby turtles. Gezora must fetch the turtle hammer.

KungFu Grip posted:

I am imagining this fight as Batman Vs. Abe Lincoln. And Batman Always wins. Always.

Empty Sandwich posted:

I CAN'T RUN THE loving ZOOFIGHTS BAR BY MYSELF.

GEZORA, WHERE ARE YOU?

Bassetking posted:

*KLIK....wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

*A single tear slides from the Jukebox's coinslot*

"Oh Gezora, the fights, the fights are brawling
From men to men, and down pyramid's side
The booze is gone, and all spectators thirsting
'Tis you, 'tis you we need our thirst subside.
So come ye back from burried 'neath the rubble
Come back from 'dere that carrier's rusted bow
'Tis we'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Gezora, oh Gezora, we love you so.

And if you come, when all fighters are dying
And I am drunk, as drunk I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and pour a cold bir there for me.

And I shall hear, you undulate above me
And all my dreams will warm and damper be
If you'll not fail to tell me that you'll bir me
We'll simply sleep in peace 'til next tourney.

We'll simply sleep in peace 'til next tourney."

BiggerJ posted:

...Am I the only person who finds this rather hypocritical? One beloved friend dies (and it's a sad loss indeed, there's no denying that) and you mourn him. But countless men, women, children and other sentient beings with their own hopes and dreams, with people who love and care about them... they're just statistics! Post-apocalyptic wasteland or not, all people are people! If you're going to mourn the barkeep, I suggest you take a look around and open your mind to the losses you people have been ignoring!