[ADMIN CHALLENGE] A goon will eat dog food on video or be banned

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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > [ADMIN CHALLENGE] A goon will eat dog food on video or be banned

BaconButts: Jan 26, 2011; It was worth ten dollars to everyone but me.

statler
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYWl...eature=youtu.be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVY3...eature=youtu.be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjgO...eature=youtu.be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_39...eature=youtu.be

sny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Op0aQ9aYaOQ

distracted
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC-0bJFxQv0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ir7KOeDl6Ok

mobby_6kl
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBQru6K3XWE

drum
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rsfbn2tl0I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kFt2ej0PwU

I'm going to Notre Dame this spring and I've been thinking about starting my own diet and lifestyle plan. My budget is razor thin and I need cheap food if I am to get good grades and make new friends. I've been looking at ramen, rice, dried pasta, vitamin supplements, etc. I made a quick table to show how many calories I can get from a bunch of different products for exactly 1 dollar.

Ramen: 537
Rice: 430
Dried Pasta: 800
Beneful Healthy Radiance: (this is for a 31 lb bag) 2046
Vitamin Supplements: NA
Tuna: 120

Please realize that I need nutrition and care about taste, but I need to be extra aware of the price.

Dried pasta is preferable to ramen simply because it has a better cost value and it tastes pretty good with plain butter. The beneful has most of what my body needs so I could buy 1 bag every 2 weeks. The tuna has massive amounts of protein so that makes up for the cost. An eighth of skunk vitamins goes for about 20$ on campus. Flavored sugar packets can make about 25 beverages for a dollar and the water is free because of water rations.

Instead of toothpaste I'll use baking soda. And instead of toothbrush I'll use spoon. I'll buy a sponge and scrub myself down in the shower without using any soap.

To save on floor cleaner I'll pee sitting down. I don't have to wash my hands because I don't touch anything.

I won't have to buy moisturizer because beneful gives me smoother skin.

I'll save money on dish soap by boiling my silverware.

Advice would be helpful. tyia

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:42

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# ? May 21, 2013 23:47

Digiwizzard: Dec 23, 2003

The Beneful will make your coat so shiny and lustrous, people won't even notice your endless aching despair.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:45

Aziraphale: Jun 3, 2003; I joined the SAF and all I got was this lousy avatar

Nice fakepost. Good poo poo man.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:46

BeefThief: Aug 8, 2007

Don't forget you can eat your poo poo. Let nothing go to waste.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:46

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Veni, vidi, Lombardi.

The fact you're considering eating dog food voluntarily means you should see a psychiatrist.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:46

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Share food?

You can often get semen for free.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:47

BrainDance: May 8, 2007; Disco all night long!

BaconBits posted:

I'll buy a sponge and scrub myself down in the shower without using any soap

You are going to smell so bad after the first month.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:47

BaconButts: Jan 26, 2011; It was worth ten dollars to everyone but me.

I can eat that stuff inside glowsticks and poop all over the house to save on lightbulbs.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:48

HackerJoeGuy: Apr 18, 2007

BaconBits posted:

I can eat that stuff inside glowsticks and poop all over the house to save on lightbulbs.

Yeah, but you'd have to pick up your poop and shake it to get it to stay lit for longer, which will lead to you washing your hands, thereby wasting water. The trick I've learned is to shake it on the way out, which kind of buffers the extra light.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:50

Slappy Moose: Jan 23, 2010; THE FILTHY IMMIGRANT

You could also try selling organs (not yours, of course) on the black market!

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:51

TheCIASentMe: Jul 11, 2003; I'll get you! Just you wait and see!

BrainDance posted:

You are going to smell so bad after the first month.

Yeah get a pumice stone instead. It doesn't feel as good but it keeps you clean better. Also, if you have to pay for it then skip the water. The pumice stone doesn't really need it.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:51

Slappy Moose: Jan 23, 2010; THE FILTHY IMMIGRANT

TheCIASentMe posted:

Yeah get a pumice stone instead. It doesn't feel as good but it keeps you clean better. Also, if you have to pay for it then skip the water. The pumice stone doesn't really need it.

You don't even need a special "pumice stone," either. Just rub yourself with rocks and sand to scrape all the germs away.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:52

kreayshawns talent: Jan 13, 2012; by Y Kant Ozma Post

Isn't Beneful a kind of dog food? What? What's going on here? You're not supposed to eat that.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:53

the: Jul 18, 2004; AAAaaAAaAAAAAaaaaa

Form a human centipede with your roommate. This will cut your grocery bill in half. Trust me.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:53

atomicthumbs: Dec 26, 2010

Dude, just eat soil. It's good for the gut.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:54

Lamech: Nov 20, 2001

slow cooker and cheap meat

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:56

BaconButts: Jan 26, 2011; It was worth ten dollars to everyone but me.

kreayshawns talent posted:

Isn't Beneful a kind of dog food? What? What's going on here? You're not supposed to eat that.

Why not. The plot of lethal weapon 3 revolved around Riggs eating dog food. The plot of Hooch revolved around Tom Hanks eating dog food.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:56

nickhimself: Jul 16, 2007; NACKHAMSLEF SING SONG
SING SONG NACKHAMSLEF

work a job where your employee discount will benefit you most

sell everything that isn't tied down, even if it doesn't belong to you

eat cat food as well as dog food; you don't want to just fill up on filthy dog vitamins, dummy!

edit: sell your feces as fertilizer to fund your animal groceries

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:57

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Share food?

BaconBits posted:

Why not. The plot of lethal weapon 3 revolved around Riggs eating dog food. The plot of Hooch revolved around Tom Hanks eating dog food.

Those are movies.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:58

RagingBoner: Jan 10, 2006; Real Wood Pencil

Nice thread, but for real,

NO ONE SHOULD EVER BRUSH THEIR TEETH WITH BAKING SODA!!!

It's too abrasive and destroys your enamel.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:58

TheCIASentMe: Jul 11, 2003; I'll get you! Just you wait and see!

BaconBits posted:

Why not. The plot of lethal weapon 3 revolved around Riggs eating dog food. The plot of Hooch revolved around Tom Hanks eating dog food.

I think he's saying take it as a suppository.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:58

Bash Ironfist: Aug 16, 2008

You should 'rescue' cats from people who are trying to rehome them. I'm sure there are things online that will tell you how to clean and cook them. Free meat!

# ? Mar 21, 2012 04:59

BaconButts: Jan 26, 2011; It was worth ten dollars to everyone but me.

http://www.beneful.com/dog-food/healthy-radiance/

quote:

GUARANTEED ANALYSIS
Crude Protein (Min) 25.0% Iron (Fe) (Min) 175 mg/kg
Crude Fat (Min) 12.0% Zinc (Zn) (Min) 135 mg/kg
Crude Fiber (Max) 4.0% Selenium (Se) (Min) 0.30 mg/kg
Moisture (Max) 14.0% Vitamin A (Min) 15,000 IU/kg
Linoleic Acid (Min) 1.8% Vitamin E (Min) 100 IU/kg
Calcium (Ca) (Min) 1.1%

CALORIE CONTENT
Metabolizable Energy (ME)
3801 kcal/kg
1726 kcal/lb
375 kcal/cup

INGREDIENTS
Ground yellow corn, chicken by-product meal, corn gluten meal, whole wheat flour, animal fat preserved with mixed-tocopherols (form of Vitamin E), salmon, rice flour, soy flour, sugar, propylene glycol, meat and bone meal, water, tricalcium phosphate, soybean oil, animal digest, salt, phosphoric acid, sorbic acid (a preservative), potassium chloride, dried carrots, dried green beans, L-Lysine monohydrochloride, calcium propionate (a preservative), choline chloride, Vitamin E supplement, zinc sulfate, added color (Red 40, Yellow 5, Yellow 6, Blue 2), ferrous sulfate, DL-Methionine, manganese sulfate, niacin, Vitamin A supplement, calcium carbonate, copper sulfate, Vitamin B-12 supplement, calcium pantothenate, thiamine mononitrate, garlic oil, pyridoxine hydrochloride, riboflavin supplement, Vitamin D-3 supplement, calcium iodate, menadione sodium bisulfite complex (source of Vitamin K activity), folic acid, biotin, sodium selenite.

All of that is edible to humans. Just because they sell it to dogs doesn't mean it isn't far superior to human food.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:00

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Share food?

RagingBoner posted:

Nice thread, but for real,

NO ONE SHOULD EVER BRUSH THEIR TEETH WITH BAKING SODA!!!

It's too abrasive and destroys your enamel.

The Toothpaste Millionaire loving lied to me?!

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:01

gigawhite: Jul 4, 2005

Your arms are made of free meats. snack away

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:02

BaconButts: Jan 26, 2011; It was worth ten dollars to everyone but me.

RagingBoner posted:

Nice thread, but for real,

NO ONE SHOULD EVER BRUSH THEIR TEETH WITH BAKING SODA!!!

It's too abrasive and destroys your enamel.

If you look at the back of a box of baking soda it says you can brush your teeth with it.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:04

kreayshawns talent: Jan 13, 2012; by Y Kant Ozma Post

BaconBits posted:

http://www.beneful.com/dog-food/healthy-radiance/

All of that is edible to humans. Just because they sell it to dogs doesn't mean it isn't far superior to human food.

drat that is a lot of crude protein. After that pink slime thread I'm thinking this might not only cheaper but a safer alternative to "human grade" products. Maybe you're on to something here.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:05

Stairs: Oct 12, 2004

Wait, you're actually considering "buying" "food"? Do you want to be broke or do you want to live man? Buying food is for the unimaginative. I shall teach you.

1. Collect ketchup and hot sauce packets from fast food restaurants. They just leave that poo poo out right in the front, they're free. Tomato soup!

2. Become friends with potheads, then only turn up around 5 or so. They get high and cook food. Free dinner! (people always share food when they're high, it's pot law.) Added bonus that they usually have peanut butter or other non perishable foods that they will then let you "borrow" and forget to ask you for it back.

3. Make friends with the clerk at the 24 hour gas station. They clean the hot dog machines out about 3 AM usually, and will give you the old hot dogs rather than throw them out.

There, that's protein and vegetables down with zero cost. Get some Dollar Tree vitamins with calcium (for a dollar, obviously) and you're covered!

Oh God.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:06

Pleads: Jun 9, 2005; Pew pew pew

BaconBits posted:

http://www.beneful.com/dog-food/healthy-radiance/

All of that is edible to humans. Just because they sell it to dogs doesn't mean it isn't far superior to human food.

Plus the kibble is designed to help rub away harmful plaque from your teeth as you chew. I think you're on to something, OP.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:07

BrainDance: May 8, 2007; Disco all night long!

Bash Ironfist posted:

You should 'rescue' cats from people who are trying to rehome them. I'm sure there are things online that will tell you how to clean and cook them. Free meat!

Cats are not good meat animals. They dont have much meat and what you get isnt very tasty.

Dog is actually pretty good. The texture tastes some getting used to (kind of chewy but not tough at all) but other than that its all good, except the skin.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:07

RagingBoner: Jan 10, 2006; Real Wood Pencil

BaconBits posted:

If you look at the back of a box of baking soda it says you can brush your teeth with it.

You can also brush your teeth with dish soap, but I wouldn't recommend that, either.

People used to brush their teeth with crushed shells and bleach because of their whitening and abrasive properties. Turns out that rubbing away the top layer of stained enamel only works until you have no more enamel to rub away.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:09

kedarguru: Mar 18, 2012

There should be a fast food restaurant on campus. Buy a small soda cup for a dollar, and save it. Use and reuse. Now you have free soda anytime.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:11

Stairs: Oct 12, 2004

BrainDance posted:

Cats are not good meat animals. They dont have much meat and what you get isnt very tasty.

Dog is actually pretty good. The texture tastes some getting used to (kind of chewy but not tough at all) but other than that its all good, except the skin.

Once you've rubbed off all your tooth enamel and you've surrounded yourself with the smell of your own soapless BO all meat tastes the same.

The trick is learning to chew it while you're screaming.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:13

ElectricSheep: Jan 14, 2006

BaconBits posted:

Beneful Healthy Radiance: (this is for a 31 lb bag) 2046

Beneful doesn't even make its own gravy, so when you take that into consideration it's really less efficient to buy that over something like, say, Gravy Train.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:14

Copley Depot: Jul 9, 2009; This space reserved for future text.

Become a freegan.

You will be surprised at what you can find in dumpsters.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:15

I Appreciate You: Feb 15, 2012

RagingBoner posted:

Nice thread, but for real,

NO ONE SHOULD EVER BRUSH THEIR TEETH WITH BAKING SODA!!!

It's too abrasive and destroys your enamel.

But that's how it saves money. No teeth, no problems.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:17

angerbot: Mar 23, 2004

BaconBits posted:

I'm going to Notre Dame this spring and I've been thinking about starting my own diet and lifestyle plan. My budget is razor thin and I need cheap food if I am to get good grades and make new friends. I've been looking at ramen, rice, dried pasta, vitamin supplements, etc. I made a quick table to show how many calories I can get from a bunch of different products for exactly 1 dollar.

Ramen: 537
Rice: 430
Dried Pasta: 800
Beneful Healthy Radiance: (this is for a 31 lb bag) 2046
Vitamin Supplements: NA
Tuna: 120

Please realize that I need nutrition and care about taste, but I need to be extra aware of the price.

Dried pasta is preferable to ramen simply because it has a better cost value and it tastes pretty good with plain butter. The beneful has most of what my body needs so I could buy 1 bag every 2 weeks. The tuna has massive amounts of protein so that makes up for the cost. An eighth of skunk vitamins goes for about 20$ on campus. Flavored sugar packets can make about 25 beverages for a dollar and the water is free because of water rations.

Instead of toothpaste I'll use baking soda. And instead of toothbrush I'll use spoon. I'll buy a sponge and scrub myself down in the shower without using any soap.

To save on floor cleaner I'll pee sitting down. I don't have to wash my hands because I don't touch anything.

I won't have to buy moisturizer because beneful gives me smoother skin.

I'll save money on dish soap by boiling my silverware.

Advice would be helpful. tyia

I accept your challenge. Eat the dog food on video or be banned.

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:18

RagingBoner: Jan 10, 2006; Real Wood Pencil

here we go

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:18

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Share food?

I was hoping something like this might happen!

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:19

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# ? May 21, 2013 23:47

Bloomington: Apr 20, 2010

angerbutt posted:

I accept your challenge. Eat the dog food on video or be banned.

How much dog food does he have to eat? Does he have to eat it out of a dog bowl labelled "BaconBits"?

# ? Mar 21, 2012 05:19

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