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Nutmeg fucked around with this message at 05:24 on Sep 7, 2013 |
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Sep 7, 2013 05:14
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The part in the supporting cast reel where a science guy says to his robot, "What do you think this is? Some low budget sci-fi flick?" indicates either R.O.T.O.R. was intended partly as comedy or, more likely, someone but not everyone involved realized what this movie should be watched and remembered for. Not that I've even seen it. This did make me think of Dr. Otto and the Riddle of the Gloom Beam, though I'm not sure you should or even can review it. That movie is, at least to me, a good movie. It's clearly meant as a comedy--it is the first Ernest film--and just employs a so-bad-it's-good strategy. Of course a lot of what makes it interesting is the huge disconnect from the other Ernest movies. Somehow it managed to be rated only PG (if IMDb is right anyhow).
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Sep 8, 2013 17:44
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Just so you guys know we haven't been kidnapped/farted to death by Dan Haggerty or gone through with the murder-suicide thing just yet (although we did finally get a chance to see Foodfight! this past weekend so we're getting there - you weren't kidding about that trailer). What we have done is switch time-slots to Saturday, so that's where you'll find us from now on, starting this week with a 2012 movie that's not Foodfight!.
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Sep 26, 2013 01:30
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Trillaphon posted:Just so you guys know we haven't been kidnapped/farted to death by Dan Haggerty or gone through with the murder-suicide thing just yet (although we did finally get a chance to see Foodfight! this past weekend so we're getting there - you weren't kidding about that trailer). What I love about Foodfight is that the CGI in the trailer is legitimately better than the actual movie.
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Sep 26, 2013 03:32
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Oh man, I love movies that are not Foodfight.
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Sep 26, 2013 14:12
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Professor Clumsy posted:Oh man, I love movies that are not Foodfight. Yeah we might just have to redo our whole scoring system at this point and just make everything a Pass/Fail based on whether it is Foodfight! or not.  Improbable Lobster posted:What I love about Foodfight is that the CGI in the trailer is legitimately better than the actual movie. What I love is how somehow $65,000,000 got spent on that poo poo and it took 12 years to actually get released; that movie's got quite a history - we could probably write a whole review just on that.
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Sep 26, 2013 16:40
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Professor Clumsy posted:Oh man, I love movies that are not Foodfight. Foodfight is like a tetherball spinning around a pole, oscillating from "so bad it's good" to "so bad it justifies genocide" quicker and quicker until it reaches the center of the pole with a thudding "ugh"
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Sep 26, 2013 22:16
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http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/lol-cyrus/1/ Ok, explain that chicken stuffing thing, so I can put all my hosed up theories to rest.
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Sep 28, 2013 11:14
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Buffalo squeeze posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/lol-cyrus/1/ If you really want to know you could just watch the movie. Go on, do it. You know you want to.
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Sep 28, 2013 21:04
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Buffalo squeeze posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/lol-cyrus/1/ I wish I could explain it, I really do, but they pretty much just randomly fist that scene in there (/into your soul). It involves chatroulette and some very strange ideas about human anatomy/relationships. Angela Christine posted:If you really want to know you could just watch the movie. Go on, do it. You know you want to. Do not do this it is a trick!
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Sep 29, 2013 22:35
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http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/hospital-massacre/1/ Should I be worried that I recognize the David Carradine scenes in the Mortal Kombat video are from Terror Toons? I think that I should.
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Oct 12, 2013 17:49
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Mr. Noseybonk posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/hospital-massacre/1/ Yes. Very. (Terror Toons is actually a different movie than the one you're thinking of, but close enough!)
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Oct 13, 2013 15:00
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Trillaphon posted:Yes. Very. poo poo, you're right! It was Evil Toons! Which you guys just reviewed. http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/eviltoons-carradine/
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Oct 19, 2013 23:32
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http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/gor-tarl/1/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45lXXiLbTxM
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Oct 27, 2013 19:31
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Improbable Lobster posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/gor-tarl/1/ Damnit, I knew I should've added more whipcracks to those videos 
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Oct 28, 2013 06:23
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Seeing that last review I can't help feeling sorry for Oliver Reed, the poor guy must have been pretty near rock bottom when he made that film. At least he got to go out on a high with Gladiator
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Oct 28, 2013 22:14
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jazzyhattrick posted:Seeing that last review I can't help feeling sorry for Oliver Reed, the poor guy must have been pretty near rock bottom when he made that film. At least he got to go out on a high with Gladiator Yeah, he's refusing to open the gates in heaven now Although in his defense, he was easily the most entertaining part of that movie; without his weird bipolar whisper-screaming I'm not sure we would've even made it to the end.
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Oct 29, 2013 22:19
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EDITED BECAUSE: Meant to write this in actual Current Releases but I am an idiot.
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Oct 30, 2013 05:17
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http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/blood-shack/1/ I thought they'd make it at least a little interesting and have the caretaker be the actual killer, complete with talking to himself, only the audience doesn't know type of thing. Also, I saw nothing but Roamin' Dad as the caretaker.
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Nov 24, 2013 16:57
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Buffalo squeeze posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/blood-shack/1/ Ha, we never made that connection, but I guess I can see it, what with the driving a pickup truck around and going on insane, incoherent rants everywhere he goes. We got more of a Torgo vibe from the caretaker, based on his undying devotion to the
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Nov 25, 2013 16:01
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The Chooper sounds like a Monstergeddon monster.
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Nov 25, 2013 16:54
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If I ever become a serial killer I'm going to go by The Chooper...you know, if. 
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Nov 25, 2013 19:39
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So, has anyone out there seen any of the other three Deathstalker sequels? The first one was at least the watchable, gregariously stupid kind of bad movie, but that rarely survives into a sequel in my experience.
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Dec 3, 2013 18:39
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I believe that they did Deathstalker 3 on Mystery Science Theater 3000, though that was in the Sci Fi channel days so I don't know if I ever saw it.
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Dec 4, 2013 03:25
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"Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell" which according to the episode guide features "the shortest skirt you've ever seen on a man." Or maybe that was 'Collosus'? I can't keep my terrible Italian sword and sorcery flicks straight. Aired in season seven, the super short one. Pretty run of the mill as old MST3Ks go, but it's tough to stand out against "The Brute Man" and "The Incredible Melting Man" that also aired that season.
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Dec 4, 2013 06:55
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SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:"Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell" which according to the episode guide features "the shortest skirt you've ever seen on a man." Or maybe that was 'Collosus'? I can't keep my terrible Italian sword and sorcery flicks straight. Aired in season seven, the super short one. Pretty run of the mill as old MST3Ks go, but it's tough to stand out against "The Brute Man" and "The Incredible Melting Man" that also aired that season. Yeah, come to think of it I'm not sure I remember that one either but it's been quite awhile, might have to go back and check it out. I dunno if they chose the 3rd one for a specific reason(s) or if it's just the only one they happened to see; I'm sure they're all terrible but all I really know about them off the top of my head is that the original Deathstalker guy randomly comes back in the 4th one because he's an idiot. 2 and 4 are definitely on the table for future reviews if we end up digging them up somewhere. The first should still be up on Netflix instant if anybody hasn't seen it. I find it hard to believe that there could be any manskirts shorter than some of the ones we've had to endure recently but then you'd think I'd have learned not to say things like that by now too so I guess you never know. e: by the way, in case anybody was wondering what to get us for Christ-Mass this year: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RprNawfZ2-8 e2: you can't go to danhaggertyhome.com and do anything...jesus, what has this world come to? Trillaphon fucked around with this message at 08:00 on Dec 8, 2013 |
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Dec 8, 2013 02:28
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http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/paul-bunyan/1/ Larch! Boudelaire! I got the feeling ol' Joe came up with that on the fly and that he and the "blood" was the only watchable part of this.
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Dec 8, 2013 20:29
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I love Joe Estevez, he throws himself into every lovely role he's given. He's like David Carradine but less into belts.
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Dec 9, 2013 19:12
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Buffalo squeeze posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/paul-bunyan/1/ I like to think this movie started out as a couple shitfaced guys hanging out with Joe Estevez and a camcorder and when he just started ranting about a mutant Paul Bunyan murdering spree they decided they had to make a movie around it. DoombatINC posted:I love Joe Estevez, he throws himself into every lovely role he's given. He's like David Carradine but less into belts. That is very extremely true, and one of the many, many reasons to love Joe Estevez. Both of their filmographies are like the Gettysburg Cemetery of stupid poo poo nobody's ever seen so needless to say we've got a bunch of their stuff in our collection/on our to-do list.
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Dec 13, 2013 18:27
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http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/santa-muscles-hogan/1/ I feel you forgot a very important thing with this one. You mention how explosive and volatile the electrified quartz is, but forgot to mention how Santa and the main villain have a sword battle using two pieces of it. Just clanging them together with no cares in the world.
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Dec 29, 2013 03:01
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Can I make a request for a future movie review? There's a movie called Born and it stars Alison Brie of Community fame. It is so bad and Brie has a lot of fun hamming it up. Either that, or she was a really bad actress before getting her big break. Also there is a topless scene with her character, and the boobs aren't even hers.
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Dec 29, 2013 06:07
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Mr. Noseybonk posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/santa-muscles-hogan/1/ Clearly you missed the all-explaining Super Video that I totally didn't forget to post or reference in any way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtgAnSZc274 Y-Hat posted:Can I make a request for a future movie review? There's a movie called Born and it stars Alison Brie of Community fame. It is so bad and Brie has a lot of fun hamming it up. Either that, or she was a really bad actress before getting her big break. Suggestions always welcome and do pretty frequently appear on our list; I do remember hearing Alison Brie talking about her stunt-boobs in a podcast interview or something recently, and who could pass up a movie with her, Denise Crosby, AND the guy who played "Gang Kid" in Father of the Bride Part II? Trillaphon fucked around with this message at 08:16 on Dec 31, 2013 |
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Dec 31, 2013 08:13
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Rik Mayall was a pretty big deal on the alternative comedy scene of the 80s and 90s, mostly for his double act with Adrian Edmondson as "The Dangerous Brothers." They would hit each other with things and fart, it was brilliant. That progressed into TV shows like The Young Ones, written chiefly by Ben Elton who is often credited as spearheading the alternative comedy movement, and Bottom, where Mayall and Edmondson would hit each other with things and fart. Now, Ben Elton tours his Godawful jukebox musical We Will Rock You: The Musical by Ben Elton and Queen, Adrian Edmondson plays a regular part in a terminably dull hospital-based soap opera and Rik Mayall advertises beer, presumably in an effort to make everyone drunk enough to forget he ever appeared in Merlin: The Return.
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Jan 4, 2014 12:46
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Professor Clumsy posted:Rik Mayall was a pretty big deal on the alternative comedy scene of the 80s and 90s, mostly for his double act with Adrian Edmondson as "The Dangerous Brothers." They would hit each other with things and fart, it was brilliant. That progressed into TV shows like The Young Ones, written chiefly by Ben Elton who is often credited as spearheading the alternative comedy movement, and Bottom, where Mayall and Edmondson would hit each other with things and fart. Now, Ben Elton tours his Godawful jukebox musical We Will Rock You: The Musical by Ben Elton and Queen, Adrian Edmondson plays a regular part in a terminably dull hospital-based soap opera and Rik Mayall advertises beer, presumably in an effort to make everyone drunk enough to forget he ever appeared in Merlin: The Return. I can't decide which I like more, your Rik Mayall facts or this observation from our YouTube channel: quote:The best thing about this movie is that Rik Mayall really grew his hair and beard for the part, so for about a year around the turn of the century he was always showing up on talk shows and the like looking like Odin.
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Jan 8, 2014 17:03
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Just so you guys know our one year anniversary is coming up and we've got a few special surprises in the works for the coming weeks (contest, anyone?), and as you may or may not have seen already we're also planning on doing something(s) with the CR guys, so stay tuned for that!Professor Clumsy posted:Rik Mayall was a pretty big deal on the alternative comedy scene of the 80s and 90s, mostly for his double act with Adrian Edmondson as "The Dangerous Brothers." They would hit each other with things and fart, it was brilliant. That progressed into TV shows like The Young Ones, written chiefly by Ben Elton who is often credited as spearheading the alternative comedy movement, and Bottom, where Mayall and Edmondson would hit each other with things and fart. Now, Ben Elton tours his Godawful jukebox musical We Will Rock You: The Musical by Ben Elton and Queen, Adrian Edmondson plays a regular part in a terminably dull hospital-based soap opera and Rik Mayall advertises beer, presumably in an effort to make everyone drunk enough to forget he ever appeared in Merlin: The Return. This is pretty much the perfect summary of Rik Mayall's entire career and in a weird way also that movie. If only we could go back in time and steal it instead of working...
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Jan 12, 2014 22:58
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http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/absolute-zero-fahey/1/ This review is inaccurate; the movie did not actually include authentic Science®. This was due to budget limitations prohibiting the acquisition of an Authentic Licensed Science® Person after spending on the "Palm Tree Spins Not Quite In A Circle And Kills People" scene and the "Ditsy Blonde Roller Blader Flails Around Hilariously And Dies" scene exceeded expectations. Although the substitute the producers hired was an Authentic Science® Person, prior licensing arrangements with The University of Phoenix Online mandated that all Science® must originate from an officially licensed person (not only an authentic one). To work around this limitation, the producers took the Science® (which is Never Wrong®) provided by the Authentic Science® Person and subtly changed it so that, as presented in the movie, it is, in fact, wrong, thus meaning that it could not possibly be authentic Science® and avoiding the licensing issue altogether.
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Jan 18, 2014 08:44
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I'm honestly disappointed that the final score wasn't -460/50. 
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Jan 19, 2014 04:34
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dpbjinc posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/absolute-zero-fahey/1/ This is technically much more accurate, but due to those exact same budget constraints we ran out of our allotted word moneys and instead had to settle for this trash:  Phoenixan posted:I'm honestly disappointed that the final score wasn't -460/50. I don't know whose review column you've been reading buddy but we don't just go throwing around novelty ratings all willy nilly like some kind of petty, joke-themed clown currency. We value our integrity. Also, we might need to save those sub -50/50s for some of the unspeakably horrible poo poo coming down the line. 
Trillaphon fucked around with this message at 06:13 on Jan 19, 2014 |
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Jan 19, 2014 06:09
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I work for a production company that has made a bunch of the movies reviewed here. Not only do I have to watch these movies, but I'm expected to say nothing but nice things about them, then go on Amazon and poo poo and write good reviews. I'm glad someone is ripping them to pieces, reading these reviews has been real cathartic.
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Jan 26, 2014 00:22
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Dylazodelan posted:I work for a production company that has made a bunch of the movies reviewed here. Not only do I have to watch these movies, but I'm expected to say nothing but nice things about them, then go on Amazon and poo poo and write good reviews. I'm glad someone is ripping them to pieces, reading these reviews has been real cathartic. How much alcohol/drugs must you drink/take to dull the pain of your screaming soul?
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Jan 28, 2014 00:40
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