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If the violent bigot mom wants to have dumb rules based on her retarded beliefs, that's her prerogative, but the adult way to apply them would be to set boundaries and then follow through on consequences if those boundaries are broken instead of raging like an impotent harpy. "My house my rules" cuts both ways. If your best response to your rules being broken in your house is an ineffectual hissy fit, then either its not really your house or your rules are bullshit. It's crazy to me that there are posters here who think the op is the one acting like a child. Thank God that mom isn't teaching Kindergarten anymore.
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Feb 1, 2013 00:19
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ClemenSalad posted:But thats not the point. Their mom could really loving hate the actor or Chicago or fire and she'd still be right. It doesn't matter at all. The fact that you think the specific topic of the conflict was the important part shows you missed the point. Except there's nothing bigoted about hating the actor or Chicago or fire. I don't think it's reasonable to expect someone to be sensitive to someone else's bigotry but I understand that's not the popular opinion here.
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Feb 1, 2013 00:20
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Gnack posted:Except there's nothing bigoted about hating the actor or Chicago or fire. I don't think it's reasonable to expect someone to be sensitive to someone else's bigotry but I understand that's not the popular opinion here. Beyond a certain point, you have to decide whether the money you save by staying with your folks is worth all the rest of the headache. I'm gay and my mom doesn't like it. I stayed with her and my grandparents throughout undergrad with that understanding. At times it was really frustrating, but my folks were allowing me to stay with them and finish my education. As soon as I finished, I was out and haven't looked back. It's a tradeoff. The OP knew going into this situation that his folks were like this. It's not like they've changed or suddenly become crazy Christians. He should have been well aware of their views by this point and he decided to stay in the situation. Well, the tradeoff is that now he has to deal with their unreasonable views. I do not in any way agree with what his parents have to say about me or my ~*LIFESTYLE*~ but I don't have to live with them. He does.
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Feb 1, 2013 00:25
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Gnack posted:Except there's nothing bigoted about hating the actor or Chicago or fire. I don't think it's reasonable to expect someone to be sensitive to someone else's bigotry but I understand that's not the popular opinion here. I expect them to be sensitive to their mother's wishes on what they watch on her TV in her house, regardless of what it is or why. They not only don't contribute, his brother is actively making life harder for them. How do you not understand this?
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Feb 1, 2013 00:28
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ClemenSalad posted:I expect them to be sensitive to their mother's wishes on what they watch on her TV in her house, regardless of what it is or why. They not only don't contribute, his brother is actively making life harder for them. How do you not understand this?
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Feb 1, 2013 00:33
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Quixotic posted:Being the owner of the house doesn't mean that you're allowed to be a bigoted poo poo. Actually it does quote:The expectations for what makes a good person remain exactly the same. Morality and decency is not defined by property ownership. But don't you see that regardless of what the reason for the objection was, the situation this family is in is exactly the same?
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Feb 1, 2013 00:34
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You hang out at the bar a lot and somehow only manage to spend $10 on beer for the month? What is that, 2 beers and a tip at the most?
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Feb 1, 2013 00:39
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ClemenSalad posted:Actually it does Nope. Because if the objection was reasonable the situation wouldn't be the same.
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Feb 1, 2013 00:41
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Quixotic posted:Being the owner of the house doesn't mean that you're allowed to be a bigoted poo poo. The expectations for what makes a good person remain exactly the same. Morality and decency is not defined by property ownership. You're allowed to be a bigoted poo poo in your own home. I know, cruel world out there. Who would have thought that in 2013 a person who owns a home can legally say "friend of the family" in their own home as many times as they want. Geez... What's the world coming to?
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Feb 1, 2013 00:41
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cda posted:Nope. Because if the objection was reasonable the situation wouldn't be the same. But it doesn't have to be reasonable. Let's say the mom just really didn't like Chicago Fire for whatever acceptable reason you can think of. Its her house, her TV, she works, she goes to school, her adult children are not homeless and fed because of her. Her adult kids are jobless, don't contribute, and one even has put them in debt. Shes in her living room after a long day and doesn't want to watch that show. It should not be a debate and discussion. None of that changes because of the reason for the argument, its as I said before, the least of their issues. ClemenSalad fucked around with this message at 00:46 on Feb 1, 2013 |
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Feb 1, 2013 00:44
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cda posted:It's crazy to me that there are posters here who think the op is the one acting like a child. Thank God that mom isn't teaching Kindergarten anymore. Sorry dude, but living at your parent's house while "writing a blog" and not contributing rent or working around the house makes you a child. There's 100% no reason he should be using his savings for anything besides A) paying rent or B) getting the gently caress out. Also, OP, a car might not be a bad plan, as you will have a little more flexibility job-wise.
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Feb 1, 2013 00:46
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Do you do the dishes? Vacuum and mop the floors? Dust? wash the windows? Clear the car? Mow the law and garden if applicable? Cook? Go grocery shopping? If no you should be doing all of the above quite regularly. In a household if you aren't working outside of the house you better drat well work inside of it.
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Feb 1, 2013 00:47
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How much debt are you in from your student loans?
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Feb 1, 2013 00:48
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areyoucontagious posted:Sorry dude, but living at your parent's house while "writing a blog" and not contributing rent or working around the house makes you a child. There's 100% no reason he should be using his savings for anything besides A) paying rent or B) getting the gently caress out. Also, OP, a car might not be a bad plan, as you will have a little more flexibility job-wise. That's not what he's doing though really at all.
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Feb 1, 2013 00:51
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Agro ver Haus doom posted:You're allowed to be a bigoted poo poo in your own home. I know, cruel world out there. Who would have thought that in 2013 a person who owns a home can legally say "friend of the family" in their own home as many times as they want. Geez... What's the world coming to?
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Feb 1, 2013 00:55
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I feel like I've entered some bizarre world where we all just pile on the OP for no reason. From what I've read the OP is volunteering full time, has reasonable spending habits, contributes a bit to monthly bills, is trying to further his career, and is looking for a paid job. Why are people piling on him for spending $20 a month on discretionary entertainment? If it turns out he does all the dishes and laundry and makes dinner 3x a week people would still rag on him for not mowing the lawn too. OP, your mother is being unreasonable, but there's not much you can do about it. Don't escalate things by trying to press charges, but do know that in many states you have tenant rights that include not being kicked out without notice- even though you aren't paying rent. Keep your comics at a friend's house, keep looking for a job, and move out as soon as you get some savings. Don't be too proud to live with a roommate or three; anything is better than your current situation. Have you looked into tutoring at your college? I know I've seen flyers for people offering essay reviews and the like. You can also look at companies like Kaplan- don't limit yourself to fields that directly use the skills you gained in undergrad. In many cases a degree and a solid grasp of the English language are all you need to get your foot in the door.
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Feb 1, 2013 01:07
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I figure if the OP is here whining about his parents supporting him then his mom and dad are basically failures as a parents. You have a responsibility to make sure your kid is ready to be an adult by the time your kid becomes an adult. If your kid is OP's age and collecting comic books and anime figurines in his bedroom in a corner of your house then you hosed up somewhere. Maybe he's a bad, lazy, son mooching off his hard-working parents but he probably wouldn't be in this position if they hadn't been batshit crazy (yeah, bigotry counts as crazy, sorry).
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Feb 1, 2013 01:10
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Quixotic posted:Who said it was against the law? It means it's wrong. Immoral. The act of a bad person. Something that someone should be criticized for, something that disqualifies their opinions on many things, something that casts their judgement into severe question, and generally makes them wrong. But not illegal. Sure it's not illegal, but you're allowed to do it. Your original argument is that it is not allowed to say whatever you want in your home (in this case, a bigoted phrase). Clearly, reality trumps your assertion that people aren't allowed to say things in their own homes. But by all means, keep telling people what they're allowed to say in the very homes they own. Show them who's boss.
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Feb 1, 2013 01:11
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OP, stop being a baby. You expect sympathy because your religious parents want you to follow their rules while you are leaching off of them. You aren't being abuses, neglected or harrased, you are just being a baby. If you can't handle your current living situtation then move the gently caress out, become roommates with your shithead brother.
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Feb 1, 2013 01:14
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in_cahoots posted:I feel like I've entered some bizarre world where we all just pile on the OP for no reason. From what I've read the OP is volunteering full time, has reasonable spending habits, contributes a bit to monthly bills, is trying to further his career, and is looking for a paid job. It's not "for no reason". I didn't like the rules my parents imposed, so I worked hard to leave home. I understand that leaving home is itself a privilege - I had the ability to work hard and make money. If you don't have that privilege, and you are forced to live at home (disability, etc), then the feedback from this thread would be very, very different. However, that scenario isn't the case. The OP has not given any indication that disability or other extenuating circumstances have forced him and his brother to live at home. He's mentioned laptops and has his own bedroom, so I'm assuming he's not coming from the kind of grinding poverty that can ruin lives. If he were trapped in this place, the advice from E/N would be to discuss it - to work with his parents to come to a better agreement than what he's got. His parents are terrible, it's true. The OP is living in a home, rent-free. He needs to abide by the rules of that home, or get the gently caress out.
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Feb 1, 2013 01:16
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Thursday Next posted:It's not "for no reason". I agree with everything you've said. I still don't see why people keep hounding him about how much money he spends on comic books, or whether he helps with chores. Except for his relationship with his (violently abusive) mother, this sounds like someone who's got his life together and is making the best of a lovely situation. I would hope people were at least a little understanding, instead of trying to make him out to be some ungrateful man-child who does nothing but watch My Little Pony all day.
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Feb 1, 2013 01:27
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in_cahoots posted:I agree with everything you've said. I still don't see why people keep hounding him about how much money he spends on comic books, or whether he helps with chores. Except for his relationship with his (violently abusive) mother, this sounds like someone who's got his life together and is making the best of a lovely situation. I would hope people were at least a little understanding, instead of trying to make him out to be some ungrateful man-child who does nothing but watch My Little Pony all day. People are hounding him about it because any money that he has should be either saved to move out or spent for his part of the family bills. I agree that it's good that he has this unpaid internship and I certainly hope that it works out for , but his folks are doing him a HUGE favor here.
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Feb 1, 2013 01:30
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I do think it's worth saying that comic books are really really loving cheap as far as hobby stuff goes. Even if he is buying a whole bunch a month, its unlikely he's spending more than $20 on his funnybooks a month. That's assuming he's buying a lot of them too. They're like $4ish each. e; Morby posted:People are hounding him about it because any money that he has should be either saved to move out or spent for his part of the family bills. I agree that it's good that he has this unpaid internship and I certainly hope that it works out for , but his folks are doing him a HUGE favor here. He is doing this though. He said he's helping buy groceries and pay some of the bills and has an agreement to help with the rent when he has an income.
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Feb 1, 2013 01:30
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Quixotic posted:Being the owner of the house doesn't mean that you're allowed to be a bigoted poo poo. The expectations for what makes a good person remain exactly the same. Morality and decency is not defined by property ownership. Get the gently caress out of my house. Done. Also, I pity your bartender "friend" at the bar. You're 'that guy'. E: OP hasn't said how much he's contributing. And I thought this was a very recent thing. Like from this thread. OP will be long gone now though. Its gotten too real. Burt Sexual fucked around with this message at 01:37 on Feb 1, 2013 |
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Feb 1, 2013 01:33
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Thursday Next posted:It's not "for no reason". Except none of that makes sense since: in_cahoots posted:From what I've read the OP is volunteering full time, has reasonable spending habits, contributes a bit to monthly bills, is trying to further his career, and is looking for a paid job. He is currently stuck there, he's trying his best to get out but it's not by choice that he lives there. Generally as a parent if your child is trying their darndest to be independant then you shouldn't have any qualms about supporting them until they are. If the OP was just some slacker I'd agree, but that's not the situation that's been described. Darth123123 posted:Get the gently caress out of my house. Done. Who exactly is 'that guy'? That one annoying guy who can't stand bigots?
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Feb 1, 2013 01:35
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Morby posted:People are hounding him about it because any money that he has should be either saved to move out or spent for his part of the family bills. I agree that it's good that he has this unpaid internship and I certainly hope that it works out for , but his folks are doing him a HUGE favor here. He's claiming to spend $20/month and is contributing to bills- is he really not supposed to spend a single dime until he has his own place? Again, it seems like E/N's perception of this guy is based off what they want to think instead of his replies.
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Feb 1, 2013 01:36
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Morby posted:People are hounding him about it because any money that he has should be either saved to move out or spent for his part of the family bills. I agree that it's good that he has this unpaid internship and I certainly hope that it works out for , but his folks are doing him a HUGE favor here. Raising your child until they are self-sufficient isn't doing them a favour, it's your responsibility as a parent.
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Feb 1, 2013 01:39
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Darth123123 posted:Get the gently caress out of my house. Done. Yeah, the mom is within her rights to do that if she wants to. But she doesn't. Instead, she is belligerent and unproductive. If she has moral or whatever qualms about kicking her kid out on the street then maybe she should re-examine the role that her hosed up beliefs play in her life. Darth123123 posted:E: OP hasn't said how much he's contributing. And I thought this was a very recent thing. Like from this thread. OP will be long gone now though. Its gotten too real. He's been responding pretty consistently.
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Feb 1, 2013 01:42
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Gnack posted:Except none of that makes sense since: He's working at a volunteer position that 80 year old retirees do. He's doing 'work' for a cause, not to further his earning. He has a eng lit degree. And blogs don't count when you don't make money. Nor does a book that. He's been writing since he was a freshman. That guy is someone who hangs around the bar, ordering waters, and annnoying people and staff.
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Feb 1, 2013 01:43
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in_cahoots posted:He's claiming to spend $20/month and is contributing to bills- is he really not supposed to spend a single dime until he has his own place? Well if we believe that his situation is as abusive as he says, yes. If his parents are physically or verbally abusing each other in the house, he needs to get out. Also he hasn't told us exactly how much he and his brother are contributing to the phone bill/groceries. I'm sure every bit helps, but it ought to be pretty significant. Gnack posted:Raising your child until they are self-sufficient isn't doing them a favour, it's your responsibility as a parent. Yes, but some parents say that after 18 you're an adult and on your own. I was fortunate that my mom didn't feel that way. The OP is fortunate that his parents don't feel that way. Part of still living with your folks as an adult is that you still have to put up with their rules and their nonsense. The only real solution is to move out. Morby fucked around with this message at 01:56 on Feb 1, 2013 |
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Feb 1, 2013 01:44
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Darth123123 posted:He's working at a volunteer position that 80 year old retirees do. He's doing 'work' for a cause, not to further his earning. He has a eng lit degree. And blogs don't count when you don't make money. Nor does a book that. He's been writing since he was a freshman. He's trying to find a paying job - what is so hard to understand about this that people keep ignoring it? Morby posted:Well if we believe that his situation is as abusive as he says, yes. If his parents are physically or verbally abusing each other in the house, he needs to get out. Oh I agree, he has no choice but to put up with it or move out. My point is that he shouldn't be demonised for living at home when he clearly isn't in a position to move out and is working toward fixing that. putin is a cunt fucked around with this message at 02:20 on Feb 1, 2013 |
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Feb 1, 2013 02:17
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Gnack posted:He's trying to find a paying job - what is so hard to understand about this that people keep ignoring it? Because he has career aspirations and hobbies people don't like.
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Feb 1, 2013 02:19
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Gnack posted:He's trying to find a paying job - what is so hard to understand about this that people keep ignoring it? People loving HATE the unemployed. They think if you don't have a job you are functionally a child and should be grateful for what you're given, even if it comes with unnecessary crazy strings attached. This is why the Salvation Army still exists.
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Feb 1, 2013 02:22
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gigawhite posted:Because he has career aspirations and hobbies people don't like. Hes a volunteer secretary. Theres no reason he can't get 10-20 hours at McD's or something to save some money or contribute.
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Feb 1, 2013 02:22
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ClemenSalad posted:Hes a volunteer secretary. Which he's trying and has tried to do. Minimum wage jobs aren't the easiest thing to come by right now because there is a huge pool of applicants and not nearly as many positions. It can take people months to find work, and it's frustrating how quick people are to blame the individual for being lazy. It's a terrible attitude to have towards the unemployed.
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Feb 1, 2013 02:26
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So far the only real arguments I'm seeing against the mom's behavior are, "it's not fair;" "she's a bigot;" "she has no right to act like X;" "property ownership doesn't mean you can X..." But those are all arguments based on feelings, not facts. It has nothing to do with whether or not being a bigot is okay (it isn't). It is simply that this is her home, her property, and she is generously offering her adult children a space within it. Does her behavior suck? Sure. But is she entitled to make whatever rules she wishes in order to stay there? Emphatically yes. Granted the economy is hard, life sucks, yadda yadda, but none of that changes her right to enforce whatever rules she cares to on her property. She is not obligated to create an environment wherein the OP and his brother are comfortable. All of this 'implicit understanding' stuff is nonsense. She has no obligations here. Also, it's silly to assume that just because people disagree with the OP, like I do, that they're anti-unemployed or just want to find an excuse to rag on him or whatever. I'm currently unemployed due to disability, and I couch-surfed in my teens and early 20's. Just because I disagree with the OP does not mean I haven't been there or that I have some hosed up "dem poors" attitude. bunnybean fucked around with this message at 02:30 on Feb 1, 2013 |
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Feb 1, 2013 02:27
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in_cahoots posted:He's claiming to spend $20/month and is contributing to bills- is he really not supposed to spend a single dime until he has his own place?
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Feb 1, 2013 02:30
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Benny, you should get work as a grave digger.
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Feb 1, 2013 02:32
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gigawhite posted:Benny, you should get work as a grave digger. They will call you in at unplanned hours. Be wary.
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Feb 1, 2013 02:35
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Volunteering while unemployed is a good way to keep gigantic holes off your resume. Employers will fast chunk a resume with gigantic holes. Depending on the town he's in, there may be little to nothing for job openings and moving in and of itself is expensive. I think cda's post rings with a lot of truth and it's sad that anyone who is unemployed is a lazy manchild who does nothing. Job hunting in and of itself is a full time job. I think his mom is a bigot or has bigoted attitudes and beliefs, but while you live there... it is their rules. I personally would start saving a rent/nest egg fund. As far as jobs go, you might look into things like technical writing, teaching, data entry and all of that. Your campus may also have career services for alumni you can use.
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