Murphy's Rules: Your Favorite Game Is Weird

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Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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CCGs are kosher? Awesome.

There's a Cthulhu faction event card called Deep One Assault that lets you pay X to destroy any Character or Support card of cost X or lower. Support cards are usually things like Items, Locations etc, so it makes sense that a bunch of angry deep ones can smash them into bits to remove them from play. But that's boring! Why not use Deep Ones to:
Cure disease? Heal wounds? Perform a little impromptu genetic engineering?

But wait, there's more! You can:
Enforce prohibition! Cut through academic red tape! Remedy decades of poor farming practices!

You a nerd? Not a problem! Deep One assault has you covered! It can:
Fix your glasses! Ruin a jock's life! Cure your insomnia or induce it! Deep ones can solve even the most unexpected of problems!

And if you're still not satisfied, why not just destroy the sun itself? Who's pasty now?

Deep One Assault! Get yours* today!
_{*maximum three per customer. Offer not available to non-Cthulhu factions. Excessive use of Deep One Assault can lead to bruising, furniture damage, and a reduced friend pool.}
_{e: While researching this post I discovered that the LCG upped the ante, allowing you to wipe out an entire universe. I miss playing this game.}

Splicer fucked around with this message at 14:48 on Feb 26, 2013

# ¿ Feb 26, 2013 14:10

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 23:16

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Broken Loose posted:

opening a door on the second floor of the house and finding an underground lake up there.

Firstly, that's first edition. In second they put in the basement. Secondly, I liked it being on the second story :mad:

e: Are you perhaps thinking of the second printing?

Splicer fucked around with this message at 17:15 on Feb 26, 2013

# ¿ Feb 26, 2013 17:11

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Ariamaki posted:

Developer-Approved House Rules

That also fixes the "Lake behind the labyrinth" issue, since it (presumably) follows the same "Attach to a basement location of the player's choice" rules as the coal chute.

# ¿ Feb 27, 2013 14:37

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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LightWarden posted:

I don't think it's a bad idea depending on the game, but the big problem is that first you have to be an antipaladin, who has the same problems of class-locked morality as the paladin, except with an even more ridiculous code.

Nope. An antipaladin in PF has the following code:

Pathfinder SRD posted:

An antipaladin must be of chaotic evil alignment and loses all class features except proficiencies if he willingly and altruistically commits good acts. This does not mean that an antipaladin cannot take actions someone else might qualify as good, only that such actions must always be in service of his own dark ends. An antipaladin�s code requires that he place his own interests and desires above all else, as well as impose tyranny, take advantage whenever possible, and punish the good and just, provided such actions don�t interfere with his goals.

The antipaladin's only actual requirement is "Have a goal, work towards the goal, be a selfish cock about it, and if it's not too inconvenient maybe stab a few dudes along the way". As long as your goal includes "and maintain the trust and "friendship" of these foolish do-gooders" you pretty much have free reign to do whatever. The only way to go unwillingly from antipaladinhood is through a forced alignment change, either through performing too many good acts with no ulterior motive or some kind of cursed item.

# ¿ Feb 28, 2013 11:34

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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What's that combo that lets you turn any performance into an instant friendmaker? Perform: Pop a Wheelie sound like fun.

Or a Paladin with Mount: Celestial Bicycle and a whole bunch of mounted combat feats.

Splicer fucked around with this message at 04:49 on Mar 2, 2013

# ¿ Mar 2, 2013 04:47

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Lottery of Babylon posted:

The intended flavor is "These monsters can only fight with their weapons," but the mechanical effect is "These monsters cannot fight with their weapons."

Because "Cannot attack or defend (or whatever the Yugioh equivalent) without X equipped" would have just been too hard.

# ¿ Mar 5, 2013 20:52

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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quote:

Must have been physically traumatized by a demon�either reduced to negative hit points by a demon�s physical attacks, taken a total of 10 or more points of ability damage or drain from a demon�s special attack (this total damage can be from multiple attacks as long as the total is 10 or more in all), or spent at least 1 day under a demon�s control (either via charm or compulsion effects or via demonic possession). Note that this demon need not be one encountered during an adventure�many would-be demoniacs simply summon a demon and command it to aid in fulfilling this requirement.

To be a Demoniac you have to have suffered horribly at he hands of a Demon! Or you can just summon a demon and have him kick you in the balls until you safeword w/e. Seriously what the hell is the point of this requirement. It's like they originally intended Demoniac to be some kind of Demon Stockholm Syndrome class (potentially interesting) and then forgot halfway through and just turned it into some kind of weird metaphysical red tape.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2013 11:16

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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In the spirit of the "technically fulfilled criteria" tone of the class requirements, it seems like a lot of these rituals are pretty easy to perform as long as your party is willing to play along.

Ettin posted:

Shamira

Obedience: Engage in sexual acts (either alone or with a partner) in the presence of a sleeping intelligent creature without waking that creature. Gain a +4 profane bonus on saves against charm effects.

"Malachus the Defiler, Raging Steve, you have first watch. Mal, give us 45 minutes to get properly settled and for god's sake, stop staring at Steve when you dust the staff you know how that freaks him out."

quote:

Socothbenoth

Obedience: Achieve sexual release, either alone or with a partner, and then defile a page torn from the religious canon of a lawful good deity. Gain a +4 bonus on saves against enchantment effects.

"Steve, here's the fire arrows you wanted. Marie, I picked you up a couple of those Heroisim potions you like. Mal, I found some pamphlets on the local fertility goddess for you, her name is... yes, I suppose that would ruin it, nevermind".

quote:

Mestama

Obedience: Perform an act of cruelty upon a nonbeliever of Mestama after spending an hour observing the nonbeliever� preferably from a vantage unknown by the vicitm. This act must, at the very least, incite the victim to tears or anger. Gain a +4 profane bonus on saves against illusions.

"Hey Steve! Steve! This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend, some people, started singing it not knowing what it was, and they will go on singing it for ever just because this is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friend, some people, star-"

Actually can you perform multiples of these at once? Could you spend all night jerking it while staring at the sleeping Cleric, finish off in his Book of Kord, and leave it for him to find in the morning?

e:

Piell posted:

Landshark.

Cardshark. Get the Rogue to bite you.

Splicer fucked around with this message at 12:50 on Mar 6, 2013

# ¿ Mar 6, 2013 11:46

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Pidmon posted:

You don't even have to jerk off ON your party members, you can just wank quietly while studying the lust spells and bam, demon powers. As long as you're courteous enough not to wake them you... are.. acting demonically?

Also, it seems that a large number of college dorm residents are wandering around with a +4 bonus vs charm effects.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2013 11:55

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Jedit posted:

Finding the shark shouldn't worry you so much as the fact that when sharks bite they don't tend to leave what they bite attached. This class has an ability that literally functions as "have a limb bitten off then meditate for an hour on the pain before seeking medical attention for the copious bleeding. In exchange, get +4 to save for one day."

Does it have to be a live shark? Could you bring a small, stuffed shark around to bite yourself with?

Or a baby shark in a tank or something. Get in, let him bite you, take him off again and spend the next hour meditating on the "pain" while tossing him meat snacks.

FedoraDefender420 posted:

Why can't you just be a warlock and roleplay a little bit?

Because 3.X.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2013 13:08

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Epicurius posted:

Also, note that the first version of the card doesn't restrict you to asking questions only about the game. You could ask any yes or no question.

That's where I though this was going to go, with people throwing down the card and asking ridiculously leading questions (Are you going to stop cheating?) or paradoxing them out of the game (Will you answer yes to my next question? Did you answer no to my last question?) or just personal stuff for laughs (Have you showered in the last three days?).

Splicer fucked around with this message at 11:42 on Mar 8, 2013

# ¿ Mar 8, 2013 11:40

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Alien Rope Burn posted:

Alternately, you can use Shuten Doji (above) to have Bayushi Kachiko seduce and poison herself to create a feedback loop where the Shuten Doji can eat the poison, becoming infinitely strong given an infinite number of turns and keeping her from dying.

The image this conjures is bizarre, extremely pornographic, and probably the basis for at least one hentai film.

# ¿ Mar 13, 2013 15:45

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Fungah! posted:

Battlestar Galactica: Pegasus and strategic executions

Unless I am badly misunderstanding the execution rules, doesn't the player have a chance of coming back as a cylon?

Splicer fucked around with this message at 12:55 on Mar 15, 2013

# ¿ Mar 15, 2013 12:15

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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e: Nevermind, I have apparently been playing the Exodus rules wrong too!

Splicer fucked around with this message at 13:02 on Mar 15, 2013

# ¿ Mar 15, 2013 12:57

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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At the end of the campaign the PCs find out he's been hiding in their bag of holding all along!

GMed by M. Night Shyamalan.

# ¿ Mar 16, 2013 16:43

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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YggiDee posted:

Our DM has explicitly stated that the game world is flat after I asked too many questions on how immovable rods work in relation to a constantly rotating planet.

You think too small! If your planet orbits a sun then placing an immovable rod should immediately cause it to (from your perspective) shoot violently off into space, possibly passing through the planet as it does depending on the time of day.

WhitemageofDOOM posted:

Answer A) It's a game, who gives a poo poo just read what it does.
Answer B) It's magic, i don't have to explain poo poo.
Answer C) It's magic, it doesn't run on your physics.

I think you're in the wrong thread.

# ¿ Mar 17, 2013 01:09

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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If anyone can remember the full combo that allowed you to attack the opposing player with the two of clubs I'd be greatly appreciative. I know it started with using [http://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=34402]Death Wish[/url] to add a playing card to your hand but for the life of me I can't remember how you got it into play.

Splicer fucked around with this message at 17:34 on Mar 18, 2013

# ¿ Mar 18, 2013 17:32

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Chamale posted:

I guess you could use _____ and Retraced Image. In a world where you're allowed to play _____, you could also put into play Pok�mon cards, baseball players, and other cards.

It was:
Put an enchantment into play that gives all your creatures at least +0/+1.
Play Death Touch to put any card you own, including the two of clubs, Pikachu, or your opponent's business card, into your hand.
Then (and this is the bit I can't remember) there's some what to play any card from your hand (or from the graveyard) as an X/X creature, where X equals the card's converted mana cost. Since the card has no mana cost it becomes a 0/0 creature, + whatever enchantments you had in play.
Then you attack your opponent with the rules for stud poker.

# ¿ Mar 18, 2013 19:10

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Zereth posted:

Clearly it is telling you about a different card. And it says "remove from the game entirely", not "destroy".

... I kinda want to see a card which includes "Light this card on fire" as part of the activation cost of its ability now.

Will this do?

Splicer fucked around with this message at 11:36 on Mar 19, 2013

# ¿ Mar 19, 2013 11:33

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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The squirrels one is funny because OH gently caress SQUIRRELS EVERYWHERE, but things like the Phage stuff is just "Phage functioning as intended".

# ¿ Mar 20, 2013 10:58

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Besesoth posted:

I think you could say literally the same thing about any RPG or TTG, though. Substitute "D&D" for "M:TG" and it's just as valid an observation.

Not so much. MtG is a math problem with Elves in it, in RPGs the math problems are supposed to represent things Elves do. The premise of an RPG is that what happens will "make sense", and the system is a vehicle for the story. Yes you have your Timmys, Johnnys, and Spikes when it comes to building your actual character, but the fact that you are makin' a dude is still going to be very important. MtG's is far more about the system itself, with the flavour an excuse to carry the numbers. It's very telling that the original Timmy, Johnny, and Spike article contains no-one who plays goblins just because he likes goblins. So you're going to have to get pretty weird before it gets beyond regular MtG weird, with most of them counting as the MtG equivalent of "Did you know the D&D Flight spell lets you fly? Weird, huh?"

On the other side of the equation, D&D is supposed to be a Fantasy Genre Emulator, a framework to build a sensible narrative on, so when the rules break down into peasant railguns shooting planets at things it's a bit more jarring (and therefore funny).

e: As in, Magic's groundstate is weird even by TcG standards. In order to get something that counts as Magic Weird you pretty much have to start messing with the rules of the game itself, such as forcing your opponent to rip up all their cards.

Splicer fucked around with this message at 15:13 on Mar 20, 2013

# ¿ Mar 20, 2013 15:02

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Rulebook Heavily posted:

There's actually no distinction in the rules between those bonuses. Note that in the plant version of the spell, the stats are 3d6. In the regular one, the language is that the animal gets 3d6 Intelligence, +d3 Charisma and +2HD. And that plus doesn't denote a different rule from not having a plus because that's defined nowhere in the book. The language of "gets" applies to all of them! The intent is obvious, but the rules once again fail to follow through in the execution.

A wizard probably wouldn't want to do this trick, though. The spell also grant two Hit Dice, which will add to your effective level, which will make your spell progression slower as you level. As everyone knows, being more beefy drains all the magic potential from you.

Gets, not gains, and there's no + in front of the 3d6, unlike the others. It either means that your int becomes 3d6, or you have two intelligence scores running simultaneously, or it means nothing at all.

[s]I was actually looking this up to post earlier in the thread, and the real problem is that Awaken takes 24 hours of casting, but Baleful Polymorph only last a few minutes. So it depends on the rules for something becoming invalid for a spell after you have started casting it.[/s[] This is lies.

The 3d6 Int is not a problem, because METAMAGIC! 3d6 Int? More like 18 + (3d6/2), giving you a minimum of 19 and a maximum of 27!

\/Dammit you caught me before I could edit away my shame

I was getting Baleful Polymorph mixed up with regular Polymorph. Baleful is permanent.\/

Splicer fucked around with this message at 18:25 on Mar 20, 2013

# ¿ Mar 20, 2013 18:18

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Doodmons posted:

See where I'm going with this? Until electic lights were invented nocturnal vampires were blind as a bat (heh) at night and couldn't safely use any form of illumination.

This sounds pretty neat as an in-game justification for "Why don't Vampires rule the world by now?". Humanity sealed its fate when we invented the lightbulb. Edison! :argh:

# ¿ Mar 21, 2013 12:23

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Nessus posted:

While Rotschreck (this sounds similar; I'm not super up on Requiem's terms) made a lot of sense I thought that the poo poo with having to make a goddamn formal roll to light a cigarette or enter a room with a candle in it was retarded, especially given all the vampire imagery involving, well, totally gothique clove smoking or candelabras.

This makes it sound like they're all doing it for the shock value. "Oh yeah, I like putting burning sticks in my mouth, you don't? Oh, that? That's one of the giant firey death circles I leave hanging from the ceiling like a flaming sword of Damocles for every room, what of it? :smug:

Splicer fucked around with this message at 12:44 on Mar 21, 2013

# ¿ Mar 21, 2013 12:41

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Not The Wendigo posted:

Teslatastic

I'm going to be straight with you, no matter what game I was playing, if someone presented me with a working powerfist design and said "I hit them with that" I would say "You certainly do", put down whatever we were playing, pick up Danger Patrol, and soldier on from there.

# ¿ Mar 27, 2013 20:43

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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LogicNinja posted:

You can also play an Eladrin Fey Pact Warlock Feytouched Feyliege.

Also, you are your own grandfather.

# ¿ Mar 29, 2013 23:54

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Echophonic posted:

My GM told me he'd do whatever it takes to murder a pixie in one of his games. Needless to say my next character is a pixie. Berserker is mighty tempting. That or maybe a corgi from the TG wiki.

After he kills you, return as a Revenant Pixie. Don't forget to take the feat that gives your six foot tall grey-faced zombie man :swoon:

magical glitter powers :swoon:

Do the voice.

# ¿ Mar 31, 2013 04:54

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Vhex posted:

Pixies in 4e can actually end up with really good defenses. Grab the feat that gives you cover while in an ally's space, make your DM kill off all your allies trying to kill you. I played a pixie charger that was basically a wee free man combined with the fairies from Dresden. I talked in a really high pitched voice and considered Candy the highest form of payment (including attempting to use it to bribe guards and, at one point, a god).

Picturing the usual Pixie activities being done by a Revenant is still cracking me up.

:zombie:

Hello Guard would you like some candy to let us through. Tiddley eye do lee giggle

# ¿ Mar 31, 2013 15:27

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Quarex posted:

But to be fair, that should probably be like ... oh no, am I really contemplating how to make a random roll to determine stillbirths/twins/triplets/quadruplets/et cetera in a set of 50 births?

_{_(50D4+2)/4}

It would be drastically dependent on the tech level of the setting. Medieval shithole with magic is going to result in a lot less babies surviving to birth (especially the multiples) than one with Universal Holy Healthcare.

Actually, why would he build Human babies? Build 50 tiny Warforged.

Splicer fucked around with this message at 11:27 on Apr 4, 2013

# ¿ Apr 4, 2013 11:23

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Forer posted:

50 babies, Per 30 minutes

OK, let's look at the actual math.

So the wording is "The effect produced in but 30 minutes of playing is equal to the work of 100 humans laboring for three days."

Taking the second-strictest interpretation of this, while you have 300 days of work per half-hour (or about 10 months), you can't make a baby in 30 minutes because that can't be made by 100 humans working for three days, only by one human working for 9 months (+1 working for 20 minutes). So (270ish/6) 45 hours of constant playing can produce 99 babies, but 24 hours of playing cannot produce ~50 babies. It also only allows you to "construct", not bring into being, so the 45 hours would also result in the surrounding area being stripped of the consumables required to build 99 human babies.

But that begs the question, why would you stop playing? Now that you have your babies, why not build an army? Every 30 minutes of playing allows your babies to build 3 days worth of mental and physical development. After just forty days of playing you have 99 16-year-old soldiers raised to do your bidding. Which is, of course, to play more soldiers into existence.

# ¿ Apr 4, 2013 15:01

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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VanSandman posted:

You'd better hope there's a decent coal and appropriate metal seam nearby, otherwise you'll be stripping the surrounding land of all biomass in order to refine red clay into iron, then the iron into a warforged.

Step 1) Stand outside a city of a species you are not.
Step 2) Play yourself up "A giant pile of (species of choice) organs".

e: Less genocidal: New dungeon-clearing method found.

# ¿ Apr 5, 2013 08:02

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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potatocubed posted:

Somewhere I have a very old copy of Champions, in which they have a half-page box pointing out how stupid unrestrained power buying can get. My favourite was The Landlord, who spent all his points on having a base which covered the entire surface of the Earth.

I'm picturing a Dread Emperor Norton scenario, where he sticks a little flag with his name in it somewhere and then goes back to living under "his" bridge.

# ¿ Apr 8, 2013 09:37

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Mendrian posted:

Hellish Rebuke

This is all far too complicated. Just set yourself on fire at the start of combat! Then every time you get hurt from the fire you're simply hurling another chunk of burning warlock flesh at your opponent.

# ¿ Apr 8, 2013 20:19

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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When you take into account that a lot of the original Mythos stories were straight-up pulp, it's perfectly within the genre that you might empty tour handgun into the monster, shrug, and then break its nose with your forehead.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2013 14:40

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Already posted in the previous spate of MtG chat.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2013 15:04

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Headbutt and Dynamite as I recall.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2013 17:29

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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EclecticTastes posted:

Well, like I said, it seems that the intent was for everyone to be swimming in Drama Dice and throwing them around constantly

How many you have doesn't negate the fact that someone who spends his drama dice will have less XP than someone who does not. You're actively discouraged from doing cool stuff. Whether you get 5 or 50 a session doesn't change this. The quick and easy solution to that is to have XP be XP an Drama Dice be Dama Dice and never the twain shall meet.

# ¿ Apr 15, 2013 12:31

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Plague of Hats posted:

I could swear that those values were framed in the book as basically "disposable income" which is why you buy chainswords and saint relics with it instead of formula for your new baby.

That would make more sense to me. Taking "cheapest meal" to be about two bucks then that gives a scum character the equivalent of about $40 a month to spend on knives or robo-cockfights or what have you.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2013 09:40

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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Barudak posted:

Its even worse when the game doesn't define exactly what happens to money spent during crafting. Presumably there is noone on the other end of that transaction so the gold is literally lost. Unlike in our dragon example, that currency is unrecoverable. This means that by default of course, our 3 currency universe is constantly deflating even if there are random, temporary periods of inflation (the times long ago when things were better presumably). Worse still is that its not an even deflation across our multiple commodities of currency so like I mentioned before silver might spike in value because somebody just built a new chainmail suit using that so there is now less of it than gold.

Unless I'm mistaken, the gold cost is to represent ~materials~. So you're not literally magicking the money away, you've spent it to buy special woods and ungulants and such.

That you can do this in the middle of a cave in the demiplane of salt is... differently problematic.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2013 22:12

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 23:16

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
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DontMockMySmock posted:

You could make this same argument to argue that anything doesn't have intrinsic value. For example, food. If you were trying to survive in a hot desert wasteland, you need water to live. You wouldn't trade all your water for some food, right? Because water will keep you alive until the end of the day, and food won't.

You need food less than water, but that doesn't mean that food has no "intrinsic value," I think you'll agree. So the fact that you need gold less than water doesn't seem particularly relevant.

Which is why the only definitions of "intrinsic value" I could come up with are "value" (which seems to be more or less what you guys are arguing for, and which gold has) and some sort of abstract thing that is only contained in concepts like "happiness" or "survival" or whatever (which would be intrinsically valuable and imbue things with extrinsic value if those things bring happiness, or whatever).

The issue is that "intrinsic value" is itself meaningless. Everything's value is based on context. The argument could, however, be made that gold requires far more "context" to have value than, say, a sandwich. What makes this rule so weird is that the universe itself seems to think gold, a fairly useless metal until you hit the electronic age, has far greater "intrinsic value" than said sandwich. This implies that the D&D universe is at least somewhat affected by the mentality of its occupants (people decide gold is valuable -> gold cannot be made by said spell), or that the universe knows something about gold that we don't.

Majuju posted:

Sentient, horselike ointments?

Yes

Splicer fucked around with this message at 00:18 on Apr 19, 2013

# ¿ Apr 19, 2013 00:14

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