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A service that I can call that delivers Wendy's Frosties straight to my door. Basically a butler only they feed me (as in put food into my mouth and move my jaw around to chew it then massage my throat so I swallow it), clean my house, carry me around in a palanquin, wipe my rear end, call girls for me and cancel every plan for me so I can play videogames in peace, and pretty much just run my life for me only I'm riding shotgun. A leafblower but with a roll of toilet paper on the end so I can turbo-wipe my rear end. Let me buy IV bags and all the needles and stuff so I can nuke my hangovers from orbit. A hoverboard. Bags of farts so you can enjoy the smell of farts by yourself without having to eat taco bell before hand.
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Feb 25, 2013 01:48
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 02:16 |
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A flare gun I can buy then shoot in the air that signals a giant eagle from the Hobbit to come deliver me mini burgers, then I hop onto his back and we go slap Obama for not giving everyone healthcare yet. The flare comes with two shots. Airspray that makes things smell like your own balls so you can get that lived in feel anywhere. Comes custom tailored to each person. Please see our website. Steampunk. A suppository that makes my breath smell better. Another butt inside of my normal butt. And the classic, a ball of weed the size of the sun that then gets shot into the sun.
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Feb 25, 2013 13:20
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A casino with Russian Roulette, Knife-Hand Games, Tiger Riding, Grenade Juggling Contests, Desert Bus Challenges, Pogo Sticks made out of Shotguns with the barrel pointed at your face and if you gently caress up it goes off, Endless Shrimp Buffets, Landmined Red Carpet, Black Jack (as in a heavy dude named Krzyztoff hits you on the back of the head with a Blackjack when you're trying to use the bathroom), the bathrooms actually are at the end of a hedge maze with a Minotaur in it, croupiers that are actually robots that self destruct when you try to cash out, and hookers that are just regular hookers.
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Feb 25, 2013 16:19
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Gumbel2Gumbel posted:the postal service would be profitable if they didn't have to fund health benefits 75 years in advance in a ten year period. Ineffectively arguing about the fiscal realizations of a self sustaining nation wide postal system on a joke forum where dudes talk about having their farts be turned into actual words instead of pooft noises is my highdea.
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Feb 25, 2013 19:17
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Improbable Lobster posted:A big hollow dildo that you can store less embarrassing things in, like miniatures and smaller dildos. Or a dildo that has "I'm not Gay" engraved in various fonts, sizes and languages on it so that way when your maid finds it while cleaning the kitchen she'll know its totally normal.
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Feb 26, 2013 22:36
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razz posted:A corner trash can that non-rich people can afford. Seriously, google "corner trash can". It's just a wedge-shaped trash can that fits nicely into the corner of a room but the cheapest ones are like 80 bucks! It is a trash receptacle, it should not cost a small fortune. I want to bring corner trash cans to every home. I want to make $15 plastic corner trash cans. Get a regular metal one and hammer that poo poo into a quarter circle. C'mon son.
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Feb 28, 2013 22:34
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A real time saver for me would be an enema that comes with vodka instead of the saline solution in it.
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Feb 28, 2013 23:22
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And for an extra fee you can "call" something retroactively 
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Mar 6, 2013 02:50
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