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by FactsAreUseless
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gently caress you what about mighty mite on toast with a cuppa, greatest hangover breakfast
twinings tea obv 
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Nov 11, 2013 23:00
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Apr 29, 2024 05:00
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by FactsAreUseless
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the best fast food is indian, cheap and great what more do you want
btw i found an indian restaurant with coopers on tap holy poo poo
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Nov 11, 2013 23:10
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by FactsAreUseless
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if we're actualyl live blogging our own breakfasts, mine was left-over hawaiian pizza, go gently caress yourselves everyone
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Nov 12, 2013 01:40
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by FactsAreUseless
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probably the only good thing about living in QLD is ready access to cheap pineapples whenever I want, it's the best fruit and you beetroot loving mexicans will be first against the wall when herr newmans glorious reich marches southward on a caravan of confiscated V8s and choppers
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Nov 12, 2013 01:53
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by FactsAreUseless
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don't chill down your whisky you disgusting loving plebs
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Nov 13, 2013 21:23
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by FactsAreUseless
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Hey AusPol, I'm going to be in Brisbane for a few days in early December. What are the least terrible things to do there? I'm looking for eating, drinking and evening activities during the week.
if you are coming to Brisbane and looking for cool places to drink the Gresham in the CBD is a serious joint to check out if you like fancy cocktails or if you like the exact opposite of that hang out at Lefty's on Caxton St and get wasted on whisky and listen to country music while you eat a seriously tasty cheeseburger. Statler and Waldorf is also on Caxton and is a really cool new gastro pub that is owned by some seriously chill dudes.
Newstead is apparently full of cool new poo poo as well but I'm not bourgie scum into gentrified industrial areas so I haven't checked any of them out, but there's at least two breweries I know of there and a few good restaurants so if you find yourself in Fortitude Valley and screaming with horror, keep heading downhill and look around and see what you can find? Don't accidentally wander into Bowen Hills by mistake! it's full of poor people!
drowned in pussy juice fucked around with this message at 21:36 on Nov 13, 2013
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Nov 13, 2013 21:30
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by FactsAreUseless
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Bowen hills is where all the Logan/ipswich street kids jump off/on trains to walk to the valley to panhandle so they don't need to buy a ticket, also I'm not sure which part of Bowen hills you're referring to as 'gated communities', really its more of an industrial suburb than anything else (admittedly I consider anything more than a few hundred metres from abbotsford rd part of either newstead or windsor) which doesn't help the skeevy vibe it has, although its a great suburb to live in specifically because of the tucker shops for tradies lying around
Also Australia zoo seriously loving owns and is worth the trip, go climb a couple of the glasshouse mountains while you're out there if that's your thing,
drowned in pussy juice fucked around with this message at 22:34 on Nov 13, 2013
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Nov 13, 2013 22:24
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by FactsAreUseless
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Feral make the best beers in Australia today and I will fight anyone who says otherwise
If they were still making the raging flem I might agree but gently caress you *rips off shirt and proudly displays 'MOONDOG LIFE' chest tatt*
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Nov 14, 2013 13:15
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by FactsAreUseless
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Australian WHISKY is inexplicably expensive for some dumb reason despite them not really being big on age statements and you should all just stick to rye/blended scotch because single malt scotch is the most bourgie thing you could ever drink and it'll be extinct in 50 years anyway thanks to you pretentious fuckers (kraken sucks/make your own spiced rum out of havana club instead and support glorious Cuba and as a bonus you are helping spit on the legacy of the Bacardi family)
E: I dunno why my phone always capitalises WHISKY but for the record I'm into it
drowned in pussy juice fucked around with this message at 02:37 on Dec 4, 2013
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Dec 4, 2013 02:19
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by FactsAreUseless
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MC eating disorder's guide to making a spiced rum that is sorta like kraken but way better cause kraken is way too fuckin sweet and you might as well drink bundy, you loving animals:
take a bottle of decent but not wanky Spanish style rum (if you are confused as to what a Spanish style rum is just find one from a country that speaks Spanish you idiot) , throw 3 teaspoons of raw sugar, 60mls of treacle, split two vanilla beans and throw em in there, 3 cloves, two things of star anise, peel a couple of limes, remove as much pith as you possibly can with your trembling alcoholic fingers wrapped around a knife, throw a few cinnamon sticks in there and sit it in some hot water so the treacle and sugar don't just bond together and sit on the bottom like a big gross mess, give it a good shake with yr wanking arm to make sure its good and mixed together, let it sit for 3-7 days, strain that poo poo out, congratulations you've basically become better at making spiced rum than the people who make it for a living because commercial spiced rum is loving dogshit (probably only use 1 star anise if you actually like the taste of kraken btw but IMO spiced rum should probably taste like spices)
drowned in pussy juice fucked around with this message at 02:36 on Dec 4, 2013
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Dec 4, 2013 02:31
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by FactsAreUseless
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too much effort for alcohol
Literally what the master distiller at bundy is thinking when he makes his product that cannot legally be called 'rum' in any other country on earth cause 'straya
To be fair if I lived in bundaberg I'd want the process of making alcohol to be as short as humanly possible so I'm just thankful our national spirit has any age on it at all instead of being some kind of molasses grappa or w/e (which I would probably still drink if I lived north of the Tropic of Capricorn instead of the temperate, cosmopolitan city of Brisbane
drowned in pussy juice fucked around with this message at 03:42 on Dec 4, 2013
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Dec 4, 2013 02:56
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by FactsAreUseless
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Not even trying to be clever when I say the biggest difference between the auspol GBS thread and the D&D thread is this is the one I always post from the shitter, also why I never post in the D&D thread.
-posted from the toilets at the tempo hotel, Fortitude Valley aka the toilets I tried to use at 11 am once but they'd already flooded because someone had tried to flush the plastic packaging from a six pack of VB
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Dec 6, 2013 15:51
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by FactsAreUseless
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One day ill get my website online where I review bars entirely based on how comfortable I am copping a poo poo in them at 1 am on a Friday night
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Dec 6, 2013 15:59
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by FactsAreUseless
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If you drive a compact and it isn't a yellow Getz you can go gently caress yourself
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Dec 7, 2013 15:30
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by FactsAreUseless
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Also I saw one of those boxy Nissan vans trying to reverse park today and it was the single most adorable thing I've ever fuckin seen and if I was a man of more resources I would organise a street race where those things raced through Spring Hill or any other equivalent hilly suburb with a lot of tight corners
drowned in pussy juice fucked around with this message at 15:38 on Dec 7, 2013
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Dec 7, 2013 15:33
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by FactsAreUseless
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Horse racing is still the most australian sport because it involves mass cruelty, serves largely to benefit the upper classes and is still deemed appropriate to view in the front bar of any lovely pub
E: I think I'm a few pages late on this one, but I'm phone posting and walking and drinking a beer so I can't be hosed figuring it out
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Dec 11, 2013 15:15
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by FactsAreUseless
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Please don't dayshame tia.
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Dec 11, 2013 16:20
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by FactsAreUseless
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When people do overly polite things that disrupt the flow of traffic the correct response is to stay exactly where you are and lay on the horn until they keep going
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Dec 11, 2013 16:24
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by FactsAreUseless
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while we're back on piss-chat I want to say how great I think it is that we as a nation generally accept that being really loving wasted is dumb as poo poo, but we've been so ubiquitously conditioned to sink piss as part of our socialization that the vast majority of beer-drinkers over the age of 25 drink nothing but middies
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Dec 18, 2013 17:09
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by FactsAreUseless
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First gig was either Regurgitator and TISM
I didn't even know either of these bands at the time but my friend's sister had a spare ticket and promised that we'd be able to smoke some of her weed so I went and they've been my two favourite aussie bands ever since
Technically my first gig was a Girls Germs gig where the same friend's sister made me drink stolis through a beer bong and i managed to hold it in right until I got to the front door and then threw up all over the entrance and wasn't allowed in so that doesn't count though
drowned in pussy juice fucked around with this message at 03:01 on Apr 4, 2014
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Apr 4, 2014 02:57
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by FactsAreUseless
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also to whoever was thinking about seeing Smith Street Band live, do it do it do it they're loving incredible live but maybe learn the lyrics to a few songs because its gonna be awkward when a sweaty dude hugs you and starts screaming lyrics at you if you can't scream em back. DO NOT go to see them live if you do not like loudly yelling lyrics and sweaty mosh pits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_S5Ztgkpj0
^^^ Best SSB song, I'll glass anyone who disagrees.
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Apr 4, 2014 03:05
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by FactsAreUseless
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If you don't remember the video for batter up we obviously went through puberty at different times
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Apr 5, 2014 03:44
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by FactsAreUseless
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On felafel chat, the Ryan Vella illustrated version is probably the definitive version IMO, it cuts some fat from the book which it kind of needs. Birmingham's best book is Tasmanian Babes fiasco by a loving mile, it's just a perfectly paced story.
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Jul 29, 2014 15:19
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by FactsAreUseless
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I always piss sitting down otherwise I'd never have time to keep up with reading this thread
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Sep 2, 2014 08:10
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by FactsAreUseless
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Oh I just assumed you were already on the toilet while you were working, my bad
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Sep 2, 2014 08:15
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by FactsAreUseless
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Hearthstone is a really cool and well structured game but the meta game changes too fast for me and if I take more than week off, all my decks are completely useless except the ones I've just cribbed from tournament lists.
So essentially it's a world of Warcraft themed card game version of Guild Wars, which makes me wonder 'what the gently caress are you doing with your life' whenever I boot it up
drowned in pussy juice fucked around with this message at 00:02 on Sep 4, 2014
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Sep 3, 2014 23:59
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by FactsAreUseless
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I just play non-ranked with whatever deck I cooked up. Keeps it simple and fun.
Yeah pretty much although I like to take my one drop warlock deck (every card is 1 mana) into high ranking matches whenever I manage to make it past rank 10 because nobody really seems to build decks with lots of mass removal since the game started gearing more to higher cost cards and it's really satisfying to kill someone by turn 4 with a leper gnome of doom
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Sep 4, 2014 00:54
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by FactsAreUseless
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Gold Coast is a really fun place if you are a hot girl who likes doing shots or are hanging out with hot girls who are doing shots but other than that you should just take some hallucinogens and go some place unapologetically lame like infinity or draculas
E: also springbrook behind Nerang is loving beautiful and great fun to explore if you are into that dumb nature poo poo or hunting through a forest to find a place that sells nothing but scones and doileys
drowned in pussy juice fucked around with this message at 01:36 on Sep 4, 2014
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Sep 4, 2014 01:33
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by FactsAreUseless
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Worst moons are mars moons, not even spheroid, also literally named fear and terror, gently caress that poo poo; I do NOT want to look up into an infinite void and suddenly through rote astronomy suddenly be reminded that I should poo poo my pants and cry
drowned in pussy juice fucked around with this message at 15:40 on Sep 4, 2014
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Sep 4, 2014 15:38
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by FactsAreUseless
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So I just sent an email explaining to an employer (who wanted me to come in and work for an hour for free during peak service) that I don't do free trials and I explained very succinctly and inoffensively why I have this policy and I can't wait to hear back from them oh wait no I'm in hospitality I guess I'm going to starve to death *smilie-blowing-its-brains-out.gif*
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Sep 4, 2014 22:06
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by FactsAreUseless
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This is not actually a policy I actually have btw,I'm just really interested to see what happens when someone with close to a decade of experience actually has the gall to ask to get paid for an hour of work, my bet is I'll never hear from this guy again or better yet I'll get a reply email that somewhere literally contains the phrase 'you gotta be kidding me lol'
drowned in pussy juice fucked around with this message at 22:13 on Sep 4, 2014
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Sep 4, 2014 22:09
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by FactsAreUseless
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I'm writing a wrestling performance for a competition and I'm not sure if I'm gonna look like a racist if I cast my ethnic partner as the heel or if I'll be praised and given points for faithful reproduction of incredibly problematic racial themes in professional wrestling
We had a bong ripping brainstorm and so far the best/worst name we've come up with is 'Pain Shaking Lee and the Grave Pisser'
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Sep 7, 2014 16:11
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by FactsAreUseless
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I'm doing all the writing and after I explained the extent to which I want the heel to be an absolutely ridiculous caricature to him he felt he didn't have the acting chops to pull it off so now I'm the grave pisser
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Sep 7, 2014 16:35
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by FactsAreUseless
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Also he is prettier so it would make sense that he'd be the face
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Sep 7, 2014 16:47
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by FactsAreUseless
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I'm pretty sure I'm just the real racist here because I did some coke and outlined this entire elaborate wrestling theme for a show we're doing and automatically in my head thought my partner would make a great heel because I've been briefly unemployed recently & reading a lot about famous Luchadore heels and he's Central American
drowned in pussy juice fucked around with this message at 17:12 on Sep 7, 2014
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Sep 7, 2014 17:09
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by FactsAreUseless
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All seafood is disgusting, I've used the ocean as a toilet way too many times to just go eating the poo poo that swims around in it what is wrong with you people
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Sep 16, 2014 04:26
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by FactsAreUseless
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Meanwhile I'm living off a diet of eggs and beer
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Sep 16, 2014 04:28
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by FactsAreUseless
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can someone please post a link to that incredible chicken nation comic about andrew bolt, tia
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Oct 2, 2014 03:20
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Apr 29, 2024 05:00
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by FactsAreUseless
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do you drive an X3 or something dude
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Oct 2, 2014 04:53
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Nov 11, 2013 23:00
