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The rules, as written by our dearly departed moderator Brother Jonathan: All posts should contain, request, or discuss SA forums quotes. Extended derails will be terminated. Don't shitpost or debate stupid things no one cares about; either or take it to D&D. Chatting about a quote or forums events are fine, as long as they're kept to a low roar and aren't regarding something painfully stupid. Here are the previous PYF Quotes threads: Favorite quotes from these forums Something Awful Quotes SA Quotes Thread - ON BREAK, DON'T REPOST SA Quotes Thread II: Just lie back and think of goatse PYF SA Quotes Thread IV: not your Awfulapp tech support headquarters Some frequently requested quotes: Spiderdrake posted:The Motherfucking Flash Nipple Bandit posted:Dear Nintendo: WET BUTT posted:was i picked on in middle school? hmm let me think Triticum Guzzler posted:There's a lot of hosed up and weird people, on this comedy forum website, who do not ever post jokes, do not enjoy jokes or indeed even laughing, and have coined a derogatory term for people who make jokes. They're all missionaries drawn here by the allure of the fertile lands of videos of a severely asthmatic man playing Megaman games, and interesting philosophical quandries posted by the fake PTSD guy about the nature of doors and windows in Dungeons and Dragons. They are wise men here to educate a savage, uneducated, indigenous sort. It is a sonorous, musical form of education; a greasy collective amasses on the front line of the battle against social injustice, the video game subforum on a message board that has a drop down menu that makes light of the holocaust on every single page, and sings a shrill harmony that permeates the very aether, making my pets feel unsafe, when a video game muscle man calls Catwoman a bitch. They have picked their battles well, and I note from my foxhole that I am running out of ammunition, chiefly in the form of the increasingly finite number of ways I can frame this absurd situation with the English language. I clench my fists and yell "anime" towards an uncaring, absent God, and swear solemnly to press my thumbs into Chocolate America's eyeballs until he is blinded, to directly emasculate sporting figures, to beat the poo poo out of tumblr users with baseball bats, and to quietly appreciate what Waylon Smithers being gay means to me. MoonwalkInvincible posted:"They don't call me Pork Lift for nothing," he said, raising Ozma into position against the wall.
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# ? Jan 4, 2014 01:29 |
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# ? Apr 26, 2024 05:21 |
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quote:EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VHS INTO THE SLOT. IT'S CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, RIDDICK. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME NECRO BASTARDS OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP TECHNIQUE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GALAXYS MOST DANGEROUS PRISON. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY COLLEGE CLASS AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN COLLEGE CLASS CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JEKRS. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE LINES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY APARTMENT LESS LONELY BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNIng
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# ? Jan 4, 2014 21:13 |
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Talking about the new Ninja Turtles movie.Dacap posted:Ninja Turtles comes out around the same time too, doesn't it? Surprised we haven't seen anything from that yet. I wonder if we'll see a first look at the Turtles soon. bobkatt013 posted:Whats the point as Shredder died? Endless Mike posted:No, just his knees. Not that it matters, since the Turtles haven't paid their dues so he won't put them over., even though he's just in it for the money. bobkatt013 posted:Shredder did die
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# ? Jan 5, 2014 00:50 |
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I need the one about the guy in a hole and he asks for help on how to get out of the hole and everyone ends up peeing on him. Thanks in advance. edit: AHA! Found it! quote:OP: "Help! HELP! I'm stuck in a well!!!" Pile of Kittens has a new favorite as of 02:20 on Jan 5, 2014 |
# ? Jan 5, 2014 02:16 |
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Booblord Zagats posted:Man the gently caress up and stretch that midget cooch out like an NBA player in a cheap Vietnamese suit. You are a proud member of a prestigious military tradition and if you don't wreck that pubic mound like it's the U-Boat pens at Kiel then you might as well just pack it up, go to Oregon, grow a handle bar mustache and buy a unicycle like the limp-dicked disappointment on legs that you are. This isn't about your erection, its about making goddamed history you loving ninny. Now stand up, give the world your war cry and make the teensy vulva make the same noises you'd head running through a puddle in shower shoes.
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# ? Jan 5, 2014 04:50 |
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quote:12:05 PM eastern standard time, the Muslims have vanished. Forgot who posted it though, its just on a little notepad file , but its by far my favorite SA quote ever. buglord has a new favorite as of 06:30 on Jan 5, 2014 |
# ? Jan 5, 2014 06:26 |
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I think this one came from the same thread where JoeyVapes was telling his stories about the guy using a bottle of some kind of cleaning chemical as a dildo (the work stories thread, maybe?); I'm not entirely sure, but it definitely originated on this site a while back. quote:ASSAULTED BY A TURKEY IN SUBURBIA
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# ? Jan 5, 2014 06:36 |
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Black Baby Goku posted:
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# ? Jan 5, 2014 06:40 |
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quote:HEGEL SMOKE A J posted: I've been trying unsuccessfully to find a long, involved story someone posted about mentally enhanced super gorillas who became useless once they were introduced to weed, the Jetsons, and fish sticks, yet COBRA or whoever had gorillas that were ~on task~ because they had mind control headbands and flamethrowers. Anyone know what I was talking about?
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# ? Jan 5, 2014 06:54 |
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Sounds like a Jaded Mensa Op story, try that.
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# ? Jan 5, 2014 08:47 |
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IronCastKnight posted:...all I wanted was a cheap comfortable car that I could drive slowly to and fro work and otherwise not give a single poo poo about, for I was one of those rare men who hated cars, hated driving, and had about as much interest in the mechanical functionings of automobiles as a gay lion has in a vegetable shaped like a horse vagina.
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# ? Jan 5, 2014 09:15 |
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quote:I was perusing My Documents the other day, looking specifically for a paper I did a semester ago. As usual, I found a graveyard of half-conceived ideas, stories I'd forgotten about, successful papers, failed papers, mediocre papers, and child pornography. No, wait, scratch that last part. However, while I was skimming through the bullshit, I noticed one file labeled simply "joshdig."
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# ? Jan 5, 2014 09:38 |
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quote:That horse mocks you. Do you hear the neighing? More like naying! That horse says no to you. The horse is the man of the house. You are the horse. Clop clop! Trot about to your dingy office, little horsey. Your wife kisses her husband-horse when you can't see. And then again when you can. She buys it shoes, finer than any you'll own. Its metal feet crush your soul. "This horse is now man!" it exclaims. "I am defeated!" you cry. The horse has beat you. Soon you'll be in the stall, eating dry, bland grasses, while the majestic Horseband ferries your wife about town. "Oh!" the city folk shall say as they drop to their knees as their muscles fail them at the sight of such a couple. "The horse is such a man!" they weep as they tear out their eyes, knowing they'll never see such beauty again. Your wife and the HorseGod shall laugh and eat gold together. Ha ha! And your tears shall be blood as you shrivel and turn to dust, forgotten in that stall outside the city where the HORSE is now Emperor Of All and Lover Of One. The citizens will genuflect before the great beast, paying whatever tithe the Hoofed One demands, be it of coin or flesh. The people will rejoice to do so, as their Great and Benevolent Equine shall make their crops plenty, and their lives ever long. The rotten stall shall collapse on your worm-eaten bones, and none shall remember a whit about you. Except the UrHorse, the original horse, who shall shed no tear, but blink in bitter recollection of that brief time he had to endure you.
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# ? Jan 5, 2014 10:36 |
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egon_beeblebrox posted:JoshShovel This would be the best script for a youtube video ever.
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# ? Jan 5, 2014 13:22 |
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egon_beeblebrox posted:I leaned back in my chair and took out a highlighter. I cracked it open, removed the ink filter, and proceeded to smoke it like a cigarette. It might've looked odd to old Josh, what with how my face was dripping with pink ink, but I was deep in the heart of Flavor Country, headed for the local Flavor Saloon and then, more than likely, the Flavor Brothel to nail some Flavor Whores in their Flavor Asses, and then I'd probably try and skip out paying them the Flavor Money, which is pink, like everything else is there, and on the one Flavor Dollar bill is a picture of a woodpecker, but I don't know why. Josh wouldn't understand, what with his snooty, lack-of-chocolate-spewing attitude. I don't know why, but I still laugh hysterically every time I get to this part. The whole thing is amazing, though. It seems like it's going to be dumb monkeycheese but it ends up being some sort of gonzo David Lynch type thing.
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# ? Jan 5, 2014 16:17 |
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mind the walrus posted:Just capture all the squirrels and take them to Buffalo Wild Wings. They might not get the message but you'll have a hell of a time.
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# ? Jan 5, 2014 22:11 |
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egon_beeblebrox posted:
This is a quote I used to TL;DR whenever it got posted, but today I finally took the time to read it and holy poo poo I'm glad I did. I'm also kind of sorry the author stopped where he did. I really, really want to know what transpired in those "two weeks."
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# ? Jan 5, 2014 23:19 |
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Putty posted:if optimus prime can be stored on a floppy disk, then these printers can change the war economy Yes, this actually happened.
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# ? Jan 6, 2014 00:04 |
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Avocados posted:Forgot who posted it though, its just on a little notepad file , but its by far my favorite SA quote ever. this sounds like something from the last days of capitalism quote:OBAMA NAMES ASLAN TO HEAD HHS; TASH WILL BE SECDEF
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# ? Jan 6, 2014 00:38 |
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(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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# ? Jan 6, 2014 01:23 |
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Wrong thread!!
Abysswalker has a new favorite as of 05:09 on Jan 7, 2014 |
# ? Jan 7, 2014 05:06 |
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Does anyone have that story about Dracula Turds saved? They might have smelled like Fat Puke! Something unrelated: Lunixnerd posted:Like you wash your hands between porn movies or have some sort of wank-tongs that you use to change tapes during your refractory period, please.
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# ? Jan 8, 2014 15:38 |
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Whizbang posted:It doesn't matter what Schumacher set out to do. It's Death of the Author but instead of being dead he's just really really gay.
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# ? Jan 8, 2014 17:58 |
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Avocados posted:Forgot who posted it though, its just on a little notepad file , but its by far my favorite SA quote ever. I don't remember where it was posted, but the poster was SuperMechaGodzilla.
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# ? Jan 8, 2014 18:10 |
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Here's the Adaptive Systems PDF file. Worth your time. Of course, Fantasy Island, but I've always preferred The Great War. quote:Have no fear. There is still time to be a war hero. The Great War is still coming. It’s there, over the horizon, and its sails are full with the wind that beats from the wings of the angel of history on her endless journey to escape us.
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# ? Jan 8, 2014 18:13 |
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Avocados posted:Forgot who posted it though, its just on a little notepad file , but its by far my favorite SA quote ever. It's from the "Toxx yourself for Romney" thread last election. hosed if I can remember the name of the poster, though. Edit: VVVVV welp, okay. I've been wrong before. Condoleezza Nice! has a new favorite as of 19:44 on Jan 9, 2014 |
# ? Jan 9, 2014 16:12 |
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Fanzay posted:It's from the "Toxx yourself for Romney" thread last election. hosed if I can remember the name of the poster, though. It's definitely way, way older than 2012. I've seen it around here for years.
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# ? Jan 9, 2014 19:41 |
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Ugly In The Morning posted:It's definitely way, way older than 2012. I've seen it around here for years. I think it's from LF, but that's just from a quick Google search that had an older Quotes thread as the result. I definitely remember finding the post itself, but I don't remember the thread name or how to find it again.
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# ? Jan 9, 2014 20:50 |
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From the Ask Us About Military History thread: Ensign Expendable posted:
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# ? Jan 9, 2014 20:58 |
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Brother Jonathan posted:I'm not sure where people get the idea that I am "obsessed" with trains from. FYAD fan-fiction seems to have made me into a model railroad enthusiast even though I've never had a model train before.
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# ? Jan 9, 2014 22:10 |
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palmkernel posted:
Brother Jonathan posted:
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# ? Jan 10, 2014 02:42 |
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Only have this one in picture format for some reason, sorry.
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# ? Jan 10, 2014 02:54 |
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Moose King posted:I think it's from LF, but that's just from a quick Google search that had an older Quotes thread as the result. I definitely remember finding the post itself, but I don't remember the thread name or how to find it again. Pretty sure it's this thread.
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# ? Jan 10, 2014 03:16 |
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Coffee And Pie posted:
Every time I read this quote, I desperately want this movie to be made. I don't know if it'd be more or less funny now that there's a Pope who isn't Emperor Palpatine.
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# ? Jan 10, 2014 05:46 |
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1stGear posted:Every time I read this quote, I desperately want this movie to be made. I don't know if it'd be more or less funny now that there's a Pope who isn't Emperor Palpatine. It's missing a scene. The one where they come across the old pope's dead body.
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# ? Jan 10, 2014 12:55 |
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That reminds me of another quote that was a movie plot. It was a play on Twilight IIRC, but the characters were cousins or something. The whole theme was to appeal to weirdo tumblr progressives. Anyone remember it?
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# ? Jan 10, 2014 13:11 |
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1stGear posted:Every time I read this quote, I desperately want this movie to be made. I don't know if it'd be more or less funny now that there's a Pope who isn't Emperor Palpatine. Pope Francis def. smokes massive amounts of herb and would 100% be down with this movie though.
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# ? Jan 10, 2014 13:12 |
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In a thread called: has anyone else covered their webcam eye?BigSexyWitGlasses posted:is it just me? Nude Bog Lurker posted:i want the NSA to see my wanking so no
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# ? Jan 11, 2014 02:12 |
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steinrokkan posted:Gonterman... I've heard that name before. Is he the guy who tried to e-seduce a 15y.o. girl until her parents stepped in, then wrote Sonic self-insert fiction in which he justified his actions? Fuego Fish posted:Who here among us can honestly say that this exact sequence of events in its entirety has not, at some point, played itself out in their lives? Judge not, lest ye be judged.
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# ? Jan 11, 2014 10:03 |
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# ? Apr 26, 2024 05:21 |
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Thread title: differance between the mods and the catholic churchity bity tity boi posted:one is a cabal of professional virgins who harbor pedophiles and raise money for friend of the family hating peckerwoods. the other one serves wine
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# ? Jan 11, 2014 14:00 |