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 "I raise you ten thousand" You've gone and done it again! You don't have ten thousand! You don't even have one thousand! If they find out you're going to be ki"SHUT UP".You slam a shot, silencing the little voice inside your head who is very much trying to keep said head attached to the rest of your body. Your opponent stares blankly at you for several long seconds, then several more and suddenly he snaps upright. "Wa? Oh shorry s'good I re-raise TWENTY." The dealer raises an eye brow to you, wondering if you even know who it is you're betting against. You don't. "I raise you, one Mk2 Cerantis Shuttle" A Cerantis Shuttle, what the hell is that? Does that even exist? Why do I do this to myself? DRINK. Another shot is slammed, you figure if you can keep your consience from getting on the way of things you may just pull this off. You throw down the key to your bunk on the table, he's stupid enough to think that this may even be proof that you have a Cerantis. Surely. Hopefully? "Strantis' finest sshuuttles in the *hic* wha? Lissen" He says while laughing, picking up a pen and doodling something on a napkin. "I call wi' this!"  "S'fine vessel, nearly new! Juss needs a few bells and whissles!" The access key is thrown onto the table. He eyes his cards, smiling, he sure is one cocky bastard.. but then again so are you. You smile and flip your cards, suddenly the table is up in the air, along with the cards, the credit chits, the access keys and the chance that you're going to live to see the next day. "Oh fu.." Darkness. ".. captain." What was that happy sing songy voice? What time is it? How much did I drink? Christ my head. "Wake up, captain!" Your eyes flicker open, you find yourself laying on red velour bed sheets. Motion on a large monitor fixed to the wall catches your attention.  "Captain! You are awake!" The sing songy voice exclaims gleefully. "Seems like you have had a very rough few days! But don't worry! As the new owner of this wonderful ship I took the liberty of ensuring that you were repaired sufficiently! I am the ship's artificial intelligence, a friendly cuddle bug MK 3! As the new captain you are to be made aware that my supplier is no longer supports this model!" The AI lets out a small giggle. "AI, off." Your head feels as though it's about to split into two, that grating giggle, you really can't handle this right now. "Unfortunately captain I am unable to comply with that order!" The AI lets out a big toothy grin. "As this is our first non-stupour conversation I am required to gather details so that we may become fast friends!" The AI giggles. "Maybe you'll want to see what it's like inside now that you're no longer stumbling around?! The previous owner did not finish fitting the ship but had me installed as a parting gift to you! Don't worry, we can work together and add a few more rooms and maybe even some friends to play with! Fun!"  "Tell me captain.." 1. "What do you wish to be called by, my new life friend?" 2. "Oh silly me! How could I forget!? What will you call the ship!? May I suggest Bubbles?" 3. That bastard installed the most annoying AI possible didn't he, talk about a sore loser. Should I take a space axe to the AI's mainframe? 4. Do you have any questions for the AI at this time? ---- Hello one and all! Welcome to 'In space no one can hear you make increasingly poor decisions'. A homebrew CYOA without too much statting... well maybe a little, lets see how it goes. Features to be added and removed as we go! Your guy isn't the smartest, strongest, fastest or luckiest BUT he does get himself into.. situations, possibly? Space is so very big. Your ship is pretty empty right now, but hopefully we can fill it up with lots of explosive goodies? Some basics, your ship has 2 levels, the smaller top level shown to the right sports a viable airlock and lift that goes up onto the top of the ship. The top of the ship has space for a shuttle to land on and unload small amounts and bring them down on the airlock lift. Your ship right now has a bridge, captains quarters, AI mainframe, storage closet, some empty rooms and engineering. The right hand side of the ship contains a large door so moving large cargo onto the ship, but this is not a viable airlock for the ship. stevey666 fucked around with this message at 02:19 on Feb 12, 2014 |
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Feb 12, 2014 02:10
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 05:07 |
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Reserved for cool customers
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Feb 12, 2014 02:12
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1: Hugh Man 2: Space lobster 3: Don't destroy the AI we don't want to find out too late it's related to the O2 systems 4: Where is the food we are probably hungry
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Feb 12, 2014 02:30
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1. Hugh Man is the best answer 2. USS Ship 3. Don't Destroy The AI it probably knows how to fly better than we do plus it will be fun to force stevey666 to write in its voice long after the point where he finds it amusing any longer 4. Some water and aspirin to help with the hangover please
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Feb 12, 2014 02:33
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DivineCoffeeBinge posted:1. Hugh Man is the best answer I'm just going to side with DCB in the entirety on this round.
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Feb 12, 2014 02:39
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1: Hugh Man I don't see any reason why not. 2: Ship Name Here 3: Leave the AI intact because it will probably be useful later. Besides, we can probably tell it to shut up after it 'gets to know us' 4: Do we have any fuel?
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Feb 12, 2014 02:48
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dereku posted:1: Hugh Man These have my vote.
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Feb 12, 2014 02:57
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Let's call ourselves Hugh Mann - with an extra 'n' so they know we're not messing around - but let's give the ship an auspicious name like the Stephanie Meyer. No reason to harm the AI, so let's leave it be, but I'd like to know if we have any food in this ship.
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Feb 12, 2014 03:00
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2. Giggles
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Feb 12, 2014 04:46
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DivineCoffeeBinge posted:1. Hugh Man is the best answer This gets my vote too.
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Feb 12, 2014 04:51
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1) Hugh Mann 2) The Jolly Dodger Why? Just because. 3) Don't destroy the AI We are going to slowly corrupt it from a cute lovable bear into a drunken hateful reflection of us. 4) God drat where's the loving food? We are seriously hung over and in need of something substantial and greasy
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Feb 12, 2014 07:14
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64bitrobot posted:4: Do we have any fuel? "Bearly used a drop, captain!" The AI giggles. DivineCoffeeBinge posted:4. Some water and aspirin to help with the hangover please Colonel Wood posted:4) God drat where's the loving food? We are seriously hung over and in need of something substantial and greasy  "Captain! I'm so embarrassed! We.. we don't have a kitchen! Or a med bay!! I do have some spare biological matter in my system, I could try and make something for you!!! I've never done this before, sounds so fun! I could make youu something very scrummy!!" You look in horror, biological matter?? "AIs have to eat too Captain!" Did he just lick his lips? "Oh silly Captain! all AIs have a small biological component and we need to keep it going else.. things happen! In a few hours we'll be docking at a trade outpost, but if you are hungry now Captain just say! You should know Captain, there is also a shower in your quarters too!" Cue the faint whir of a camera focusing "Not that my olfactory sensors are picking up anything!" Mini vote!. 5. Do you want to take the AI up on it's offer of food? stevey666 fucked around with this message at 10:53 on Feb 12, 2014 |
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Feb 12, 2014 10:50
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Get Food From The AI because what's the worst that can happen? Besides the possibility that it ends up mutating us and giving us a permanent telepathic link to a really obnoxious AI that can speak to us at all times and can giggle at us in our dreams. Or that we die of poison and this ends up being a really short CYOA. Okay, so a lot of horrible things can happen and I'm curious to see which of them it will be.
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Feb 12, 2014 11:37
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Assuming it's not too late 1) Hugh Mann 2) Space Lobster. DivineCoffeeBinge posted:3. Don't Destroy The AI it probably knows how to fly better than we do plus it will be fun to force stevey666 to write in its voice long after the point where he finds it amusing any longer and No to Eating the AI's brain for the same reasons.
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Feb 12, 2014 15:25
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Don't eat brains. Where are we going? What funds and cargo do we have? I'm going to really want some food when we arrive.
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Feb 12, 2014 16:49
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To be clear, its just the AIs food stock (which will be replaced when you land shortly) and not it's brains. Could be the brains of another being that its using as a food source I suppose?
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Feb 12, 2014 16:57
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Oh, well, in that case I'm changing my vote to Eat the AI's food tank because nothing could go wrong with that whatsoever.
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Feb 12, 2014 20:00
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1. Hugh Mann 2. Bubbles I think we should befriend the AI by showing it we value its input. 3. Don't Destroy The AI 5. Eat the meat.
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Feb 12, 2014 21:15
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DivineCoffeeBinge posted:1. Hugh Man is the best answer I like these, but I agree that Bubbles is a great name for a ship. Also, no, don't eat the food.
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Feb 12, 2014 21:24
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1: Hugh Man. 2: The SS Eee Ess 3: Leave the AI intact, because we sure as hell dont know how to fly the ship. 4: You don't have override control of the life support and airlocks by any chance. 5: I'll eat anything if it helps kill this drat hangover.
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Feb 12, 2014 21:44
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1. Hugh Man 2. Space Lobster 3. Nah just leave him 4. "Yo, AI, can I change your personality chip? Or at least your display and speech pattern? I can bearly stand you the way you are." 5. No I don't want your lovely food.
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Feb 12, 2014 21:50
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Closing mini vote (5) and further AI questions (4), partial update coming.
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Feb 12, 2014 23:00
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LLSix posted:Where are we going? "Do not worry Captain! I set a course for Trading Outpost 4834-A while you were recovering!" The AI smiles proudly. "No cargo, yet! Funds, enough for now! Do not worry Captain all will be well!" Soylent Yellow posted:4: You don't have override control of the life support and airlocks by any chance. The AI giggles. "Of course I do Captain!" Jon Joe posted:
The AI appears hurt, a tear begins to run down it's face, suddenly it perks up! While giggling it responds "CAPTAIN! For a second you had me!". -- You contemplate the AIs offer of food "Whats the worst that could happen?". Unknown to you, these particular words appear to echo throughout the universe. There is likely not a deity to speak of or a being capable of picking up this echo yet.. but some how, this type of question is often answered. The response generally being "You're about to find out buddy." Walking through the ship you notice that you only appear to only be wearing underwear, the whirring of camera lenses focusing on you become all too apparent. Note to self: Buy some clothing. Entering the AI room, you see what appears to be a large black box with a range of flashing instruments and panels, attached to the box is what appears to be a hatch. You instinctively cover your ears as loud gurgling, grinding and suction noises fill the room. Over the melee of sound the AI explains  "Technically our matter converters are only supposed to work one way, my software appears to have been.. adjusted! I'm sure if someone could review my code maybe I can do more things! I guess I'd need raw materials though.." PING "Done!!." The hatch slides open and..  Your stomach rumbles. "Wow! Not bad AI, not bad at all." You reach for the burger, as you take a bite you notice that the bun feels very soft! Wait. Too soft.. Your fingers sink into the bun and the whole thing begins to ooze, throwing the thing to the floor you spit out.. fur? Bubbling on the ground the mass then appears to be slowly.. crawling.. along the floor and onto your foot. It's on your foot! Oh god its on your foot!  You stare at the AI for several very long seconds, any panic in your system instantly converted to seething hatred of artificial intelligence. A pin drops somewhere on the ship. The AI adjusts it's audo sensors in case they appear to have suddenly stopped be working. A loading arm slowly appears from the hatch and retrieves the mass. The door slowly closes. "Sorry Captain!!! I think it.. Captain?!!.." "Just get us to that loving outpost." -- Still taking votes on 1,2,3 stevey666 fucked around with this message at 00:19 on Feb 13, 2014 |
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Feb 13, 2014 00:15
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Wait a second the AI made a burger that moved around maybe if we review its code we could improve the ambulatory burger and make it a pet a terrible pet that is full of hate and rage we could go into dog-fighting rings and clean up with the Walking Death Burger holy poo poo we could invent Pokemon will be rich rich and probably dead at a young age *deep breath* Seriously, Burger Buddies could be a surefire moneymaker. Let's make the most of it!
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Feb 13, 2014 00:51
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3. Keep it around. How can we torture it for this incident if it's dead?
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Feb 13, 2014 00:59
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Yep, we are so going to torture this AI
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Feb 13, 2014 02:43
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AI, can you make a bigger burger?
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Feb 13, 2014 10:46
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BrainParasite posted:AI, can you make a bigger burger? This guy, he knows what's up.
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Feb 13, 2014 13:07
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BrainParasite posted:AI, can you make a bigger burger?
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Feb 13, 2014 13:08
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New objective proposed: Sentient burger with eyes
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Feb 14, 2014 06:56
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To pass the time you decide to take a short nap, under the still embarrassed eyes of the AI you slumber. Tossing and turning in your sleep, you begin to dream.. Standing proud on the bridge of your ship, commanding your crew to defeat the foes and save the universe, you feel comforted in a familiar very moist and consistently warm presence sitting on your shoulder. Your ship is taking damage, but you command the crew to take evasive maneuvers and fire at the enemy! Knowing that the enemy commander could never devise of such a brilliant strategy you easily shred their ship, another victory for *fanfare* Captain Hugh Mann You hear a series of squirts and squelches in your ear as the warm and moist feeling soaks deeper into your clothing, you turn and smile.  Looking into the eyes of your dear friend, you exclaim "Indeed! Onward to the next adventure!". You are awaken some time later, the AI appears on screen and bashfully informs you that you have landed at Trading Outpost 4834-A. Taking a shower and cleaning up, you feel refreshed. You exit the ship wearing a bath robe, apparently the only clothing available to you, and fill out the landing card. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name: Hugh Mann Ship: poo poo, what the hell do I call this thing. I'm too hungry to care about this right now, gently caress it. Red Lobster Purpose of visit: So hungry. To eat a burger that I don't feel inclined to call Mr Chips. Cargo: A hangover ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ You walk towards the food district, oblivious to the stares. "Food.". While you sit and stare at your lonely burger, suddenly no longer hungry but feeling oddly comforted, you consider your options. You have quite a bit of money after that card game, you can probably outfit your ship, get some crew, maybe even a swell captains hat? A ship's captain, Captain Hugh Mann of the Red Lobster, yeah that sounds pretty good to me! I mean, you don't need to have experience to be a captain, that's what you hire a crew for, you just sit in your chair and rake in the credits!' Standing up you exclaim "Well then Hugh! Your adventure begins!" "Keep the change!" you exclaim to the red faced attendant. You strut towards the exit of the burger joint, grabbing a handful of leftover fries on your way out. You stop outside to tie your bathrobe. Your adventure has indeed begun! So what should an aspiring Captain such as yourself do with a nearly empty ship, a crew of 2, possibly now 3, and a large amount of money to 'invest'? Comment on any you wish 1. Go clothes shopping! I need to look the part! Should I spend my money on something cheap, mid range, expensive and designer? 2. Time to fit the ship, we're talking rooms! Weapons! Supplies! I wonder what kind of poo poo I should get? 3. Let's hire a crew! As long as they don't need food to survive and are happy sleeping on the floor of a near empty ship! Maybe we should do something else first before all this Captainy stuff? Choose one A. Beer! Hookers! Time to celebrate! B. Well.. I could always gamble again! Maybe I can win more money and buy more poo poo! Get myself a fully equipped ship! C. A then B! D. Something else you may have missed. E. I'm a Captain now! I gots responsibilities! Straight on with it and none of this extra fun stuff! -- Getting some general ideas about what you guys want on your ship before offering options, Hugh Mann is an ideas guy after all apparently. stevey666 fucked around with this message at 12:20 on Feb 14, 2014 |
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Feb 14, 2014 12:01
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1. Buy something flash and designer-y. How am I going to attract a good crew if I don't look the part? Dress for success, my alcoholic grandmother used to say when discussing her days as a cabaret dancer. 2. clearly we need a food and hangover cure dispenser. Also maybe a gun or something I don't know. 3. Let's hire a crew of space novices who don't know the first thing about crewing a ship. That way they won't know any better when we refuse to pay them because they failed the snipe hunt or whatever. 4. gently caress that that sounds like work. A. Then A. again.
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Feb 14, 2014 12:06
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1. Thrift store. Maybe we'll find an old pirate captain costume or something. 2. food dispenser, guns, crews quarters, fancy quarters, a ball pit. I think we should rent ourselves out to rich twits for pleasure cruises and the like, also a ball pit. Who doesn't want a ball pit. 3. The weirdest aliens we can find, regardless of skill or talent This should explain itself really. A, also we should blackball up some crew if we can't find weird enough aliens.
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Feb 14, 2014 12:42
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1-  2: Bar, Entertainment Center, Kitchen, probably some mining gear, laser, missiles, Sex Dungeon, Quarters of increasing poshness. 3~ I think the AI works for pilot/engineer so we need a Doctor, a Merc, and some space hookers. Robot Space Hookers? IV It is early enough that I think I can hijack this to become Space Pimp Adventures.
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Feb 14, 2014 13:24
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1) JamezBfod's pimp-as-gently caress space duds. We'll need them for: 2, 3, and 4) B. You're never at work when you work at what you love! Convert the ship into a roaming space gambling den. e: All crew hired should double as space blackjack dealers and such. Splicer fucked around with this message at 14:52 on Feb 14, 2014 |
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Feb 14, 2014 14:33
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Splicer posted:1) JamezBfod's pimp-as-gently caress space duds. We'll need them for: I wanted to vote for more boring things like cheap clothes, but hell go with this, make the ship a roaming casino.
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Feb 14, 2014 15:35
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1.  2 Get fake floors to smuggle slightly less than legal cargo. Maybe some weapons too (a couple of ion guns or an ion cannon + torpedoes should do good) 3 We should get companion robots they can also do the hard math problems we might face in the future 4 Work is boring D Get on with the smugglers they have good stuff
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Feb 14, 2014 16:20
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Let's blow everything on another AI, this time a super serious one. Two AI's will make everything better. There is no downside.
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Feb 14, 2014 18:07
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1. Mid-Range clothing. Space-Pimp is fun and all, but if we want to attract a crew that knows what they are doing/won't mutiny and shove us out the airlock when they realise we have no idea what we're doing, we need to look like we've been around the galaxy a few times. Cheap clothing reeks of desperation, expensive and designer clothing makes us look like a rich target or foppish trust-fund baby respectively, which is gonna get our stuff stolen. Medium quality means we care about how we look, but that function is more important than form, which should impress the right type of crew member. 2. Merchant shipping! We'll need a small crew (no more than two, I'd say), so we want enough room for cargo, two extra bunks (maybe three if we want to take the odd passenger), and whatever we can get weaponwise legally for a trading vessel of our size. 3. Get a Security/Weapons Expert, and a competent Mechanic. Sec guy can run the weapons and the Mech will keep us flying. While we're paying for services, let's also find someone to purge that frigging AI before we end up in MonoBear2001, a Space Odyssey. Replace it with  .
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Feb 14, 2014 19:38
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 05:07 |
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JamezBfod posted:1- Why not. Do this and also gamble
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Feb 14, 2014 20:28
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