NFL N/V July: Self Glorifying 10 year olds only; all others please go to ESPN boards

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL N/V July: Self Glorifying 10 year olds only; all others please go to ESPN boards

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Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

On the one hand I have a pool. On the other hand doing cardio outside in north Texas really sucks right now and I'm mostly using a treadmill. I'm ambivalent about July.

Athanatos posted:

Tony Romo has given up golf due to his offseason back surgeries.

Move along people, nothing to see here

# ¿ Jul 1, 2014 18:20

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 16:39

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

ROSS MY SALAD posted:

Bolo ties own.

I've lived in Texas most of my life and even I know that's not true

Trip report: just spent an hour in the pool, July is back to owning

# ¿ Jul 1, 2014 21:31

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Hey now, you take this Rolando McClain. Look at that guy. That right there is unfiltered enthusiasm, like a ray of sunshine into a locker room. I'm telling you, that can be channeled into a winning, can-do attitude.

That is precisely what this team needs. This, gentlemen, is clearly a Right Kinda Guy (RKG).

# ¿ Jul 1, 2014 21:53

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

ZenVulgarity posted:

You're drunk through the winter how would you know

Let's just say there's a reason St. Bernard rescue dogs have a barrel of brandy on them

# ¿ Jul 2, 2014 00:47

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Kalli posted:

Update to the Rolando McClain trade. Turns out the draft picks are for 2016. He is worth the difference between a 6th and 7th rounder two drafts from now.

I don't know if there's ever been a more irrelevant trade

It's even better than that:

ESPN posted:

IRVING, Texas -- The Dallas Cowboys could end up giving the Baltimore Ravens nothing in the trade for linebacker Rolando McClain.

According to multiple sources, if McClain, who was acquired Tuesday, does not make the team or is not on the Cowboys' 53-man roster for five games or 46-man game-day roster for three games in 2014, then the Ravens will not receive any compensation.

As it stands right now, the trade calls for the Cowboys to give up their seventh-rounder in 2016 if McClain is on the 53-man roster for five games or 46-man roster for three games only if their pick is better than the Ravens' pick in the round. If it is, then the teams will swap selections. If the Ravens finish with a worse record in 2014, then there is no swap.

If McClain plays in 50 percent of the defensive snaps in 2014, then the Ravens would receive the Cowboys' sixth-round pick in 2015 and the Cowboys would receive Baltimore�s seventh-round pick in 2015. McClain has not played since November 2012, but the Cowboys could look at him as a replacement for Sean Lee, who is out for the year with a torn anterior cruciate ligament. He could also be in the mix as a strongside linebacker.

The Cowboys would gladly give up a low-round pick if McClain, a former first-round pick in 2010 of the Oakland Raiders, is a starter even for just one year.

McClain did not receive any guaranteed money in the one-year deal he signed with the Cowboys.

Link

- If McClain gets cut or is not on the roster for at least 5 games in 2014, the Ravens get nothing

- If he's on the team for 5 or more games but sees limited snaps, they swap 7ths in 2016 (assuming Dallas has a better pick in the 7th that year... they probably will)

- If he plays at least 50% of the snaps on defense then Dallas gives the Ravens their 6th in 2015 in exchange for the Ravens 7th that year

- If McClain actually plays at least 50% of the snaps on defense in 2014 then hell yes then Ravens can have a 6th for a 7th

# ¿ Jul 2, 2014 23:35

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Kalli posted:

This is fantastic.

This is way more words then tackles McClain will ever rack up.

Yeah, I'm also vaguely disappointed that I had to put that much effort into a post about Rolando McClain

# ¿ Jul 3, 2014 00:19

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Witten makes $7.5 mil this year :colbert:

Edit: entire contract is 5 year/37 mil, 13.5 gtd

Link

Rasczak fucked around with this message at 17:44 on Jul 3, 2014

# ¿ Jul 3, 2014 17:40

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sr8-WiJabBc :nws:

maybe?

# ¿ Jul 3, 2014 19:22

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

This is a safe place to escape our great national nightmare of anime, and Sheriff Kalli's got an itchy trigger finger today

# ¿ Jul 3, 2014 19:42

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Awww jeah QB ranking debate time, this gon' be good

We just hit peak offseason motherfuckers

# ¿ Jul 4, 2014 01:03

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

RG3 probably a little too high on that list, putting him ahead of Palmer, Bradford, Tannehill and McCown is a bit of a stretch

Rasczak fucked around with this message at 14:00 on Jul 4, 2014

# ¿ Jul 4, 2014 13:58

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Ehud/Crazy/Catfish, gonna need y'all to step up and defend the honour of your quarterback

Using the girlfriend as evidence is fair game

# ¿ Jul 4, 2014 14:20

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Ehud posted:

Meh. He probably won't work out long term because dolphins.

There are times when y'all make me look downright optimistic

# ¿ Jul 4, 2014 14:24

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Chris James 2 posted:

Expecting the current 2014 Cowboys to get 8 wins is optimistic

So you're saying there's hope of a decent draft pick! :unsmith:

# ¿ Jul 4, 2014 14:31

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

the_american_dream posted:

BRB gonna watch some Marcus Mariota youtubes

# ¿ Jul 4, 2014 19:06

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Chilichimp posted:

Don't you mean "Film?"

Just got back from watching game film on Mariota and for some reason I now have Down With the Sickness stuck in my head

# ¿ Jul 5, 2014 00:25

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

I don't even understand how someone gets pulled over for being stoned. Driving while stoned is basically driving cautiously in the slow lane at like 5 MPH under the speed limit while heading to or from Taco Bell

Racial profiling? :shrug:

# ¿ Jul 5, 2014 22:47

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Grittybeard posted:

Wiki list of obscure records, Rice only has about half of them. Or more than that, now that I scroll down.

Other than what SA2K mentioned he pretty much has the important ones unless you care about Don Hutson beating up guys who didn't go to WW2 for whatever reason.

e: I guess receptions in a single season is one that he doesn't have too.

Don Hutson was the best wideout of his generation by a huge margin and in that era he was basically a video game character. :colbert:

You know... if they'd had video games or whatever.

# ¿ Jul 6, 2014 05:18

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

shiksa posted:

Wait why didn't Don Hutson serve in WW2?

And yeah, it's always a bit silly to hold those guys to modern football. Sammy Baugh was awesome for his time, but he weighed forty pounds less than RG3 does at the same height. He'd get snapped in half by literally any defender in the league.

If Baugh was playing modern football you'd have to assume that he'd have access to a modern weight program and nutrition, and would almost certainly be bigger than that.

# ¿ Jul 6, 2014 15:20

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Hutson was just so fast that he juked the hell outta the draft lottery

# ¿ Jul 6, 2014 16:38

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Chris James 2 posted:

gently caress that, I want to see in-thread reactions the moment Weeden starts a game in Dallas

I just heard a tiny high-pitched scream of terror and I'm pretty sure it was my liver reacting as I read your post

# ¿ Jul 6, 2014 21:56

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

TubeStank posted:

EDIT: holy poo poo it's real.

https://twitter.com/GREATBLACKOTAKU/status/485908611336380417

For God's sake someone buy Brennan Williams an account, I want to see MV ban an active NFL player

# ¿ Jul 6, 2014 23:52

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Intruder posted:

Eh. Heh heh. Heh. No

Detroit Dogg nearly got banned fighting the good fight to get the "let's gently caress 2d underage girls" game thread closed in ADTRW

I can only assume trying to mod that hellscape drove them insane

# ¿ Jul 7, 2014 01:47

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Doctor Candiru posted:

N: No, see, it's because it's easier to carry money that way.

V: What are you doing, Johnny?

Pretty much the same poo poo I was doing at that age! :shrug:

Except, y'know, while hanging out with celebrities or whatever

# ¿ Jul 7, 2014 05:15

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

I'm so disappointed JFF didn't come to Dallas

Also I'm guessing Irvin is probably pissed

# ¿ Jul 7, 2014 05:21

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Tanard Jackson sure does love the wacky tobacky

# ¿ Jul 9, 2014 22:03

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Miller Lite is the official beer sponsor of the Dallas Cowboys, works for me

# ¿ Jul 11, 2014 21:11

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

There's more than one way to do a tie knot?! :confused:

Also I like the current NFL tied games rules because actually ending with a tie game is basically the dunce cap of football

# ¿ Jul 14, 2014 15:28

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

A Man and his dog posted:

I'm sure it's been posted already but the Browns using a live dog as a mascot next season is rad.

I can't wait for it to take a poo poo.

# ¿ Jul 14, 2014 16:56

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Detroit_Dogg posted:

He has a press conference today, so expect lots of PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PAY ATTENTION TO ME

Probably more like PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PAY ATTENTION TO ME YOU COCKGOBBLING FUCKNUGGETS

# ¿ Jul 15, 2014 16:43

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

warcrimes posted:

I wasn't a 10-year-old when this was going on. I was an adult who thought all the self-glorification was pretty dumb and masked deeper issues(which eventually came to light).

Does anybody know a good priest, I think the ghost of my dad is stuck inside a computer

# ¿ Jul 15, 2014 21:31

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Chris James 2 posted:

Probably has more to do with the fact he's been considering retirement all offseason and hasn't reported to them once in that time.

Yup. Dude probably has been to all the parties in Dallas that are worth a poo poo by now, and is ready to move on to more fertile partying territory. Godspeed buddy

Coldforge posted:

quote:
#GregHardy says he's not sure if champagne is considered alcohol.

Apparently his testimony isn't going well.

Orton for one drat well knows the answer to this

# ¿ Jul 16, 2014 02:01

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Quest For Glory II posted:

Uhhhh

You know, I'm starting to think that he ain't right in the head

# ¿ Jul 16, 2014 03:24

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

MourningView posted:

It wasn't even that he turned me down, he told me to gently caress off. I was 8

Is it possible you were wearing a Cowboys starter jacket when you asked because that would kinda make sense

# ¿ Jul 17, 2014 03:24

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

I for one wouldn't mind seeing more celebrations from punters for a job well done

You know, like HELL YEAH JUST COFFIN CORNERED THAT MOTHERFUCKER

# ¿ Jul 17, 2014 17:15

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Bring the draft to AT&T Stadium, I'd totally go and would buy Mr. Nice or whoever else a beer

Hahahaha just kidding about the beer, gently caress stadium pricing, I hope y'all like popcorn

# ¿ Jul 18, 2014 15:27

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

A Man and his dog posted:

I approve this post.

Also can't wait for Aldon Smith to get suspended for 6 weeks for being a dumb rear end, and having a weak writing style.

Is it like looking in a mirror

# ¿ Jul 19, 2014 15:30

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

Detroit_Dogg posted:

Like do yall realize how out of shape America is. And how not-hard it is to be in better shape than most Americans. I'm going to go ahead and say that 9/10 Americans even can't do 3 pull ups.

Wait are we talking close grip or open grip, because close grip is actually kinda easy assuming you're not shaped like a beach ball

# ¿ Jul 21, 2014 21:28

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

swickles posted:

Kluwe is on LeBatards radio show. First question from Dan: "Kluwe, what the hell is wrong with you?!"

...I think we'd all like to know the answer to that question :colbert:

# ¿ Jul 21, 2014 21:32

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 16:39

Rasczak: Mar 30, 2005

davecrazy posted:

Any word on Romos back?

Nothing new, supposedly his recovery is on schedule and there haven't been any setbacks :shrug:

Brandon fuckin' Weeden, man

# ¿ Jul 21, 2014 23:28

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL N/V July: Self Glorifying 10 year olds only; all others please go to ESPN boards

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