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Sheng-ji Yang
Mar 5, 2014

It is every citizen's final duty to go into the tanks and become one with all the people.

This is a megathread to contain all the posts about Steven Crowder, professional comedian,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sr56_qxmejQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UtL3maK8aU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4WZC8K71a4

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Sheng-ji Yang
Mar 5, 2014

It is every citizen's final duty to go into the tanks and become one with all the people.

As “FoxNews’ brightest, funniest young Conservative mind,” Steven Crowder is a mainstay in the worlds of television, comedy and writing.

Before being brought in as one of FoxNews’ youngest contributors on record, Steven began his career in entertainment starting with voicework in children’s cartoons (most notably voicing the character of “The Brain” on the hit series “Arthur”) along with acting in both television and film.

After beginning to perform stand-up comedy at the age of 18, he was quickly scouted as the youngest Comedian ever to perform at the world famous “Just For Laughs” comedy festival in Montreal. Afterward, he went on to win Myspace’s national “So You Think You’re Funny” contest. Still unsatisfied, Steven decided to take his brand of take-no-prisoners, politically incorrect, comedy-club-favorite humor… to the Internet. Before long, his viral videos were being posted all over the web. Steven then began making the rounds on every major cable news and radio program in the country, bringing his unique and irreverent point of view to the mainstream. You name the show, Crowder’s done it. During this time, Steven delivered a stand-out performance in the nationally successful Christian film, “To Save a Life.” Impressed with his ability, FoxNews invited Steven into the family as a full-time contributor. A true rebel of the entertainment industry, Steven continues to please audiences with his no-holds-barred style of comedy and poignant social commentary across the globe.

stuntwaffle
Mar 7, 2007

I've the got devil in me
It's the man you see

walk on


would

LifeSizePotato
Mar 3, 2005

These lumps.
I know you wanna slump up on
These lumps,
But you can't 'cause you're a chump!
A chuuuuuuuuump!
-LSP


finally, a comedian brave enough to say what we're all really thinking

Ardemia
Jan 2, 2004
IT IS MY RIGHT TO GET BEHIND THE WHEEL WHEN I'VE PUT BACK SIX SHIRLEY TEMPLES OK



he a closet case

Sheng-ji Yang
Mar 5, 2014

It is every citizen's final duty to go into the tanks and become one with all the people.

Ardemia posted:

he a closet case

Disciple. Husband. Comedian. American. Conservative. You're welcome.

baw
Nov 5, 2008
RESIDENT: LAISSEZ FAIR-SNEZHNEVSKY INSTITUTE FOR FORENSIC PSYCHIATRY

lol he has the best goddamn tweets. sorry i dont have them here but they get posted in d&d sometimes

ALL-PRO SEXMAN
Nov 8, 2006

Veni, vidi, Lombardi.


who?

LifeSizePotato
Mar 3, 2005

These lumps.
I know you wanna slump up on
These lumps,
But you can't 'cause you're a chump!
A chuuuuuuuuump!
-LSP


remember that he is what fox execs and viewers think of as a cool, hip young edgy dude

baw
Nov 5, 2008
RESIDENT: LAISSEZ FAIR-SNEZHNEVSKY INSTITUTE FOR FORENSIC PSYCHIATRY

he is a conservative comedian

Drunk & Ugly
Feb 9, 2003

GIMME GIMME GIMME, DON'T ASK WHAT FOR


quote:

You name the show, Crowder’s done it. During this time, Steven delivered a stand-out performance in the nationally successful Christian film “To Save a Life.”

you name the irrelevant show nobody gives a gently caress about, Crowders done it to pay rent for his studio apartment. Your grandma and closeted uncle will love his take on humor

baw posted:

he is a conservative comedian
lol, i love that phrase, such anoxymoron. unless laughing at poors and calling blacks "friend of the family" is the best new comedy around

Drunk & Ugly fucked around with this message at Jul 3, 2014 around 00:48

Drunk & Ugly
Feb 9, 2003

GIMME GIMME GIMME, DON'T ASK WHAT FOR


haha in his first video, if you can make it that far, he mentions pelosi wandering alleyways committing evil then cuts to the back of his parents' condominium or something

willing to bet he was too scared to actually find a legitimate inner city "where-bad-things-happen" alleyway. there might be homeless people there! god knows my lovely hack comedian youtube routine is not worthy of effort whatsoever EXCEPT for when i dress up like a lady , that part must be completely accurate down to the panty hose and tampon in my rear end in a top hat

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007



this dudes voice sucks

Emanuel Collective
Jan 16, 2008



only bad thing about this video is the puncher didn't keep going

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_F3oev06i0

Nice Reddit Account
Nov 27, 2013

by XyloJW


Steven Crowder, a "comedian" who is literally 26 years old, has the following stats for his "Likes" on his official Facebook page:

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007



it is super hosed up how people call steven's brownface me no speeky inglias seenyor routine racist. super hosed.

Nice Reddit Account
Nov 27, 2013

by XyloJW


paranoid randroid posted:

it is super hosed up how people call steven's brownface me no speeky inglias seenyor routine racist. super hosed.

LifeSizePotato
Mar 3, 2005

These lumps.
I know you wanna slump up on
These lumps,
But you can't 'cause you're a chump!
A chuuuuuuuuump!
-LSP



the most punchable face

well, besides that guy who "exposed" acorn, i'm glad my brain isn't wasting neurons on remembering his name

Nice Reddit Account
Nov 27, 2013

by XyloJW


LifeSizePotato posted:

the most punchable face

well, besides that guy who "exposed" acorn, can't remember his name

Sheng-ji Yang
Mar 5, 2014

It is every citizen's final duty to go into the tanks and become one with all the people.

Nice Reddit Account
Nov 27, 2013

by XyloJW


As anyone who’s read my abstinence column here at Fox News Opinion could guess, my wedding is something that I’ve looked forward to for quite some time. After having tied the knot at the end of August, I can now say beyond all shadow of a doubt, that it was everything I’d hoped and prayed that it would be since childhood. (I’d also prayed to be bitten by a radioactive spider and develop sticky hands, but… I was an idiot.)

Let me preface this column by saying this: my wife (I have to get used to saying that) and I not only waited sexually in every way (no, we didn’t pull the Bill Clinton and technically avoid “sex” sex,) but we didn’t shack up as live-ins and most importantly, we courted each other in a way that was consistent with our publicly professed values.

We did it right.

Feeling judged? I couldn’t care less. You know why? Because my wife and I were judged all throughout our relationship. People laughed, scoffed and poked fun at the young, celibate, naive Christian couple.

We’d certainly never make it to the wedding without schtupping, and if we did, our “wedding night would be awkward and terrible,” they said.

Turns out that people couldn’t have been more wrong. Looking back, I think that the women saying those things felt like the floozies they ultimately were, and the men, with their fickle manhood tied to their pathetic sexual conquests, felt threatened.

I think it’s important to write this column not to gloat (though I’ll be glad to), but to speak up for all of the young couples that have also done things the right way. When people do marriage right, they don’t complain so much, and so their voices are silenced by the rabble of promiscuous charlatans, peddling their pathetic world view as “progressive.”

Our wedding was perfect. Our wedding night was nothing short of amazing. I write this on a plane heading into a tropical paradise with the most beautiful woman to have walked the planet earth. I know everybody says that their bride was the “most beautiful in the world.” They’re wrong. I win.

I’d like to tell you a story of our morning after, however. One that transpired into one of the most glaring epiphanies I’d ever had.

As my wife (again, still not used to that) and I ate breakfast at a local inn, we discussed how excited we were to start the rest of our lives together, how scary it was that everything was now so different. At the same time, we overheard the table next to us discussing their very own wedding from the night prior. What a coincidence!

“The thing is, nothing’s really changed,” the bride said.

Puzzled, my wife asked, “Did you get married last night too? So did we!”

“Congratulations!” the other dame said. “Yeah we did, just last night.”

“Where’s the groom?” my wife innocently… scratch that, naively asked.

“Oh, he’s sleeping. There was no way he was coming out with me this morning!” She paused and smirked. “Let’s just say that he’s got a lingering headache from a really good time last night.”

My heart sank. Firstly, that poor schmuck's “good time” was simply getting snookered. Not enjoying the company of close family and long-lost friends with a clear head and clean conscience, not staring in awe at his beautiful new wife, wanting to soak in every glimmer of her eyes as she shot him heart-racing looks from across the dance floor, not taking all of the cheesy pictures as they cut the cake, not even carrying her across that suite threshold as they nervously anticipated their “nightcap.” He probably won’t remember any of it. Instead, he got smashed. He was “that guy”… at his own freaking wedding.

Then I realized something. Our wedding was truly a once in a lifetime event. It was a God’s-honest celebration of two completely separate lives now becoming one. Physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually, everything that made us who we were individually was becoming what bonded us together. Our family traveled from far and wide to celebrate the decision of two young people to truly commit themselves to each other, and selflessly give themselves to one another in a way that they never had before that very night.

The people next to us that morning? Well, theirs was just one big party. And the morning after? Just another hangover.

Our “weddings” were the same event in name only. They know it, and we know it.

Do yours the right way. If you’re young and wondering whether you should wait, whether you should just give in, become a live-in harlot/mimbo and do it the world’s way. If you’re wondering whether all of the mocking, the ridicule, the incredible difficulty of saving yourself for your spouse is worth it, let me tell you without a doubt that it is. Your wedding can be the most memorable day and night of your life… or just another party.

Oops. Did I just make a “judgment?” You’re darn right I did.

Steven Crowder is a comedian and Fox News contributor. Follow him on Twitter@scrowder.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007



LifeSizePotato posted:

the most punchable face

well, besides that guy who "exposed" acorn, i'm glad my brain isn't wasting neurons on remembering his name

that was james okeefe. whose later exploits included: luring a reporter onto a boat filled with sex toys to prove a point about bias in the media or w/e. and also: locking a colleague in an unheated barn during the winter after unsuccessfully trying to get her drunk so he could gently caress her.

LifeSizePotato
Mar 3, 2005

These lumps.
I know you wanna slump up on
These lumps,
But you can't 'cause you're a chump!
A chuuuuuuuuump!
-LSP


paranoid randroid posted:

that was james okeefe. whose later exploits included: luring a reporter onto a boat filled with sex toys to prove a point about bias in the media or w/e. and also: locking a colleague in an unheated barn during the winter after unsuccessfully trying to get her drunk so he could gently caress her.

oh man, i forgot about those. the sex boat was the funniest thing ever

SpicyMeatSandwich
Apr 22, 2007



"Are you ok?" he whispered as he slid in past the massive bush, unkempt the way God intended it

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007



it should not have been surprising that a guy who looks like okeefe is a sex predator

LifeSizePotato
Mar 3, 2005

These lumps.
I know you wanna slump up on
These lumps,
But you can't 'cause you're a chump!
A chuuuuuuuuump!
-LSP


idgi, he looks like a balla rear end pimp to me...?

Whiskey Sours
Jan 25, 2014

Weather proof.


Sheng-ji Yang posted:

Disciple. Husband. Comedian. American. Conservative. You're welcome.

So basically a Jesus freak. I loving hate those people.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007



lol nice granny shades, pusha k

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007



new watch alert *flashes timex indiglo*

Awesome Welles
Nov 1, 2010



reminds me of a Lewis Black piece on gamblers, had to quick it look it up because I couldn't remember the whole thing

quote:

Or... if you actually waited until you were married to lose your virginity, because you are so much a better person than the sniveling snot that we are, you were able to do that, because you were able to wait through everything, through all those feelings, all those hormones, all of that, you could wait, until that night to make love to (for the first time) to the person that you are gonna make love to for the rest of your life, because you are a gambler on a level that I have never fuckin' imagined!

(granted, his delivery is what makes this much funnier than just how it reads)

Crowder performed for a republicans women group here and, like you'd imagine, they're all made up of 50+ year old women. I remember hearing how it was described as "sometimes, in this political climate, you just gotta laugh!"

god drat, that sounded condescending as gently caress

ladyboy pancake
Jan 3, 2008


Jön, jön, jön a vizipók.
Várják már a tólakók.
Ez a kis pók ügyes búvár.
Sok új kaland is még rá vár.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiB4dMwDFtg

Sheng-ji Yang
Mar 5, 2014

It is every citizen's final duty to go into the tanks and become one with all the people.

Nice Reddit Account
Nov 27, 2013

by XyloJW


Awesome Welles posted:



Crowder performed for a republicans women group here and, like you'd imagine, they're all made up of 50+ year old women.



I have been to a lot of comedy shows in my life at a lot of different venues (I am an older gently caress) and it's almost always 35 and under at those things. I cannot begin to wrap my head around a 26 year old comedian having to perform to a 65 and older crowd.

Fiend
Dec 2, 2001


You may not appreciate his point of view, but you have to respect his drive and work ethic. I don't see too many goons with twice his talent be half as popular. Say what you will about Fox News, but they know entertainment and no talent when they see it.

stuntwaffle
Mar 7, 2007

I've the got devil in me
It's the man you see

walk on


Fiend posted:

You may not appreciate his point of view, but you have to respect his drive and work ethic. I don't see too many goons with twice his talent be half as popular. Say what you will about Hitler, but they know ethnic cleansing and no imperialism when they see it.

Dr Christmas
Apr 24, 2010


Conservative comedy is best described in a quote from 1984: "There will be no laughter, except in triumph over a defeated enemy."

Most of the time, you can shorten it to just the first part.

Nice Reddit Account
Nov 27, 2013

by XyloJW


Fiend posted:

You may not appreciate his point of view, but you have to respect his drive and work ethic. I don't see too many goons with twice his talent be half as popular. Say what you will about Fox News, but they know entertainment and no talent when they see it.


He has 100,000 likes on his verified Facebook and they're all people in their late 60s and older. '

And Fox News fired him literal years ago.

A true success story for the ages.

icantfindaname
Jul 1, 2008



paranoid randroid posted:

it is super hosed up how people call steven's brownface me no speeky inglias seenyor routine racist. super hosed.

conservatives think accusations of racism are more unpleasant than racism itself

LifeSizePotato
Mar 3, 2005

These lumps.
I know you wanna slump up on
These lumps,
But you can't 'cause you're a chump!
A chuuuuuuuuump!
-LSP


Nice Reddit Account posted:


And Fox News fired him literal years ago.



is there a funny story behind this

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Dr Christmas
Apr 24, 2010


LifeSizePotato posted:

is there a funny story behind this

Nope, people, even true believers, just weren't paying attention.

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