anime gently caress pillow posted:

So You Wanna Suck You Own Dick: A starter's guide by Anime gently caress Pillow

Hi, welcome to my guide to sucking your own penis. I'm Anime gently caress Pillow, a frequenter of BYOB, among other places. I've been asked by my friend Nomates to give you guys a general idea of how you blow your self and I feel it is a community service to write this up for you all. I hope you enjoy. I'll be employing a multi-step program to get you moving towards your goal, and remember, each step relies on its previous steps to work. Good luck!

Step 1: You Gotta Want It

That's right, you gotta want to suck your own dick. You need to look down at your lonely lil chub and say, self, i want that greasy gross dick in and around my mouth. Every time you look down at yourself you should get a little excited. You should be distracted at work so much so that your boss asks you if something's the matter and you make something up to cover up your desire. It can't just be that you're lonely and want to try something new, this is a big time step and you've got to be ready to go all the way on it.

Step 2: Size DOES Matter

So you're probably thinking "What? I watch Good Morning America like every other red blooded American and they've shown me multiple studies proving women and other men don't really care!" While it may be true that finding a mate with a small dick isn't a big deal, if you're going solo it's pretty much the biggest. You see, your body isn't made to go full hilt, and if you don't have something for your gumline to latch onto to get a real dicksuck going, you're not going to get anything done and you'll be buying pocket pussies like a sucker the next thing you know. Sorry chode friends, this technique isn't for you. Try finding a girlfriend.

Step 3: Crunchy Rolls

So as the step implies, you're gouing to be doing crunches. A lot of them. What you need to do is watch some porno to get your fella going and then do hundreds of crunches. If done correctly, it will be like holding a carrot with a fishing pole in front of an elephant, you'll be surprised how quickly you're sucking you own dick.