Who here owns a Fleshlight

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Who here owns a Fleshlight

Light Gun Man: Oct 17, 2009; toEjaM iS oN
vaCatioN; Lipstick Apathy

Trixie Hardcore posted:

If you're too lazy to toss your fake pussy in the dishwasher do you really deserve an orgasm?

The better question is it even an orgasm worth having if you can't just immediately pass out afterwards and not have to worry about cleaning it / yourself up.

# ? Aug 12, 2014 02:09

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 13:01

Cake Smashing Boob: Nov 5, 2008; I support black genocide

Owning a dildo, as a man, is way less retarded than owning a fleshlight.

You've already got everything you need to work your dingus. No such luck for a gay butt.

# ? Aug 12, 2014 02:09

putin is a cunt: Apr 5, 2007; BOY DO I SURE ENJOY TRASH. THERE'S NOTHING MORE I LOVE THAN TO SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF THE BIG SCREEN AND EAT A BIIIIG STEAMY BOWL OF SHIT. WARNER BROS CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND ASSFUCK MY MOM WHILE I WATCH AND I WOULD CERTIFY IT FRESH, NO QUESTION

how to reveal yourself as a virgin: claim that you dont masturbate because you have a girlfriend

# ? Aug 12, 2014 02:11

EMILY BLUNTS: Jan 1, 2005

I.C. posted:

I sent a boy, my best friend who is a boy, a Fleshlight, through the mail. A new one.
I am jealous of his ability to have sex with anything soft with a hole, and also I don't want to talk about Robin Williams.

hitachi, the universal sex toy

# ? Aug 12, 2014 02:11

Cursed Lumberjack: Nov 14, 2006; A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

i'm married does that count

:rimshot:

# ? Aug 12, 2014 02:42

Egbert Souse: Nov 6, 2008

Is it called a Fleshtorch in England?

# ? Aug 12, 2014 03:05

I.C.: Jun 10, 2008

Egbert Souse posted:

Is it called a Fleshtorch in England?

That's pretty funny actually.

# ? Aug 12, 2014 03:07

Fetus Tree: Feb 2, 2003; Can't post for 2 years!

Egbert Souse posted:

Is it called a Fleshtorch in England?

lol nice

# ? Aug 12, 2014 03:13

bigzak: Aug 15, 2003

Egbert Souse posted:

Is it called a Fleshtorch in England?

# ? Aug 12, 2014 23:28

toggle: Nov 7, 2005

my favourite rubber cooter

# ? Aug 13, 2014 00:03

Bluemillion: Aug 18, 2008; I got your dispensers
right here

Egbert Souse posted:

Is it called a Fleshtorch in England?

Just burned like ten calories laughing at this. Thanks.

# ? Aug 13, 2014 00:18

Crankit: Feb 7, 2011; HE WATCHES

Since I recently had laser eye surgery I'd been having some trouble seeing in the dark, so i p much carry one with me at all times, very helpful and avoids me accidentally injuring myself as I grope around in the dark.

# ? Aug 13, 2014 00:19

mysterious loyall X: Jul 8, 2003

i do

# ? Aug 13, 2014 01:23

ilikedirt: Oct 15, 2004; king of posting

inri owns fyi

# ? Aug 13, 2014 03:15

Bert Roberge: Nov 28, 2003

It's not a Fleshlight it's a Georgia O'Keeffe candle holder.

# ? Aug 13, 2014 03:38

Jacobus Spades: Oct 29, 2004

don't you know the fleshlight is obsolete? behold the future

of masturbation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI7hoSftEfo

# ? Aug 13, 2014 04:27

Bluemillion: Aug 18, 2008; I got your dispensers
right here

Jacobus Spades posted:

don't you know the fleshlight is obsolete? behold the future

of masturbation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI7hoSftEfo

50 times with "normal use"? This thing wouldn't last me through the weekend!

# ? Aug 13, 2014 04:53

Frostwerks: Sep 24, 2007; by Lowtax

Jacobus Spades posted:

don't you know the fleshlight is obsolete? behold the future

of masturbation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI7hoSftEfo

future of masturbation, good username

# ? Aug 13, 2014 05:16

roymorrison: Jul 26, 2005

THE PENETRATOR posted:

Do they have a flesh light in the shape of a huge dick so I can pound that urethra since I can't realize my needle dick fantasies IRL (my dick is incredibly short, and wide)

Post username combo etc

# ? Aug 13, 2014 05:42

Egbert Souse: Nov 6, 2008

Hole Lotion

# ? Aug 13, 2014 05:43

somethingawful bf: Jun 17, 2005

Jacobus Spades posted:

don't you know the fleshlight is obsolete? behold the future

of masturbation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI7hoSftEfo

that thing looks tiny

# ? Aug 13, 2014 06:06

a.lo: Sep 12, 2009

i have both a working and non-working one atm

# ? Aug 13, 2014 06:07

Dandywalken: Feb 11, 2014

They make ones for bbw porn stars aparently.

Holy frijoles!!!

# ? Aug 13, 2014 06:09

Node: May 20, 2001; KICKED IN THE COOTER; Taco Defender

Anime Device posted:

i have both a working and non-working one atm

how much for the non-working one

# ? Aug 13, 2014 06:09

u sp33k l33t br0: Sep 12, 2007; Who Doesn't Like Intercourse?; Soiled Meat

Of course I own a flashlight. What kind of stupid question is that?

# ? Aug 13, 2014 06:11

Ocean Book: Sep 27, 2010; - hi

redshirt posted:

Just like with all sex toys, it's fun to imagine the factory in China or Mexico or Bangladesh where the toys are made. Like all those foreign ladies making fleshlights, ironically enough.

an interesting feature of the commodity form of social relations as intersected with the production of sexual satisfaction; abstracted sex work/

# ? Aug 13, 2014 06:11

Saga: Aug 17, 2009

Bert Roberge posted:

It's not a Fleshlight it's a Georgia O'Keeffe candle holder.

Thanks - not only do I now know what to say to my wife but I've put both of them in pride of place on the dining table!

# ? Aug 13, 2014 07:13

Automatic Retard: Oct 21, 2010; PUT THIS WANKSTAIN ON IGNORE

Jacobus Spades posted:

don't you know the fleshlight is obsolete? behold the future

of masturbation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI7hoSftEfo

Well I've never owned a masturbation aid before, but I think I might be sold on this.

# ? Aug 13, 2014 10:00

MotherFuckingT-REX: Feb 8, 2011; I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT
I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT

Jacobus Spades posted:

im sold

gonna come on an end orb

# ? Aug 13, 2014 10:31

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

i live in manhattan so i rent

# ? Aug 13, 2014 11:37

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

i love threads about fleshlights, they're just so hilariously prudish. "i may sit in my basement all day wanking it to cartoon porn, but at least i don't use any sex toys. :reject:

# ? Aug 13, 2014 11:43

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

this is my new job, selling butts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r07CbMWx5O0

# ? Aug 13, 2014 11:59

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Cardiovorax posted:

i love threads about fleshlights, they're just so hilariously prudish. "i may sit in my basement all day wanking it to cartoon porn, but at least i don't use any sex toys. "

actually i sit in my childhood bedroom and wank it to live-action porn of girls i'll never meet, rear end in a top hat

# ? Aug 13, 2014 12:52

hackbunny: Jul 22, 2007; I haven't been on SA for years but the person who gave me my previous av as a joke felt guilty for doing so and decided to get me a non-shitty av

I tweet the most cringeworthy copy I find on jlist.com :nws:

and fake pussies is like half of their product catalog. they all look the same to me, only difference is what creepy gimmick they're using to sell each ("My Little Sister is Good at Fellatio" takes the cake, with lovely Nadeshiko-chan as featured in the profile pic a close second)

e: and then the Bocca della Verit� hole, which is just bizarre

hackbunny fucked around with this message at 13:03 on Aug 13, 2014

# ? Aug 13, 2014 12:59

LaTex Fetish: Oct 11, 2010

hackbunny posted:

I tweet the most cringeworthy copy I find on jlist.com and fake pussies is like half of their product catalog. they all look the same to me, only difference is what creepy gimmick they're using to sell each ("My Little Sister is Good at Fellatio" takes the cake, with lovely Nadeshiko-chan as featured in the profile pic a close second)

cant blame a nigga tryna roll some bread nah mean?

# ? Aug 13, 2014 13:03

babypolis: Nov 4, 2009

my hand is already more efficient than actual sex why would i replace such a top performer

# ? Aug 13, 2014 13:54

plain blue jacket: Jan 13, 2014; IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS

get a prostate massager retards

# ? Aug 13, 2014 14:08

Libelous Slander: May 1, 2009; ... you're just creepy ...

plain blue jacket posted:

get a prostate massager retards

lol if you don't get milked at the doctor's office on a weekly basis, nooblords

# ? Aug 13, 2014 14:09

Roy: Sep 24, 2007

After deciding to cuckquean my wife with a gently caress My Silly�: gently caress My Big Black rear end� Mega Masturbator she is not only more submissive but also more attentive to my needs.

# ? Aug 13, 2014 14:14

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 13:01

onedayholiday: Dec 6, 2013; Grimey Drawer

due to a bizarre genetic mutation, my right hand is a perfectly formed vagina. only problem is im gay

# ? Aug 13, 2014 17:30

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