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Gay Roads
Nov 23, 2013

Why hello!

*dude walks in five minutes late wearing jeans faded at the calves and crotch. whips off sunglasses and blazer*
"'Sup, folks, I'm Dave and I'll be leading you through the wild world of math this semester. Just call me Dave, none of that "professor" crap in here. Math is wild, it plays by its own rules. Luckily so do I." *sits on the edge of the desk* "So this is my first semester at this school. Anybody know what bars are good around here?" *raises hand, nobody responds* "It's all good, it's all good. But, hey, math can be scary. I was in college once too, you know. Not too long ago either, ha! But seriously, please let me know if I can help you at all this semester. My office door is always open." *flashes wolfish smile at sorority girl in the fifth row*

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Concerned Citizen
Jul 22, 2007



*drops chalk on floor* *bends over to pick it up* *waves butt at crowd* *lets loose a massive fart* *shits everywhere* *poo poo is labeled 'this thread'*

Mauvais
Jul 24, 2002

HUZZAH

/me sets aside beret, scarf

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014



Why yes, this is stone cold steve austin airbrushed on the back of my leather jacket--I'm old school like that *lights pipe*

Gay Roads
Nov 23, 2013

Why hello!

Concerned Citizen posted:

*drops chalk on floor* *bends over to pick it up* *waves butt at crowd* *lets loose a massive fart* *shits everywhere* *poo poo is labeled 'this thread'*

not so cool, friend

naem
May 29, 2011



Hi I'm a surprisingly hot 35 year old blonde woman with pigtails, I'll be cucking my husband with a half dozen of you this semester and then act devastated when he divorces me, garnering sympathy while simultaneously blowing male staff members to help get on a tenure track before my crow's feet etch thenselves any deeper. PS this is how the real world works, that will be $40,000 thanks

Gay Roads
Nov 23, 2013

Why hello!

naem posted:

Hi I'm a surprisingly hot 35 year old blonde woman with pigtails, I'll be cucking my husband with a half dozen of you this semester and then act devastated when he divorces me, garnering sympathy while simultaneously blowing male staff members to help get on a tenure track before my crow's feet etch thenselves any deeper. PS this is how the real world works, that will be $40,000 thanks

art school?

ilikedirt
Oct 15, 2004

king of posting


*sits on top of desk, indian style while giving lecture*

Corey Plumper
Nov 22, 2008



*writes plape on whiteboard and leaves*

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014



sorry students, i'm trying to finish writing this important mathematical formula but it's hard to reach up high with this leather jacket on

*drops leather jacket to reveal leather jacket with the rock airbrushed on the back*

if you smell what i'm cooking

QUEEN CAUCUS
Oct 26, 2004

The rodent of your dreams

No no I'm not loving this grad student, it's just that they spend an awful lot of time alone with me in the office with the door locked

plumper fuckbus
Apr 18, 2003

Well, I've got brain damage on the side of my brain, and I don't know which side, left or right, where I huffed gasoline for ten long years.


The Hissing Butt posted:

*dude walks in five minutes late wearing jeans faded at the calves and crotch. whips off sunglasses and blazer*
"'Sup, folks, I'm Dave and I'll be leading you through the wild world of math this semester. Just call me Dave, none of that "professor" crap in here. Math is wild, it plays by its own rules. Luckily so do I." *sits on the edge of the desk* "So this is my first semester at this school. Anybody know what bars are good around here?" *raises hand, nobody responds* "It's all good, it's all good. But, hey, math can be scary. I was in college once too, you know. Not too long ago either, ha! But seriously, please let me know if I can help you at all this semester. My office door is always open." *flashes wolfish smile at sorority girl in the fifth row*

ugh dave the adjunct intermediate math professor is a creep

Gay Roads
Nov 23, 2013

Why hello!

plumper fuckbus posted:

ugh dave the adjunct intermediate math professor is a creep

i know, right?

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014



Rad Tad posted:

if you smell what i'm cooking

it's meth by the way, methematics

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011



5'4", bald on top, ring of white hair with long ponytail in back, can draw a perfect circle in one motion on the chalkboard

5'10", little white moustache, also bald on top, ring of white hair, new pair of Chuck Taylor's every day to match his outfit

Baracula
Dec 30, 2010

One, two, three trillion! Ah hah hah!

as someone without a university education i find this thread inaccessible

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014



Baracula posted:

as someone without a university education i find this thread inaccessible

imagine if your high school drama teacher wasn't a pedo

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

You have failed me for the last time, Colonel Pickering


Welcum to Posting 101...you're about to get SCHOOLED

Supreme Allah
Oct 6, 2004



okay okay lets all just settle down class. I want to take a moment to welcome you..

to Jurassic Park.

*slowly unzips pants while humming JP theme*

Gay Roads
Nov 23, 2013

Why hello!

Supreme Allah posted:

okay okay lets all just settle down class. I want to take a moment to welcome you..

to Jurassic Park.

*slowly unzips pants while humming JP theme*

"Clever girl!"

LOCUST FART HELL
Mar 8, 2007



the name on your study materials says "professor brunswick", but i want each and every one of you to call me chad

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

You have failed me for the last time, Colonel Pickering


Remember that one class you took where one insufferable loving jackass kept piping up with the worst questions CONSTANTLY during lectures and people literally moaned when it kept happening?

I'm the professor that refuses to just fail the kid and keeps addressing the questions.

Haters Goin Bake
Jan 18, 2012
This Halloween, experience a new type of psychological thriller...

CUPCAKES ON A PLANE

Frosting has never been this frightening.


class, since the semester is almost over, I wanted to point out that there are opportunities for extra credit. you just have to come by my office to see the details.

please bring a valid ID.

see you on wednesday!

Broenheim
Feb 25, 2014

Don't judge me just because I'm a trans cat

im gay

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014



*sets skateboard down on desk*

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011



i have a gun

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

You have failed me for the last time, Colonel Pickering


Hello class.

*climbs on desk*

I wanted..ugh..to thank you...

*kneels down on all fours*

For turning in your assignments last...week

*begins taking off grey dress slacks, untucking shirt, tie hangs freely*

Each paper was more...stimulating than the last, with some...ugh...obvious exceptions, of course

*smiles, now nude from the waist down, circles about on the desk, ends with rear end facing the class. Lowers into downward dog position*

Some of you....have...caught wind of...my... predilictions

*produces glass coke bottle from desk drawer*

And...I just want you and your parents to know

*feebly begins trying to insert the bottle into his anus*

Ah!...aaaaahh....that we

*takes it neck deep*

aaahh..uhhh..value your continued tutelage here..

*starts thrusting*

At...state.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



*two students are disrespectfully chatting during the lecture, talking about weed milk and the proper way to make it*

*third voice joins them at some point, talking about how to get the dankest weed milk*

*third voice was me, the professor, who somehow started sitting directly behind the first 2 without anyone noticing*

*double middle fingers slowly rising up from behind ea. seat with a wide grin visible between as the 2 come to a slow realization and turn around*

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

You have failed me for the last time, Colonel Pickering


a hole-y ghost posted:

*two students are disrespectfully chatting during the lecture, talking about weed milk and the proper way to make it*

*third voice joins them at some point, talking about how to get the dankest weed milk*

*third voice was me, the professor, who somehow started sitting directly behind the first 2 without anyone noticing*

*double middle fingers slowly rising up from behind ea. seat with a wide grin visible between as the 2 come to a slow realization and turn around*

Harold and Kumar go to Community College

Jimson
Oct 13, 2010

THUNDERDOME LOSER

Hey guys and ghouls *waits for laughter, no one laughs.* This class is really gonna be a scream *waits for laughter, no laughter.*

shiksa
Nov 9, 2009


id just rip massive shots of bourbon from the flask i kept on my desk and play "volcano" starring tommy lee jones every day (dantes peak on fridasys)

Quickscope420dad
Jun 30, 2014

I can drink 40 cups of tea in 1 second


Philosophy lecturer

*first slide of slideshow on Kant's metaphysics is doge*

*leaves on first slide for entire lecture*

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014



Quickscope420dad posted:

Philosophy lecturer

*first slide of slideshow on Kant's metaphysics is doge*

*leaves on first slide for entire lecture*

*reads entire lyrics to his parody "Just Kant get you out of my head"*

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



Big Beef City posted:

Harold and Kumar go to Community College
that wouldn't work that well because literally all the students would be some variation of harold and kumar

e: there are a lot of hotboxes to be found all hours of the day on community college parking lots lol

ProperCoochie
Oct 11, 2004

In Sicily, carbombs are more dangerous than women.

...and if you have a question, raise your hand and say "yo, mista"

pixelbaron
Mar 18, 2009



*sits in his car in between classes and drinks vodka from a plastic bottle while staring at his dashboard*

Volume
May 2, 2008


*Just walked in the door and already has decided which hot coeds I'll be banging*

Kleen_TheRowdyDog
Feb 17, 2014

1. Work the Steps
2. Go to Meetings
3. Drunk post in GBS


Everybody get a A!

Haters Goin Bake
Jan 18, 2012
This Halloween, experience a new type of psychological thriller...

CUPCAKES ON A PLANE

Frosting has never been this frightening.


Kleen_TheRowdyDog posted:

Everybody get a A!

but the hotties get the D. lol.

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Hot Dog Day #82
Jul 5, 2003



*an 80 year old man walks in with overhead slides from 30 years ago* hello class I have tenure and it is literally impossible for me to be fired *opens up an art book and looks at tasteful nudes until next period*

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