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Always carry cash. Keep some in your front pocket. Rebel from business casual. Burn your khakis and wear a suit or jeans. It’s okay to trade the possibility of your 80s and 90s for more guaranteed fun in your 20s and 30s. The best public restrooms are in hotels. Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row… Unless something really good comes up on the third night. Play competitive sports for as long as you can. Never date an ex of your friend. If riding the bus doesn’t incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will. Time is too short to do your own laundry. When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink. If you perspire, wear a drat undershirt. You don’t have to like baseball, but you should understand the concept of what a pitcher’s ERA means. Approach life similarly. When people don’t invite you to a party, you really shouldn’t go. And sometimes even when you are invited, you shouldn’t go. People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy. When in doubt, always kiss the girl. Tip more than you should. You probably use your cell phone too often and at the wrong moments. Buy expensive sunglasses. Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning. Eat brunch with friends at least every other weekend. Leave Rusty and Junior at home. Be a regular at more than one bar. Act like you’ve been there before. Laugh more. A glass of wine or two with lunch will not ruin your day. It’s better if old men cut your hair. Learn how to fly-fish. No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a beautiful woman. Own a handcrafted shotgun. It’s a beautiful thing. There’s always another level. Just be content knowing that you are still better off than most who have ever lived. You can get away with a lot more if you’re the one buying the drinks. Ask for a salad instead of fries. Don’t split a check. Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them. Cobblers will save your shoes. So will shoe trees. When a bartender buys you a round, tip double. The cliche is that having money is about not wasting time. But in reality, money is about facilitating spontaneity. Be spontaneous. Find a Times New Roman in the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets. She exists. Do not use an electric razor. Desserts are for women. Order one and pretend you don’t mind that she’s eating yours. Buy a tuxedo before you are thirty. Stay that size. One girlfriend at a time is probably enough. #StopItWithTheHashtags Your ties should be rolled and placed in a sectioned tie drawer. Throw parties. But have someone else clean up the next day. You may only request one song from the DJ. Measure yourself only against your previous self. Take more pictures. With a camera. Place-dropping is worse than-name dropping. When you admire the work of artists or writers, tell them. And spend money to acquire their work. Your clothes do not match. They go together. Yes, of course you have to buy her dinner. Staying angry is a waste of energy. Revenge can be a good way of getting over anger. If she expects the person you are 20% of the time, 100% of the time, then she doesn’t want you. Always bring a bottle of something to the party. Avoid that “last” whiskey. You’ve probably had enough. Don’t use the word “closure” or ever expect it in real life. If you are wittier than you are handsome, avoid loud clubs. Drink outdoors. And during the day. And sometimes by yourself. Date women outside your social set. You’ll be surprised. If it’s got velvet ropes and lines, walk away unless you know someone. You cannot have a love affair with whiskey because whiskey will never love you back. Feigning unpretentiousness is worse than being pretentious. The New Yorker is not high-brow. Neither is The Economist. If you believe in evolution, you should know something about how it works. No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it. Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you. Eating out alone can be magnificent. Find a place where you can sit at the bar. Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else’s brain. Ignore the boos. They usually come from the cheap seats. Hookers aren’t cool, but remember, the free ones are a lot more expensive. Don’t ever say, "it is what it is." Give thoughtful gifts. Don’t gamble if losing is going to piss you off. Life is short. Wait for a good pitch to hit. What are your tips?
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 17:41 |
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# ? May 10, 2024 12:28 |
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be gay
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 17:44 |
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be swift as a coursing river, with all the strength of a great typhoon
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 17:44 |
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Pleasure yourself daily
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 17:45 |
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Those aren't riff raff lyrics
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 17:45 |
Eat brunch with friends at least every other weekend. Leave Rusty and Junior at home. This is about the manliest thing I've ever seen.
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 17:49 |
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-have a penis and a scrotum with two testicles in it
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 17:50 |
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quote:Throw parties. But have someone else clean up the next day do these mean "hire a maid" or "make your bitch do the dirty work"
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 17:51 |
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Women aren't "bitches" or "sluts" but everybody is an rear end in a top hat.
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 17:58 |
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LOL Dont be fat get a job have sex for once and females as friends. Learn to cook. learn to clean your body. Shut the gently caress up more Stop playing computer games for more hours than you gently caress/read/drink/go out/work/anything
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:02 |
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Learn how to tie a tie, tie a hook onto a fishing line, and tie a noose.
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:04 |
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This is kind of a long term strategy. Every time a penny passes through your hands, stick it up your rear end. And then you spend it. Asspennies... http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DO1Q7F23DxM
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:04 |
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more like how to be a loving BETA PUSSY as an alpha member of the male species, i do none of those things
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:04 |
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSS5dEeMX64
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:07 |
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dis
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:09 |
Panniculus Rift posted:-have a penis and a scrotum with two testicles in it bigot, not all men have penises, or balls
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:09 |
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Morkyz posted:bigot, not all men have penises, or balls maybe not, but having a dilz and a sack is the most fool-proof way to get identified as male
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:13 |
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Slipknot Hoagie posted:Learn how to tie a tie, tie a hook onto a fishing line, and tie a noose. are we talking a hangman's knot or a slip knot?
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:15 |
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get raped then cry about it in a sweat lodge, you fat pathetic poo poo.
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:16 |
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Isn't there some ritual about killing an animal and eating its heart?
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:17 |
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Corey Plumper posted:Those aren't riff raff lyrics https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo7ZnSC59mY
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:17 |
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Take a knitting class watch lifetime and the Oxygen network learn how to braid your hair Learn fabulous sex positions from cosmo.
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:18 |
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ShaqDiesel posted:Eat brunch with friends at least every other weekend. Leave Rusty and Junior at home. Dude I know, after a long week at the lumber yard me and dave and kevin head down to the bistro and get some bloody Mary's and some mimosas and just start giggling like school girls
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:19 |
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Smoking Crow posted:[video type="nah[/video] Unless you are 13 or brain dead Riff Raff and Neon Icon and pals is pure fecal loving regurgitate by some swap.avi Brazilian women.
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:21 |
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naem posted:Dude I know, after a long week at the lumber yard me and dave and kevin head down to the bistro and get some bloody Mary's and some mimosas and just start giggling like school girls brunch owns
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:24 |
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naem posted:Dude I know, after a long week at the lumber yard me and dave and kevin head down to the bistro and get some bloody Mary's and some mimosas and just start giggling like school girls I'm not going to be able to make it this week, my rear end is on the rag Drink an appletini for me
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:24 |
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Rapman the Cook posted:LOL
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:25 |
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brunch owns you clods!!
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:26 |
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Rapman the Cook posted:Unless you are 13 or brain dead Riff Raff and Neon Icon and pals is pure fecal loving regurgitate by some swap.avi Brazilian women. smh
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:28 |
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have sexual encounters with women accumulate wealth gently caress bitches make money
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:29 |
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSS5dEeMX64
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:30 |
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Guancho posted:have sexual encounters with women
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:32 |
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Panniculus Rift posted:-have a penis and a scrotum with two testicles in it
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:32 |
smoke cigarettes and have a tough vehicle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdaM5Mv-TTo
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:33 |
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lol this poo poo that every business major posted on facebook in 2006.
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:33 |
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as a man aren't i supposed to not care about what others think?
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:35 |
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business majors gettin brunched on
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:35 |
Outpost22 posted:as a man aren't i supposed to not care about what others think? as long as you don't show it it don't matter https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdaM5Mv-TTo
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:36 |
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Play videogames.
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:37 |
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# ? May 10, 2024 12:28 |
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find horrible poo poo from 5 years ago on facebook and post on dying comedy internet forum
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# ? Oct 3, 2014 18:38 |